The Beckett Boys- The Complete Series Box Set

by Olivia Chase

  Time to put on my big-girl panties and deal with my life.

  I go to my room and hop on my computer, beginning my search. A couple of leads look promising, so I dig up my resume and update it, then fire it off, sending a silent prayer that something comes of one of these jobs.

  I know I can’t work for my father anymore. Not after all of this. I can’t even stand the thought of being around him right now. Though when he gets home, we’re going to be having a hard talk.

  When I texted Michelle asking for advice earlier, she told me there’s a vacancy in her apartment building, on the floor above hers, and she has an in with the landlord, who’s her mom’s best friend. So I have an appointment tomorrow to visit the place.

  I’m sure it’ll do just fine. I’ve been to her apartment before, and it’s a good space in a nice part of town.

  The nice thing about working for my father while living at home was that I could put aside the bulk of my paychecks, so I have a nice little nest egg to start. Not to mention the money I’ve saved while working in college. It’ll be enough to get me on my feet for a few months while I adjust to my new life and find a job.

  I fold my laptop closed and look around my bedroom. I’m starting all over. It’s scary as hell…but there’s an excitement that comes with my sudden independence. I can do this. I’m strong and capable.

  I head downstairs when it’s dinner time. Daddy is sitting at his usual spot. His gaze is wary as he looks at me, and he gives me a small nod.

  “I’m not staying for dinner,” I tell him, standing behind a chair. “I wanted to let you know that I’m going to be moving out.”

  He didn’t expect that coming, given the expression of surprise on his face. “Look,” he says slowly, his tone deliberate. “I know you’re upset with me, but you don’t need to make any rash decisions.”

  “I also quit,” I continue. “I’m giving my two weeks’ notice, and I’ll bring in my official resignation letter tomorrow.”

  This stuns him into silence.

  “Well.” I turn to leave.

  “Wait,” he says, standing and coming up to me. His brow is furrowed. “Kendra, I know you’re incredibly upset with me, but you’re acting out of anger.”

  “No, I’m acting out of self-preservation and pride,” I retort. “Don’t presume to tell me how I feel. I know what I’m thinking and what I want.”

  “Don’t twist what I say.” His voice is rich with frustration, and he scrubs the top of his hair.

  “I’m not. I’m also not interested in discussing this right now. I have a lot of packing to do, and I don’t have anything else to say to you.” I leave the dining room, hearing him sputter after me, but I don’t turn back.

  When I get to my room, I’m shaking, and I sink into the chair at my desk. I’m officially going to be on my own, like it or not. It’s time for me to find my own strength and take control of my life.

  It feels like I blink and everything’s changed.

  Like mere seconds have gone by.

  In reality, it’s been weeks, but most of the time I’ve been so overwhelmed and stunned by everything that I’ve done…everything that’s happened to me.

  It’s like I’m just catching my breath, finally, when I stop and take the time to truly reflect on how different my life is now.

  I’m sad, deeply sad, but at least I’m not totally alone.

  “Cheers,” Michelle says, clinking her plastic red Solo cup against mine. She takes a sip of the rum and Coke I made and smiles. “Your bar is coming along nicely,” she says with a laugh. “This isn’t well rum.”

  “Top shelf for you, baby,” I tease as I sink onto my couch cushion. It’s been three weeks since Axel and I broke up, since I confronted my father that I was leaving and quitting my job. I moved into this apartment a few days ago.

  There isn’t a lot of furniture yet—a couch, chair, coffee table, some lamps, a small kitchen set and a bedroom set. But it’s all mine, bought with my own money. I’ll fill the rest in as I can afford it.

  There’s a statement I never thought I’d have to make. Affording things was never even a minor consideration before now.

  Michelle looks around at my living room. “It’s coming along nicely! So, how was your first day of work?”

