An Orphan's Journey

by Rosie Goodwin

  The doctor didn’t altogether agree with the plan his patient and Mrs Forbes had made, but it was none of his business and so he had no option but to go along with it. He hastily checked the child over then and to everyone’s relief declared that although she was small, she appeared healthy.

  ‘Isn’t she just perfect, darling?’ Mrs Forbes said as she stared down at the little girl adoringly.

  Her husband nodded. It was strange to think that this little soul was his granddaughter, for he couldn’t see anything of Monty in her. The baby had blonde hair just like her birth mother’s.

  The second Cook had finished feeding her, Mrs Forbes took her into her arms and gently kissed every inch of her that wasn’t covered. ‘I suppose we should think of a name for her now. I thought we might call her Elizabeth.’

  Mr Forbes’s face darkened and pain briefly flashed in his eyes. ‘I don’t think that is such a good idea. There could only ever be one Elizabeth for us, and she is gone,’ he reminded her gently. ‘What about calling her Mathilda, after my mother?’

  Mrs Forbes looked thoughtful and then gave him a radiant smile. ‘That’s a lovely idea, and we could call her Tilly for short. I think it quite suits her.’

  He smiled at her indulgently. ‘That’s settled then. But now I really think we should all try and get some sleep, although someone should stay with Pearl.’

  ‘I’ll do it,’ Susan volunteered without hesitation. ‘I can keep my eye on her from the chair at the side of the bed and cat nap.’

  The doctor nodded his approval. ‘Excellent. I’ve given her a very strong sedative so she shouldn’t wake until morning, but if she does, give her two drops of the painkiller that I’ve left for her on the table beside the bed. No more, mind.’

  ‘Yes, sir.’

  The doctor stifled a yawn as he struggled into his coat. He had been up since five that morning and felt as if he could have fallen asleep standing up. ‘Goodnight then. I shall be back after surgery in the morning.’

  Once he had gone, Susan settled in the chair beside Pearl and the rest of them drifted off to their rooms. Mrs Forbes carried Mathilda to spend her first night in the crib, which was placed ready at the side of her bed.

  ‘I was hoping that Pearl would be able to feed her for the first few days,’ she fretted to her husband as they undressed, ‘but I doubt she will be strong enough now. Still, if she doesn’t thrive on the milk she’s getting, I suppose I could always get a wet nurse in. I could say that I hadn’t made enough milk to satisfy her, couldn’t I?’

  ‘Let’s face each problem as we come to it,’ he suggested. ‘She seems quite happy with the feed Cook has given her so far.’

  ‘You’re right.’ She smiled as she hopped into bed, not a bit tired. She was too excited about having the baby at last and felt as if she could have just sat and looked at her all night. It was worrying about Eliza, though. Where could she have got to? she wondered, praying that her fears would not be confirmed. If the girl had fallen into the river, she would have stood no chance of getting back out again, but only time would tell.

  The cockerel crowing woke everyone early the next morning and, still in her dressing robe, Mrs Forbes lifted the infant and took her down to the kitchen for Cook to feed her, while she went to check on Pearl.

  The poor girl looked positively ghastly. There were large dark circles under her eyes and her head was moving restlessly on the pillow. She was frighteningly pale and every now and again she cried out, ‘Eliza . . . Eliza . . . no, nooooo!’

  Will had already gone to continue the search for her and Mrs Forbes urged Susan to go and get some sleep, but the girl shook her head, reluctant to leave her friend.

  ‘Eliza didn’t come home last night and I’m getting seriously worried about her,’ Mrs Forbes whispered to Susan, keeping one eye on Pearl.

  ‘All we can do is wait,’ Susan said glumly. ‘But how is the baby this morning?’

  Mrs Forbes glowed as she smiled at her. ‘Oh, she’s absolutely beautiful and she’s been so good. Once we get Pearl well and word is about that I’ve had her I shall start to receive visitors again and no one will ever know that I didn’t give birth to her.’

  Susan didn’t say a word. She was pleased for Mrs Forbes but heartsick that Pearl would never be able to acknow-ledge the child as her own – not that she had ever wanted to admittedly, so perhaps things would work out for the best after all.

