Lilac

by Reid, B. B.

  “Have faith much?” I snapped dryly. Maeko’s hand immediately resumed rubbing circles on my back.

  “Yup,” Griff returned unapologetically. “I have absolute faith that you will fall for their bullshit again.”

  The olives lingering in the air told me she wasn’t completely off base, which just pissed me off and made the room smell like it was burning. “Get fucked, Griff, ’kay?”

  “Thanks, I will.” When she turned her head, she wasn’t quite looking at me. I felt Maeko’s hand pause again briefly, and a rushed breath left her before she started massaging me again.

  I was this close to calling them out, but then my phone started ringing, and the name on the screen made my heart stop and my head forget everything else. I didn’t need the tartness on my tongue to tell me I hadn’t been expecting the call, and I didn’t need the copper stench that followed to tell me I was scared shitless of answering.

  Maybe Griff was right.

  I would need backup if just seeing one of their names on my caller ID made me want to weep myself into a puddle. It would be so much easier just to forgive them.

  So. Much. Easier.

  I’d also despise myself for all of eternity, so maybe not?

  I lifted the phone, stood from the barstool, and pressed the green button as I made my way to my room. Maeko had seen who was calling, so I was sure Griffin would know soon too. It was mostly because of them holding my cell phone hostage those first few days that I’d remained strong, and they hadn’t let up.

  Closing and locking my bedroom door, I went over to my bed, lay down, and stared at the ceiling for a while. I was half expecting him to have hung up when I finally lifted the phone to my ear.

  “Hello?”

  “You don’t have to do this,” Rich greeted me. His voice wasn’t as rough as it had been earlier, but it still lacked the smoothness I was used to. I wouldn’t allow myself to ask him why.

  “I’m not doing it for you.”

  “Then who are you doing it for?” he challenged.

  Good question. “Is there a reason why you called, Jericho?”

  “She’s not my wife anymore.”

  I jackknifed into a sitting position while all emotions I promised myself I wouldn’t feel for him anymore came rushing back at once. He was quiet, and each stretch of silence tore away at the bricks I stacked to keep him out.

  I could feel his pain. Could he feel mine?

  I had no doubt we’d both be content to let the seconds, minutes, and hours tick by, pretending we weren’t silently reaching for each other through the phone. I’d wake up in the morning, and he’d still be there. I’d know because I’d hear his loud snores through the phone.

  I almost smiled.

  Almost.

  “Congratulations,” I told him in the driest tone that belied my racing heart.

  This changes nothing, you foolish thing.

  “Thanks. Braxton?”

  “Yes, Jericho?”

  “I know you’re telling yourself that it doesn’t make a difference, but it does. We both know it. You were never a contender for my heart, Braxton Fawn. You were always the motherfucking champ.”

  I did smile then as the sweet and mouthwatering scent of berries filled my nose. I didn’t know if it was luck or misfortune that had Griff pounding on my locked door a moment later, but I was saved from responding.

  “Open this door right now, Braxton!”

  I heard Rich’s throaty chuckle, followed by a muffled curse, and then someone’s teeth sucking and tasted cherries on my tongue. Oh, God. Fuck off, vagina.

  “I guess you have to go now?” he asked me.

  “Yup. Sorry. Mom isn’t letting me talk to boys until I learn how to spot one who’s obviously taken.”

  Cheap shot, but the asshole deserved it.

  Rich was quiet again and back to feeling ashamed, which was how it should be. We shouldn’t have been flirting.

  “Tell me how to fix this,” he begged as Griffin continued to pound and shout obscenities through the door. She was quite possibly the most cynical person alive. Even if I forgave them, rest assured she never would.

  God speed, Maeko.

  “I’m not sure you can.” The weight of that truth settled on my shoulders, and I was just glad I was already sitting down. Roses. I smelled roses. “I didn’t think I ever could, but I’ve already forgiven you,” I told him honestly. “But I don’t know if I can ever trust you again.”

