Crazy Cupid Love

by Amanda Heger

  The Erosians did not.

  In fact, for the last two terms, her people had been represented by the slimiest slimeball that ever slimed: Vic Van Love. Not that it really mattered. Ever since Cupids had gone public, they’d been sanctioned at every level of the Council. Vic couldn’t vote, participate in committees, or even propose changes to the existing rules. As far as anyone could tell, Vic preferred it that way: all the prestige of a Council seat with none of the work or responsibility.

  “It’s a dumb idea I’ve had since I was a kid,” Jake said. “Before I knew about the sanctions and stuff. Back then, I thought it would be so cool to make the rules and actually have people listen.”

  “So, you wanted to boss people around?”

  He laughed. “I’m the youngest of five kids. Can you blame me?”

  She couldn’t. Elijah had five minutes on her and somehow always used his status as the “older” child to pull rank. “But you’re not a kid anymore, and you still want to do it?”

  “I gave up on the idea once I got a little older, but after my time in the Corps, I realized how much I still wanted it. Not because I want to boss people around, but because I’ve seen so much. And I’m tired of Cupids not having a say in anything anymore, not having a vote in the things that matter.”

  “I’d vote for you,” she said. “I mean, if you ran.”

  “Still a big if, but I appreciate your support, Herman.”

  She met his gaze, his vulnerability making her feel bolder and braver. “I have a dumb idea too.”

  “Please,” he said. “I’d love to hear it.”

  “I decided today I’m going to take my licensing exam. I mean, even if they don’t make me. I want to do this. For real.” Once the words were out in the world, she couldn’t stuff them away. And as she looked at Jake—the grin on his face, the hard line of his jaw, the soft glow of his eyes—she realized she didn’t want to take them back.

  “Well, we’d better get to work then,” he said. “No more of this weekly practice nonsense. Starting tomorrow, you’re getting daily tutoring sessions.”

  And with that, Eliza secured what was quickly becoming the most important thing in her life, whether she liked it or not: more time with Jake Sanders.

  Chapter 10.5

  Calif. CCR § 406.12. Beyond the weekly mentorship hours required to maintain the provisional Cupid license, regular meetings are encouraged. However, the frequency of these meetings remains at the discretion of the applicant’s mentor.

  Every day. Every damn day.

  That’s how often I’m going to see Eliza. Tomorrow. The next day. The day after that.

  Not that I’m counting.

  Fine. I’m definitely counting. Number of times she smiled at me today: thirteen. Number of times I wondered if we could leave the café and head somewhere quiet where I could ask her advice about my plans for the Cosmic Council: four. Number of times I thought about kissing her between bites of French toast: innumerable.

  What in the Underworld is happening to me?

  I’ve been enchanted before. Sometimes on purpose, a few times not. And while those days were fun while they lasted, that’s all they were. A bit of fun to pass the time. This is different.

  I’m different.

  We’re different.

  My emotions should be starting to normalize by now. Instead, I feel more like a freshly shaken snow globe every day. I should be noticing the little things about Eliza that annoy me. But those tiny imperfections only drag me in deeper. At this point in the game, I should be pulling myself back together and getting to work on my Cosmic Council application. Not volunteering to spend every waking second with Eliza.

  And yet…

  I could pretend my motivations are purely unselfish. After all, if—no, when—she gets her license, she could be the most powerful Cupid we’ve seen in decades. And if there’s one person pure-hearted enough to use that power for good, it has to be Eliza. With her ridiculously high enchantment levels, she could do things—help people—in ways I could only dream about. If I’d had her on my team in the Cupids Corps, we could have quietly made a difference for hundreds more people.

  We could have slipped through cities and towns undetected. We could have taken on more sensitive projects. The kind where the good of an entire nation could rest on the right, or wrong, people falling in love without knowing they’d been enchanted. Team Eliza and Jake would have been unstoppable.

  But I’m sometimes a selfish bastard. And if I’m honest—really honest—I’m as excited to spend tomorrow with Eliza as I am for all the good she could do as a Cupid. Because things aren’t getting better with this enchantment. They’re getting worse.

  I’m just as smitten with her as the day she dropped that candy dish on my foot.

  No. That’s a lie.

  I’m more smitten. Smittener? Whatever. I want her more now than I did then. Mentally, physically, emotionally. All the ways she’ll have me. Which, to date, are exactly none.

  Gods damn it. I guess we know what’s wrong with me. It’s obvious. Written right there on the wall in giant red letters. I’m falling in Love with Eliza.

  Real Love. The kind that turns you inside out and upside down, shaping you into someone new. Someone better.

  Real Love. The kind that leaves a giant, gaping wound when it ends, shaping you into someone new. Someone half-empty and hollowed.

  But since Eliza has made it clear that she’s not interested, I have a feeling that gaping wound is coming sooner, rather than later.

  Hopefully I don’t hemorrhage out.

  Chapter 11

  “Average people rarely hire Cupids, so the practicing Cupid will notice their clientele often have unique ‘quirks’ or ‘foibles.’ Identify these characteristics early in the Cupid-client relationship.”

