by K. S. Adkins
“Thank you for the offer, Rion, but he isn’t with me.”
“Explain that,” says Loyal which tells me I’m on speaker. “He out?”
“Yes,” I admit, “At least he should be.”
“Bet?” asks Rion quietly.
“He asked me to leave,” I choke out. “So I left.”
I can hear her giving Loyal orders but I’m too lost in my own hurt to listen too closely. Picking up speed, I decided the faster I drove, the sooner I could put him behind me.
“Where are you right now?” she asks me.
“Headed out of town to think,” I tell her. “I wish you and Loyal the very best, but I have to go.”
“Bet,” she begs. “Don’t run away. Please stay, you know he didn’t mean it.”
“I’m so glad you have Loyal in your life, treasure it, Rion. In a blink,” I whisper, “it can be taken from you.”
Then I hit end and promptly shut my phone down. Three hours and far too many songs that reminded me of him later, the tears come again as do thoughts of the family I lost. When I come upon a pocket of traffic, instead of having a fit, I found the opportunity in it because at that point I couldn’t take anymore. My breakdown was so swift it consumed me on a physical level. I could feel my heart squeezing in pain. My lungs felt dried up and my eyes were almost swollen shut. Punching the steering wheel felt good so I did it repeatedly. Everything else hurt, why not break my hand while I was at it. It only took six and a half years to show up but, this roadside release was the one I’d needed to happen. My days of living in grief needed to come to an end.
With or without Rio, it was time for me to live. I decided to implement this new lease on life tomorrow.
Traffic disperses and I floor it to get to my destination even faster. Like the devil was on my ass, I flew. When I saw my exit, I let out a cry of relief. I was so close. Several miles later I was parking, twenty five minutes after that I was boarding the ferry and forty minutes after unloading, I was jamming my key in the door. I needed that bed more than I needed anything. Closing the door and dropping my bags I was close to losing it again but there was something I had to do first. Literally running down the hill to the store, I bought enough wine, liquor and cigarettes for an army.
A heartbroken army.
By the time the sky darkens, I’m already half-way to forgetting my own name. I couldn’t feel my tongue and I sure as hell was too numb to cry anymore. Instead of dwelling on that, I thought back to our time here and how for the first time in years I finally felt an emotion other than grief.
With Rio I was happy.
Refilling my plastic tumbler that cheerily said ‘I left my ♥ in Mackinac’ I roll my eyes at the generic marketing and knew it should have said I left my ♥ with Rio. Being left behind aside, I was able to admit that I was grateful for the time I had with him. He taught me so much and money couldn’t repay him.
“Wanna talk about it?” I hear from the other side of the privacy fence. With round eyes, I sit up straighter in my seat fearful of answering. He’s here and I didn’t know what to do. So I did the only thing I could think of. I started from scratch.
“I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say,” I admit, “I’m not in the habit of talking to strangers.”
“I’ll ask the questions then,” he says, “Ever lose the one thing you valued most?”
“Yes,” I say clutching my plastic tumbler for support. “I’ve lost a lot actually, but this most recent loss was even more devastating than the others.”
“Why?”
“Losing true love isn’t something I can come back from.”
“What if you didn’t lose him?” he asks and his voice sounds closer. Standing up, I tip toe over to the fence and place my hand there. “What if he got himself sent to prison to right his wrongs? What if he thought about you every day? What if in trying to save you he made a huge fucking mistake?”
“That’s a lot of what ifs.”
“How ‘bout this then, he loves you. He loves you so God damn much that he was willing to let you go so you could be happy.”
“Well that’s dumb,” I mumble, “Considering I’m not happy.”
“All he wanted to do was convince you. You still need convincing?”
“No,” I say crying into my free hand, “I don’t need convincing, I need him.”
“Come to me, little Bet.”
Dropping my hand from the fence, I was through the living room and tearing the door open in seconds. When it opened fully, he was there in all his glory.
“I couldn’t wait no more,” he says stepping inside and closing it behind him. As for me, I stood there unsure of what to do. He looked so different to me. His hair was longer, he had a beard and he was even more stacked than the last time I saw him. “Told you I’d always find you. Tell me you missed me,” he says reaching for me.
“I missed you.”
“Tell me you forgive me.”
“I forgive you.”
“Tell me you love me.”
“I love you.” I tell him in a sure voice. I was proud of myself for not breaking down. He looked equally proud of me too.
“Good,” he says pinning me to the wall, “Now show me.”
“No, not yet.” I tell him firmly. “I have a few things I need to say to you first.”
Taking a deep breath, I look up into all of his eyes and let him have it.
Loyal picked me up from out front of the prison which surprised me, considering I was a pain in his ass. A smart man would have called a cab or a friend but I had no money on me and to my knowledge, I didn’t even have friends. Yeah, I had Rion but she was family and I wasn’t putting her down for this shit.
He grabbed my bag, slapped me upside the head and told me to get in. We weren’t on the road a full minute when he let me have it. “Don’t know what you said to Bet ‘cause she was tight-lipped but, whatever it was, you best be saying sorry in person.”
“I can’t,” I mumble. “I fucked up for good this time.”
