Giggle's Holiday Book

by BobA. Troutt

  *****

  Giggle’s Holiday Book

  The House on the Hill

  High upon Skull Hill there sat an old abandoned schoolhouse. Bang, bang, bang, went the shutters flapping against the house, as the wind ripped its way about the hillside.

  “Ooooo,” cried the wind.

  Slowly, the fog began to creep around the old house.

  “Whooooo, whooooo, whooooo,” screeched the old screech owl and “Oooooo,” went the wind.

  Skull Hill, the old schoolhouse, sat within the light of the full moon.

  “Bang,” went the shutters, “Oooooo,” went the wind, and “Whoooo,” went the owl.

  The old school sat off the road buried in a thick forest and high cliffs. The bottom was rocky and rugged with a lake below. The school had been abandoned for many years, and no one ever came there anymore.

  It was down through Bug Hollow and up Screaming Ridge Road where the majestic old house sat. The house had broken windows, squeaking boards, and flapping shutters. A blanket of night hovered about it within the shadow of the trees. You wouldn’t know it was there except for the haunting wind moving through it.

  “Oooooo.”

  The school was not completely abandoned in one way because a bunch of ghosts had taken it over as a Booing School. Every year, 13 weeks before Halloween, ghosts from all over would come to the school to learn how to boo more effectively and get more out of it. It was one of the most prestigious things you could do in the haunting world. You learned things like when to boo, how long to boo, facial expressions, eye rolling, and the out of skin crawling screams. These young recruits learned to master the art of booing and screaming. Strange things happen up on that old hill those thirteen weeks before Halloween.

  Luckily, the thirteen weeks have begun, and Professor Occhipinti has stepped into the classroom.

  “Well, well, well, you bunch of white sheets still wet behind the hems. So you want to be ghosts, do you?” he said.

  “Yes, sir,” they all replied.

  “Well, these next thirteen weeks of Boo Camp are going to make you or break you!” he yelled. “Now what is our motto? You have won the victory when you see the whites of their eyes, and their hair is standing on ends. That is our object. Right?”

  “Yes, sir!” they yelled.

  “For the next thirteen weeks you are mine,” he bragged. “When I get through with a bunch of you wind-flapping sheets, pale faces, and sunken eyes, you’ll be the scariest, most terrifying, and most dreaded ghosts around. Right?”

  “Now let’s get to work,” he screamed.

  “This guy is good,” said Firefly.

  “Yeah, man, can you dig his scream,” replied Wally-Eyed. “It sent chills down my spine. Yeah, man, I want to be like Professor Occhipinti.”

  “Me, too,” said Firefly.

  They all gathered around the professor, listening to him teach.

  “Now there’s three levels of a boo,” he stated. “A boo, a booooo, and a boooooooooooo held the longest.”

  “Wow,” replied the ghosts.

  “A boo is a soft whisper rolled off your lips, from just inside of your neck, ‘Boo.’ But a booooo is a deep spine-tingling, chilling cry from the depths of your being, ‘Booooo!’ Then the scream that haunts the night and creates fear deep inside you.”

  “This guy is good,” said Firefly.

  “You bet,” replied Wally-Eyed. “I hope I can be as good as he is someday.”

  “Shhh,” hushed the other ghosts.

  As the week passed, Professor Occhipinti worked hard with the young spirits. He wanted this class to be the best he had ever put out. For days, the young cadets worked on eye rolling, face stretching, and popping up from behind things. They rolled their eyes around and around, side to side, and up and down. The cadets would cross them, look two ways at once, roll their heads about and let them disappear in the darkness. They stretched their face this way and that, inside and out. Some made their faces long and skinny, others fat and round, wide and square, and then made them completely disappear with only their eyes showing.

  “Oooooo, this is the greatest,” said Firefly. “Check this out, Wally-Eyed.”

  “Cool, man,” replied Wally-Eyed. “What do you think about this one?”

  For hours, the ghosts tried on different faces. There were uh-ohs, boos, ayieee, and there was the banging of the shutters and the Oooooo of the wind. Without warning, there was this horrifying scream from someone in the class, “Ayieee!”

  “I’m frozen,” cried a voice from the crowd.

  Quickly, the professor rushed to the cry, and there he found a student whose face had frozen on him. A hush fell across the classroom.

  “Look at that,” they whispered.

  “What will they do?” said one.

  “I don’t know,” whispered another.

