Envy
Page 3
I hated the vulnerability he evoked from me. The love I inherently felt when I looked into his violet eyes. The way my defenses crumbled around me, piece by small piece, but still enough for him to slip through.
“I met with your dad,” I blurted, and his hand froze on my breast.
Yup. That did it.
Ways to kill a mood: talk about asshole fathers.
With great reluctance, his hand left me, and he flopped onto his back. I didn’t even have to see his face to know that he would be wearing his customary scowl heavy with disapproval.
“Why didn’t you wake me?”
“Because it wasn’t your business,” I retorted automatically, sitting up.
“Wasn’t my...motherfucking...you are my business!” He propped himself onto his elbow to stare at me. Glare at me would be a better description.
“I’m nobody’s business but my own,” I countered, sitting up on the bed. “I have been taking care of myself just fine for the last few years.”
His eyes hardened, hand reaching out to twine his fingers through my own. I let him, knowing that he needed the contact.
“You don’t have to face this alone anymore, my love. That’s what you have me for, and as much as I hate to admit it, that’s what you have the others for. We’re your mates. We’re designed-”
“Blah. Blah. Blah.” I cut him off and untangled my hand from his, placing my fingers into my ears. Childish? Yes. Effective? Also, yes. When I was sure he had stopped spouting off nonsense, I removed my fingers and placed my hands on my hips. “The last thing I want is seven men who feel obligated to be with me. To take fucking care of me when I am more than capable of taking care of myself.”
He opened his mouth to no doubt protest, but I cut him off with a wave of my hand.
“Look at Bash, Lin! He can barely look at me, and he’s my mate! Look at Jax...he’s engaged to be fucking married!” Shaking my head, I stood from the bed and took a step backwards. And then another one. And another one. My back rested against the door, and I leaned heavily against it. I wanted nothing more than to escape. To leave and never look back.
But I couldn’t.
Because despite everything I claimed, the damn assholes each held a tiny sliver of my heart. I didn’t have a lot to offer, but what I did, they took. Greedily, if you asked me. Lapping it up like famished Vampires finding the Holy Grail of blood.
It scared me.
Absolutely terrified me. I had faced countless monsters, countless Nightmares, and never once had I felt this unhinged.
When Devlin continued to stare at me, violet eyes warm with understanding, I just about exploded. I had the distinct feeling he could see me clearer than I could see myself.
How much of that was real, and how much of that was the mate bond?
I didn’t dare look too closely at that. I knew I wouldn’t like the answer, no matter the verdict.
“I need to go...stab things.”
“Z…” he trailed off helplessly, forking a hand through his brown curls.
Before he could say something else, before he could completely unravel me, I hurried out the door. I had no destination in mind, only away. Away from him. Away from my feelings.
Away.
THREE
KILLIAN
I had never masturbated before. Honestly, there hadn’t been a need. As an Incubus who relied on pleasure, but had never been sexually attracted to a male or female, I was content with just sitting outside doors, listening to their sated moans, and pretending that I wasn’t a screw-up of a Nightmare.
I wrapped my hands around my rock-hard cock, perching myself on the foot of the bed. I wasn’t even sure if it would work, if it would relieve the tension that was bordering that precarious line between pleasure and pain.
Once you found your mate, the Incubus was only ever able to receive pleasure from said mate.
And my said mate wanted nothing to do with me.
I closed my eyes, envisioning her dewy, heart-shaped face. Those glorious golden tresses, untamed and wild. Just like her.
Her eyes…
It wasn’t even the color, but more so the expressions in them. She may have believed she had hidden herself away, but I could see her. I always saw her.
And damn, if she wasn’t beautiful.
I didn’t think it was possible to have your breath taken away. I had read about it in books, but I had laughed at how absurd that was.
Yet, when she looked at me, I crumbled. With only a look, she had me on my knees.
I palmed my balls before starting at the tip of my cock, using my pre-cum as lubrication. Steadily, I began to jack myself off. Sweat beaded on my forehead, and my breathing was uneven.
Her breasts, bouncing with each breath she took. Those rose colored nipples just begging to be sucked. That pussy…
Her taste…
I worked myself into a frenzy, cussing up a storm as I reached that pinnacle. That peak. That clifftop before I crumpled over-
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” a voice yelled in horror. I jumped, removing my hand from my cock and turning to face the intruder.
Bash stood in the doorway, a stunned and slightly disgusted expression on his face, before giving me his back.
“For fuck’s sake, man!” he snapped.
Cheeks flaming, I struggled to find something to clean myself up with. Seeing nothing, and not wanting to stand with my dick out a moment longer, I wiped it on the edge of my blanket before shoving it back into my pants.
Still painfully hard.
“...have to fucking bleach my eyes out,” he was muttering when I finished.
Heat blossomed in my cheeks, embarrassment causing my stutter to come out in all its stutter glory. “Whattt dooo youu wanntttt?”
“You dressed, asshole?” he asked, still refusing to look in my direction.
I nodded before remembering he couldn’t see me.
“Yeah.”
