The Letter

by Emma Crawley

  My eyes widened in astonishment. There was a slight smile about Darcy’s lips, and I could not help smiling in response.

  “Yes, Darcy’s proposal astonished me more than anything. I did not know what to think of it.”

  I kept my eyes fixed on his and found my lips twitching in response. There was a strange energy between us as we shared this joke unknown to the others.

  “Surely, you are joking?” said Mrs Portland, with a high laugh. “If you were engaged, why did you not say so at my dinner the other evening? We would have liked to have congratulated you.”

  Darcy’s lips broadened into a full smile.

  “That was my fault, I am afraid. I am a selfish being. I wanted to have Elizabeth all to myself before anyone else found out about the news. I had a romantic notion, and one I am sure most people would frown upon, but I cannot apologise for it. Those few days when no one knew what had happened between us are some of my most cherished memories.”

  I hardly knew how to respond to that. The days following his proposal were some of the most trying I had ever experienced. But he was not wrong in that they would provide us with very powerful memories we would never forget. Still not knowing how to respond, I smiled and looked away coyly.

  “I hope you will forgive us the deception,” said Darcy. “I am sure you can recall the early days of your betrothal with Mr Portland, Mrs Portland. You know how special they are.”

  Mrs Portland’s face was like a mask as she struggled to smile.

  “I could never forget them,” she said with a slight edge in her voice. “And I wish the two of you would have a very similar experience to the one I have had.”

  With that, she dropped a brief curtsy and walked across the room. Miss Bingley stood there looking rather stupid for a moment before she mumbled an excuse and followed her friend.

  “Well, that was a rather strong reaction, was it not?”

  Darcy raised an eyebrow. “I wish I could say I felt sorry for it, but I cannot. Mrs Portland would cause trouble if she could. She is a bored woman with nothing to look forward to. I know I know I should pity her. But I am afraid I find it hard to feel sympathy for those who use their pain to hurt other people. I am sure she shall recover in time.”

  “You have some interesting friends,” I said.

  Darcy smiled. “I would not call them my friends. They are simply people who live in such proximity to me I cannot avoid them. My closest friends are Mr Bingley and Colonel Fitzwilliam. And you already know what sort of men they are.”

  My eyes drifted across the room to where Mr Bingley stood, with Miss Kemp firmly by his side. I considered asking Mr Darcy about the situation between them, but when I thought more about it, I realised how it might embarrass Jane. I would not have him think I sought information for my sister’s benefit.

  “So, Mr Bingley and Colonel Fitzwilliam are your only friends?” I waved a hand about the room. “And who are all these people? There is a far greater number than those two.”

  Darcy looked about the room and drew a deep breath. “Neighbours, mostly. When you are mistress of this house, you will be in charge of entertaining. You will be the one hosting these people. But I did not plan on entertaining often. It will be of little concern to me whether we eat out among friends, or we dine alone at home, just you and I. Of course, if you wish to entertain, I shall not deny you. And I shall even attempt to make conversation with whoever you invite.”

  I smiled. “You know, you are rather like my father in some ways. He considers socialising a punishment. My mother loves entertaining, but if my father had his way, he would shut himself away in his library and see no one.”

  The thought crossed my mind that though Mr Darcy was like my father in that way, in others, he was completely different. He was much more likely to exert himself to action. Though my uncle had written to my father, I highly doubted he would refuse him the chance to act for me if it meant he did not have to do anything. Though I was his favourite, even I could not rouse him. I found it hard to imagine Darcy not acting in his sister’s best interest when it came time for her to marry. Or in his daughter’s.

  At that last part, I blushed. A daughter. Darcy and I would have children together. And all that entailed. I had been so caught up in everything that had happened, I had not considered that part. Could I share a bed with a man I did not love?

  Darcy looked at me, curiously. “Where did you go?”

  “I beg your pardon?”

  He smiled. “You were lost in thought just now. A variety of expressions were crossing your face. You have a very expressive face, you know. Is something troubling you?”