  I was hired on at a competitor of my father’s, entry level, making a lot less than I was when I worked at my dad’s company. The manager was excited to have me join on though, and everyone there is friendly and welcoming. I spent the day getting acquainted with the accounts we’re working on and seeing what I can do to help keep things moving along. Over the next few days, we’re coming up with plans on new accounts we can take on and how I can assist in that as well. “It was…good,” I say with a smile. “It’s nice to feel jazzed about my growth potential there.”

  We chatter about a variety of things. She tells me about a couple of bad dates she went on recently, and we laugh over how they ended up unfolding. I’m not at all ready to date, not when I still ache for Axel so badly that I can’t breathe for it sometimes.

  I miss him terribly.

  Does he even think about me?

  The question haunts me every day. I want to go to him and show him how I’ve changed. That I’m my own woman—I have my own apartment, a new job, a bank account, even my own credit card (with a very low limit, but that’s fine—I’m building real credit). But he probably wouldn’t care about it. In his mind, I’m still far too different than him, despite my budding independence.

  Michelle stretches and yawns, puts her empty cup on my coffee table. “Fuck, I’m tired. Gotta get my ass in bed. Morning comes awful early.” She stands and hugs me, then heads out.

  I clean up after us then pour myself one more cocktail, setting back into the couch and streaming music through my portable speaker from my phone. It’s so weird and hard living on my own. All those things I took for granted that I’m doing for myself now. My dad’s cook, Bettina, and I have been texting since I moved out, and she’s teaching me how to make easy recipes on my own. Thank God for her.

  I invited her to come over for dinner tomorrow night to taste the meal I’m attempting—lasagna. She warmly agreed, thanking me for the invite and saying she’ll bring a side dish. Hopefully it’s big enough to serve as a possible meal, in case I screw up the main meal.

  She asked if I was inviting my father. I know she’s trying to get us to talk, unhappy with the tension between us, but I can’t do it. I’m still so mad and hurt by what he did, how he treated Axel. I’m not ready to see him, even though he texts me regularly asking to talk. I don’t reply.

  It’s been weeks since I spoke to Daddy or to Axel. I feel like a completely different person than I was before everything went down, before I made these huge changes. But that deep sadness, that ache for Axel, it hasn’t gone away. No, it’s still there, haunting me in the thick of night. Whispering to me how he probably isn’t thinking about me at all, even though I can’t get him off my mind.

  Hell, he wouldn’t know how to find me in person even if he wanted to. I’m not at the same home, the same job. The only way to reach me is via my cell phone, and that’s been painfully silent.

  It’s fine, I tell myself. I get off the couch and change into jammie shorts and a tank top. He still was a catalyst for change for me, and I can at least be glad about that.

  I try to let that lukewarm thought warm me as I slide into my cold bed and close my eyes.

  Axel

  I take a drag on the beer I pulled from my fridge. My emotions are in a knot in my chest. I keep telling myself that I don’t care, that Kendra wasn’t good for me and I was shit for her. But I can’t sleep. The last few nights have been torture.

  She’s embedded beneath my skin. I sent her away, told her that she didn’t mean anything to me. And it was a fucking lie.

  I fucked up so badly with her, and I don’t know how to fix things.

  I settle into the couch and look around the house. The place that belongs to Butch,
the only real home I’ve known. I’m the final stand. The only one left who cares. Not even my neighbors give any fucks about what happens to us.

  Why am I being so stubborn?

  Butch wants to sell.

  I’m holding on to a dream. To a ghost. It isn’t real.

  It took all of my pride to look up Charles on the internet and send him a text. To tell him that Butch is ready to sell.

  But I had to do it. This isn’t my home anymore.

  Charles is supposed to arrive in a few minutes. Sealing my fate. I can’t go back from this. And that’s probably for the best. I need to change; I know that much. Butch already signed documentation assigning me permission to do these dealings on his behalf. This is the last thing I’m going to do for him, so I’ll do it right.

  There’s a rap at my door, and I get up to answer it. “Hey,” I say to Charles, giving him a quick nod.

  “Hello.” Charles comes in, bearing a thick folder of paper, and settles on the opposite end of the couch.