He spun on his heel, jabbing a finger into the air as he spoke. “Rule number one for masturbation. You fucking close and lock the door. This wouldn’t have happened if you had done the damn sock rule.”
“Sock rule?” I lifted a brow. Was I supposed to masturbate wearing socks? I couldn’t see how that would add to the experience, but I was a novice. There was still a lot I had to learn.
“For the love of…” Bash gripped his hair, pulling at the strands. “Just don’t fucking masturbate with the door open, man, and don’t fucking scream her name!”
Ah. That was the root of the issue.
Bash was jealous.
I tried to hide my smirk as his chest heaved and color rose to his cheeks. It wasn’t anger, not entirely, but an envy that ran soul deep.
After all, I hadn’t been the one to reject our mate. I hadn’t run her away.
I had been the one to taste her sweet nectar, feel her heavy mound in my hand, listen to her soft cries…
“Fucking dammit!” Bash kicked at the door frame. “You’re thinking about it again! Fucking asshole. Dick. Vagina.” What his curses lacked in creativity, they made up for in gusto. “I can’t get her fucking body out of my mind! The way she looked when you went down on her. The fucking noises-”
He cut off suddenly, as if aware of what he had unintentionally admitted to.
I was a sexual creature by nature, and even I was shocked. Motherfucking Bash had watched. Bash. Of all people. The same man who spent most of his days having orgies because he hated sitting on the sidelines. He had watched, and if the heat in his eyes and the tent in his pants was any indication, he had gotten off on it.
I didn’t know whether I wanted to blush or question him if I had done a good job. That would probably be weird. Right?
Men did not ask other men if he did a good job sucking on the clit of the girl they had both mated with.
“We’re not talking about that,” Bash said, for once not sounding smug and confident. I was not used to Bash being anything other than a drunk asshole.
His eyes narrowed, and I blanched. What the hell had I said now?
Smoothing his features, Bash entered my room fully and went to sit on the bed, grimaced, and then sat in the plush armchair. He kicked his feet up and rested his arms behind his head.
“I talked to my father today, and he gave me some interesting information about our little assassin.”
I squinted, wondering if I had heard him right.
Bash hated his father. The only time he would ever willingly talk to him was if he was desperate. After what he had done...
Anger burned briefly in my stomach before I smothered the flames.
The Kings were assholes. It wasn’t just known but expected.
If they didn’t do one asshole thing a moon cycle, I would question their sanity. And if it wasn’t practically psycho, I would assume they were having a good month.
“What did he say?” I stuttered out, mentally cursing my disability.
I hated my stutter, hated how less of a man it made me feel.
Z noticed it, but she never made feel less for it. She reminded me repeatedly that my stutter was a part of me, a part she cared for, and shouldn’t be reprimanded.
“Stop with the fucking dreamy smile and listen!” Bash snapped his fingers in front of my face. The asshole was especially moody today.
Probably because he couldn’t get hard if his life depended on it.
I smirked, glancing down at my own erect cock. Yup. Still got it.
“For the love of…” Bash jumped from the chair and hit me on the back of the head. “Stop thinking about your damn dick.”
Wincing, I lifted my gaze to him once more.
“Sorry.”
“Brothers…” a lilting, musical voice said from the doorway. Cloaked entirely in shadows, features inscrutable, Ryland glided through the door, taking residence in his usual corner of the room. “Did you hear the news?”
“About Z?” Bash asked, quirking a brow. “I was just telling Killian.”
I tapped my fingers against my thigh. I couldn’t deny that I was worried. Now that she was the official assassin of the kingdom, her life had only gotten worse. She would be forced to fight repeatedly and not just for her life, but for the lives of all the people she hated. The spell Bash’s dad placed on her assured that she would not only be loyal, but be compelled to do their bidding.
“What’s going on?” I stuttered. My nerves always made my stutter more pronounced. And what was more nerve-wracking than hearing dire news about your mate?
Ryland made a noise - as if he was about to speak - but was cut off by Bash’s grunt of impatience.
“For fuck’s sake! Stop trying to steal my spotlight, and let me talk, dammit!”
Even when we were kids, Bash was a drama queen. Nothing changed with age, so it seemed.
Ryland chuckled softly from his usual stalker corner.
“A test,” Bash blurted, as if afraid Ryland was going to try once more to take over this conversation.
“A test?” I echoed.
He nodded curtly. “One from each of the Kings, designed to prove her competence and loyalty to the kingdoms.” This was all said with a sardonic twist to his lips. He knew as well as I did that Z held no loyalty to those sick, sadistic bastards. Only the spell would stop her from killing every last one of them.
My hands clenched into fists, knuckles whitening and veins protruding. What type of test would they put into place?
This wasn’t a test to prove herself, not really. It was a test designed for her to fail.
“She’s heading to the Mermaid Kingdom first,” Bash said with a pointed look.
Cold sweat broke out on my skin.
I had never been to the Mermaid Kingdom before, but I had heard rumors. They were wolves in sheep's clothing, monsters disguised as humans. They used their siren songs and ethereal good-looks to lure you in...before they killed you. The Mermaid Kingdom was cut-throat, each trying to get the upper hand on everyone else. Envy was funny in that respect.
