His Forbidden Desire

by Katee Robert

  If she wasn’t …

  He didn’t know what he’d do if she didn’t want to see him. A dark voice whispered that it was nothing more than he deserved. He was tarnished goods, and she was pure in a way that had nothing to do with being shiny and new and innocent. She was just good, and he was most assuredly not. Maybe he deserved her turning him away. How selfish of him to want to drag her down into the dark just because he loved her.

  Every time the word crossed his mind, it felt new and surprising and terrifying. He’d known it for the truth back on the island, even before she’d demanded he help her haul Dolph’s unconscious body to the extraction point.

  Her choice. Always her choice.

  Luca hesitated by the door and looked back at the king and Consort. “I don’t deserve her. I know that better than you do. But I don’t give a fuck, because I’m willing to fight for her and I’ll give every last piece of me to make sure she’s happy for the rest of her life.”

  Galen’s brows dropped, but Theo’s expression didn’t change. “Don’t tell me that. Tell her.”

  And then there was nothing left to say.

  Cami walked into the throne room, and stopped. What was going on? Theo liked to keep his interactions with family informal, but now he sat in the throne up on the dais, his elbows braced on his thighs, his hands clasped loosely between his knees. Standing on either side of him were his Consorts, Meg and Galen.

  The door shut behind her with an ominous click, leaving her to walk alone across the room the spot where supplicants stood at the bottom of the steps. “You called for me … Your Highness.” She could count on one hand how many times she called Theo by his royal title and still have fingers left over, but Cami couldn’t read this situation so she erred on the side of caution.

  “It’s come to my attention that you’re not happy here.”

  Yes, because she told him herself many times over the last few years. That fact had never earned a formal audience before. “Yes, Your Highness.”

  His mouth twisted. “Let’s leave off the titles, Cami. You’re not in trouble, and there’s no one here to impress but us.” Over his shoulder, Meg gave what was probably a reassuring smile, but Cami couldn’t focus on anything but her brother. Theo leaned back. “You’re not happy. You disobeyed a direct order to return to Thalania instead of participating in the Wild Hunt that they host on the Island of Ys. You put yourself in danger and, by extension, you put Thalania in danger.”

  She wished she could say this was just Theo being dramatic, but he was right. Cami’s position as princess meant she made an ideal hostage if someone was so inclined. It hit particularly close to home for her brother because Meg was taken hostage during the time directly after she’d been established as a Consort. Cami wasn’t sure either Theo or Galen had ever gotten over the fear of her being hurt after that. It ramped their already overbearing protectiveness up to an eleven and left it there.

  And Cami had willfully ignored all of it. “I know.”

  He sighed. “We have a decision to make, little sister, and unfortunately I can’t step in and make the choice one way or another. It has to be you.”

  She blinked. “I don’t understand.”

  “Your role as princess is shackling you. You want freedom, you’ve said it often enough and I imagine that’s still the case considering your recent actions.”

  “Yes,” she said slowly.

  “Your choices are this—reign yourself in, stop fighting me every step of the way and start to do Thalania’s bidding … or be disinherited.”

  The breath rushed from her body. “What?” She looked at Meg and then Galen. Neither of them gave her anything to work with. “What?” she repeated.

  “You’re my sister, Cami. You’ll always be my sister, and you’ll always be welcome here, both as family and as a citizen of Thalania, but I can’t have you acting the part of a wild cannon while you’re still in line for the throne, no matter how far down the line.”

  The rushing in her ears got loud. “You’re such a bastard.” How was she supposed to choose? What was she supposed to do if she wasn’t Princess Camilla Fitzcharles? Her skillset wasn’t suited for civilian life. Oh, she was young enough to get a degree and figure it out, but that didn’t explain why Theo was doing this now and so formally.

  “Hold that verdict for a moment.” He nodded at Galen. “There’s someone I want you to talk to before you make your decision.”

  If anything, Galen’s glare gained an edge. He cursed and stalked down to her. “For the record, I don’t agree with this.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Don’t thank me, Cami. I should whoop your ass for pulling that stunt with the Wild Hunt. You could have been killed.” He didn’t pause long enough for her to generate a response, heading toward one of the side doors leading off the throne room. They were smaller, slightly more informal rooms for meetings that Theo wanted an official edge to, but didn’t want to conduct in the grand hall itself. Wish I’d been so lucky. It stung. The whole situation stung.

  Theo was threatening to disinherit her?

  She didn’t want the throne. She’d made that more than abundantly clear. But it was just one more blow in the line of so many she’d received lately. Her whole identity was wrapped up in being a princess. Maybe if …

  But no. She couldn’t afford to think like that.

  Galen shoved open the door and stepped back. “Take as much time as you need.” He waited for her to walk into the room and then all but slammed the door behind her.

  Cami blinked in the lower light, her eyes trying to adjust. When she realized she wasn’t alone, realized who was in this room with her, her knees buckled and her heart tried to beat out of her chest. “Luca? What are you doing here?”

  20

  Luca crossed the distance between them in two long strides, putting their bodies almost kissably close. But he didn’t touch Cami, didn’t make any move to remove the last bit of space between them. “You left without saying goodbye.”

