His Forbidden Desire

by Katee Robert

  Maybe someday she’d forgive him.

  He scrubbed his body down twice before he turned off the water and dried off quickly. No point to delay the next step. Luca threw on a pair of slacks and a button-up shirt, though he wanted to drop onto his mattress and sleep for twelve hours straight. Plenty of time for that later.

  In theory.

  His siblings were almost exactly where he’d left them. Ryu sat in front of the monitors, no doubt keeping an eye on Dolph. Amarante and Kenzie spoke quietly, but their conversation trailed off the second he stepped back into the room. Amarante gave one of her rare smiles. “Dolph just put out a call to his employer.”

  The Bookkeeper.

  Luca exhaled. “Then it was worth it.”

  “You did well.”

  Even as he told himself he wouldn’t ask, he said, “Cami?”

  Amarante raised an eyebrow. “Princess Camilla Fitzcharles is occupying rooms in Pain until this is finished. Her every need will be seen to for the duration.”

  “Least we can do since we kind of fucked her over,” Kenzie chimed in.

  Luca started to turn, but then stopped himself. It didn’t matter where Cami was or what needs she fulfilled in Pain. She wasn’t his. He didn’t get a say in her actions or her future.

  He wanted a fucking say.

  He scrubbed his hands over his face. “When will the Bookkeeper be here?”

  “Tonight for the closing ceremony.” Amarante’s expression went contemplative. “He must be close, but we expected that. He played the odds too well not to believe his win is legitimate.” She refocused on Luca. “Get some sleep or do something to bleed off that energy. I need you focused tonight. We have to present a unified front. We have to be a unified front.”

  That stung more than it had right to. “I’m fine, Te.”

  “No, you’re not.” No condemnation. Just a statement of fact. “You’re all twisted up over that woman, and it’s going to bleed over into this operation if you don’t get your head on straight.” She glanced at the slim watch on her wrist. “You have four hours. Figure it out.”

  “Easy for you to say.”

  Her dark eyes flashed and he got the impression of both Kenzie and Ryu edging away as Amarante bore down on him. She stopped a few inches away, her voice low and deadly. “We have all sacrificed to get here, Luca. All of us. You don’t have the market cornered on misery. I’m sorry you got tangled up with the woman. I really am. If it helps, she will be compensated for her choice to help us.” At his look, she shook her head. “Did you think we missed that?”

  “I thought you didn’t care.”

  Real hurt flickered in Amarante’s eyes before she steeled her expression. “You know better, Luca. I might play the villain when I have to, but you of all people should know better.”

  He did. Damn it, he did. He took a breath and then another. He’d made his choice, same as the rest of them. Blaming Amarante for putting the whole thing into motion was like blaming the sky for being blue. They had always barreled down the path to this destination. His wavering determination couldn’t be blamed on anyone but him. “I’m sorry.” He was so twisted over Cami that every breath felt like he drove shards of glass into his chest.

  She tapped his forehead gently with a single finger. “Do what you need to do to get your head on straight before the Bookkeeper gets here.” She stepped back and hesitated. “She’s safe, Luca. No matter how the next few days play out, she’ll be kept out of it.” It was as much of a concession from Amarante as he could expect to get.

  “I’ll be back before the ceremony.” He left the room, painfully aware of the way all three of them watched him.

  As if he was the loose cannon.

  As if he might do something stupid to endanger everything they’d fought and sacrificed for.

  The worst part? He wasn’t sure their concern was unwarranted. Luca felt like a loose cannon. He wanted to punch something, to run, to do something to bleed out the horrible feeling clutching at his chest. He slipped out of one of the doors into an empty room, headed for the hall, and chose a direction at random.

  Twenty minutes later, he looked up at the sweeping lines of Pain and knew he’d always been on his way there. No matter what his brain said, his body hadn’t gotten the memo. It felt like an invisible cord attached him to Cami, vibrating with the need to see her, pulling him ever in her direction.

  She hated him. She had to.

  Luca stepped from the heat and into the icy air-conditioned building. Maybe if he saw her one last time, it would give them both closure. She could yell or throw things or deliver one of those devastatingly soft verbal cuts. He would stand there and bleed as was his due. Then they would be free to move on in separate directions, never to meet again.

  His reasoning wouldn’t stand up to any kind of examination, but luckily he didn’t have to justify it to anyone but himself, and Luca wanted to see her again, even if it was destined to be a painful experience. At least then it would be over, any questions resolved.

  Closure. It was only about closure.

  One of the staff approached him the second he paused on the main floor, a young guy Kenzie had brought home with her after one of her trips. He gave a tight smile. “Mr. Pestilence said to give this to you.” He held out a card.

  Luca bit back a sigh and took it. “Thanks.”

  “My pleasure. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

  “No, I’m good.” He waited for the guy to walk away before he looked at the card. The handwriting wasn’t Ryu’s for obvious reasons, but the words were. She’s in The Rose Room. Of course Ryu would divine his intentions even before he did. Luca slipped the card into his pocket and headed for the Rose Room.