  The doctor’s face was grim when he arrived sometime later and he ushered Mrs Forbes out on to the landing to tell her, ‘I’m afraid I have just heard some very disturbing news. A young woman was fished out of the river about five miles downstream this morning, and from what I heard she matches Eliza’s description.’

  Mrs Forbes gasped as her hand flew to her mouth. ‘Oh no. But what will this do to Pearl if it proves to be Eliza?’

  ‘First, I think one of you should go and see if it is her,’ he advised. ‘And I certainly wouldn’t tell Pearl yet, whether it proves to be Eliza or not. She’s far too weak to take another shock at the moment.’

  Mrs Forbes nodded. ‘I understand. I’ll ask Will if he wouldn’t mind going. I can hardly go myself when I’m supposed to have just had a baby, can I?’

  Somewhat reluctantly, Will agreed to go while the doctor examined Pearl. She was slipping in and out of consciousness and was still crying out but the bleeding had not started again, which the doctor assured them was a good sign.

  ‘Something has clearly traumatised her other than the birth,’ he told them. ‘And if indeed it is Eliza’s body that’s been fished out of the river, that will explain it. But all you can do for now is keep her cool and try to get plenty of fluids inside her. I shall come back again tomorrow. And now I should perhaps take a look at the baby. Is she doing well with her feeding?’

  ‘Oh yes.’ Mrs Forbes instantly lit up at the mention of her. ‘She’s taking her milk and we’ve decided to call her Mathilda. Mathilda Mary Ellen to be precise.’

  ‘Charming.’ The doctor smiled as he snapped his bag shut. There was one little one he wouldn’t have to worry about, he thought to himself, after he had taken a quick look at her to make sure that all was well. Even Zack seemed to be taken with her, so all in all things just might turn out for the best, for them at least – but he wondered how Pearl would cope with her sister’s death, if indeed the body that had been found was hers. With a sad sigh at the complexities of life, he went on his way.

  Some two hours later, Will returned, and one glance at his solemn face told them all they needed to know.

  ‘It was Eliza, all right,’ he said, with a catch in his voice. He would never forget the sight of her laid out on that cold mortuary slab for as long as he lived. She had looked so young and beautiful, with her fair hair fanned out about her, almost as if she was just asleep and might wake at any minute.

  ‘God rest her soul!’ Cook quickly made the sign of the cross as tears sprang to her eyes. It seemed so cruel when one so young was taken. ‘Goodness only knows how Pearl will take it. And what do we do about a funeral for the poor lass? The mistress won’t be able to go and Pearl is in no fit state to.’

  ‘No, but we can and so can Mr Forbes,’ Susan pointed out. ‘And the least we can do for the poor girl is give her a decent send-off.’

  ‘Well, that’ll be for the master and mistress to decide, but I’ve no doubt that will be what they want too.’

  Cook was proved to be right and Eliza’s body was brought back to the town and laid in the chapel of rest until the funeral in three days’ time.

  During that time, although Pearl had begun to improve, she had yet to regain full consciousness, so on the day of the funeral Mrs Forbes stayed with her while her husband and the members of staff attended the service. It was a quiet affair, although Mr and Mrs Forbes had insisted she should have the finest mahogany coffin the undertaker could provide, and once Eliza had been laid to rest beneath the branches of a towering red oak tree in the tiny churchyard, they all felt that they h
ad done right by her. But their mood was sombre as they made their way home.

  ‘Eliza . . .’

  Two days after the funeral, Susan was sitting at the side of the bed when Pearl suddenly sat bolt upright, her eyes wild as they searched the room. ‘Where is she? She fell into the river and I couldn’t help her . . .’ She began to cry as the sight that had haunted her nightmares came back in full force. And the things that Eliza had said . . . they were so awful; how could she ever forget them? She had admitted to killing poor Mrs Veasey, Freda and Monty!

  ‘Aw, sweetheart!’ Susan was beside her in a sigh and wrapped her arms about her as she began to sob.

  ‘Is she . . . is she . . .?’ Pearl couldn’t bring herself to say the word.

  Susan solemnly nodded. ‘Yes, she’s gone, but she’s at peace now. When you’re better I’ll take you to put some flowers on her grave.’

