by Kaylee Ryan
Evan turns on cartoons and her eyes are suddenly glued to the television. He reaches for her, sets her in her exer-saucer, and looks up at me. “I’m not going to be one of those guys, the kind who places their kid in front of the TV or video game, but right now, I need to. I have some things to say and I need to know I have your attention while Shrek has hers.”
I nod.
Reaching out for my hand, he guides me to the couch, I sit and he kneels in front of me. “I’m sorry. When you told me you were leaving yesterday, I panicked. I didn’t make myself clear.”
“Evan—”
“Please, let me say this.” He reaches for my other hand and smiles. “You’re still wearing your ring.”
“I just…forgot it was there really. I need to give it back, I know—”
“Shhh.” He places his finger to my lips. “I told you I needed you, and that was the truth. However, a wise man brought it to my attention that I didn’t tell you why. I let you leave here without knowing why and, for that, I’m truly sorry.”
He brings my left hand to his lips and kisses my wedding rings. Then those chocolate brown eyes hold me hostage. “I need you, McKinley Rae Chamberlin, because I can’t breathe when you’re not here. I can’t sleep in our bed because the sheets smell like you. I can’t tuck our daughter into her bed at night because you’re not there to do it with me.”
I can’t fight the tears.
“My heart needs you, baby. I love you. With all that I am, I love you, and I not only need you, but I want you. More than anything, I want you.”
“Evan,” I say with a sob.
He reaches behind him and grabs a book. “Take it,” he urges.
I take the book from him and he wipes my tears with his thumbs. I open the book and it’s a picture of me holding Lexi at the hospital. Turning the page, I see pictures of me and Lexi sleeping on his couch, the very one I’m sitting on. The next several pages are the same thing—pictures that I’ve never seen. Pictures of me and Lex and even some selfies of the three of us over the past six months. When I reach the end, it’s the pictures from our day at the meadow. The three of us are smiling and happy. Underneath the picture, it says, we love you. Tears roll down my face as I try to understand what’s happening.
I look up at Evan and he also has tears in his eyes. “Keep going,” he urges me.
I flip the page and there is a picture from our wedding, the three of us. Below this one it simply says, I do. I trace my finger over the picture.
“Keep going,” he says softly.
I turn the page and it’s a picture of Lexi wearing a onesie that says, I love my mommy.
I’m crying so hard I can hardly see the pages. Evan hands me a tissue and I wipe my eyes. I smile at him and he offers me a watery smile in return. The next page is blank except for the words, Open Evan’s envelope.
Looking up, I see he’s holding it out for me. I set the book aside and take it from him. It’s not sealed, so I slip the paperwork out and unfold it. It’s a legal document. At first, I think it’s our annulment papers, but then I keep reading. My hands are shaking as I read the words. I have to read the first paragraph four times before I look up at him.
“What does this mean?”
His hands cradle my cheeks. “What this means is Lexi wants you to be her momma. I want you to be my wife, not just because we had some arrangement, but because I love you with all that I am. I love you. In your hand are adoption papers. All you have to do is sign, and Mr. Fields will file the petition with the court.”
“Evan, I—”
“I love you, McKinley. Lexington loves you. I want our family back. I want you here, home where you belong. I want to raise our daughter together. I want more babies with you. I want every minute of your forever to be linked with mine.”
He loves me.
My heart thunders so fast I feel as though it could beat out of my chest.
Adoption papers.
I let the papers fall into my lap as I raise my hand to my mouth to cover a sob. Evan leans in and wraps his arms around me.
“It’s okay, baby. I’m sorry I let you leave. I should have never let you get close to the damn door. I need you, my heart needs you. Lexi Rae needs you.
After a few minutes of sobbing against his chest, listening to him reassure me that this is what he wants, I pull away. “Evan, this is…permanent. You’re asking me to legally be her mother.”
“Yes. I want that so much. You are her mother, McKinley. You didn’t give birth to her, but you love and nurture her, you care about her. Lexi and I would be honored for you to hold that title. You’re my wife,” he says simply.
