The Island of Mists

by Wendy Nelson-Sinclair

  We headed out through the woods and took the path that Valon had used when I first arrived. Ralf recalled that if we followed it south, it eventually led to a fork in the road that pointed us to a safe route east. Knowing very little of the roads south of the forest, I took him at his word. Ralf was a born navigator and I saw no reason why he would lead us astray.

  As we traveled, Ralf carried most of our provisions on his back, leaving the few that remained to be carried upon mine. He was stronger, he told me, and had the stamina to carry the heavy load farther. He spoke of it periodically, making overtures to assure me as we walked. It took three days for us to reach the fork in the road. When we arrived, Ralf seemed lost. It worried me to see the confusion on his face.

  “The landscape’s changed since I was last here. The forest came right up to the road, but it looks as if someone has cut part of it down. There was a large collection of rocks there, too. However, I am positive that this is where we need to turn,” He declared, pointing towards the eastern horizon. Giving me a reassuring smile, we turned. Ralf was confident that we were headed towards the East coast where we hoped we would find a settlement of his people.

  So far, the journey had been a pleasant one. Today was no different. The weather was pleasant, and a flock of sparrows serenaded us from above. We walked for most of the day through the thick trees, keeping away from the roads due to the fact that we weren’t entirely sure of their safety. That night, we built a small fire but kept the embers burning low to prevent the fire from being seen from a distance. We spent the night under the canopy of the trees, listening to the animals of the forest, and the gentle song of the Mother Goddess around us.

  It was the first time that I had heard her voice in years. I barely slept that night. I was too enchanted with the song that I once knew so well. I listened to her deep, clear voice while I laid in the warm comfort of Ralf’s arms. Her spirit beckoned as if she were calling me back home. The Island itself seemed to be summoning me back. Try as I might ignore it, the urge was strong and almost impossible to deny. By morning, our Great Mother had sung herself out and had retreated away, hiding from the light to sleep until the moon rose high in the sky again and the dark night was filled with pinpoints of bright stars. Her voice had comforted me through the night. As I woke, I came to see that this was the Goddess’ way of bidding me goodbye. She was telling me that even though I would live elsewhere, she would always be with me.

  Ralf woke up shortly before dawn, an hour or so after me. Upon waking, he pulled me to him, and we made love beside the faint embers. Once we were both sated, we packed our gear and set back out on our way. We had walked for several hours, talking to one another in soft voices, planning our future, about the farm that we would establish, and how one day, we would set at a table of our own, watching our grandchildren play around us. I had imagined that scene many times since I first met him but now, the image was clearer than it ever had been.

  “Ralf, my love,” I said as I walked even with him. I had planned on waiting to tell him about our child but decided that now was the right time.

  An arrow suddenly whooshed by my ear and cut the words from my tongue. A second arrow followed behind the first, striking me in the leg. I fell forward, arms out first to protect the secret that I carried. Ralf blanched seeing the bolt sticking out from my knee. The warrior in him returned as he ordered me to get down low to the ground. I was to hide in the greenery and not move. He pulled his knife from his waistband and left me behind as he went to face the unknown threat ahead. I did not know then that that would be the moment I would lose him.

  From where I hid in the thick dense foliage, I heard the angered voices of many men shouting. There was the loud clang of metal striking against metal. The dense thud of kicks being landed, the muted whump of fists connecting, and the grunts of those that had fallen drowned out the sounds of the forest. For hours, I waited nervously, willing Ralf to return, hoping that he was unharmed. I debated stepping out from my hiding place until a group of men suddenly entered the area. They moved about as if looking for something. Me, I thought. They were looking for me. After conducting a thorough search and coming up emptyhanded, they abandoned the area, leaving me alone to wonder what happened to Ralf and whether or not he was coming back.