  When they’d built this place, they decided that room numbers weren’t in line with the atmosphere they wanted to cultivate, so all the private rooms had names. Some were colors, some flowers, some birds. Fitting that Cami occupied the rose room. It’d been set up for someone who fancied themselves royalty. Everything was pristine and untouchable looking.

  A lot like Cami looked when he’d first met her.

  Now he knew better. He recognized the core strength beneath the surface, the one she intentionally hid. She was clever and brilliant and stronger than he could have dreamed. Maybe in another life they could have made it work.

  It didn’t matter now.

  Maybe if he told himself that enough times, he’d actually believe it.

  Luca stopped in front of the door to her room and hesitated. In the end, there was nothing to do but knock. Listening to soft footsteps approach was a special kind of misery, but it was no match for when she opened the door and he got his first look at her since the island.

  She wore loose lounge pants and a flowing tank top that looked relaxed and put together, all that the same time. Cami sucked in a breath and in that moment before she composed her expression, he saw a tangle of hurt and desire and anger. All of it directed at him. “What are you doing here?”

  “I don’t know.” It didn’t even occur to him to lie. “I guess I came to apologize.”

  Cami stared at him a long moment and finally nodded, almost to herself. “I guess you should come in, then.”

  17

  Cami didn’t know what she was supposed to say. She didn’t know if she was angrier with Luca for betraying her … or for not trusting her enough to understand that she’d make the same call if given half a chance.

  That was a lie.

  Cami knew exactly which one of those she was angriest about.

  She stepped back into the room and waited for him to shut the door. He looked good, but he always seemed to look good to her. It didn’t matter if he was clothed in suits or cargo pants and a T-shirt. It simply wasn’t fair.

  “Cami …”

  She crossed her arms over chest and waited. No matter how much she wanted to rail at him, she knew better. This thing between them would make or break during this conversation. Her losing control and her temp
er would accomplish nothing.

  But she really, really wanted to yell at hime until he saw reason.

  He studied her. “You’re pissed.”

  “Correction: I’m furious.”

  Luca nodded. “It had to be done. I’m sorry it happened, but I’m not sorry about the outcome.”

  He still didn’t understand. Why would he? Luca had depended on three people for the majority of his life, and they’d all learned the hard way that they couldn’t trust anyone but each other. Of course he wouldn’t trust Cami. She rubbed a hand over her face, suddenly exhausted. It would always be like this. He would always choose them first and mistrust everyone else’s intentions.

  She should have known better than to think that a week would suddenly flip a switch inside him, or that something as changeable as feelings would make a difference.

  It still hurt.

  “I think you should go.”

  Luca shook his head. “I came to apologize.”

  “Well, you’re doing a shoddy job of it.” It was too much. She couldn’t keep it all inside. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to anymore. “Did it ever, even once, cross your mind to ask for my help?”

  His dumbfounded expression was answer enough.

  She laughed, the sound hard and grating in her throat. “I didn’t think so. Luca, do you really think me so heartless that I wouldn’t understand what you were trying to accomplish? Whether for vengeance or because you’re trying to be a modern-day superhero, it’s the same result. It’s a good thing to take down the group who steals children and puts them through what you survived. How could you think that I would set my personal aims ahead of something like that? Do you really think so little of me?”

  His jaw worked. “You would have just agreed to throw away your freedom? Just like that. Just because I asked.”

  “Yes. Yes, you idiot, that’s exactly what I would have done.” It still would have hurt. She’d invested so much on this Hunt, on her chance to really put a new foot forward in her life. But it wasn’t a hard decision to make, even with all that.

  We protect.

  “What would the price be?”

  She jerked back. “What?”

  Luca paced from one side of the room to the other. “Would you want me back in Thalania? Or maybe it’d be to bring the old woman here? Come on, Cami. Everyone has a price. What would mine be?”

  Icy rage swept her under, so cold it hurt. “The only person thinking in those terms is you, Luca.” Each word was clipped and sharp enough to cut, though from the look on his face, she was the only one bleeding out on the floor during this conversation. “Regardless, it’s over now. Dolph won. Your plan is once again safe. Now, please leave.”

  He looked at the door and then back to her. “Did he hurt you?”

  “He was the one bleeding out on the beach.” And, yes, she had a back full of bruises where he’d tackled her, and he likely would have drowned her if Luca hadn’t shown up when he did. She couldn’t bring herself to thank him for that. Just because he wasn’t the worst monster the world had to offer didn’t mean he hadn’t hurt her terribly.

  Wasn’t still hurting her terribly.

  “Please leave. I’m not going to ask again.”

  For a long moment, she thought—hoped—that Luca would argue. That he’d find a reason to stay. That he’d help them navigate the treacherous waters they found themselves in. But he just nodded and moved to the door. “Goodbye, Cami.”

  Her legs gave out the second the door clicked shut behind him. She sank to the floor and pulled her knees to her chest. A week was only seven days. Not nearly long enough to be feeling this kind of pain over a man. Not long enough to lose her heart.

  Except that was exactly what had happened.

  She stared at her door for a long time, an unforgivably weak part of her willing him to come back. To actually deliver that apology he claimed to have. To promise to sit down and talk until they figured out a way forward for them.

  But there was no way forward.