I reach for the papers and skim them again before giving him my full attention. “Do you have a pen?” I ask.
His answer is a blinding smile as he leans in and kisses me. “I do,” he whispers. Pulling away, he reaches behind him on the table and grabs a pen. I scrawl my name, McKinley Chamberlin, by the various ‘sign here’ stickers and place the document back in the envelope.
“I love you, too,” I tell him.
To finally say the words to him is…freeing.
He crashes his lips to mine. “Say it again.”
I smile through my tears. “I love you, both of you.”
“I’m so fucking sorry, McKinley. Never, I’m never letting you go.”
“I couldn’t ask for more,” I tell him honestly. Evan and Lexi are all that I want. I want our little family.
Evan stands up and grabs Lex from her seat. He brings her over and sets her on my lap. She grins up at me. “Who’s got you, baby girl?” he asks her. “Does momma got you?” he asks, his voice now thick with emotion.
Lexi studies him, then looks at me. “ Mommom.” She smiles and pulls at my chin.
A strangled laugh escapes my throat as I hold her tight. I’m her momma.
Epilogue
Two years later
Evan
“Daddy,” Lexi yells when I walk through the door. I lean down and catch her as she slams into me.
“Hey, pretty girl, where’s Mommy?” She points into the living room.
I kick off my boots, so my wife doesn’t yell at me for bringing dirt into the house, and head in the direction Lexi’s little finger points. “Hey, baby,” I say when I see her stretched out on the couch. Her legs are propped up on the table. I set Lex down and she runs off to play in the corner. I take a seat next to my wife and rub her very pregnant belly. “How’s my boy?”
“He’s ready to come out.”
I grin. I’ve gotten that same answer every day for the last week. McKinley is exactly seven days overdue to deliver our son. Leaning down, I kiss her swollen belly. “Hey, little man, take it easy on your momma. We’re ready to meet you,” I tell him.
McKinley just smiles and rolls her eyes. This time around, I’ve gotten to experience it all. The cravings, the mood swings, her belly growing. I get to feel her belly against my back and my son kicking from inside her. It’s all overwhelming and amazing, and I can’t wait to do it all over again. McKinley just smiles when I say that. I know she does all the work, but I spoil her. Nightly foot rubs, I hired a housekeeper, and she even hired an assistant at the studio. Her mom keeps Lexi for us and also spoils her rotten.
“Your parents are coming in tomorrow. I’m telling you, he’s waiting for them. They need to be here this time.”
My dad is doing well. He is responding to the new treatments and, although he’s not in full remission, his doctors are hopeful. He’s doing well enough that he and Mom are flying in tomorrow to spend a week with us. They were hoping the little man would be here by now, which is why they scheduled this week. It also happens to be the right timing for Dad’s treatments.
“You might be right.”
Lexi comes running over and stops short of barreling into McKinley. “Easy, baby, your brother’s in there,” I tell her.
She gets a serious look on her face and nods. Her little lips pucker up and she kisses McKinley�
��s belly. “Awon Alker,” she says proudly.
McKinley and I both laugh. “That’s right, sweet girl. Your little brother Aaron Walker.”
“You sure Aaron’s not going to be pissed we’re calling him Walker?” I ask her.
She shrugs. “Don’t care. He got us back together, so he gets the name sake, but this little man,” she rubs her belly, “is Walker Chamberlin.”
Lexi climbs up in my lap. “Wove you, Daddy.” She kisses my cheek.
My heart melts.
She leans over and I hold tight, so she doesn’t fall, and kisses McKinley on the cheek too. “Wove you, Mommy.”
Just like they have every time before when Lexi says those words to her, McKinley’s eyes fill with tears.
We settle on the couch and finish watching Cinderella, me and my girls. I cannot wait to meet our son, to welcome him to our family, and if I have any luck, in a few years, make him an older brother.
It doesn’t take long before Lexi is asleep in my arms. McKinley is leaning into me and my hand is on her belly. “I love you, McKinley Chamberlin.”