  We just sit there for a moment, looking at each other. There’s pain in both our eyes. I fucked up with Kendra, I know that much. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, pushed her away. But it’s clear he fucked up with her too. The shit he pulled with me…she’s still angry about that. I can tell by the way Charles is acting.

  Some of the arrogance and pomposity has been wiped off his face. I wish it felt satisfying, but I only feel pity and a sense of loss for both of us.

  Charles exhales hard and digs through his papers. “So you’ve been granted power of attorney,” he says. “Good. I just need a copy of that document, and we can have you sign off on selling his property.”

  I hand a copy to him, having anticipated he’d want one.

  It takes a solid half hour to fill out all the fucking paperwork. I initial, again and again, trying to not be frustrated as we move through the process of selling Butch’s house. It is what it is, and he wanted this.

  I have to let go.

  We finish the paperwork, and Charles closes the folder. Looks at me.

  “So. Have you…” He clears his throat and looks away. “Talked to her any?”

  The vulnerability he’s exposing to me makes my heart lurch. So I’m not the only one who is fucking reeling from the loss of a relationship with Kendra. Part of me actually feels pity for him. Because I can see how it’s impacted him.

  He’s not the same man I knew before.

  I suppose I’m not, either.

  Charles shifts in his seat and peers at me. “We fucked up.” The words are delivered so evenly that I almost don’t even hear them, in a weird way. It’s too smooth, like nothing happened.

  I frown. “What’s going on with you?”

  Charles sighs, stares up at my ceiling. “Oh, she’s not talking to me. I haven’t heard from her in weeks. I’m guessing you haven’t, either.”

  No. Because I freaked out and pushed her away, and I’m too embarrassed and don’t know what to do.

  He must read my answer on my face, because he gives me a wry smile. “We’re quite the pair, aren’t we?”

  I just nod. I don’t know what else to do. I wasn’t expecting to bond with her father about how I lost her. But I also wasn’t expecting him to be so blunt with me, so open.

  “Why?” I finally ask him. “Why did you not even listen to my proposal?”

  Charles sighs, shifts. “Because I didn’t think you deserved her. I didn’t want to encourage you talking to her.” He looks at me. “I’ve made some horrible mistakes in my life, but this was the worst. She won’t talk to me now.”

  I sigh. “I suppose she has good reason to not speak to either of us.”

  Her dad eyes me. “I don’t know how to fix this.”

  “I don’t know that we can,” I admit to him. “The best I can do is try to be a better person than I was.”

  And it’s true. It’s fucking true. Since I broke up with Kendra, I’ve been unable to stop thinking about her. Missing her. Wondering how I can make it in life without her smile. She inspired me, made me feel alive.

  And now I have to do that for myself.

  We stare at each other for a moment.

  “Axel.” He eyes me hard. “I don’t know what it is about you, but my daughter loves you. I tried to stop it. But she was willing to leave me because of you.”

  The oxygen locks in my lungs, hearing it put that way. I suspected that she had moved out, but hearing him articulate it like this reinforced it for me. “I would do anything for her,” I say plainly.

  “Would you?” Charles arches a brow at me. “I’m not the one you need to prove that to.”

  He’s right. I need to show my change to Kendra. But I’m not there yet. I have more in my life to fix. I have growth I have to accomplish. And then I can come to her, a man who is ready for her, who deserves her. Right now, that isn’t me.

  Charles leaves, and I sit in the house, alone. Look around at these walls like it’s my last time. Which I suppose it is. I’ll be finding my own apartment soon, moving out of here. This place is going to be flattened to the ground to make way for the mall.

  A house can’t represent family for me.

  I have to let it go.

  Because my brothers are still here, still around. But I’ve been mad that they weren’t willing to connect with me in the way I wanted. On my ground, my terms.

  It’s time to let that go, to stop being hung up on those things. It’s time to not compare them to the past, but to accept them as they are. Hope that they can accept me. That we can forge some kind of a relationship as we are now.