  I could not bring myself to give voice to my thoughts.

  “It is nothing. I was just observing the room.”

  Darcy nodded though his face was thoughtful. I suspected he did not believe me.

  “Well, Darcy, are you going to introduce us or do you plan to keep her all to yourself!”

  I turned in some surprise to see a man coming toward us with a big smile on his face. He was some years older than Darcy.

  “Not at all, Jackson. I cannot be blamed for wanting some time to speak to my future wife alone. Elizabeth, may I present Henry Jackson, Earl of Nordham.”

  My eyes widened, and I curtseyed. For Darcy to present me to an earl rather than the other way around was astonishing. I wondered what the earl thought.

  He gave a hearty laugh and clapped Darcy on the back.

  “That’s the right way to do it, old boy. My word, she is a vision. My congratulations, sir. And you, Miss Bennet. What made you choose this one when I can see you might have had any man in London? I have a younger brother who would run away with you on sight.”

  Darcy moved closer beside me. Glancing up at him, I saw a muscle flicker in his jaw. Darcy was jealous! It was strange as I would not have put him down to experiencing such unworthy thoughts. Then again, he had been put out when I accused him of harming Wickham. His fierceness when I came to his defence was much more than a dislike of being misunderstood.

  “He might find that a challenge, sir,” I said, slipping my arm through Darcy’s. He stiffened slightly then covered my hand with his. His grip was firm and warm. “He would never catch me if I did not wish to be caught. And I certainly do not want to be caught by anyone else.” I smiled up at Darcy. There was a certain vulnerability in his eyes as he smiled back at me that caught at my heart.

  “If he and I find young ladies who look at us the way your young lady looks at you, we will be fortunate men,” said the earl with a laugh to Darcy. “I cannot pretend I am not envious.”

  Darcy nodded to him, then led me away.

  “I take it the earl is lonely,” I said in a low voice.

  “Do not feel too much compassion for him. If he is lonely, it is through his own fault. He is a notorious womaniser.”

  “I will not pretend such news shocks me.”

  “Mr Darcy,” called a voice.

  Darcy grimaced.

  “Someone you dislike?” I suggested.

  “No.” He looked down at me. “Someone who is calling my attention away from someone I like very much.”

  My cheeks grew warm. I looked away with a smile feeling suddenly shy. Such a feeling was new to me, but the intensity in Darcy’s eyes left me confused and flustered. I had never had a man look at me in such a way before, as though I filled his world. I could not decide how I felt about it.

  “They are your guest. We must attend them.” I tugged gently at his arm where he still had my own clasped through it. He reluctantly allowed me to lead him to another group of men and women. Darcy performed some introductions. Mrs Clyde, a tall woman with a broad Scottish accent, looked at me with undisguised excitement.

  “Is it true about your fall into the river? I hope it is true! Not because I would wish any harm on you, my dear. But it is such an exciting story. What a wonderful tale it will be to tell your grandchildren in years to come! They will ask for it over and over again.”r />
  Darcy and I glanced at one another. I felt my face burn again and had to stop looking at him before it became worse. Every so often, someone said something that brought the strangeness of my situation before me in full force in a way I could not avoid. The mention of our children was a powerful one.

  “It is true, I am afraid. It was stupid of me. I was not paying attention to what was happening around me. Or rather, I was paying too much attention and did not notice the men behind me. Darcy cried out, but I was in the water before I knew what had happened.”

  “Why did you not catch her before she fell in, sir?” demanded an older woman Darcy had introduced as a Mrs Smith who was married to the gentleman with the splendid white moustache standing opposite me. “Surely Miss Bennet was by your side?”

  Darcy and I glanced at one another.

  “Darcy and Georgiana were saying goodbye to Colonel Fitzwilliam,” I said before he could reply. “I had already said my goodbyes, so I moved apart to allow them to have a final moment before he departed.”