  She blinked, blinked again. “You came to Thalania to … say goodbye?”

  He huffed out something resembling a laugh and raked his hand through his hair. “No. Though now that I’m seeing you again, I don’t even know what the fuck to say.” He let his hand drop. “We got the Bookkeeper.”

  “Oh. Well.” What was happening? She pressed her lips together, barely daring to hope. “That’s good.” Even knowing this might not be what she wanted, she couldn’t help drinking in the sight of him. He wore a suit like the one he’d had on when they first met, though the scruff on his face now edged toward an actual beard. What caught and held her, though, was the circles under his eyes. “Have you slept at all since I saw you?”

  “No.” Just that. Nothing more.

  Lord, but she might actually strangle this man. Cami took a careful breath. “Luca … Why are you here? You told me you’d never come to Thalania. Not for any reason.”

  “Yeah, well, I hadn’t fallen for you yet.” He looked away and back at her, as if he couldn’t bear not to look at her. “I’ve never done this, Cami. There were exactly three people I cared about in this world up to this point, and it’s different than how I feel about you. Amarante, Kenzie, and Ryu are my siblings in arms. When I worry about them, it’s secondary to trusting that they can handle their shit because we have a couple decades under our belt of doing exactly that.”

  Where was he going with this? “Okay,” she said slowly.

  He huffed out a breath. “I’m fucking this up. Let me start over.” Luca paced away and then back to her. “I love you, Cami. I love you and it scares the shit out of me because I’ve never cared about anything the way I care about you. It makes me act like a fucking idiot even when I know damn well that you can take care of yourself. You’re strong and capable and the sexiest woman I’ve ever met. I don’t deserve you. I know that, and you know that. But if you give me a chance, I’ll spend the rest of my life fighting for you, fighting to be the man you do deserve.�
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  She swayed a little, his words washing over her in a rush. He … He … Cami swallowed hard and tried to think, but the only word her mind seemed to be capable of was yesyesyesyesyesyesyes. She cleared her throat. “You didn’t trust me to handle myself on the island.”

  “I was fucking terrified that something would happen to you and it made me an idiot.” He made a face. “I can’t promise I won’t be an idiot in the future.”

  “You want … What are you asking me, Luca?”

  “Come back to the island with me. Take up our fight.” He gave a small smile. “Eventually, when it’s the right time for us, say yes when I propose to you. Later, maybe babies or some shit. We can open the subject for negotiation when we’re both ready.”

  Take up the fight. Marriage. Babies.

  Cami pressed her hand to her mouth. Now she understood what Theo was doing with that ultimatum in the throne room. He was setting her free. The old saying about a man not being able to serve two masters never applied more than when it concerned royalty. If he disinherited her, her actions would no longer reflect Thalania as a whole the same way they did now. She could fight with Luca and the other Horsemen.

  She could make a difference in this world.

  Cami looked up into Luca’s dark eyes. I could spend the rest of my life with this man. “I love you, too, you know.”

  “I’d hoped.” He reached out almost hesitantly and cupped her jaw, lowering down until he pressed his forehead against hers. “Come back to the island, Cami. Be mine. Let me be yours. It won’t be easy, and sometimes it might be downright dangerous, but you’ll be free.”

  “And I’ll be with you.”

  She felt his smile. “And you’ll be with me.”

  She tilted her head back and found his lips. The first brushing was almost tentative, but then she nipped his bottom lip hard enough to sting, and he growled. “Your brother is right out that door. He might be willing to give me the benefit of the doubt, but his Consort isn’t.”

  Ah. Yes. Galen. He really would kick their asses if she let things get out of control right now. Though she was tempted to point out how hypocritical that was—Galen and Meg and Theo had tarnished many a sitting room in the palace over the years—there was still the matter of her disinheritance to deal with.

  Cami stepped back, but claimed Luca’s hand. She still couldn’t quite wrap her mind around the fact this was happening, but she wouldn’t let him go in the meantime while reality settled in. She opened the door … and nearly ran into Galen. Cami glared. “You were eavesdropping.”

  “Safety precaution.” He aimed a deadly glare over her head at Luca, but turned and headed back to his place at Theo’s right hand.

  “I fucking hate that guy,” Luca muttered under his breath.

  She laughed. She couldn’t help it. Cami tugged Luca with her to the same spot she’d occupied just a few short minutes ago. “I’ve made a decision.”

  A bittersweet smile pulled at Theo’s mouth. “I see that you have.”

  “Please disinherit me, brother. I’m going back to the island.”

  He nodded. “Consider it done.” Theo rose gracefully and walked down the stairs to pull her into a tight hug. “No matter what, you always have a place here if you need it, and you’ll always be my sister.” He pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. “I love you, Cami, and I’m proud of you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  He stepped back and focused on Luca. “I respect that you want nothing to do with your heritage, but you might consider seeing your grandmother before you leave.”

  And then Meg was there, sweeping Cami into a tight hug that stole her breath. “You have to come back regularly and see your nieces and nephews—and me.”

  “I will. I promise I will.” This was happening. It was really happening.

  Meg released her and moved back, and then Galen was there, still glaring. He finally sighed. “You know I argued against this.”