  He was quiet again and then… “You forgive me?” he whispered. There was relief in his tone and surprise too.

  “You have a child that you haven’t been allowed to know—a child made in a union that you obviously still cared enough to keep after all this time. I know why you hesitated, and I understand. It’s why I can’t ask you to turn your back on that. I can’t be responsible for anyone else not being who they truly are. Including myself.”

  “Braxton—”

  “You freed me.” Closing my eyes, I felt like I could fly right now. “Houston? Loren? I know you’re listening.” I heard movement in the background and imagined them leaning in closer. “You freed me too,” I whispered to them. “But trusting you means asking me to bear that weight again, and…I can’t.”

  I felt the apology on my lips, and I swallowed it.

  I wouldn’t be sorry.

  For a few blissful weeks, they could have asked me to lasso the moon, and I would have told them to hand me the rope.

  But they didn’t fight for me with the truth.

  They chose to lose me with a lie.

  There was shuffling in the background as the phone switched hands and then heavy breathing coming through the phone.

  Loren.

  I knew it was him before he even spoke. I didn’t know how. I just knew.

  “We hear what you’re saying, and I’m telling you it won’t be enough,” he warned. I could feel him seething even through the phone and clawed the sheets until they were gripped in my fist. “You want to finish the tour? Fine. But know this. It’s not over until it’s over. You staked your claim with an arrow through our hearts, and now you’re going to let us bleed.”

  He hung up.

  So that was how she wanted to play it.

  She was huddled around her friends so that we couldn’t get too close. They never left her side. Not once since the moment the three of them showed up at the airport. We assumed her friends had come to see her off until we noticed the luggage. Enough to last them a couple of weeks.

  The roaring in my head didn’t dull until I started to rationalize.

  They’d have to leave Braxton eventually.

  It was going to take us over three months to get through Europe alone, and we’d still have four more continents. Each time Braxton’s gaze found ours during the twelve-hour flight, I wondered if she’d considered that too.

  She couldn’t avoid us forever.

  And if she wanted us to believe that we didn’t stand a chance, she was sending some crazy mixed messages. She was here for no other reason than because she still cared.

  Someone should have warned her that if she gave us an inch, we’d take the whole goddamn mile. Maybe her friends had, and that was why they were here.

  The only flaw in their plan was that they couldn’t stay. We all knew it, but no one dared say a word.

  By the time we landed in Berlin around noon, we were all tired and jet-lagged, so we headed straight for the hotel. I knew no one would be sleeping, though.

  Houston, Loren, and I were plotting, but so were they.

  Tomorrow night we took the stage in front of seventy thousand people at the Olympiastadion, so there would be plenty of time for mischief.

  “Wow,” Griffin remarked as she looked around the hotel lobby and all its splendor.

  “I’ve never stayed in a place this fancy before,” Maeko gushed.

  I looked around too as our security escorted the six of us to the elevators, and I tried to see it through the girls’ eyes. You’d think an
orphan who grew up with nothing, missed a few meals, and wore holes in his clothes until he was twenty-two would never get used to sitting in the lap of luxury.

  It had only been six years.

  For the first time, I might have identified with Loren, who never seemed impressed by anything with a high price tag. I thought he was just spoiled, which he was, but there was more to it…and to him.

  The truth was life got boring fast.

  And without what truly mattered, it was easy to stop caring about it at all.

  I glanced at Braxton and tried not to stare too hard at her smile. She was telling her friends about the hotels we’d stayed in, a conversation I was sure they’d already had, but I understood. She needed to keep herself distracted from the inevitable.

  Dani, who’d met us at the elevator after checking us in, handed over our keys and told us Xavier would be up to talk to us soon. He’d flown in a couple of days ahead, along with the tour manager and the rest of the crew, to make sure everything ran smoothly. The delay had only lasted two weeks, but our drama had still been a huge inconvenience for too many people.

