An Orphan's Journey

by Rosie Goodwin

  And then early one morning in April, as Pearl went into the tiny kitchen to make them both a cup of tea before they started work, she found the back door swinging open and when she went to close it she heard a noise coming from the outside toilet. It was Amy being violently sick and Pearl’s heart sank into her shoes. She knew what it might mean and was terrified for her sister. Even so, she forced herself to wait until Amy entered the room, looking as pale as a ghost, before asking quietly, ‘Is there anything you’d like to tell me?’

  Amy gulped and wrung her hands together as she avoided her sister’s eyes – and then suddenly, she burst into tears and threw herself into her sister’s arms.

  ‘Eeh, our Pearl I’ve been such a fool,’ she sobbed. ‘I know I said I wouldn’t let Rob touch me till we were wed but I love him so much that it just sort of ’appened. We couldn’t ’elp usselves an’ now I reckon I might be ’aving a baby. What am I goin’ to do?’

  Pearl’s first instinct was to rant and rave, but common sense took over and she realised that this would do no good at all. ‘How far gone do you think you might be?’

  Amy sniffed. ‘I’ve just missed me second course, so about two months.’

  ‘And have you told Rob yet?’

  Amy shook her head. ‘No, I daren’t. What if ’e won’t stand by me?’

  ‘You won’t know what he’ll do until you tell him, will you?’ Pearl said sensibly. ‘So, I suggest you do just that as soon as possible. When are you next seeing him?’

  ‘This evenin’ as it ’appens.’

  ‘That’s your chance then, there’s no point in putting it off, because if you are having a baby it’s not going to go away is it?’

  ‘I suppose not,’ Amy answered miserably, and for the first time since she had met him, suddenly she dreaded seeing him.

  ‘When he arrives, I’ll make myself scarce,’ Pearl told her. ‘At least that will give you both the chance to talk in private. I’ll go for a walk.’

  She left that evening just as Rob was arriving and went for a wander around the Pingle Fields. It was a beautiful evening and the hedgerows were full of spring primroses and clumps of daffodils. After a couple of hours, she slowly made her way home wondering what she would find. When she climbed the stairs to the little sitting room, she found Rob and Amy hand in hand waiting for her.

  ‘She’s told you then?’

  Rob looked shamefaced. ‘Yes, she has, an’ I’m so sorry, Pearl. But the thing is I really love ’er, an’ this will just mean we ’ave to get wed a bit sooner than we’d planned.’

  Pearl sighed with relief. At least Rob was prepared to do the decent thing and make an honest woman of her. ‘And what do you think your parents will say?’ she asked.

  ‘They’ll probably give me an earful, an’ I well deserve it,’ he admitted. ‘But I know they love Amy. We’ve got somewhere to live at least, an’ I promise I’ll do right by ’er an’ the baby when it comes.’

  ‘In that case we’d best get the wedding arranged,’ Pearl said quietly. ‘Where would you like to get married?’

  ‘Me ma an’ dad go to the Holy Trinity Church in Attleborough, when they can. I was christened there, so it would be nice if we got wed there.’

  Pearl nodded. ‘Then I suggest you tell your parents what’s happened and we’ll get it arranged as quickly as possible. Luckily not many people need know. Amy is only a couple of months on so she won’t be showing yet awhile and when the baby comes, we can say it was early.’

  ‘Huh! People ain’t daft, they’ll know we’re lyin’,’ Amy said tearfully.

  ‘So what? They can think what they like, and don’t forget, while they’re gossiping about you they’ll be leaving some other poor devil alone. It’ll just be a nine-day wonder,’ Pearl said.

  Rob nodded and after saying his goodbyes he took his leave.

  His parents took the news surprisingly well. ‘You’re both young an’ only human at the end o’ the day,’ his mother told him stoically. ‘You can tell Amy’s sister we’ll put a bit of a spread on here for you in the front parlour after the service. Meantime you’ll ’ave to give the cottage a good spring clean. It ain’t been lived in fer some time so I’ve no doubt it’ll be musty an’ full o’ spiders.’

  Every evening after that, Amy and Rob worked together to get the little cottage ready and three weeks later, on a Monday morning, after the vicar at the Holy Trinity Church had read out the banns, the wedding day dawned bright and clear.