You couldn’t just be good. You had to be great.
If you were perfect? They ate you alive.
And if you weren’t? You ate yourself alive.
“Do you know what the task is?” I asked Bash urgently. There were thousands of things the Mermaid King could ask her to do, each one worse than the last. A pounding headache reverberated behind my eyes, and I brought my hand to the tender muscle.
Why couldn’t fate have given me an easy mate?
As quickly as I thought that, I dismissed it. I didn’t want easy, not anymore. Not after I had met and held Z. I was even willing to share her, just on the off chance she’d grant me a small piece of her heart. I knew she was capable of it, despite her beliefs. She may not have loved often, but when she did love, she gave everything she had. Being loved by her was worth more than a thousand females, a thousand “easy” mates.
“No idea,” Bash answered. “Ryland?”
“He’s planning on announcing it tonight,” the Shadow answered demurely. No doubt, he was thinking the same thing I was. The fragility of our human mate.
“We’re going with her,” I said. It wasn’t a question, despite my need for confirmation from the other two. If they weren’t joining her, then I would go by myself. Either way, she was not leaving my sight again.
Before they could respond, the door was pushed open, and Devlin entered, breathing heavily. My stomach tightened when I caught the heady remains of his lust and desire wafting off of him. Jealousy, briefly, speared my chest before I pushed it down. I had no right to be jealous of these men, my brothers. Z was their mate just as much as she was mine.
“What’s going on?” Bash asked lazily, flicking his eyes towards the Genie. There was no missing Devlin’s unkempt, disheveled appearance, but if Bash knew the cause of it, he didn’t comment. That was a first.
Progress.
“It’s Z,” Devlin said breathlessly, and my breath left me. Icy dread slithered down my spine.
Danger. Danger. Danger.
That single, repetitive thought hummed through my mind.
“Is she okay?” I asked anxiously. Bash tried to look nonplussed, impassive, but I could see the tightening of his eyes. The stiffening of his shoulders. He had a lot to do to win over our little mate, but I knew he would try.
He just had to get his head out of his ass first.
“I think so…” Devlin trailed off, running his fingers through his curls, a gesture he always did when he was anxious.
“You think so?” Ryland asked darkly, and Devlin jumped. It was surprising he hadn’t noticed the Shadow when he had initially entered the room. He must’ve been really distracted. Or nervous.
My heart, which had already been beating erratically, now picked up speed.
“She’s gone.”
Devlin’s words doused me in cold water.
“What?” Bash asked, raising a blond brow.
“She’s gone,” Devlin repeated. His nails dug into the palm of his hand, a coping mechanism he had done since we were children. “She left.”
FOUR
Z
The air was crisp, unnaturally chilly, as I walked down the dirt streets of my home town. The skeletal branches of trees clawed at the sky, and wispy clouds did little to block out the sun.
It was a beautiful day, despite the chill, and I couldn’t help but smile. Contentment coursed through me in waves.
The last time I had been back here…
It was when I had first heard about the Damning. I had been instructed by B, the leader of the Alphabet Resistance, to kill a Mage who had murdered young children. The Mage had been initially selected for the Damning, but when I had killed him, the magic had transferred itself to me.
My life had changed dramatically since then. No longer was I merely Z, the poor assassin
girl. I was Zara and Susan as well. The competition had brought me to my mates, seven men who I still didn’t fully understand, but it had also inevitably led to the death of my best friend. The banishment of the other.
Children giggled, racing past me, and an older woman asked me to sample her freshly baked bread.
Everything was familiar. Simple. Exactly as I remembered it.
But also painfully different.
The girl I had once known, the girl who had once wandered these streets, was dead. In her place was someone designed to be a killing tool for the monsters I had once hunted. What would B say if he saw me now? What would S think?
My heart hurt thinking of my dead lover. The pain was softer than it once was, a mere wrenching. It no longer overwhelmed me as it used to. I supposed the saying was true: time healed broken hearts and all that shit.
A smile, unbidden, broke free when I caught sight of a small bakery. It was in there, surrounded by the pervasive scent of stale bread and cheeses, that I had met Devlin. I remembered his violet eyes glimmering with barely suppressed amusement. The curve of his lips. Those soft curls I desperately wanted to run my fingers through.
The smile left my face when I stopped in front of a dilapidated house, ivy and vines clawing upwards. The windows had been broken, and graffiti covered every spare inch of cream colored walling.
It was in this house that I had first confessed my love to S.
It was in this house that I had watched him die.
Trembling, I burrowed my face further into my coat, inhaling the unique, pine scent I had come to associate with Lupe. I hadn’t even realized I had stolen his coat until I was already in town. Not that he would mind.
“What are you looking at?” a voice whispered in my ear, and I screamed, spinning with my hands raised.
A Vampire stood inches from me, hot breath fanning my face. He had short brown hair and a handsome, chiseled face.
I recognized him. The Vampire who I had dreamt about. The Vampire who had crawled into my bed with me.
The Vampire I had allowed to crawl into my bed with me.
From what little I gathered from the other princes, this was my mate. Jax.