  In the wake of the rumors, everyone had decided to blame Braxton, of course.

  I wondered if she was privy to it or if she’d been drowning too much in heartache to notice the scrutiny.

  My gut told me neither had escaped her attention. I kept myself from going to her just as Griffin sent me a look to back off. Maybe she’d seen the temptation in my eyes.

  As much as I was annoyed by the pitbull, I was just as relieved that Braxton had someone to look out for her after what she’d escaped in Faithful. It was obvious her friends would defend her to their last breath, but so would we.

  We just needed Braxton to believe that again.

  I just needed her to trust that I would always choose her.

  The elevator ride up was awkward as hell. No one spoke until we reached the eleventh floor. The girls got off and immediately turned when we didn’t follow.

  “Where are you going?” Braxton questioned with a frown. She’d forgotten that she wasn’t supposed to care.

  The doors were already sliding close when Loren answered. “Penthouse, baby!”

  Her friends rolled their eyes while Braxton hid her smile when Loren winked at the last second. I immediately turned to him as soon as the doors were closed. We were only one floor above them, so it would be a short ride.

  “Are you ready to talk to me yet?” I asked him.

  Loren scoffed while his gaze remained forward. “Nope, and I never will be. You’re dead to me, bitch.” When the elevator stopped, and the doors slowly slid open, he was the first one off.

  Hearing those words and knowing he meant them…

  I felt like I’d been backed into a corner.

  So I attacked.

  It was a good thing we had the floor to ourselves. We never made it inside the suite before Loren and I hit the ground from the force of me tackling him from behind. I didn’t care about fair when I sucker-punched him or when he managed to flip onto his back, and I immediately wrapped my hands around his neck. He shoved me off, and I hit the wall next to us, knocking a picture frame from the wall before he punched me and split my lip.

  I tasted blood, but it only fueled me.

  One way or another, Loren was going to heel.

  It was the only way he’d hear me out.

  Houston knew it too, which was why he disappeared inside the suite instead of breaking up the fight that was getting more violent and bloody with each blow. There wasn’t a spot on me that didn’t hurt when I managed to get Loren’s head locked inside my elbow. Loren was trying to get me over his shoulder, but I held on like my life depended on it.

  Without them, I had nothing.

  Again.

  So I guess it kind of did.

  “Are you ready to listen now?” I taunted in his ear.

  He answered me by taking a step back and then another before driving me into the wall behind me hard enough to loosen my hold. Loren whirled on me, but I recovered and grabbed him by the collar of his blue polo shirt.

  I yanked him into me.

  “You’re done ignoring me, Lo. I’m not allowing you another day.”

  Loren stared down at me blankly since he was taller than me, and I felt my grip loosening under the intensity of his gaze. He didn’t take advantage of his chance to break free and walk away, though. His hips were still pressed against mine. I was still breathing in every breath he exhaled.

  “Not that it will matter,” he eventually said with a curl of his lip, “but fine. Say what you have to say. I need to shower.” When I didn’t speak for several seconds, his brow rose. “I’m listening.”

  “I was never going to choose Emily over Braxton. I was never going to choose her over you or Houston. I just needed time to realize that myself, Lo.”

  “Why should I believe that? You did it the first time.”

  “Marrying Emily was not choosing her over you, Loren. She was my girlfriend. You were my friend.”

  “Funny,” he retorted while staring at the wall behind me, “since I recall begging you not to.”

  “I thought you were jealous,” I whispered honestly, and he groaned while throwing his head back.

  “Seriously?” he spat. “I’ve busted nuts that lasted longer than my feelings for you. It was a crush, Rich, not a confession of love. I didn’t want you to marry Emily because you deserved better, and I didn’t mean me. You know she tried to fuck Houston a week after you were married, right? He slapped the shit out of her and then told her to tell you why he did it.”

  I gaped at him in surprise. Sadly, it wasn’t even because Emily tried to fuck my best friend. It was because I was just now hearing about it. “She never told me that.”