“I love you, too,” she replies with a yawn and it doesn’t take long before she and I are napping with our daughter.
“Mommy ouch,” I hear Lexi say. I rub my eyes and sit up on the couch. I focus in on Lexi as she sits on the arm of the couch watching McKinley.
“Kinley, what’s wrong?”
“Well, I think it might be time.”
It takes a few seconds for my brain to register what she’s just said. “Now, he’s coming now? You’re in labor?”
She laughs. My wife laughs at me. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I am. I only dozed off for a few minutes. A sharp pain in my back woke me up. They started out about fifteen minutes apart. Now we’re at nine.”
“Shit!” I stand from the couch and pull my phone out of my pocket. “How long did I sleep?”
“Daddy, bad wowd.” Lexi points her little finger at me.
“Yes, Daddy said a bad word. Little girls don’t say bad words,” I say, looking at my watch. Fuck! I slept for two hours. “Were you going to wake me?” I ask, hitting a few buttons on the screen and placing the phone next to my ear. “Hey, man, Kinley’s in labor. Can you come get Lex?” Aaron tells me he is on his way and I hang up.
“Aaron?” she asks as her face grimaces in pain.
Fuck! I don’t want to see her hurting. “Yeah, what can I do, baby?”
“Evan, this is normal. It’s not supposed to feel like a relaxing massage.”
“I know, but…”
“It’s fine. We’re twenty minutes from the hospital. The bags are packed, both ours and Lexi’s. Take a deep breath.”
“Is my sister, who is in labor, giving you tips for staying calm?” Aaron laughs.
“Fu…Funny,” I catch myself.
“Unca Awon!” Lexi exclaims.
“Here you go. Thanks for coming, man. I’m going to run upstairs and get the bags. Don’t leave her.” I point toward McKinley. I take the stairs two at a time, rushing into our room and then Lex’s to get our bags.
“Okay.” I hand Aaron her bag. “Here’s her bag. You have a key. Use it if you need it. McKinley, babe, I’m going to go pull the Durango out of the garage and load our bags. I’ll be right back.”
I hear Aaron laughing and I’m sure a smart-ass comment rolls off his tongue, but I don’t have time for that right now. My wife is in labor!
By the time we make it to the hospital, her contractions are seven minutes apart. I pull up to the entrance and run in to get a wheelchair. I’m sure I look like a crazy person because a nurse comes rushing over. “Sir, can I help you?”
“My wife is in labor.” I take a deep breath. We made it on time.
She grins. “Got ya. Let’s go get her.” She follows me out the double doors where we find McKinley standing outside the car.
“What happened?” I rush to her.
She chuckles. “Nothing happened. Sitting was uncomfortable. I told you I could walk inside.”
“Not happening, baby.”
“Hi, my name is Lisa,” the nurse introduces herself to McKinley.
“McKinley…” She stops, takes a few deep breaths, and then continues. “Chamberlin. This is my husband, Evan.”
“Nice to meet you both. This your first?” she asks while she helps McKinley sit in the wheelchair.
“My first delivery, but we have a little girl. She’s two and a half.”
“Such a fun age. Dad, why don’t you park the car and meet us inside.”
I hesitate, not wanting to leave her side for a minute. “Go, Evan. I’m not having this baby in the next ten minutes.” I lean in and kiss her quickly before jumping into the car to find a legal parking space.
“McKinley Chamberlin,” I say once I reach the reception desk.
“Third floor room 303.”
I debate the stairs, but the elevator doors open so I jump in and push third floor and then tap the close door button…about fifteen times.
When I push open the door to her room, a nurse is standing by the bed messing with an IV. “Where’s my wife?” Even I can hear the panic in my voice.
“In here,” McKinley yells from behind a closed door.
I don’t hesitate. I crack open the door and squeeze in. “What are you doing?”
“I’m helping.” She’s sitting on a stool attempting to take off her shoes. I kneel before her and take off each one. “Lift your arms.” She does and I pull off her shirt. “Bra on or off?”