  “Professor, you got to help me,” he said. “I don’t want to be left this way.”

  “Excuse me, excuse me,” cried the professor as he made his way through the crowd.

  “What am I going to do?” he asked.

  “Shhh,” hushed Professor Occhipinti. “Just calm down. The first thing is to stay calm and relax. Take a couple of long deep breaths and relax,” he said. “The more you relax the quicker you will return to normal.”

  “Look,” said Firefly. “He’s getting his face back.”

  “Can you believe it,” replied Wally-eyed.

  “Now you see, class, when doing these faces,” he said, “there is a chance they may freeze on you. But always remember to relax, stay calm, take a long deep breath, swallow, and it should go away.”

  “Hey look, gang. It’s back. Hooray for Professor Occhipinti!” shouted the gang.

  As time went on, the young spooks worked even harder. In those thirteen weeks, they crammed and crammed to learn as much as they could to make themselves better ghosts. Graduation night, which was on the evening of October 31, was about here. The ones who passed their final exam would be sent out Halloween night for their first haunting. The ones that failed would be banned from going out and would have to wait until next year to go back through the school again. This was serious business. No ghost or spook would be sent out from the school unprepared to face Halloween night.

  “Remember the motto,” cried Professor Occhipinti. “You have won the victory when you see the whites of their eyes and their hair standing on ends.”

  As graduation night grew near, the professor had a little celebration for his class for their hard work.

  “Now, class,” said the professor, “this is the night before Halloween, and you have worked hard, and I’m very proud of you. Can you say Booooooo?”

  “Booooooo!” they replied.

  “Tonight we want to give out our awards. So if you would, please pay attention. Oh yes,” he said, “hold all your boooooos to the last, if you will.

  The best booer award goes to Boo Boo, Sr.

  The worst booer award goes to Boo Boo, Jr.

  The most talented goes to Screaming Jack.

  The best screamer goes to O’Yeller.

  The top honor award goes to Spooky.

  The class valedictorian is Firefly.

  Most likely to succeed is Wally-Eyed.

  The teacher’s pet award goes to Bubba Boo.

  Now, what do you have to say?”

  “Booo, ooo, ooo and Ayieee,” they all went while the shutters on the house went, “Bang” and the wind went, “Oooooooo.”

  “Oh, okay, class. Shhh, let’s quiet down. Are you ready to receive your Certified Screaming Diploma,” cried the professor, “with your BA in Booooooo and your MD in Ayieee?”

  “Booooooo,” they cheered. “Let’s go for it!” they screamed.

  Finally, the thirteen weeks were over. Halloween was here, and it was graduation night. As the class gathered around that night at dusk, Professor Occhipinti stood in front of the class for the last time. Beside him
was a human sitting in a chair with a blindfold on his eyes and a gag around his mouth.

  “Now class, for your final exam we have chosen someone from the nearby town to help us tonight. For your exam,” said the professor, “you will line up in two lines, and each of you will take turns showing us what you have learned these past thirteen weeks. Remember our motto, you have won the victory when you see the whites of their eyes and their hair standing on end.

  I want you to make two lines in front of this human, one to the right and one to the left. Shhh, let’s be quiet and pay attention. This is your night, and you don’t want to mess it up. I’m going to take off the blindfold and gag from his mouth, and when I do, each of you, one by one, will come up in front of him and try to scare him. Remember our motto. Okay, are you ready?”

  Then suddenly the professor removed the handkerchief. As the haunting went on, one by one, they stood up in front of the human and gave it their best shot. As each one passed by, the professor would say if they passed or failed. The ones that passed, he handed them their diploma as they flew out into the night.

  “Hey, Wally-Eyed!” shouted Firefly. “I made it.”

  “That’s cool, man,” replied Wally-Eyed. “I did to. Let’s go for it.”

  “Okay!” shouted Firefly. “After you.”

  The ones that failed, he sent back home with a bag of trick-or-treat candy and told them he hoped to see them next year.

  The class knew little about the strange human sitting in there, who never made a sound. Professor Occhipinti knew that if they got up there in front of that dummy and gave it their all, he was satisfied, and they passed the course. The ones he didn’t pass were not quite ready for spooks and tricks.

  “Booooooo,” went the ghosts.

  “Ayieee,” went the screams.

  As the shutters banged against the house, the wind went “Oooooooo,” and the mannequin said not a word.