  “Of course, she didn’t.”

  “Why didn’t Houston?” I gripped him tighter when a thought occurred to me and brought him closer. I didn’t recognize the harshness in my voice when I spoke. “Why didn’t you?”

  “Because I don’t like repeating myself,” he told me blandly. “I warned you what she was.”

  “If you had told me what she tried to do, you wouldn’t have needed to convince Calvin and Emily to sleep together. You wouldn’t have needed to ruin my marriage to get what you wanted.”

  Loren sniffed. It was obvious he felt no remorse even after all this time. “I didn’t have to convince them of anything, Jericho. It was going to happen whether I left them alone together or not.”

  “Fuck you.”

  Loren pressed his forehead against mine and closed his eyes as my grip loosened again. I didn’t like how weak he made me. “Don’t pretend you don’t remember how it was, Rich. I do the fucking, not you.”

  “Why did you?” I finally asked.

  That night had taken a turn neither of us intended, but we never felt the need to do it again. Our resentment for one another wouldn’t allow for attraction. Obviously, something had changed since I felt my dick getting harder with each word he spoke.

  Loren must not have felt the same since he abruptly stood upright and pushed away. “Why not?” he threw at me.

  It was all he said before he disappeared inside the suite.

  I lingered in the hall, just staring at the floor, my gaze unseeing and my mind blank, before pushing away from the wall and heading inside the suite. I didn’t realize my intention or that I was looking for Loren until I found him.

  He was in one of the three bedrooms he’d claimed, pulling his polo over his head. Our bags still hadn’t been brought up yet, and he was too high-maintenance to use anything other than his own shit, so I knew I had time.

  “I forgave you,” I snapped at him. “Why can’t you forgive me?”

  “Because I did you a fucking favor and because you said it yourself. It’s all or nothing with Brax.” Shirtless, Loren sat on the edge of the king-bed in his jeans and looked at me. “Do you know how it feels to know that I can never make Braxton truly happy without you? Do you know how
it feels knowing I can never be truly happy without you? Yeah, you do,” he said before I could answer. “But you were going to leave anyway, so fuck you.”

  “He wasn’t going anywhere,” Houston announced after barging inside the room. “A judge was already reviewing his lawyer’s request to grant the divorce before Braxton found those papers. Rich had already made his choice. He chose our girl. He chose us. And he didn’t do it under duress like you or Braxton think. I’d never say this to her because she doesn’t know his past, but you do. Quit whining like you haven’t already forgiven him. Stop pretending you don’t know why he was conflicted. If that was his kid, he wanted him to have two parents. He was willing to walk through hell so that his child wouldn’t walk through life, wondering why he wasn’t enough. Emily was never a fucking factor. I don’t have to tell you this, though, because you already know. Now kiss and make up so we can focus on what matters—winning our girl back. Again.”

  Loren stared at Houston, mulling over his words but giving nothing else away before his gaze shot over to me. He kept his expression impassive until he grew bored of watching me sweat and stood.

  I forced myself not to start round two of our fight when he calmly disappeared inside the bathroom without a word or indication that we’d gotten through to him.

  It was still unclear whether Loren actually forgave me since he was the kind who reveled in doing the opposite of what he was told. He wasn’t shoulder-checking me anymore whenever we were in the same room or glaring at me like my every breath insulted him, so there was that.

  The following night, we slipped into Braxton’s suite using the extra key card Dani had procured for us without our girl’s knowledge. We found them inside the dressing room the size of a large bedroom, “So What” by P!nk on blast. They were posing together in front of the tall, three-paneled mirror and were too busy shifting their bodies to find the right angle to notice they were no longer alone.

  “Which one of you is the wannabe actor again?” Loren inquired. The three of them screamed and turned around once he made our presence known. “You’d be perfect for the role of ‘girl who dies in the first five minutes.’”