by Kaylee Ryan
“Hi.” Misty waves awkwardly. I can see tears pooling in her eyes. “Evan, she’s beautiful.”
“Thank you. She’s a good baby. Hardly ever cries.” His eyes find mine and he winks.
I set my plate of half-eaten pizza aside and reach for Lex. “What do you say we go show Misty your room?” I ask her. Misty looks relieved at the suggestion. The awkward silence was killing me. “You two finish eating while we girls take a tour,” I suggest.
Evan leans down and kisses me. “Thank you,” he whispers only loud enough for me.
I lead the way upstairs and into Lexi’s room. I sit her in the middle of the floor on her play rug and scatter some toys around her.
“How long have you been married?”
“Two months.”
“I’m happy for him, for both of you. You have a happy family.”
What am I supposed to say to that? I decide to go with manners. “Thank you.”
We spend about twenty minutes in Lexi’s room. Misty stacks blocks and Lexi knocks them down. She could play this game for hours.
“Da da da.” She points toward her bedroom door.
“You’ve been up here for a while,” Evan says in greeting.
“Just playing with blocks,” I tell him.
He smiles. “She could do that for hours.”
“Did Aaron leave?”
“Yeah, just a few minutes ago.”
“I need to be going too.” Misty stands from her spot on the floor. “I already called my parents’ attorney, who is no longer mine. I hired my own as well. You should be receiving a call within the next twenty-four hours letting you know the case has been dropped.”
“Thank you,” Evan says sincerely.
“You’re welcome. She bends down and pats Lexi on the head before turning back to Evan. “Take care, Evan. Thank you for being the father that little girl deserves.” Then, surprising me, she turns to face me. “McKinley, thank you for loving her like your own. Thank you for giving her what I know I never could.”
I nod. Words are not possible at this point. Lexi starts to fuss, causing Evan to scoop her into his arms. She rests her little head on his shoulder.
“I’ll walk you out,” I manage to croak.
“Take care of them,” she says when we reach the door.
All I can do is nod, again. My heart is breaking for her, and for me. My time is up. They no longer need me.
Chapter 54
Evan
Misty was right. The next day, I received a call from Mr. Fields that said the case was dropped. However, Child Protective Services would be by sometime within the next five days for their final visit. Turns out, they have to open their own case and, due to the suit being dropped, the home visits were dropped to one more. Apparently, at this visit, we will be notified if they too will be closing the case with their department.
McKinley cancelled all of her shoots for the week. She didn’t even bat an eyelash. She said she needed to be here when they showed up. I didn’t argue with her. My mind has been too pre-occupied with all that’s happened in the last few days. I’m not worried about the home visit. I know we’re good parents, my house is safe, and she’s healthy. They have nothing. No, what worries me is that once this is all said and done, McKinley will be leaving. Our agreement was for her to stay until we were sure they could not take Lex from me. That time is now.
I fucking hate it.
I want her to stay.
I too decided to let my crew handle things this week. We’ve spent all week together, the three of us, soaking up as much time as we can. We don’t talk about it, but we both know that’s what’s happening.
Lexi is asleep in her pack-n-play while McKinley and I are curled up on the couch watching television. Well, it’s on, but I’m not paying much attention. The doorbell rings and she sits up. “I’ll get it,” she says so quiet I barely hear her.
I turn off the television and stand. I hear Kinley greet Mrs. Allan, the social worker. Their voices grow louder as they move down the hall.
“Mrs. Allan,” I say, offering her my hand, and she takes it.
“Mr. Chamberlin.” She looks over my shoulder and sees Lexi asleep. “She’s such a good baby,” she comments.
“She is.” McKinley steps beside me and wraps her arms around my waist.
“Well, I’ll make this quick. My department is closing its case. We’ve found nothing that would make us think the two of you are anything but good, capable parents. I just need you to sign off on this document stating that and I will be on my way.”
She pulls out the papers, tells us where to sign, and shakes our hands. “I’m sorry for what you went through. You have a lovely family.”
Just like that, it’s over. There is no threat of my daughter being taken from me. Instead, I’m losing my wife.
McKinley sits on the couch and curls her legs up underneath of her. “It’s over, Evan. I’m so happy for you,” she says with tears in her eyes. “You never have to worry about anyone taking her again.”
“Thank you for what you did for us.”
“You’re welcome. I guess I should start packing, huh?”
“No,” I say firmly. “I don’t want you to leave. I need you here.”
She’s quiet for several minutes before she replies. “No, you don’t. You’re a great father. You know what you’re doing. You don’t need me anymore.”
“I do need you. I can’t do this on my own,” I tell her.
She smiles through tears. “Yes, you can, Evan. You don’t need me. I’m still going to come and visit. Mom and I are still going to watch her for you. I love that little girl. You can’t get rid of me that easy.”
“What about me?” I ask her. “You love my daughter, but what about me?”
The dam finally breaks as the tears fall over her cheeks. “Of course, I love you. We’ve been through so much over the last year, but it’s time for me to go.”
“You can’t go. I need you,” I say again.