  “Not that she needed too,” said Darcy. “Miss Bennet is as much our family as any of us now even if we are not married yet. But she is very thoughtful of others.”

  I shook my head as though demurring his praise, but as we caught one another’s eye, I felt an overwhelming urge to laugh.

  “What happened then?” asked Mrs Clyde, her eyes wide with interest.

  I shuddered. At least I did not have to lie during this part.

  “I was in the water before I knew what had happened. It was dark and filthy. I thrashed about, but I did not know what way was up. For all I knew, I was moving further towards the deep. Then Darcy caught me and pulled me to the surface.”

  Mrs Clyde gasped and clasped her hands.

  “He saved you! Oh, if that is not the most romantic thing! If you had not already been engaged, I think that was a moment when you could not have avoided falling in love. What did you think when you realised Mr Darcy had saved you? You must have been overjoyed!”

  I smiled, but I still shuddered at the memory of the terror I’d felt. As if he felt it, Darcy stroked my hand. Before I knew what I was doing, I had entwined my fingers through his. His fingers curled around mine and held them close. Something about that warm, firm grip was more soothing than I knew what to do with. I felt some of the remembered terror ease away at once.

  “I was more relieved than anything. I shall never forget the sight of him as our faces broke the surface. The joy of that moment will always be with me.” My voice grew quieter before the end. I glanced up at Darcy. His face was solemn as he looked down at me, his thumb gently caressing the back of my hand. It was not until Mrs Smith coughed and cleared her throat that I realised I had been staring at Darcy for some moments. I started and forced my attention back to the group. But though I nodded and smiled and spoke when asked for my opinion, I found it hard to draw my attention away from the way his hand felt around mine.

  22

  I had to squint as Longbourn came into view. The sun was dazzling now at the height of summer. When I had last been here, it was early spring, and the growth had been sparse. Now it burst with life. Everywhere I looked, green trees and fields surrounded me. I looked at my home as it came into view with mixed feelings. Now I was here, the wedding planning would begin. I did not know if I was happy to be back or nostalgic that I would soon leave it to a very different life, and one I did not feel prepared for.

  “It is good to be home,” murmured Jane.

  “I suppose it is.”

  My parents and sisters poured onto the steps as the carriage drew to the house. The faces of all, apart from my father, beamed with joy. Kitty and Lydia almost jumped up and down on the spot like puppies. I sighed.

  “I am surprised they have not ensured their marriages to army captains yet. Especially one as determined as Lydia. It was all she thought about all winter.”

  “Perhaps she is not as desperate to be married just yet as she pretends,” suggested Jane.

  I looked at her and shook my head.

  “We both know that is not true. If she has not convinced an officer to marry her, it is because none of them would take her. I cannot say I blame them. She is quite wild. If she cannot be convinced to behave, I am afraid she will be nothing but a ridiculous flirt.”

  “Lizzy! That is unkind!”

  Jane had no idea how Lydia’s flirtatious ways and her manner of chasing the soldiers had already contributed to Darcy’s opinion of our family and one reason he had not considered Jane a match for Mr Bingley. If she only knew what her family had already cost her, would she be so quick to defend them? Being Jane, she probably would.

  “Oh, home at last,” sang my mother as we stepped out of the carriage. “My two dearest girls. How I have missed you! Let me look at you, my darling Lizzy!” She grasped my hands and spread them apart so she could see me. “Well, you do look well. Quite prettier than I have ever seen you. It seems Kent has agreed with you in more ways than one!”

  “Mama,” I said with a shock at her indelicacy. She carried on as if I had not spoken.

  “But where is Mr Darcy? Surely he would want to come here with you? I was so looking forward to receiving him. I even told Lady Lucas he would be here and would dine with us.”

  I winced. There was no doubt Charlotte had told the Lucases what had happened. Every word out of my mother’s mouth made me cringe. I once again recalled what Darcy had said about my family’s want of propriety. Could I argue with him when it was so forcibly displayed before me?

