The Island of Mists

by Wendy Nelson-Sinclair

  Aunt Leena and Eweln were the only ones to comfort me and offer sympathy. Aunt Leena immediately sent one of the servants to fetch Eweln who, in her diligence, came swiftly after being called. Upon resting eyes upon my swollen, bruised and bloody face, Eweln broke down and she drew me into the soft relief of her arms. Distraught, she kissed my forehead and held me protectively against her.

  “My darling, sweet, sweet girl,” She whispered in my ear, her voice thick with tears. “I will help you. Don’t you worry about anything, I will help you.” She promised me as she soothed my hair back from my sweaty forehead and I believed her. Ravene’s feelings hadn’t budged as she peeked out intermittingly, eyeing me with an unsympathetic, rigid stare. The bitterness in her heart was acidic on my tongue. I could hear her thoughts even though she was not aware of it.

  “This would have never happened if I had been chosen,” Her private thoughts became piercing screams within the confines of my mind. Ravene never broke her harsh stare and I felt abandoned. I withdrew into myself as my caregivers began to clean me up.

  Eweln and Aunt Leena tended to my wounds, applying salve to my burned thigh, stitching the wound over my right eye, and placing poultices and hot water bladders to ease the crippling ache in my pelvic area. Their attention, their words of love, and promises meant the world to me but ultimately, they weren’t enough to keep me there.

  My mother and my sister, who was supposed to love me unconditionally, were the ones that cared the least. Mother, furious at my refusal to speak to her any further and Ravene, who held a grudge for something that was out of my control, turned their backs on me, shunning me for their own selfish reasons. I had suffered a horror that no one should ever have to endure. I was wrecked, shattered, and desecrated and their only concern was for themselves. I was humiliated and embarrassed. The depth of violation coursed through me and I sobbed as its ugliness spread-out like a root system within me. It was Eweln’s loving nature that got me to recall what had happened.

  Leena cradled my hands within hers as I recalled the events of the rape. I how he had killed Canwyn, and of Cal’s devious plan. I described how he cut his heart out in the middle of the woods. How he killed the boar, the boat with the fish, and how he tracked me down and how he raped me repeatedly. Eweln’s presence calmed me as every fiber of my being wanted to just disappear. I didn’t want people to know what had happened or that I had forced against my will. Aunt Leena kissed my temple and whispered that it would be all right. Eweln, full of compassion and the sense to protect me, gave me something to drink that she promised would help me sleep. Seeing that Reena would not, Leena called for a group of the men to go collect Canwyn’s body. Once I was settled and entrusted into Eweln’s sole care, Leena herself went to the Island of Men to address the matter of Cal. My eyelids grew heavy as I lay on my pallet, but my body refused to relax. I pulled the covers up over my head to both hide from the ill feelings that my sister emanated and my ever-growing hatred for my mother. Eweln remained with me, sleeping on the pallet with me, holding me quietly, giving me the reassurance that as long as she was there, nothing more would happen to me.

  ************

  Despite the heavy amount of valerian that Eweln had given me, I was unable to fully fall asleep. I hovered in the state where one’s body relaxed but was still aware of all the sounds and noises around you. A man’s voice sounded early. He had come to inform Mother and Leena that they had found Canwyn’s body in the forest. I lay still as I listened to him. There was hesitation in his voice as he spoke.

  “Cal’s body was not where Yvaine said that she had left it,” His soft voice echoed through the empty space. “We found a long trail of blood that led from the inner space to the mouth of the cave, but no body. Several of the men are out combing the woods now. We are confident that we will find his remains by nightfall. There is something else that you need to be aware of, High Priestess. Leanan, the Lady of the Island, is dead.” He paused and in the span of that short silence, my heart shattered into thousands of pieces. A cry sounded through my mind that is impossible to describe. Instantly, my throat tightened, and tears rolled from the corners of my eyes. “The Acolytes told us that they went to tell her of what had happened. When they arrived to deliver the news, they found her peacefully stretched out on her bed. Their healer said that she passed in her sleep sometime over the course of the night.”