  My worry made me forget about the arrow shot until I got up onto my feet. I immediately collapsed back to the ground and swallowed the urge to swear. I pulled the rag from my waistband and laid it on the unmolested leg. With both hands, I gripped the top end of the bodkin point arrow and broke it off. A surge of pain blinded me momentarily and stole the breath from my lungs. It took several moments before I gathered the will to remove the other end. With the rag in hand, I pulled the other half of the arrow out of my knee, cringing as the wood slid sickeningly past the damaged sinew and bone. That part was the worst and I nearly fainted because of it. Somehow, I managed to stay conscious but when I looked at the damage, I knew that I was in serious trouble. If left untreated, my leg would fester and rot. If I didn’t find medicine immediately, my babe and I would both be dead within the span of a week.

  Wrapping the rag around the wound, I struggled to my feet, supporting myself against a tree trunk. I searched the area for a walking stick and found one lying in the middle of the pathway. Reaching it, I used it to brace my wounded side but didn’t move further.

  “Ralf?” I called out, suddenly not caring if it brought the band of men back my way. “Ralf?” I shouted again and waited in vain for his answer. I stood, waiting anxiously for the length of an hour, anxious for him to answer me. No response came after several attempts to call him. My lip trembled and my face grew hot as I realized the awful truth. If Ralf was still alive, he would have been back by now. My throat tightened at the thought and I swallowed the urge to scream. Agony overwhelmed me and I fought to stay on my feet. Within the span of a day, I went from being a happy wife in the arms of the man she loved, to a widow with a child on the way. Knowing that Ralf wouldn’t want me to put myself in danger, I had to seek help. I needed to get to someplace safe. I had to find a place where I could treat my leg and sleep myself into oblivion.

  A seizing cramp suddenly gripped my stomach and my hand flew to my abdomen. Instantly, I fought back the urge to panic. Oh no! I thought. My baby! Frightened and alone for the first time in years, I knew that I needed to make a decision and that I didn’t have time to waste. As I moved, I weighed the options before me. I could go back home where I knew that Ralf could find me, but he was gone. I could no longer sense him as I did before. I couldn’t go back to where our lives began and the happiness we shared still lived on. A trickle of blood coursed its way down my calf and a new surge of pain blinded me. Hissing, I swore and leaned further against my makeshift crutch. The arrow had done far more harm than I initially thought. I knew it without looking. My situation was dire. It needed treating and it needed it now. Glancing around, I spotted a cluster of yarrow. Hobbling over to the bright, yellow-colored patch, I picked several blossoms. The majority I tucked into the pouch that I wore at my waist. I withheld a handful and chewed them furiously until they were ground into a fine pulp. Untying the bind, I packed the macerated flowers within the holes created by the bolt and retied the bind.

  Treated enough for now, I continued on along the edge of the forest, cursing as my leg caught and snagged on every root that stuck up from out of the ground. Each obstacle screamed that I was going in the wrong direction. That if I continued on this course and sought out Ralf’s people, there was no guarantee that I would be welcome or safe. I was as foreign to them as they were to me. I also didn’t speak their language well. Ralf had tried to teach me, but I was not as fluent as I had wished. The likelihood of his people accepting me was uncertain and instantly, I knew that it wasn’t a risk that I could take. I also could not give birth on my own. The only help that I would have had was the hermit, but he had left months before us and something told me that he wouldn’t be returning.

  A rush of wind
rustled the leaves overhead. A solid beam of sunlight shone down on the grass ahead of me. A soft movement met my ears and I bristled, ready for whatever it could be. To my surprise, a doe stepped out into the clearing. The brilliant yellow light brought out the flame in her reddish-brown coat. A stag entered the clearing just behind her, with two fawns at their flank. My throat tightened as they grazed trustfully before me. Their presence was a physical reminder of what I had lost but what I had to live for. Visibly comfortable with my presence, the deer family grazed a few minutes more before disappearing into the thick of the forest.