  —Cupid Strategies for Malpractice Defense

  Eliza stuffed another grape into her mouth as she flipped through the pages of Sterling & Rockwell’s Strategies and Tactics for Passing the Cupid Licensing Exam. Jake had loaned her a handful of old books from his apartment. Everything from Cupid 101: Everything You Need to Know about Enchantments, Fourth Edition to Eros: What Was His Deal? But the Sterling & Rockwell’s was new. He’d ordered it especially for her and dropped it off yesterday with a handwritten note inside the front cover.

  Eliza: Here’s to dumb ideas.

  Could giving someone a study guide qualify as a romantic gesture? A few weeks ago, Eliza would have said no. Today it felt like the most romantic thing anyone had every done for her.

  Not that she believed in actual romance. Or Love. Or—

  The bells over the office door rang out, saving her from falling down her personal rabbit hole of denial and excuses. She closed the study guide and sat up straight at the Herman & Herman receptionist’s desk. The workday was nearly over and the last person who’d wandered in was looking for directions to the mall, but it couldn’t hurt to be ready.

  Jake stepped through the door and stopped a safe distance away. Excitement and disappointment warred in her brain. Excitement at seeing his face, being near his perfect forearms, thinking about the way he looked at her when they stood too close. Disappointment at how he’d become a stickler for their rules. “What are you doing in about”—he glanced up at the clock—“ten minutes?”

  Daydreaming about your mouth. She held up the study guide. “My tutor is a real drag. He’s always on my case about studying for this test, like it’s some big deal or something.”

  “Sounds like a jerk.”

  “He’s got his qualities.”

  “Such as?”

  Oh, you know. Smells like a dream, has A+ archery skills, once made me swoon by remembering my favorite childhood cookies. “You know what? You’re right. He’s a jerk. Let’s blow off this studying thing and see a movie or something.”

  He rai
sed an eyebrow and gave her a grin that said what exactly would happen if they sat beside each other in the dark for two hours.

  “We could sit on opposite sides of the theater,” she suggested.

  “Sorry, Herman. No can do. You’ve got a new client coming in.”

  “I do?”

  “Eddie Pearson. Goes to my gym. Yesterday he started asking me about enchantments, so I told him to come here. He just sent a text and said he wants to look through the flip-books today. I even called Oliver to let him know.”

  Every part of her turned light and giddy. So this is what it feels like to have someone believe in me. Someone who, unlike her father, wasn’t responsible for her very existence. “You know this is really going to interfere with my evening plans.”

  “Oh? What exactly were your plans, Herman?”

  “Studying in my underwear and eating Cheetos for dinner,” she said. “Try not to be jealous of how glamorous my life has become.” His eyes flashed at the word underwear, and Eliza immediately felt guilty. “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean to make things, um…” Don’t say harder, don’t say harder. Think of a better word, please. “Harder for you.”

  Gods damn it. She was failing epically at this be-a-supportive-friend-and-friend-only thing.

  Jake stepped closer, filling her personal space with his broad form. He bit the inside of his lower lip, and Eliza could almost see the struggle to keep his enchantment at bay. At least she wasn’t the only one struggling to abide by the rules.

  “Herman,” he said, voice low. “You’ve done nothing but make my life harder since I came back to Gold Lea. And I’m not complaining.”

  A sweet, slow tingle blossomed deep in her stomach. Judging by the look on his face, she wasn’t the only one whose recent nights had been consumed by dirty thoughts. “Jake—”

  Ding. Dingdingding.

  Holy Hades. She grabbed the nearest stack of papers and pretended to sort them. No, she hadn’t been about to suggest they lock the door, turn out the lights, and see where a few heated glances took them.

  “Eddie,” Jake said, turning briskly. “Thanks for stopping by.”

  Eliza glanced up from her mess of papers, which she quickly realized were nothing but blank pages from a box near the printer, and took in the man who’d walked into the office. He stood half a head taller than Eliza, and his very tight T-shirt left little to nothing to the imagination. This guy spent a lot of time at the gym, and he had the veiny biceps and well-defined chest to prove it.

  High maintenance, she thought. Capital H. Capital MAINTENANCE.

  His gaze darted around the room, and he puffed out his chest a little. Like he might run into his match right here, right now. “Thanks for fitting me in today.”

  “No problem,” Jake said. He gestured toward her. “This is Eliza. The Cupid I was telling you about.”

  Eddie sized her up. “Huh.”

  She couldn’t tell if that was a good huh or a bad huh. And who knew what Jake had told the guy. Hopefully, it was that she could do enchantments without drawing blood and not that she was an accident waiting to happen. “Nice to meet you, Mr.—”

  “Pearson,” he said. “But call me Eddie.”

  “Well, Eddie, Jake said you’re interested in hearing more about our services. Would you like to step back into my office?” Technically, it was Elijah’s office, but he wasn’t here and they’d shared a uterus, so same difference.

  When they’d settled in—Eliza behind the desk, Eddie in a chair, Jake lingering at the edge of the room—she pulled out an empty file. “Tell me what we can do for you, Eddie.”

  He gave her only a flicker of acknowledgment before turning to Jake. “She held to the same, you know, confidentiality agreement as you?”