“No, you don’t. I’m going to go pack a few things and spend the night at Mom and Dad’s. The sooner I start this transition, the better.”
Her words cut through me. I was just about to tell her how much I love her, but she doesn’t love me like that. She cares about me and this is sad for her, but it’s not tearing her heart out of her chest like it is mine.
I don’t say anything. I can’t even look at her for fear I will drop to my knees and beg her to stay, beg her to live the rest of her life with us. She stands from the couch and I turn my head. I listen as her footsteps disappear up the stairs. My blurry gaze locks on Lexington and my chest aches for my little girl. She loves McKinley just as much as I do, and she’s leaving. It doesn’t matter what I say…she’s ending this. I knew it would happen, but I didn’t know it would feel like this—like I can’t breathe, like my heart is physically broken into pieces.
I don’t even know how much time passes when she stops in front of me. “I’m leaving. I’ll be back off and on over the next few days to move the rest of my stuff.” I still don’t look at her. “Please give her a hug and a kiss for me when you tuck her in tonight.” Her voice breaks, but I still refuse to look at her.
I can’t.
“Goodbye,” she whispers.
Chapter 55
McKinley
I can’t breathe. Luckily, the drive to my parents’ house is less than five minutes, because I can’t see.
When I pull into the drive, Aaron and my parents are sitting on the front porch. One look at me and they know something’s not right.
“What happened? Are Evan and Lexi okay?” Aaron asks, meeting me at the bottom step.
I don’t answer him. Instead, I throw my arms around him and sob. “Shhh, McKinley, you have to calm down.” He rubs my back, trying to soothe me.
“They’re fine, but it’s over. He doesn’t need me anymore,” I cry.
“I find that hard to believe,” Aaron says. He picks me up and carries me into the house. We si
t down on the couch, and I pull the blanket from the back and wrap up in it. “Tell me what happened.”
“CPS came today and they dropped their case. As of about an hour ago, there is no threat of him losing Lexi, so I left.”
“I see. Did he try to stop you?”
“Of course, he did. He doesn’t want to be alone. He’s afraid he can’t do it without me, and he can. He loves that little girl so much.”
“He does,” Aaron agrees. “What did he say when you left?”
“He said that he…that he needed me.”
“You don’t believe him?”
“No, I don’t. He doesn’t need me anymore. He knows how to take care of her. I told him I would still watch her and come by to visit, but I thought it was best if I leave.”
“Come here.” Aaron pulls me into a hug and another round of sobs break free. I can hear him talking to our parents, but I can’t make out what they are saying. I lose myself in the pain that is buried deep in my chest. I thought I could handle this.
I cry on my big brother’s shoulders, taking comfort in his embrace. “He thinks he needs me, Aaron. He doesn’t. He’s never really had to do it alone. I’ve always been there swooping in to save him. I did it when I found out about Misty’s parents and he let me. He thinks he can’t do this on his own, but he can. I had to leave so he could see that,” I explain.
“What if you’re wrong? What if he does need you?” he asks.
“I guess only time will tell, but I don’t know if I can do it. I love him, Aaron. With all that I am, I love him and I don’t know if I can pretend and play this charade anymore. I’ll do anything for him, help him with Lexi any way I can, but I had to leave.”
“Okay,” he says, hearing I’m upset. “Let’s sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning.”
I agree and head up to my room. The bed is cold and lonely. I miss him. I miss them both and it hurts. How am I going to see him every day? That’s my last thought as I drift off to a night of restless sleep.
Chapter 56
Evan
Lexi and I slept downstairs last night, her in her pack-n-play and me on the couch. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t sleep in that bed without her. We’re up early, neither of us getting a good night’s sleep, so when there is a knock on the door at seven, I jump to answer it. Maybe it’s her. Maybe she changed her mind. I rush to the door and pull it open only to find Aaron. “Hey, man,” I say, deflated.
“Wow, don’t break out the welcome wagon or anything.”
“Want some coffee?” I ask, ignoring his jab.
“Sure.” He takes a seat at the table. “So, how did you sleep last night?”
“Like shit,” I say, setting his cup down in front of him.
“Are you going to fight for her?” he asks, cutting to the chase.
“She doesn’t—”
“She does. Trust me, she does. I held my baby sister last night while she cried for hours. She does.”
My chest tightens just hearing she was hurting. “Then why did she leave? I told her I needed her. I asked her to stay. She refused.”
Aaron runs his fingers through his hair. “Fuck! Okay, listen, man. From day one, you’ve needed her. At first, it was to get ready for Lexi, the room, things she would need. Then after she was born, you were timid and unsure, and you needed her then too.”
“I did,” I admit.
“Then, when all that shit went down with Misty’s parents, you needed her. She stepped up and did what she needed to do to help you.”
“She did.”
“Why do you think she did that?” he asks me.
“She loves my daughter.”
“Nah! Try again,” he says.
“It’s true. She’s told me multiple times that she loves Lexi, she would do anything for her, and I love her for that,” I tell him.
“Just for that?” he asks.