  Just then, I heard the Mother Goddess speak to me loud and clear. Instantly, I recalled the sound of her last night, singing to me. Her song called to me for a reason. Instantly, I knew the reason for hearing her voice after such a long silence. I had been wrong in my thinking that she was wishing me farewell. No, the Goddess was calling me back to the Island. Urging me to the safety of the capable hands of Aunt Leena and Eweln, who could not only treat my leg, but also could safely help me bring my child into the world. Fears of seeing my mother and Ravene struck me but I cast them off. I would deal with them when the time was right. For now, I would make the journey home. I would go back to the one place I had vowed to never return to. My child deserved the chance to live, to thrive, and the Island was the only place I could think of to do it. We would return home and damn anyone who dared to take the sins of the past out on me or my child. I was no longer the naive girl that I once was. I was Yvaine, a woman of the world who would not bend or cower to anyone. My choice to go back wasn’t for me. This choice was for the sake of this innocent soul that I carried. A soul that I would protect in honor of its father.

  “I will get us there.” My hand went to my stomach again, holding fast to the life that resided inside. I would go back home to keep them safe. To see them raised without a care in the world, happy and content. Silently, I also made a promise to their father. They would know their father through my memories, through his carefully written stories, as well as through my own. They would be raised with love and I would never sacrifice them in the way that I had been. I would kill anyone who tried. My babes would have a different childhood than mine. They’d never doubt that their mother loved them. They would grow knowing that they could come to me with anything. I would be there mother, their father, their protector, their caregiver, and when they were older, their friend. It was for them that I was making this choice. Together, we would make it safely and our new life could begin.

  PART THREE

  FIFTEEN

  When I gathered my bearings, I realized that the Island was less than two days’ walk from where we had been ambushed. Joy sprang into my heart as I recognized the wood around me, and it brought me to tears. Through every step that drew me closer, my mind was filled with thoughts of Ralf while my heart was apprehensive. I often drew on him for strength. His spirit would always be with me and that comforted me on my journey.

  I moved slowly, resting when I needed but I remained determined to not stop until I stood before that misty veil. Many unknown fears threatened my inner confidence. Once I reached the Island, would the men go and search for him if I asked? Would they bring him home to me so that I could sing funeral songs for him? The answer was no. I knew without asking. Ralf was not of our people. The people of the Island would sing songs to offer his soul a safe journey, but they would not retrieve and cremate Ralf’s body. The dead that were not of our people would only be given the funeral rites if they perished within the misty border. They would not risk the Island’s safety for one lone man. I feared that Ralf’s spirit would be left to wander unless his people found his body. Wanting to do what I could to honor him and to ensure the protection of his spirit, I celebrated the life he had had with me. Unsure of what would happen, I began to sing funeral songs for him as I continued walking. I realized that I could do only so much, but I would do what I could to see his soul safeguarded.

  ************

  Several times during my trip towards the veil, I nearly turned back to search for him but the painful grip within my belly kept me on my path. The thought of losing my child frightened me more than losing Ralf. The child that grew in my belly was all that I had left of the man that I loved. That was why getting to the Island was so important. Many times, my hand touched my stomach as I thought of Ralf. If he had known that I was with child, he would have admonished me for thinking about going back and possibly putting it in danger. Ralf would have insisted we get to his people immediately and journey to his homeland once our baby was strong enough to travel. Our child’s safety would have been paramount. Anything else would be secondary. Ralf would see our child’s safety as his ultimate duty. I realized that it was now my duty to see that this child came safely into this world and raise it with stories of their father. Ralf’s writings still rested in my pack. There had been no room left in his and he insisted that I carry them. When he first suggested it, I protested. He shouldn’t part with them, but he asserted. I had been irritated then but was beyond grateful now to have them.

  ************

  The light of late afternoon had long wrapped the world in its golden halo when I entered the clearing that I knew all too well. Familiar smells and sounds were just as I remembered them. A low hum filled the air. It took but a moment to hear the muted sounds from the Island in the distance. I tried to suppress the relieved smile that stretched across my mouth as I continued. Slowly, as I moved through the thick reeds edging closer to the mouth of the lake, a sudden shock surged through me. This had once been my home. I found it strange how such a strong and primal feeling that was once such an integral part of me was no longer there. A great fear ran through me as the mist slowly blew from off the lake, enveloping me and obscuring my surroundings. What if I could no longer call the boatmen to come? What if I really was banished from where my blood still resided? I wouldn’t put it past Reena to punish me for what I had done. Her wrath had always been cruel and vindictive. A shiver rippled down my back as a mix of emotions swirled through me as I heard water suddenly lapping at the lake’s shore. The misty veil rested before me, calm, serene, and protecting those that lived beyond. I reached out to touch it and watched as it moved under my touch. Taking in a deep, yet shaky breath, I took the proper stance, closed my eyes, and concentrated, just as I done when my grandmother had first brought me here.