“Off.” Reaching behind her, I release the clasp and pull it from her arms. Rising to my feet, I offer her my hands and help her stand. She braces herself on my shoulders while she steps out of her yoga pants and panties.
My beautiful wife is standing before me, naked, ready to give birth to our son. I place my hands on either side of her belly. “I love you, Walker. Mommy and I cannot wait to meet you.” I kiss her belly one last time before standing. Bringing my hands up, I cup her face. “I love you. Thank you for loving our daughter, for giving me our son.” I kiss her lips and she grimaces. Rubbing her back, I let her lean on me until it passes. “Let’s get you in this gown so we can meet our son.”
We get her changed and in bed. The nurse is hooking up her IV when another contraction hits. “Babe, that was only like three minutes,” I say as soon as it passes.
“Yeah,” she sighs in relief.
“I’m going to go get the doctor.” The nurse scurries out of the room.
What happens next is a flurry of activity. The doctor comes in to check her, which I’m still not a fan of. Funny that it never bothered me with Misty. He says she is fully dilated and tells the nurse to bring in the delivery crew. McKinley and I had already decided we were going to be the only two people in the delivery room. It’s something we want to share together.
Two more nurses enter the room with a small incubator looking contraption. Overhead lights drop out of the ceiling and McKinley’s legs are placed in stirrups that come out of the bottom of the bed. Everything happens so fast, and before I know it, she’s pushing.
“McKinley, you didn’t have time for an epidural. I’m giving you something in your IV to help with the pain, but I’m afraid it’s not near as effective. When you have a contraction, I need you to push as hard as you can and stop when I tell you to stop. It’s going to be painful, but I know you can do this,” the doctor tells her.
“Push,” he says from between her legs. McKinley latches onto my hand and pushes. “Dad, lift her leg and pull it back to her chest,” he instructs me.
“Baby.” I look to McKinley. Her face is flushed and covered in sweat. She’s beautiful.
“Just do what he says, Evan,” she snips. I don’t say a word because, one, she is not getting the good pain meds and, two, I can’t do this for her. If I could take her pain and have our son, I would. Instead, I’ll let her scream, yell, and cut the circulation off in my hands from her grip. Whatever she needs, I’m here.
This go
es on for about fifteen minutes. Every time she has a contraction, another nurse and I hold her legs and she pushes.
“You’re doing great, McKinley,” the doctor tells her.
McKinley grabs my hand with an iron grip, so I know it’s another contraction. With each leg pulled to her chest, her hand squeezing mine, she bears down and a scream rips from her throat. My heart breaks. I hate she’s in so much pain. Then a scream altogether different echoes through the room.
“Congratulations, it’s a boy.”
Aaron Walker Chamberlin.
The doctor lays him on her chest and I can’t speak. My beautiful wife and our son, yet another moment I will never forget. Leaning down, I kiss Kinley on the forehead. “He’s perfect, baby. Thank you. You were so strong, so good. I love you.”
Eyes brimming with tears and a wide grin, she looks up at me. “I love you too, Daddy.”
McKinley and I are sitting on her bed, Walker in her arms. My arm is around both of them. “I can’t wait for Lex to meet him.”
“I know. Your mom is on her way. Aaron went to pick my parents up at the airport.”
“Yeah, she texted me. I asked her if she would text us and let us know when they’re here. I want Lex to come back before anyone else. I want her to meet him and know she’s special to us.”
This woman, I fall more in love with her every day.
“Daddy,” I hear Lex say.
I jump for the door and greet her. I give Kinley’s mom a hug. “Thank you. We will just be a few minutes. Kinley wants to give Lex some time with him.”
“No rush. She’s been talking about this for weeks. We will have all the time in the world to spoil both of our grandkids. You take all the time you need.”
“Hey, baby girl, you ready to meet your little brother?”
With a serious look on her face, she nods. “Awon Alker.”
“That’s right.” I walk over to the bed and take my seat next to McKinley. Lex settles on my lap and looks at him, a grin on her lips.