  Cami laughed a little. “I figured.”

  He finally gave a reluctant smile. “You were brilliant in the Wild Hunt.” He shook his head when her jaw dropped. “Did you really think we wouldn’t watch? I’m proud of you, too.” He gave her a rough, slightly awkward hug and then turned to Luca. “If anything happens to her, it’s your head.”

  “Noted.”

  And, just like that, Cami ceased to be a princess of Thalania.

  Luca couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this nervous. Except, yes he could, because it happened earlier that day when he stood in that small room and waited for Cami to walk through the door, not knowing which way things would play out. Now here he was, waiting alone again.

  He checked his phone. Cami had said she’d be right back, but that was twenty minutes ago. Luca didn’t like his chances if he tried to wander the halls looking for her.

  Damn it, she said wait. So he’d wait.

  The door opened and Cami walked through, an old woman on her arm. Luca stood slowly, his emotions a tangled mess inside him. This woman … Yael. His grandmother. He planted his feet and forced himself to breathe.

  Luca had told himself any number of things in the last fifteen-odd years when it came to Yael and Thalania. That he didn’t care what she thought of him. That he hated her and the country for letting him slip through their fingers. That he never wanted to see her again.

  A lie. All of it.

  Cami released her arm and took several steps back, though her body was tensed as if she thought Yael might collapse. If she was sick, he saw no evidence of it. Just decades upon decades’ worth of living. Her white hair was a close-cropped cloud around her head and her face and neck and hands were wrinkled marked with age.

  She was beautiful.

  He went to his knees before her without having any intention of doing so. “Yael.”

  She stared down her rather large nose at him and shifted her grip on the cane in one gnarled hand. “Whether you were gone a day or twenty years, I’m still your grandmother, boy.” She pressed her thin lips together and gave her head a short shake. “I never thought to see you again.”

  “I’m sorry.” To his surprise, he actually meant it. He might want nothing to do with this country or his so-called legacy and family, but this woman had marked his first ten years the same way Amarante had marked the last seventeen. Luca reached out tentatively and took her free hand in both of his. There was strength there, despite everything, and he recognized it down to his very soul. “I owe my survival to the family I chose but … I wouldn’t have lasted long enough to find them if you weren’t my grandmother.” If she hadn’t passed that immeasurable strength down to him. He could admit that now, even if he had never been able to before.

  “Oh, my boy. My beautiful, beautiful boy.” She squeezed his hand, hers shaking. “You have nothing to apologize for. If wasn’t you who failed. It was me.” She cleared her throat. “But it’s something neither of us can take back, no matter how much we’d like to. In the end, you did more than survive.” She gave him a tight smile. “I’m proud of you, Luca.”

  He never thought he’d need to hear those words, but they struck right to the core of him. “Would you like to see my home?”

  Her smile widened a little. “I’ve only got another year left in me, less than that if the doctors are to be believed. It seems fitting that my last trip will be to that island of yours.” She raised white brows. “Little melodramatic to pick that particular myth for inspiration, don’t you think?”

  “My sister has a strange sort of sense of humor.”

  The wrinkles on her face deepened with her smile. “I’d like to meet this girl, too. Both of them, and that brother of yours.” She glanced at Cami, who stood watching with shining eyes. “You take care of my boy, you hear? I had a feeling when you were children that you’d be well suited. It’s fitting how these things turn out.”

  “Very fitting,” Cami said with a wobble in her voice.

  “No tears, my girl. This is a happy time.” S
he tugged on Luca’s hands. “Off your knees. You’re a sovereign nation, and that means you kneel to no one.” She reached out and Cami was immediately there, allowing Yael to join their two hands. “I can die in peace now.”

  “Yael!” Cami glared. “Don’t you dare talk like that.”

  “I’m not ready to go quite yet.” She laughed drily. “But I’ll have no regrets when I do.” She looked up into Luca’s face, and he couldn’t begin to guess what she saw there. Yael nodded. “No doubt you’ll be jetting off as soon as possible. Expect me on the island within a month.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” When she narrowed her eyes, he quickly amended. “Yes, Grandmother.”

  Yael gave him one last smile and walked out of the room, seeming stronger than when she’d first entered. Cami shuddered out a sigh. “I’m not ready for her to be gone.”

  “Me, either.” He could rage against the wasted years, but in the end they had right now. He pulled Cami into his arms and rested his chin on the top of her head. “That was both more difficult and infinitely easier than I expected.”

  “She’s something else.” He could hear the smile in her voice.

  “Yes, she really, really is.” He exhaled. “Come home with me, Cami. The fight’s just beginning and I wouldn’t have anyone at my side but you.”

  She squeezed him hard. “I’m there. I’ll always be there.”

  On the smallest island owned by the Four Horsemen, Amarante finished her work. She turned her back on the woman slumped in the chair and met her brother’s gaze. Ryu sighed. “Three names isn’t much.”

  “It’s a thread to pull.” She moved to the sink positioned just inside the door. She could feel the Bookkeeper’s blood seeping through her pores, infecting her with the woman’s particular brand of evil.

  Or Amarante would if she believed in that sort of thing.