  Pearl had insisted that Amy should have a new gown and bonnet, and once she was ready to leave for the church carrying a posy of sweet-scented freesias she looked truly beautiful. Her dress was a lemon cotton sprigged with tiny cream rosebuds, which fit tight into the waist before billowing out into a wide skirt held in place with starched cotton petticoats. The bonnet was of the same colour trimmed with cream silk roses and a yellow ribbon, and Pearl was sure she had never seen a prettier bride.

  ‘You look stunning,’ she told her sister as Amy stared at her reflection in the mirror. ‘But I’m going to miss you so much!’ They had had such a short time together, but she knew that Amy’s place was with Rob now.

  And then suddenly Amy was crying as she hung her head. ‘I’m so sorry I’ve let yer down, Pearl,’ she whimpered.

  ‘You haven’t let me down at all.’ Pearl gave her a stern look. ‘A baby is a blessing, just remember that, and actually I’m quite looking forward to being an aunty.’ She dried Amy’s tears and, arm in arm, they went out to the carriage that was waiting for them outside. Rob had ordered it for them and they were thrilled to see it had been decorated with flowers and ribbons.

  Word of the wedding had spread quickly once the vicar began to read the banns, and Pearl had had quite a few curious customers who never usually came in enter the shop to ask casually, ‘It’s a bit quick, this wedding, ain’t it?’

  To each of them she had given a serene smile before saying calmly, ‘Do you think so? I don’t blame them. They’re young and in love, so why should they wait? I’m sure they’re going to be very happy together.’

  Not at all happy with Pearl’s answer, most of them had left the shop disgruntled, but Pearl didn’t care. As long as Amy was happy, she could put up with any amount of tittle-tattle.

  The wedding was a very quiet affair, as Amy and Rob had requested, with only Pearl, Rob’s parents and grandparents, plus a few very close family friends attending, but even so the service was lovely and as they emerged from the church to the peal of bells, the newly-weds were glowing with happiness.

  Back at the farmhouse, Mrs Chetwynd had laid on a mouth-watering spread and the mood was light-hearted as laughter echoed from the farmhouse beams. As the afternoon progressed, Rob’s father went to get into his work clothes. He had animals to attend to, be it his son’s wedding day or not, and this was the signal for the guests to leave.

  ‘I’ll get Rob to run you home in the trap,’ Amy offered but Pearl shook her head.

  ‘You’ll do no such thing, Mrs Chetwynd. The walk will do me good. You just get off to your new home and see to your husband’s meal.’

  Amy giggled – it felt strange to be addressed as Mrs – but then, becoming solemn, again she clung to Pearl’s hand as she whispered, ‘I’m going to miss you.’

  ‘Me too! But it’s not as if we’re hundreds of miles apart anymore, is it? We can see each other all the time.’

  She gave Amy a little push towards the cottage where Rob stood in the doorway, waiting for her. And then she turned and went on her way, not looking back once, for she didn’t want Amy to see the tears on her cheeks.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  July 1885

  I

  t was market day and the street outside the shop was bustling with people as Pearl stood behind the counter, fanning herself with a newspaper. The heat outside was so oppressive that she had propped the shop door open, but it was still stifling inside and she was looking forward to closing time when she could go and sit in the backyar
d with a nice big glass of lemonade.

  Amy had not long left with Stanley, her little boy, and his new baby sister, Dorothy, who was a little beauty. Amy often popped in whenever she was in town, and sometimes Pearl visited the farm to see her niece and nephew, although not as often as she would have liked to because of the hours she worked. Amy and Rob were happy and clearly adored each other, which made the loneliness Pearl had felt since her sister left a little easier to bear. Admittedly her days were full and she didn’t have much time to think, but it was when she put the closed sign on the door that the loneliness descended. Mrs Forbes, Cook and Susan still wrote to her regularly, and even though she still thought of Mathilda constantly, she had accepted now that she would never see her again.