  I swallowed the urge to scream. My grandmother was dead. That was why I could not hear her or sense her. Like my father and grandfather before, my grandmother had gone on to be with the Goddess. My soul mourned, crying silently for her, despondent that I would never see her again in this life.

  “The Acolytes requested you be informed so that the funeral rituals and the pyre can be started.” He added. My mother did not respond. Instead, I saw her in my mind’s eye, standing stoically with her hands upon her hips as she listened to them. Reena could care less what happened to me or that my grandmother was dead. That was when I knew that the current High Priestess had severed all contact with her feelings and only a cold, image-centered being remained. Mother would not think of Leanan or how it would affect me. I could see that her death hadn’t triggered the memory of losing my father, either. No, she was thinking about how she could use this atrocity to her advantage and find some purpose in the deed to keep our masses calm. All that there was to mark the moment was Leena’s cries echoing through the chamber. I despised Reena. I was her daughter, her flesh and blood. I was the child of the man that she had loved. A man she couldn’t be bothered to think of now. What did my attack mean to her? What did my grandmother’s death mean? Nothing. Just as it had been throughout my life, she was too busy existing in her self-centered world to bother thinking of me.

  I rolled over onto my side in the darkness as more tears slid down the sides of my face. My grandmother was gone. I prayed that she was reunited with her husband and son. Her death meant that she was no longer physically there for me to go to, to talk to, to seek solace from. The only people that I had now were Leena and Eweln. I survived the worst experience a woman could go through. Yet the woman who had given birth to me and my sister, could not be bothered to muster up even a shred of empathy. Because I did not follow the ritual as it was dictated, because I had been selected as Huntress and my true Hunter died at the hands of my attacker, in their eyes, I had failed and betrayed them. In their eyes, I had doomed our society to suffer. After a lengthy time, the tea took effect and I slept. My slumber was not the sleep of the weary, but the broken, jarring sleep of one who survived and won.

  ************

  Two days later, Eweln woke me, urging me to wake due to the fitful way I thrashed about. Her hair hung unbraided around her shoulders while her multi-colored eyes did their best to give me reassurance.

  “I think it would help if you came to the sheds with me today. I have some herbs and roots that need grinding. No one else will be there. It will just be the two of us. Maybe the work will help you distract your mind for a while.” She coaxed me up and helped me dress. Leaving the cold, stale air of the cave, we made our way down to the square.

  The marketplace was energetic with talk as we approached it. The moment that my foot stepped inside its boundaries, the talk ceased abruptly and lowered to a soft, buzzing hum. Many heads turned to stare at me. Many of the faces glared at me with animosity and resentment. Eweln wrapped a protective arm around me and met their eyes, warning them to still their tongues. One woman, a crone that I barely knew, stepped into our path as we drew to the opposite side of the market and the trail that led up to the herb sheds.

  “We’re in danger because of you!” She spat as her hair made a cacophonous halo around her wrinkled, aging face. “All because you couldn’t do what you were told.” She sneered. Eweln drew me closer to her and narrowed her dual-colored eyes.

  “Your nephew endangered us when he killed young Canwyn and then took something that was not his to take! He is to blame, not Yvaine.” Eweln’s uncharacteristic, a
ngry growl was low and deadly. It was a tone that I had heard before and it sent a shiver up my spine. “Say another word, Melyne, and I will shut it for you, permanently.” The woman clapped her mouth shut and scooted out of our way, not before shooting me another look of undisguised hatred. Eweln’s threat was enough to keep her mouth quiet but not her eyes. Eweln ushered me through the remaining crowd.

  “Pay no mind to her,” Eweln said. “She’s as crazy as her nephew was. She knows that I will poison her food if she dares to do anything to you. I’ve done it before, I will do it again.” She said dangerously. “You can be sure that she will not bother you again.”

  Shocked, I stared at Eweln. From what I knew of her, I would have never suspected that she would ever intentionally harm someone. That she would stoop to killing someone to protect those that she loved. As she held me to her, I sensed that hidden part resting inside of her. A part that hadn’t seen the light of day for many years but was ready to answer the call at any time.