  “Yes,” Jake said.

  “Absolutely,” Eliza added.

  “I can’t believe I’m doing this, but I want to be matched with a woman.” Eddie crossed his veiny arms across his chest. “I’ve never had a problem with chicks—I mean, with ladies—but this seemed like something new to try.”

  Eliza stifled an eye roll. “Eddie, engaging the services of a Cupid is nothing to be ashamed of. My ancestors have been creating matches and helping to continue the human race for thousands of years. The only difference between now and then is that you get a choice in the matter.”

  That may have been a direct quote from Jake’s copy of Cupid 101, which she’d read earlier in the day, but Eddie didn’t need to know that.

  “Yeah, but I’ve got a reputation to uphold,” he said. “Eddie Pearson doesn’t need magic to make the magic happen, you know?”

  Right. Women obviously flocked to this guy.

  “Eddie, let me reassure you that Cupids do some of their best work with people who already have a good handle on the magic.” She gave him her most pleasant, most professional smile, just like she’d read about in chapter three of Sterling & Rockwell’s: “The Difficult Customer.”

  Eddie leaned back in the chair with a distinct come-at-me-bro vibe. “Then this will be your best case yet.”

  Eliza glanced at Jake, whose face had turned stoplight red from holding in his laughter. She turned away and faked a cough to cover her own laugh. “Jake said you’re interested in our flip-book package. Would you like to have a profile featured or choose a match from someone in the books?”

  “Eddie Pearson is used to being the alpha dog. He needs to do the choosing.”

  Was this guy really going to talk about himself in third person throughout the entire appointment? “Okay, well, we have several profiles on hand. Once we go over all the paperwork, you can go through them and see who strikes you as a potential match.”

  “There’s no way to meet these ladies beforehand?” Eddie asked.

  “I’m afraid not,” Eliza said. “It’s best to just choose and go from there. If the match doesn’t take or you experience problems during the initial twenty-nine and a half days, we have a full money-back guarantee.”

  “Are you sure? A buddy of mine went to that Love Conquers All place, and he got to pick a chick out of a lineup.”

  “A lineup?” she sputtered. She pictured a row of girls, all of them doomed to matches with the type of douchebags who sought out help from Vic Van Love, holding up a list of their measurements and turning from left to right as guys mulled them over.

  “Said there was some kind of party. All the girls were in one room behind a two-way mirror. He and his cousin got to have a few beers and watch them before they picked. Like a couple of lions taking their pick of the gazelles.” Eddie wagged his eyebrows suggestively.

  “Female lions do the hunting,” Eliza said.

  “Huh?”

  Yes, her parents needed the business. Heck, she needed the business for her licensing hours log. But Eliza was teetering on the verge of paying this guy to leave and never come back. “Eddie, I’m not sure what your friend experienced at Vic Van Love’s, but the way Cupids do business is very tightly regulated. What you’re describing doesn’t sound legal.”

  His face clouded for a moment before he laced his fingers behind his head. “That’s just what I heard.”

  She took a deep breath and steeled her nerves. “Before we get started, we have to go through the paperwork. This page is a general profile. Your name, age, medical history, et cetera. This is a questionnaire about what you’re looking for in a match. You’ll still get to choose, but this might help us narrow things down if necessary.”

  “Eddie Pearson knows what he wants.”

  Eliza cleared her throat. “And here we have a confidentiality agreement and liability waiver. I’ll let you read them both, but essentially you cannot take photos or videos of anything you see in the flip-books today. We’ve also removed any personally identifiable information from the profiles, but we ask that you not speak to anyone about what you see in the books
. The waiver just lays out some of the possible side effects that can occur from enchantments.”

  Eddie muttered his way through the waiver. “‘Do not use Cupid services if you are seeking secondary gain, such as monetary payments, bribes, inheritances, or blackmail. Your hormones may change without warning. Discuss your situation with your Cupid to ensure you are emotionally available. Cupid services may cause side effects such as nausea, loss of appetite, intrusive thoughts about the object of your affection, or unusual bruising or bleeding. Seek immediate medical attention if you experience prolonged redness or swelling at the injury site or an erection that lasts more than four hours.’”

  He stared up at her, his skin turning an unfortunate shade of green. “Unusual bleeding or bruising? No way. Jake said Eddie wouldn’t need to bleed.”

  Aha! Now she knew exactly why a guy like this came to her instead of to a den of disgustingness like Love Conquers All. He was afraid of blood.

  “Usually—” she began.

  Eddie shoved the stack of papers back across the desk. “No blood. No way.”

  “Eliza is the only Cupid in thousands of miles who can perform an enchantment without drawing blood,” Jake said. “The paperwork is just standard.”

  I am? I guess I am. A surge of confidence washed over her, and Eliza had the sudden sense that being here, doing this was exactly what she’d been born to do. “I can make a note in your file that you have hemophobia. It shouldn’t be a problem.”

  “I mean, it’s not that I’m afraid of blood,” Eddie rushed to explain. “I just don’t see the need to involve it if we don’t have to.”

  “Of course.” Eliza handed him a pen. “Why don’t you go ahead and fill these out while Jake and I get the flip-books?”