  The year before, the yearning for a child that she could love had become so intense that she had accepted a young farmer’s offer of an evening out. He had been bereaved the year before when his wife had died in childbirth with his second child, and made no secret of the fact that he was drawn to Pearl. Tall, dark and handsome, Pearl was aware that there were probably many young women who would have happily stepped into his late wife’s shoes, but after two very pleasant evenings spent with him, she knew that she was wasting his time. He was a truly lovely man – but he wasn’t Nick, and Nick was and always would be the love of her life. Pearl knew she was spoiled goods and the thing that kept her and Nick apart still hung over her. Monty had taken so much from her that night and she knew she could never be wed because of it.

  Sometimes she wondered where Nick was now and what he was doing. Was he married? Did he have children? She had no way of knowing, but it didn’t stop her thinking of him and mourning what might have been. She still suffered from the nightmares that had plagued her following Eliza’s death, although thankfully not as often now, but when they did come, she would wake up in a blind panic, thinking she was back on the riverbank with Eliza spitting hate and abuse at her. And yet still she retained the love she had felt for her and accepted that, whatever her sister had done, she always would.

  At that moment, someone entered the shop and, putting aside her memories, she turned to serve them. The woman had her back to her and to one side of her stood the most beautiful little girl Pearl had ever seen. She was dressed in a charming little dress with a nautical design in blue and white, with a wide green ribbon exactly the same colour as her eyes fastened in her hair. Pearl froze, for there was something about the blonde-haired child that struck a chord in her, and then the woman turned to smile and Pearl felt as if all the breath had been sucked out of her body as her hand flew to her throat. It was Emmaline Forbes, which meant that the child standing beside her must be . . . Mathilda!

  ‘Hello, Pearl, dear. How are you?’ The woman smiled brightly as the child held tight to her hand. Gently nudging her forwards, Emmaline told her, ‘Say hello to Miss Parker, darling. This is the lady I told you used to live with us some years ago back at home. We’re on a visit to my mother at present, so we’ve come all the way from London to see you, haven’t we, sweetheart?’

  The child nodded and stepping forwards she bobbed her knee as she said politely, ‘How do you do, Miss Parker.’

  ‘I . . . I . . . Oh, this is such a lovely surprise,’ Pearl stammered, as she blinked back scalding tears. ‘I didn’t even know you were in London.’

  ‘Father’s been unwell so it was rather a spur-of-the-moment decision to visit,’ Emmaline told her. ‘And while we were here . . . well, I thought you might like to see how much Mathilda has grown. She was just a baby the last time you saw her, wasn’t she?’

  ‘Oh, Mamma, look.’ Something had caught Mathilda’s attention and she skipped towards the counter, so close that Pearl had to stifle the urge to reach out and drag her into her arms. ‘These buttons are like little crowns. May I have some for my new jacket, Mamma?’

  ‘Of course, you may,’ Pearl said in a wobbly voice before Mrs Forbes could answer, and she dropped a number of them into a tiny brown paper bag and handed them to the little girl, who beamed and clutched them to her chest as if they were treasure. ‘B-but please . . . let me put the closed sign on the door. You must be thirsty after that long train journey.’ Before Mrs Forbes could object, she hurried to the door, closed it and switched the sign, and led them through the door behind the counter.

  ‘I live in the rooms above the shop,’ Pearl said as she ushered them upstairs, and all the time her eyes were fixed on this adorable little girl as her heart raced faster than the train they had arrived on.

  ‘That’s very kind of you, but we can’t stay too long,’ Mrs Forbes said. ‘The train back to London leaves in an hour and a half so this is just a flying visit really.’

  Now that the little girl had got over her initial shyness, she began to chatter away like a magpie about anything and everything her eyes settled on, as Mrs Forbes smiled indulgently.

  ‘I’m going to start learning my lessons an’ have a teacher when we get back home, aren’t I, Mamma?’ she told Pearl proudly. ‘But I can already count to ten. Daddy teached me to.’

  ‘Taught!’ Mrs Forbes corrected her fondly.

  ‘An’ for my birthday, Mamma an’ Daddy bought me a big rockin’ horse, almost as big as the ones in Will’s stables.’

  ‘Really? Well, how wonderful!’ Pearl watched as Mathilda crossed to the window to stare down at the shoppers below, which kept her quiet for the whole of two minutes.

  ‘Did you like living in our house?’ she asked then, with a child’s innocence.

  Pearl nodded. ‘Oh yes, yes I did, very much.’