  Eweln and I went directly to the herb sheds. Every time I had entered one of the three small structures, I felt at home. Today, I was a foreigner in an unfamiliar world. My mind would not settle during the day. Flashes of what happened kept attacking my mind and try as I may, I could not find the focus or the will to work.

  “Go and rest on my cot in the back,” My dearest friend urged, seeing that I was a bundle of loose threads in need of separating. “Perhaps I was wrong in suggesting that you come with me today.” My dear sweet Eweln added, worry resting at the edge of her voice.

  “No, it’s fine. It’s just going to take time,” I gave her a half-hearted smile and went to the back room where the cots were laid out.

  Lying on that cot was worse than being in the workroom. Here in the silence, with nothing to distract me, I was overwhelmed and inundated by what I had gone through. My womanhood was sore, raw, and it hurt to walk. My abdomen, my torso, arms, legs, back—everywhere—was cut and bruised from the beatings that came between rapes. I lay there for well over an hour before deciding that I needed the comfort of my bed, even though Mother and Ravene would most likely be there. Getting up, I went back to the workroom and told Eweln where I was going.

  “Give me a moment and I will go with you,” She sat a bundle of rosemary sprigs down and wiped her hands.

  “It’s lunchtime,” I told her, taking note of the mid-day light through the open door. “Most people will be home, eating. The square shouldn’t be so crowded. I’ll move quickly.” I said and left before giving her a chance to argue.

  I headed out the door, intent on making my way home as quickly as possible. Moving as fast as my feet could carry me, I kept my head down, fixed my eyes on the ground, and steeled myself to run through the marketplace unscathed. If there had been another route, I would have taken it. Unfortunately, the man who had planned the lay out of the Island hadn’t had that foresight.

  Whether it was the news of the failed Rites or just an oddity that sometimes occurs, the square was bustling—far busier than it had been earlier. I stepped into the open square and walked swiftly, doing my best to avoid meeting any eyes. I didn’t need to see because I could hear what they said. Without Eweln’s protection, no one bothered to speak in hushed tones.

  “Traitor!” One man called out.

  “You’ve killed us all.” Another voice—a woman this time—snapped right in my ear, causing me to flinch.

  “I hope you’re proud of yourself. You should be burned alive for what you’ve done.” Something hard, heavy and wet suddenly struck the back of the head. I nearly fell to my knees and a raucous round of laughter overwhelmed the space around me. My face burned hot as I righted myself and tried to ignore that I was just accosted again. People that I had known my entire life had turned against me. They blamed me for what happened, even though it was not my fault. Feeling my eyes start to sting and burn, I broke into a run and left the square and the angry, disgusted voices behind.

  I burst through the entrance and slammed directly into Aunt Leena. She grabbed me by the shoulders and with one look, wrapped her protective arms around me. “Oh, Yvaine. What’s happened? Don’t you worry, my sweet girl. I’ll make those responsible pay for what they’ve done to you.” She whispered into my hair as her cheek rested against the top of my head.

  “Yvaine?” Eweln appeared in our doorway, breathless, bright-eyed with her hair a tangle of loose, twisting tendrils around her face. “Yvaine, I said I would go with you.” She rushed towards me and pulled both Leena and me to her. “The people,” She glanced up at Aunt Leena. “Just as before. All quick to lay blame. And that Melyne.” Bitterness that touched at the edge of Eweln’s voice. “She’s about to get a taste of what those monks got.”

  “I want to lie down,” I told them both, removing myself from their embrace. I left without another word to clean myself up. After washing the goat excrement out of my hair and off my skin, I laid down upon my sleeping pallet and went silent. Just a few months ago, people celebrated my name—not that I wanted them too—but they did. I was often embarrassed at how they heaped praise upon me for my skills, but I secretly, I took pride in their adulation. Now, it was all gone. Any good that I had done was erased because, in their eyes, I was a failure. There gave no empathy, no attempts to understand what I had just been through. There was only blame, hatred, and resentment. That was all that I would get from them. From now on, I would be known as the girl who failed in her duty. A pariah. The downfall of our society. The destroyer of lives rather than the savior.