“I showed her the letter, right? Couple hours later? Your ass was free. Woman made one phone call, one and that’s was that. That woman ain’t holding a grudge, fuckwit. She comes to get you and you treat her like a piece of shit? Couldn’t even get my woman to come with me to get your sorry ass. She’s that pissed.”
“Loyal, if memory serves, you fucked up too, lay off, alright?”
“Can’t,” he says getting on the freeway, “You need her and she needs you so I’m taking you to where she is before it’s too late for you. I got plenty of chances with Rion, but they ain’t all like her because she’s the best. Your woman’s got some chances in her but gotta say, judging by her voice earlier, you might be out of luck.”
“Where the fuck are we going?”
“Where the fuck do you think?”
“How do you know---”
“Rion figured it out, now shut up and think of a killer apology. You got about six hours to nail it.”
The drive up was quiet. I did as he suggested and thought of about two hundred apologies but none of them sounded good. Loyal hauled ass and managed to get me on the last ferry and when I got out he gives me a parting jab like only Loyal could. “You best hope she still loves you, dickhead,” he says tossing me my bag, “’Cause it’s a long ass walk home. Oh and feed her ass, woman’s too fucking skinny.”
Fuck. That’s what was different about her. She’d dropped weight. Within the hour I had bribed the manager to put me next to her claiming it was an anniversary surprise. Well, that and I paid triple for my room with Loyal’s credit card. The next couple of hours after that hurt though. Listening to her out on the deck with the fence between us, I heard her cry, sniffle, moan, and burp.
Bet’s heart was broken.
Seeing an opportunity to start over, I took it. This place was special to her which is why she came back. She came back to remember so I was going to let her. I startled her, I could tell, but when I repeated our first few conversations,
she joined in. When I asked her to come to me, I heard her feet running across the deck and couldn’t wait. I needed to be on the other side of that door when she answered it.
Just like I’d hoped, she missed me. Not only that, she forgave me. Then she knocked the wind out of me when she told me she loved me. The second she said it, I wanted to bury myself inside of her as a reminder of where we started but she had other ideas.
Them ideas scared the shit outta me.
“No, not yet,” she says staring me in the eyes, “I have a few things I need to say to you first.”
“Bet,” I start, “You drunk?”
“Yes,” she says, “But I’m not that drunk and this needs to be said. Please, Rio, it’s my turn for a speech.”
“Wanna sit down then?”
“No,” she says wrapping herself around me, “I like it here, I missed it here. I felt warm here.”
“Go ahead then.”
“For six years I asked myself, why take them and not me? Why was I the exception? At my lowest moment, I ran fast, right? Straight into you. Just when I was convinced it was game over for me, you changed my mind. Not only did you convince me to live, but you convinced me to love again. To love you, Rio. My love for Alan was soft and gentle, it was good. My love for you is hard and aggressive, it’s even better. I believe I was meant for Alan, for a time anyway. But I know that I was meant for you…forever. I’m not going to allow you to pass up our second chance.”
“Let me---”
“I’m not finished,” she says leaning back to look up at me, “I have two conditions.”
“Name ‘em.”
“You owe me one orgasm for everyday you’ve been gone, that’s one. Two, you need to tell me you still love me and that we can work this out. Third, don’t you ever put yourself in danger for me like that again, I had it covered. You don’t go to prison to prove a point, that’s just stupidity. There’s a lesson here, don’t do dumb shit.”
“You said two, that was three and you took a fucking bullet for me.”
“Yes well, I’m amazing like that,” she says with a smile, “I’m waiting, Rio.”
Taking her face into my hands, I kiss each eye lid then pull her into a hug. “I’d kill him for you again,” I tell her, “Either way, what I did was wrong, little Bet. When he called in his favor I never thought it’d be you. I’m sorry for a lot of shit, but not if I get you out of the deal.”
“You love me,” she says.
“Fuck yeah I do,” I tell her, “but it’s more than that. I can’t explain it, but it was thinking of you that kept me going. It was thinking of you that made being in that hole tolerable. You’re everything to me, little Bet. Every-fucking-thing.”
“Thanks for convincing me, Rio.”
Taking her hand and leading her back toward the bedroom, when we stand at the foot of the bed I find myself nervous. Things are different now, solid. We have a foundation, we’re starting over. She’s mine, I’m hers, we had no secrets and I’m overwhelmed.
I was warm again.
Just like that I felt my insides warm like someone wrapped me in an electric blanket. Standing here at the foot of the bed we just stare at each other. If the situation wasn’t what it was, being that we’ve both made the decision to move forward together, I’d have him on his back by now. But this was unfamiliar territory for me, probably for him too.
Rio raises his arm slowly almost like he’s asking permission. My breathing catches but I don’t take my eyes off his hand. He uses his finger to brush the hair from my temple then hooks it behind my ear. Running that same finger down my neck, between my breasts and settling on my navel. I swear I was close to passing out.
Taking his other hand he tilts my chin up where our eyes meet. Leaning in, he kisses me once on the lips and then on each cheek. “You need a good man,” he says. “Didn’t know I could even do good until I met you.”
“I love you just as you are, Rio.”