“Are you fucking kidding me? You know better than that shit. I already told you I love her.”
“Yes, but did you tell her?”
“No, she didn’t give me the chance.”
“No, instead you told her you need her. Did you give her a reason?”
Oh shit. I think I’m starting to see where this is going. “No.”
“Right.” He smirks. “Do you have a reason?” he counters.
“Of course, I do. I can’t fucking breathe without her. I couldn’t even sleep in my bed last night, our bed, because the sheets smell like her,” I all but scream at him.
Aaron grins. “That’s what you need to tell her. She thinks the only reason you asked her to stay was you’re afraid you can’t raise Lex on your own. You didn’t give her a reason to believe it was more than that,” he points out.
Fuck me.
“She loves you, Evan. Her heart is breaking just as much as yours. You have to show her you need her, not because of what she can do for you, but because she is the other half of you.”
I stare at him. “When did you get so good at relationships?”
He shrugs. “I’m not really. It’s easy to see it from the outside looking in. You both are head over heels, but you can’t see through all the bullshit to work it out. She’s my sister and you’re my best friend. I want to see you both happy.”
“She loves me?” I ask, needing his reassurance.
“Irrevocably.”
She loves me. I think about everything he said and it makes sense. I never told her how I feel, but begged her to stay because I needed her.
Shit.
“Hey, man, can you do me a favor? Can you keep her busy? I know she mentioned coming to get her stuff, but can you keep her occupied until I text you? I need to do a few things first. Give me a couple of hours?”
“She tossed and turned all night. My guess is she’ll hole up in her room most of the day anyway, but I got you covered. Can I do anything else?” he asks.
“No, just when I text you, bring her here.”
Aaron stands. “You got it, man.” He claps me on the back and waves goodbye.
A plan forms in my mind as Lexi babbles, letting me know she’s awake. Baby girl needs a diaper change and some breakfast; then we have things to do.
Chapter 57
McKinley
“Come on, sleepyhead, get up,” Aaron says, shaking my arm.
“Go away.” I throw the covers over my head.
“Nope, I need you to wake up. It’s three o’clock in the afternoon, lazybones.”
“Really, Aaron?” I pull the covers back down and glare at him.
He grins. Then sends a message on his phone. “Yes, really. Now get up. I need you to ride to town with me.”
“No.”
“Yes, come on, get up. We’re going to go grab something to eat.”
I start to tell him I’m not hungry, but my stomach betrays me and growls. “Fine, but I need to shower first,” I relent.
“Twenty minutes, I’m starving,” he says, typing into his phone.
“Who are you texting?” I ask.
“Just the guys. They have some questions about the sale next week. I left early to come and take you to dinner.” He grins.
Twenty minutes later, we are in his truck and on our way to town. “I see you kept the ring on,” he says. “I went to see Evan this morning,” he tells me as if we’re discussing the weather.
“How are they?”
“He misses you.”
“He’s fine.”
“I really don’t think he is.”
I don’t reply and he doesn’t either. We are silent the remainder of the drive. He pulls into Subway. “This okay?”
“Yeah, I’m not that hungry anyway.”
“You think your belly got the memo?” he asks as it growls just as loud, if not louder, than before.
I smack his arm and climb out of the truck. We make small talk while we eat. I get a six-inch and can only eat half. It took effort to get that down. Aaron, on the other hand, ate his twelve-inch and the other half of my six.
“You have anywhere you need to go?” he asks.
“No, just home.”
He drives us toward home, only he turns down the road leading to Evan’s place. “What are you doing?” I ask him.
“You need to talk to him, McKinley. I’ll wait outside and I promise, as soon as you want to leave, I will drive you home. You will regret it if you don’t at least hear what he has to say.”
“What could he possibly say that hasn’t already been said?”
“Did you tell him you love him?” he asks.
“No,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Sounds like a good place to start.”
“I can’t—”
“Don’t,” he cuts me off. “Don’t make excuses,” he pulls up in front of the house I’ve called home the last few months. “Drop the pretense. Just go in there and talk to him. Listen to what he has to say. Be honest with him, and if you all are still in this same place after that, you will at least know you tried.”
“Fine.” I climb out of the truck slamming the door. As I walk up the steps, Evan opens the door before I even have a chance to knock.
“McKinley.” I can hear the pain in his voice. Was Aaron, right?
“Hey, uh, Aaron thought we should talk.”
“Yeah, I asked him to bring you here.” He opens the door wide. “Come in.”
I step toward him and, just as I’m about past him, his arms snake out and pull me close. The door slams shut, but it doesn’t faze him as he holds me tight.
Lexi babbles “Dada” from the living room, causing him to release me. “She’s going to be excited to see you,” he says, lacing his fingers through mine and guiding me into the living room.
“Can I hold her?” I ask as tears fill my eyes. It’s only been a day. Not even a full twenty-four hours and I miss them both so much.
“You never have to ask that question.”
I rush to her pack-n-play and lift her out. I breathe in her baby smell and more tears start to fall. She watches me as if she knows I’m upset. “I missed you, Lex.”