  I did not move from my pallet for the rest of the evening. Even when dinner was called, I remained in the dark. Long after the sun had set, and the moon began its journey across the night sky, Eweln joined me and within minutes, snored softly.

  “I’ll stay as long as you need me,” She whispered just before slumber overtook her. An hour passed with her arms securely around my waist. I did not sleep. When the song of night birds filled the air and the smell of smoldering embers filled the house, I heard voices speak again.

  “She failed the Rites!” Reena’s voice was harsh and unforgiving. “Yvaine has ruined everything and now I have to find a way to repair the damage.” I could hear the scuffle of her feet pacing back and forth across the floor. The loud, harsh sound of crockery smashing against the floor startled me, but I did not move.

  “You have to repair the damage? What about the damage that was done to Yvaine? Do you intend on repairing that? Your daughter was assaulted with a handful of goat dung today on her way home. The people that loved her just a few months ago now scorn her. Does that matter to you? Do you not care that your daughter was raped and beaten? That monster burned her leg with a hot knife! You should see the wound! It is going to leave a nasty scar. Goddess above, Reena! What is wrong with you? Where is your heart?” Aunt Leena screamed in return, championing and defending me. She roared like thunder rumbling overhead and I could tell from her tone that she was furious. “If I didn’t know any better, I would say that you couldn’t care that your daughter was raped.”

  “That is not of consequence right now.” Reena countered. “We can deal with that later. We must think of the people and our future. What will happen to us is of greater importance than some silly complaint. I can’t have this failure stain my—”

  “Ah, there it is. That’s all that you care about. Yourself. It never fails to surprise me how selfish you are,” Leena tore into her older sister. “For the entirety of our lives, your focus has always been on yourself. How can you be so self-centered and so heartless, Reena? Do you realize what will happen to Yvaine? Can you even fathom what she’s suffered or what the people will put her through? Or have you even bothered to think about that? Of course, you haven’t. It means absolutely nothing to you that Yvaine will be ostracized and shunned. This was all beyond her control, but yet you need someone to blame. After all, you choose to ignore what happened at that Rites the year she was born. Yvaine’s life will be just like his was before you drove him away!
Do you not care that she’s already reviled? It hasn’t even been a week!” Her voice howled like the wind on a stormy night. Even though there was a great space that separated us, the ferocity of Leena’s anger was palpable.

  “Her recent triumph will help soften the blow of what comes next,” Reena’s words were empty and hallow. She had the love of the people. It is good that she knows both sides of love. When Ravene is chosen next Spring, her triumph will give us a renewed sense of hope.” That was the breaking point of Leena’s patience.

  “Do you hear yourself? Nothing will erase the stigma of what has happened. Cal corrupted the Rites! He’s responsible and your silence is encouraging the rest of the society to believe that Yvaine is to blame.” Leena shouted again, followed by the sound of more pottery shattering. “You are a monster, Reena. You are a monster just like that repulsive bastard that attacked Yvaine. Have you forgotten that you have two daughters? God knows you don’t deserve either of them.” Leena paused to catch her breath. A shockwave surged through the air, followed by a sharp intake of breath. “Wait a minute,” Leena growled. “You knew this would happen and did nothing because of the advantage that it would give Ravene next year?” Leena’s anger rocked the foundation beneath us. “That’s it, isn’t it? I am not going to stay to listen to you try to rationalize your way out of this. I cannot stand to hear one more selfish excuse.” Several minutes passed, and I knew that Aunt Leena had left. Soon after, feet shuffled loudly across the floor.

  “Ravene?” My mother’s voice dispelled the silence created by Leena’s departure. “Why are you up? You should be sleeping.” It hurt to hear how tenderly she spoke to my sister. Mother’s voice was calm, gentle, and compassionate—everything that it wasn’t with me.