  ‘What? You mean she’s been buried already? But how long have I been asleep?’ As Pearl’s hand fell to her stomach, a look of shock passed over her face. ‘And what about the baby? Where is the baby?’

  ‘Shush now,’ Susan crooned. ‘You’ll do yourself no good at all getting into a state. You’ve been unconscious for some days, but the baby is just fine. Beautiful, in fact. You gave birth to a lovely baby girl.’

  ‘I did?’ Pearl became quiet as she tried to take it in, but her mind was in a spin and she looked stunned. All she could remember was the pain and then there was nothing but darkness.

  ‘Wh-where is she . . . the baby?’

  ‘Oh, don’t you go worrying about her,’ Susan told her, as she gently smoothed the hair from her forehead. ‘She’s being well taken care of.’

  ‘But I was supposed to feed her,’ Pearl said fretfully.

  Susan nodded. ‘I know you were, but you were in no state to after the birth. Anyway, she’s thriving and already has all of us wrapped around her tiny finger, even Mr Forbes is taken with her. She looks just like you.’

  ‘Like me?’ Pearl was shocked. Somehow, she had never thought of the baby as being anything to do with her and she had imagined that it would be the double of its father. Even so, she was glad the birth was over and she had no wish to see the child. There was so much to take in but already her eyes were growing heavy again and within minutes she was fast asleep. But this time it was a healing sleep and Susan sighed with relief as she crept from the room. Hopefully now Pearl would start to get better.

  The next morning a letter with an English postmark arrived addressed to Pearl and Mrs Forbes took it up to her.

  ‘A letter for you, dear,’ she said, as she handed it over and began to straighten the counterpane.

  Pearl eyed it curiously. ‘For me?’

  Mrs Forbes laughed. ‘Why don’t you open it? It won’t bite you, I’m sure.’

  And so Pearl carefully slit the envelope and within minutes tears of joy were rolling down her face. It was from her sister, Amy; she must have learned basic reading and writing since she’d started work.

  Avidly, she started to read.

  Dear Pearl,

  I ope this leter finds you an Eliza well. I was so pleased to get your adress from Lil an just wanted to rite to give yu mine. I live in Swan Lane in Nuneaton with Gracie. It’s a nice place, a market town an I ave a good mistres what is good to me. Yur bloke left yur address with Mrs Hewitt and she passed it on to Gracie when she went ome to see her ma. He sounds nice. Are you two goin to get wed? An as Eliza got a bloke yet? I don’t know if we wil ever see each other again but at least we can keep in touch now. I wud like to ear ow things are with you. I stil ain’t very good at writin as you’l see but its nice to know that we are in touch again. Pleese rite back soon,

  Yur luving sister,

  Amy xxxx

  ‘I hope those are happy tears?’ Mrs Forbes looked concerned. Pearl had gone through so much lately, she hoped it wasn’t more bad news.

  Pearl gave her a weak smile. She was propped up on pillows today and feeling better by the hour. She knew now that Nick had kept his promise to put her in touch with her sister again, and it was thanks to him she had received the letter. But her joy was tinged with sadness as she thought of the wonderful future they might have had together had things turned out differently, and it only made her miss him more.

  ‘It is good news. It’s from my sister, Amy. I know where she is now.’

  ‘I see, then that’s excellent. And I have some good news too. My mother is coming to visit. She’s on the way even as we speak to meet her new grandchild. Did Susan tell you that we have called her Mathilda?’

  Pearl shook her head. ‘No, she didn’t, but it’s a lovely name.’

  Mrs Forbes looked slightly embarrassed as she asked tentatively, ‘Would you like to see her, Pearl?’

  Pearl was silent for a moment as she considered it. She was still feeling happy about receiving the letter from Amy; at least she still felt that she had some family left now. The problem was when she replied to her she would have to tell her of Eliza’s death; she would tell her that her death had been accidental, as everyone here believed. How could she tell them all that Eliza had wanted to kill her and that she was already a murderer three times over? That was a secret that she would take to the grave, she decided. And also, Amy’s mention of Nick had cut deep and reminded her how much she missed him.