  “He will arrive later. He is staying at Netherfield. We agreed I should like some time alone with you before he arrived.”

  “Why on earth should he think that?”

  “Perhaps because I have not seen you in two months.”

  Mama waved her hand as though my words were an inconsequential fly.

  “Oh, what of it! Will we not see you for much longer than that when you are Mrs Darcy?” Her voice rose as she said my future name. She gasped and covered her mouth with her hands then drew me into the warmest embrace I had ever received from her.

  “Mrs Darcy! Oh, how wonderful that sounds. Ten thousand pounds a year! I shall grow distracted! Oh, you clever, clever girl. You have saved us all!”

  “Mama, please…”

  “Ah, Jane, there you are!” She blinked as though Jane had materialised out of thin air. She looked her up and down. Her mouth tightened as though she was displeased by what she saw. “You look rather pale, my dear. And you are rather thin and tired. I hope you did not see Mr Bingley in London while looking like that?”

  “Mama, what arrangements have you made for Mr Darcy later?” I said, with an apologetic look at Jane. “I have told him to join us for dinner here this evening.”

  Mama forgot about Jane at once. Her eyes lit up, and she clapped her hands. “You need not worry about what I shall put on for him,” she said. “When have I ever offered anything but the finest spread? I am sure whatever I provide will rival anything he might have at Pemberley.” She sighed and clasped her hands together as though she were having a religious experience. She closed her eyes. “Pemberley,” she whispered. “My daughter shall be mistress of Pemberley. Oh, I cannot believe it. It is the crowning moment of my life. Have you spoken to Mr Darcy about having your sisters come and stay with you? You must do all you can to throw them into the paths of other rich men.”

  Lydia and Kitty giggled. I just about avoided rolling my eyes and turned to greet my father.

  He hugged me and kissed me in that vague way of his.

  “I am glad you are come back, Lizzy. I should like to have some time to spend with you before you leave us forever.”

  “Hardly forever, Father. I am not moving to the other side of the world. Mr Darcy has carriages, you know. I will visit you frequently, and he assures me we will invite you to visit us at Pemberley.” At his unhappy expression, I added quickly, “Did I tell you he has a magnificent library? Both in Derbyshire and in Lon
don. He assures me you can use it as much as you like.”

  “I suppose that should be some consolation,” he said, though his words were heavy.

  “And I, Lizzy?”

  I turned to see Mary had taken a step towards me. Her eyes lit up in the first expression of excitement since I had arrived. “May I please make use of the library? I should like it above anything.”

  “Yes, I told Mr Darcy you would.” I smiled. “I think I can persuade him to indulge you.”

  I embraced her and then hugged my two youngest sisters.

  “How clever you are, Lizzy,” said Lydia with a giggle. “If I knew it would result in a wedding, I should demand all the officers write letters to me so I shall have to marry one of them.”

  “Do not be silly, Lydia. It is far from an ideal way to catch a husband.”

  “Anyway that catches you a husband is an ideal way,” said Lydia pertly.

  “Perhaps we should go into the house,” I said before Lydia could say anything else indelicate.

  We were seated in the small parlour. My mother looked around at us all and beamed.

  “Well, here we are all together again for the first time since Christmas. We must make the most of it because it is unlikely to happen again once Lizzy is married.”

  “What is this we hear about Mr Darcy rescuing you from the river?” Kitty demanded. “John Lucas mentioned it to me, but you said nothing in your letter. Did he make it up to tease me?“

  With resignation, I was forced to tell the story once again. My mother gasped and rolled her eyes and waved her handkerchief and made much of her distress at the situation.

  “Oh, we owe Mr Darcy more than ever. How brave of him to rescue my dear girl. Oh, my sweetest Lizzy. If anything has happened to you, it would have been the end of me. I am sure I would have expired immediately.”

  I barely suppressed a smile. For the first time in my life, I was my mother’s favourite daughter. I was so used to being the least favoured, by her at least, that I hardly knew how to take this new change without laughing.