  Kendra was right, so damn right, and I have to accept that, even though it’s hard to admit as much.

  I linger on the first floor there for a while, meandering around blindly. Not sure what to do. The mall deal is supposed to finalize soon—he just has to file the paperwork and get a few more homeowners to finish their own documents. I have to let this house go. It was never mine to begin with.

  The thought is just as disturbing as it is freeing.

  I get on my motorcycle and head to Fugitives. I haven’t been there since I quit. But for some reason, I want to see Hale. Want to know what he’s doing, how the restaurant is surviving.

  I get to the parking lot and park, then step inside. There’s a decent crowd, with good music playing over the loudspeakers. People are swaying as they talk. Hale was always good about figuring out what customers wanted to hear.

  I stroll up to the bar. Hale and the part-time guy he hired before I quit are there, slinging drinks from the beer taps and serving food. They’re working the crowd with broad smiles, and for a moment, I miss being here with them.

  It’s better now that I don’t work here, but I miss the closeness with my brother.

  He spots me, and I see the smile slide off his face. His brows dip in concern.

  I hold my hands up in a symbol of surrender.

  Hale studies me another moment, then moves away from behind the bar. He steps toward me. “Hey.”

  “Hey,” I reply back. Now that I’m here, I don’t know what to say. I’m so fucking awkward. How do I apologize for months of grievances? How do I let him know how I feel about him, that I want a real relationship with him? This shit is hard. How the fuck do people do this?

  Hale rubs his jaw. “Um. So, did you need something?”

  And now it’s on me. I shift. “I…I wanted to apologize.” The words spill out before I know what to do with them.

  “Oh, is that right?” His eyes are hard on mine. He clearly doesn’t know what to think about what I’m saying. Not that I can blame him. Last time I was here, I was a dick.

  I draw in a slow breath. “I didn’t end things well with us. I was mad because…” Say it, Axel, I demand of myself. “Because I felt like I was just the half-brother, not as important. And I had a chip on my shoulder, even if it wasn’t fair.”

  “I don’t view you that way,” Hale says, his eyes filled with concern as he looks at me.
“I mean…I know when you first moved in that it took time for us to adjust, but I feel like we overcame that. Maybe I was wrong.” He shrugs.

  “No, I…” I steel myself and admit the rawness I’m feeling. “I never felt like I belonged, but I know part of that was me. I never saw myself as equal, so I assumed you guys didn’t either.”

  His eyes are sad as he scrutinizes me for several long moments of silence.

  I look away. “Anyway. I fucked up with the way I quit, and I wanted to apologize and make amends. I don’t know if we can go back to what we had, but I’d like to.”

  “I would too,” Hale murmurs. “I’ve missed having you around here.”

  “You have?” I can’t help the shocked way I sound.

  He frowns. “Of course I have. You were an integral part of getting this place up and running.” He claps my shoulder. “And…you’re my brother. I’ve missed you.”

  I don’t know how to deal with the sharp warmth spreading through my sternum. I’ve never heard one of my brothers say this before, that they miss me. I just look at him in surprise.

  “Anyway.” Hale clears his throat, like he’s embarrassed to, not just me. “It was good to see you at the picnic. And the girl you brought…she’s sweet at hell. I hope you’re still seeing her. Phoebe liked her a lot.”

  My heart is thudding so hard that I’m sure he can hear it. “I fucked up with her. But I want to win her back. I just don’t know how.”

  For the first time ever, Axel looks at me with empathy. Not just sympathy, but like he gets where I am. “Fuck. I know exactly how you feel, bro. But you’re on the right fucking path. Just keep working on bettering yourself.”

  The words sound simple, but they bolster me, enough to make me smile. I give Hale a hug with a bro pat on the back, and he does the same.

  It’s the closest we’ve been in years.

  I head back home and for the first time, take an honest look around. The place is run-down, tired. Empty. All of my brothers have left, and I’ve been holding on to something that doesn’t exist anymore.