“I know,” he says quietly, “but we started off wrong. Gonna spend the rest of my life making it right.”
“No,” I tell him, “The past is the past, I can’t live in it anymore and neither can you. Our future can’t begin until the guilt ends. Let it go, Rio.”
“You letting it go, little Bet?” he asks running his finger up my thigh. Letting what go? I don’t even know my name right now. “I am,” I tell him, “I’ve had enough guilt for a lifetime. I’d like to give happiness a shot.”
“Alright then,” he says slipping a finger inside, “that’s done. Can we fuck now?”
Smiling up at him I take in his new appearance and if I was desperate before, I was mad for him now. “Yes Rio,” I moan, “We can fuck now.”
Wasting no time, he inserts a second finger, then a third. Feeling stretched, full and loved I let my head fall back and did as I said I would and let the guilt go.
My family would want me happy, I had to believe that.
Life with Bet Lennox was anything but boring.
We spent two days on the island before coming back home. On the drive back she spent hours blowing my mind. She started by letting me drive her Rover but she ended it by letting me know she’s moving in.
With me.
On 8 Mile.
My only condition was taking that refrigerator with us. Man, I’ve dreamt about that appliance and she didn’t think twice before agreeing with me. Weeks turned into months and all kinds of shit has happened since then. I’ll try to summarize without breaking down like a bitch about it.
First, Bet surprised the three of us with a trip. Wait, not just a trip though. No, it was an all-expenses paid week in Bermuda. She rented a house on the beach where Rion, Loyal, Bet and myself had the time of our fucking lives. The females are attached at the hip and are forces to be reckoned with. Loyal and me, turns out we’re a friendship neither one expected but let it happen anyway.
The fucker even laughs from time to time, too.
On our last day of vacation, Bet tossed a set of keys to Rion and said, “Someone needs to make that house a home.” And Rion, not understanding, looked to Loyal who was looking at me. “Huh?” they say in unison. “Selling property takes too much time. I have a house that I don’t live in, so I was thinking you two take it and expand the business on 8 Mile this way we all win.”
“You’re giving us your house?” asks Rion clearly in shock.
“We’ll take it,” say Loyal grabbing the keys.
“Loyal!” she screeches. “You can’t take her house!”
“I can’t take something she’s giving, now can I?” he counters.
“Well no,” she sputters.
“Good, that’s settled, now who wants to do karaoke?” says Bet eager to sing again. The woman fucking loved karaoke.
But the real kicker was when we got home. Carrying her in, she giggles demanding to be set down and for me to check the mail. On the kitchen table was the envelope she mailed to me months ago and I didn’t want to touch it.
“Open it,” she says taking a seat.
Removing the tape holding it together, I pull the slip of paper out and quick thinking had me grabbing the key that fell with it. Starting at the top I read the letterhead that said Lennox Holdings Limited first followed by:
Dear Mr. Martin,
Congratulations on your new business venture with Lennox Holdings Limited. We are pleased to inform you the commission has approved 400 8 Mile Rd, Detroit MI DBA Second Chances for R-2 zoning. Attached is the information you will need to successfully begin the process of your remodel per the city’s requirements. Please keep the deed and ordinance list in a secure location.
If you have any questions, please contact our office at your convenience.
Sincerely,
Courtney Cain, Assistant to Bet Lennox of Lennox Holdings Limited
“Second Chances?” I ask as I re-read the letter. Even I knew DBA meant doing business as.
“What we talked about,” she says “It’s what you said you’d do
with one million dollars.”
“I know what I said,” I choke out “But that address is below my apartment, Bet.”
“I realize that, Rio,” she says batting her eyes at me. “We bought the building.”
“We who?”
“We us.”
“We…us?”
“You’re usually quicker than this,” she says standing up. “Us, Rio. You and me. What’s mine is yours, what’s yours is mine.”
“But I ain’t got shit.”
“And now you do.”
“Jesus, you gave everything.” I whisper wiping my eyes. Standing on her toes and kissing me she takes my hands placing both on her stomach.
“Almost everything,” she says “The last surprise doesn’t get here for about eight more months.”
Blinking was all I could manage.
No seriously, it was. I was overwhelmed. Bet gave me a gift she swore she’d never give.
I convinced her to give me a family and she looked happy.
Okay I lied.
I managed to do one other thing.
Pass out at her feet.
Pregnancy suited me.
Well, maybe it was Rio gunning for fucking father of the year (his words not mine) that sealed it. Rion asked me when the wedding would be but I didn’t have an answer for that. I knew he was mine and he knew I was his. We both agreed that when a wedding happened our child would be a part of it.
I’ve got less than two months to go and now the nerves are setting in. Women want you to believe that you forget the pain, that you only remember the joy. Those women are on crack. In fact, it was the pain to come that was front and center because birth hurts.
Rio claims if I can take a bullet I can squeeze a baby out and says that sex daily will help keep things loose. Rio is currently hiding down at Second Chances and probably icing his balls. Rio’s dream was coming together at a rapid pace. He’s as bossy at building his business as he is with telling me what to do. But he’s even more determined that it be completed before I gave birth so we had his full attention.