  Mathilda grinned, and Pearl suddenly remembered that she had not offered them a drink and shot off to the kitchen to fetch a jug of lemonade.

  ‘This is very nice, thank you,’ the little girl said politely when Pearl handed her a glass. ‘Did you make it all by yourself? Cook makes me lemonade back at home an’ jam tarts.’ Mathilda grinned as she rubbed her tummy. ‘But sometimes she lets me have too many and Mamma tells her off, don’t you, Mamma?’

  ‘Yes, I do,’ Mrs Forbes told her indulgently. ‘Too many are bad for your teeth.’

  ‘I’ve already got one wobbly one, look.’ She showed the offending tooth to Pearl proudly as she wobbled it to and fro. ‘But I don’t mind, ’cause Daddy says when it comes out the tooth fairies will come and fetch it from under my pillow an’ leave me a present.’

  She began to explore the room then as Mrs Forbes looked towards Pearl and said quietly, ‘I hope I did the right thing bringing her? I thought you deserved to see her.’

  ‘Oh yes, you did,’ Pearl assured her. ‘She’s such a credit to you . . . and she seems to be so happy.’

  ‘Thank you, that was all we both ever wanted for her, wasn’t it? But what about you, Pearl? Are you happy?’

  Pearl lowered her eyes. ‘Yes, of course. My business is doing well and I see my sister regularly . . .’

  ‘But you never met another young man that you felt you could be happy with?’

  ‘Oh, I’ve met quite a few, but none that took my fancy. I’m quite happy as I am,’ Pearl told her, with a false smile.

  Mrs Forbes looked sad, but then Mathilda was chattering away again and the next hour seemed to fly by.

  ‘I’m so sorry, but we really should be going now,’ Mrs Forbes said, as she glanced at the small ormolu clock on the mantelpiece. ‘We don’t want to miss our train, do we, Mathilda? But it’s been so lovely to see you, Pearl.’

  ‘And you too. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for what you’ve done today.’

  An unspoken message passed between the two of them as Mrs Forbes embraced her. At least now Pearl would be able to carry a picture of the little girl Mathilda had become in her heart.

  ‘Shall I come to see you off at the station?’

  Mrs Forbes shook her head. ‘Better not to. Let’s say our goodbyes here, shall we?’

  Pearl nodded as she bent down to Mathilda’s level, and almost instantly the child’s plump little arm
s wrapped themselves about her neck and she planted a sloppy kiss on her cheek. ‘I like you,’ she said solemnly.

  ‘And I like you too . . . very much,’ Pearl whispered, as she breathed in the sweet scent of her.

  But then Mathilda was skipping towards Mrs Forbes again. ‘Come on, Mamma. I want to see the chickens in their cages on the way back to the train,’ she said bossily and, laughing, Mrs Forbes allowed herself to be yanked off down the stairs with Pearl following close behind.

  The two women stood awkwardly staring at each other for a moment when they reached the shop door, before Mrs Forbes leaned forwards and gently kissed Pearl’s cheek. ‘Thank you,’ she said simply and her words held a wealth of meaning.

  Pearl somehow managed to unlock the door, which was no easy feat when her hands were trembling so much, and then with a final wave Mathilda and Mrs Forbes were gone and Pearl could finally allow her tears to fall as she thought of the delightful, happy and contented child who had just left. And yet although her heart was aching, she also felt a huge sense of relief, for now she had seen with her own eyes how close Mathilda was to her mamma – and Mrs Forbes really was her mamma; Pearl was just the vessel that had carried and given birth to her.

  Blindly, she stumbled back upstairs. There was no way she could reopen the shop that afternoon. She wanted to just sit quietly and savour every moment she had spent with Mathilda.

  However, it seemed that someone else had other ideas for almost an hour later there was a hammering on the shop door. Swallowing her annoyance, Pearl curled up in the chair and tried to ignore it – but whoever it was was clearly persistent for the banging went on, until with a disgruntled sigh she rose and started down the stairs, intending to give them the length of her tongue.

  There was a man standing with his back to the door as she marched across the shop floor and, after throwing the door open, she snapped irritably, ‘Can’t you read, sir? The sign on the door clearly says closed!’