  Luca only cared about revenge. She didn’t blame him for that. In his shoes, no doubt she would feel exactly the same way. He had never promised her anything but his protection on the island. Expecting more … She should have known better.

  Cami should have known better about a lot of things.

  When her self-pity became too cloying, she climbed to her feet and padded to her things. As tempting as it was to use her satellite phone for this call, she wanted them to hear. No doubt the Horsemen monitored all pertinent communication to and from the island. Let them listen to this one.

  She picked up the phone and dialed slowly. If her hand shook a little, it was only to be expected. She’d failed. Lord, but that sucked.

  As expected, Yael didn’t answer her own phone. It took the assistant a few minutes to find the old woman, and then she was there, her crackling voice coming through the line. “Well?”

  “I didn’t win.”

  Silence for a beat. “Tell me.”

  And so she did. She told Yael about the change in the White Stag, in how Luca had entered the Wild Hunt instead. Cami left out a few pertinent sexual details, but she walked Yael through every step of the competition, through how she’d used the traps against them, and finally landed on the truths Luca had shared about his past.

  Yael exhaled slowly, as if in pain. “You forfeited your win for him.”

  “For his goals,” Cami corrected.

  “For him.”

  She closed her eyes. “Yes. I forfeited my win for him.”

  Yael was quiet for a long time. Finally, she said, “I would have done the same thing in your place.”

  Cami’s eyes flew open. “What?”

  “You could have won. No matter what that grandson of mine thinks, you would have found a way. You chose not to. That’s the important part, my girl. You chose not to.”

  “I failed.”

  “Did you?”

  How could Yael ask that? Yael, who’d hammered her point in again and again. Win, at all costs. Cami had come to this island with one objective, and she hadn’t accomplished it. That was the very definition of failure. “I didn’t win.”

  “What have I told you time and time again, my girl?”

  “We protect.” The words felt drawn from her against her will. “But—”

  “You made the right call, Camilla. It might not feel like it in this moment, but you did.” A pause. “Or are you feeling poorly because you fell in love with Luca in the process?”

  Cami opened her mouth, reconsidered, and shut it. “It can’t be love.”

  “You’re not a fool. Stop acting like one.”

  She took the phone from her ear and glared at it before replacing it. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Ah, that’s a different thing altogether.”

  Damn it, but she’d hoped Yael had some sage wisdom to offer to get her out of this situation with her heart intact. Apparently that wouldn’t be the case. “This is a mess.”

  “What will you do next?”

  That was the question, wasn’t it? Part of her wanted to stay, to keep fighting for … What? Luca had his allegiance and he had his goals, and neither of them included her. She’d be a fool to think she’d even be allowed to stay on the island, let alone that it would accomplish anything.

  Not to mention, she’d had no less than seventy missed calls from her brother and his two Consorts on her phone when she finally checked earlier. Hiding from that was a cowardly thing to do. “I’m coming home. I have to figure out what happens next, and I can’t do that without facing my brother.” Her king.

  “Good. It’s about time for me to show my face at the palace. They’re getting lax in their fear of me.”

  Cami laughed a little. “In that case, I’ll see you there.”

  “Goodbye, Camilla. Safe travels.”

  “You, too.” She hung up and braced herself on the table. Going home felt like defeat, but it was the right call to make. If she couldn’t magic
her freedom by utilizing a favor from Death, she’d have to find a way free herself. Cami gave herself ten seconds to imagine what it would have been like to see Death and Theo go toe-to-toe and smiled. A shame it’d never happen now.

  It didn’t matter. She’d find a different way.

  But first she had to get off this island.

  Cami lifted the phone again and pressed the button for the concierge. When a man answered, she said, “I need to book a flight to Thalania, and transport to the airport on the mainland.”

  He didn’t hesitate. “Of course, ma’am.”

  Cami packed in record time and turned a slow circle, looking at the room. Her gaze landed on a notepad sitting next to the bed. It was monogramed with what passed for the Horsemen’s crest—a chess piece, the knight. Before she could think better of it, Cami scrawled out a quick note to Luca. She finished right as there was a knock at the door. The concierge had arrived to help her with her bags.

  For better or worse, this adventure was over.

  Luca stared at the note Cami wrote him before she left the island. He doubted it was a coincidence that the note had been delivered after the helicopter took off and there was no chance to convince her to stay. His siblings wanted him focused, and she was a distraction.

  He read the note for the tenth time.

  Happy hunting, Luca. I hope you find what you’re looking for.

  No matter how many times he went over the words, his brain refused to comprehend the fact that he’d underestimated her again, because it meant he’d made a terrible mistake. One that there was no coming back from now that she was gone. He kept picturing the way she flinched at his words, how she visibly steeled herself before cutting him off at the knees. Had he misread the situation yet again? Surely he couldn’t be this fucking dense?

  Luca sat up straight, letting his feet fall to the floor from their perch on his desk. “Holy shit, I fucked up.”

  “Glad we got that out of the way,” Kenzie said as she walked into his suite. “But you’re going to have to hold off on the come to Jesus talk, because the Bookkeeper just landed, and you’re going to shit yourself when you see what they look like.” She flipped around a handheld monitor.