  ‘I, er . . . no, thank you. I don’t feel quite strong enough just yet,’ Pearl answered and she was sure that she saw a look of relief pass across her mistress’s face.

  ‘Very well, but when you do feel ready . . .’ Mrs Forbes smiled. ‘Now get some rest, dear. It’s time for Mathilda’s feed so I must go, but Susan will be bringing you some soup up in a minute. Cook is determined to get you well again, as we all are.’

  After she’d left, Pearl stared towards the window and thought of Nick, Amy and Eliza, as tears of sorrow and loss trickled down her cheeks. Would she ever be able to feel happiness again? she wondered.

  Chapter Forty

  ‘I

  ’ve been thinking,’ Mrs Forbes said the following day, when she was doing her daily check on Pearl, ‘that if you were considering going back to England now that Mathilda is here, you could perhaps travel back with my mother? I’m sure she would give you a position in her household if I asked her, and as she’s staying for a month the doctor thinks you should be fully recovered by the time she leaves. What do you think, dear?’ She looked slightly uncomfortable as she asked this.

  In actual fact, Pearl hadn’t given her position much thought – she was still grieving for Eliza – but now with a jolt she realised that perhaps it would be for the best. After all, she had nothing to keep her here now.

  ‘You don’t have to give me an answer right away,’ Mrs Forbes assured her. ‘But if you do decide you want to go I shall make sure that you don’t go empty-handed. You have given me the most precious gift in the world, after all.’

  ‘I don’t want anything from you,’ Pearl said dully as tears sprang to her eyes. ‘It would make me feel as if I was selling my baby to you.’

  ‘Nonsense. She does have our family blood running through her veins. It feels right that she should stay with us.’

  At that moment, for the first time, Pearl heard the baby cry through the open bedroom door and it gave her a shock. Of course, she was quite aware that the baby was in the house somewhere, but it was the first time in the four weeks since she had given birth that she had actually heard her and it made her realise that Mathilda was a real living, breathing little person.

  ‘Oh, that’s her ladyship crying for her feed.’ Mrs Forbes laughed. ‘She might be small, but I assure you, she has a very good pair of lungs on her.’

  She turned to leave to attend to the baby’s needs, but Pearl’s voice stayed her at the door.

  ‘I, er . . . think I’m ready to meet her now.’

  Mrs Forbes looked panicked for a moment, but after fixing the smile on her face again, she nodded. ‘Of course, if that is what you wish. It’
s the least I can do for you. I shall bring her up directly after I’ve fed her.’

  Pearl nodded as the woman left the room, and peeped down at her swollen breasts. They had been extremely painful but now that she hadn’t fed the baby her milk was drying up and thankfully, they weren’t leaking anymore.

  She wondered then if she had done the right thing by agreeing to see the child, but decided it might be for the best. It would be some time before she could leave – if she decided that was what she wanted to do – and she was bound to see her once she was up and about again, so best to get it over now.

  She found herself holding her breath as she watched the door, and almost an hour later Mrs Forbes appeared with a bundle wrapped in a fine lace shawl in her arms. She approached the bed cautiously, almost as if she was afraid Pearl might snatch her from her.

  ‘So, here she is,’ she forced herself to say cheerfully, and without further ado she held the baby out to Pearl, whose arms automatically opened to take her.

  The child was full and content, having just been fed, and as Pearl stared down at her in awe, the strangest thing happened. A feeling she had never experienced before pierced her heart and a lump formed in her throat. The little girl was quite utterly beautiful. Her soft blonde curls formed a downy little halo around her head and her long fair eyelashes were curled on her plump little cheeks. Her tiny fists were curled beneath her chin and her rosebud mouth was working as if she was still feeding. But how can she possibly be so lovely when she was conceived in violence? Pearl found herself thinking. Throughout the long months she had carried her, she had hated her with a vengeance and yet now . . . The realisation hit her like a blow – this was her child, her own flesh and blood, and such a surge of love pulsed through her that it threatened to choke her.

  ‘She’s just perfect, isn’t she?’ Mrs Forbes said softly, and Pearl could only nod in reply, too full of emotion to speak.

  The woman hovered, clearly keen to take the baby back at the earliest opportunity, and at last Pearl handed her over.