  Would they come? I wondered. Try as I might, I couldn’t get that nagging, questioning voice out of my mind. It was the nervous, fearful voice that told me that I was no longer welcome, that any request to enter would fall upon silent ears and that I was forever shunned, forbidden to see the island’s shore again. Hot tears rolled down my face as my arms rose to the heavens, asking the Goddess for permission to return home. The incantations sprang from my lips like the lyrics of a song, fluid and easy. Over and over, I called, asking for help from the Goddess to allow me to reenter my former home. Tears flowed from my eyes as the words escaped my lips. Had I lost my faith that I could do it? Had turning my back on this world along with my time spent away left me unable to do what I had done so easily before? The tentacles of despair crept out from a dark place and hovered just beyond the edge of the light, threatening me, whispering my fears so darkly and so menacingly that I feared that my will would not hold up and that they would consume me, taking me to the darkness where an unknown fate awaited me.

  Suddenly, there was a stirring deep inside of me. A low, buzzing hum of power that sparked in my heart. The type of power that I had only witnessed in Aunt Leena before. A power started in my core and spread light throughout my entire being until every inch was consumed. I could see it shoot out through the tips of my fingers and toes, as well as the ends of my hair. In a louder voice, I called the boatman, demanding that they hear my words, that they respond to my call and that they permit me voyage home. Not for myself but for my child. Safe and secure upon the island's shores where they could grow up in love. In a place where they wouldn’t know the danger
s of the outside world. I had no care for myself and put all my love and thought into the life that I carried in the depths of my belly. A life that had been robbed of a father. Someone who wouldn’t be denied the chance to lead a life where they were wrapped in the arms of a loving community that would support and nurture them, even though that community had once turned its back on me.

  The sound of the water stilled the incantations on my tongue. The sounds of paddles dipping into the water’s depths, pushing the boat closer reduced me to tears and I nearly collapsed with relief. The Goddess granted me permission to go back. She blessed me with Her grace. I vowed then and there that I would never deny Her again or go against Her powers. I offered myself up to Her to ask for safe, healthy lives for my children. I continued to speak and to make silent vows to Her as I watched the boatman appear in his vessel and pull up to the shallow spot where, moments later, he helped me into the vessel and then began the last part of my journey home.

  ************

  I knew that Leena and Ravene would be waiting for me at the opposite shore as I crossed the waters. The gift of the Goddess, the gift of her knowledge, and second sight was strong in our line but mine was fleeting. From the minute I stepped into the boat, I envisioned their faces and sensed the connection that we all shared. I saw Aunt Leena busily scurrying around the house, sending her servants in many different directions to help collect things that I would need. I also saw the happiness glow outward from my aunt’s spirit. I was the daughters that she had been denied. My sorrows had been her sorrows. The time divide between us had not weighed heavy upon her soul, but it had also aged her.

  And then there was Ravene. I saw my sister, with bits of silver laced into her raven’s wing mane, pacing across the floor of an unfamiliar dwelling while she chewed nervously on her bottom lip, wringing her hands together. In that instant, it was clear that Ravene understood her part in my leaving and that her regret settled in her stomach like a stone resting on a riverbed. It had taken is growing up for Ravene to see that she also had been a pawn in our mother’s cruel game. Ravene was human, after all. She wasn’t the ever perfect being that I thought her to be. Ravene made mistakes. The depth of her sincerity and her remorse crushed me, and I promptly regretted the time we had lost. Ravene also carried regrets. Her heart had wept, knowing that the bond we once shared was broken. I felt a little foolish as I read her thoughts.