Roxy cupped her face. “Take a breath.”
Adria did as she was told and felt stupid for the outburst and letting her emotions get the better of her.
“You need to give yourself a break,” Roxy demanded in her I-know-what’s-best-for-you voice. “You have never had trouble analyzing yourself and your life and figuring out what you want and need. It’s something I admire about you. You see yourself and life the way it is. Good. Bad. Ugly. Wonderful. Whatever. But you sometimes have a hard time asking for what you want or accepting help.”
“I don’t need help with the contractors. I’m pretty sure they’re afraid of me now after I gave them a piece of my mind and told them to get it done or I’d find someone who could.”
Roxy shook her head. “I’m not talking about work or lying to Trinity. I’m talking about you and Drake. You made the original deal. Renegotiate if you’re not happy with the current terms.”
Adria shook her head. “You don’t get it. I am happy with the way things are. I don’t want to mess it up.”
Sonya stepped up close. “You’re afraid he’ll turn you down if you ask for more.”
Yes! Because she wasn’t sure she’d have anything this amazing with anyone else. “I don’t want to lose what I have for something I know he doesn’t want.”
Roxy dropped her hands. “Are you sure? Have you asked him?”
“I don’t need to ask. Our relationship is the way it is because he’s the one who took a giant step back when things got too personal.”
“What happened?” Sonya asked, but Roxy looked just as eager for the answer.
She thought about the night they made love like their lives would end if they didn’t make it perfect. And it was that night.
Every night since, they came close but they both held that something more back from each other.
Which made her think of the night all the more. She wanted that back. She wanted it to be that way for them every night.
But Drake didn’t want that, or he’d show her that he did.
“Never mind. Seeing you guys makes me miss Juliana all the more and I’m being emotional and unrealistic. You came so I could try on the bridesmaid dresses. Let’s do that before it gets too late and your guys start missing you.”
No one missed her these days.
Even her twin didn’t want to speak to her.
You’re being dramatic. Maybe. But damnit, keeping things simple turned out to be hard.
Sonya tried to make a joke. “You just want us out of here so you can have hot sex with Drake.”
He wouldn’t come until he knew the coast was clear and no one would catch him. Because he didn’t want anyone to know about them. Because they weren’t a couple. They weren’t even really friends, despite how things started out in that direction. So she stated the facts. “That’s what we’re good at.” That’s all they shared now.
She got exactly what she wanted.
And she felt lonelier by the minute.
She counted down the days to Juliana getting out of rehab. Things would go back to normal. She’d have her sister back. Her other half.
Sonya unzipped the first garment bag they’d retrieved from the truck after leaving Drake in the barn and walking up to the cabin.
Adria switched gears and stared at the beautiful somewhere-between-purple-and-pink dress. The color was bright and cheerful and so her with its tank straps, tapered waist, and layered full skirt. Juliana would want a darker color, but Adria loved it. “It’s beautiful.”
Sonya pulled out the same dress in a deep plum. “Do you think it goes with this color?”
She rubbed the soft material through her fingers. “Juliana will love it.”
Sonya smiled. “Juliana will be my maid of honor. You’ll be Roxy’s. Is that okay?”
“Whatever you want.” Adria meant it. She wanted her sisters to have the perfect day and everything they dreamed it would be.
Roxy and Sonya planned a double wedding but they’d have separate ceremonies back-to-back. Adria and Juliana would change their dresses in between and take separate pictures with the brides. Roxy and Sonya would share the day but get their own time to shine.
Adria loved the idea and thought that if she and Juliana were lucky enough to find love and get married together, they’d someday do the same thing. Maybe they’d even get pregnant at the same time. Their children would grow up together.
They’d dreamed such things when they were young, hoping for happier times and lives that were forever intertwined.
Roxy unzipped the other garment bag. “You and Juliana can decide which shade of blue you’d like to wear.”
The two dresses Roxy picked out were much more elegant than the ones Sonya chose, but no more pretty. It just showed their two separate personalities.
“The navy is gorgeous. But I love the lighter blue, too.” Both dresses were strapless with a sparkly silver gem-encrusted belt at the waist, again with full short skirts because this was a country wedding on Roxy’s ranch after all.
“They’ll look great on you with your golden hair and pale skin. We thought both colors would bring out your gorgeous blue eyes.” Roxy handed her the navy dress to start trying them on.
“Drake’s eyes will pop out of his head when he sees you in those.”
Adria stopped on her way to the bedroom to change and glanced over her shoulder at Sonya. “I’m not bringing him to the weddings.”
“Why not? If you want more, inviting him to a family wedding is a great way to let him know,” Sonya pointed out.
And open the door for him to turn her down, or worse, end things altogether. “Leave it alone,” Adria warned. She shouldn’t have told them about her deal with Drake and her mixed-up feelings. She needed to sort them out herself. She couldn’t keep relying on her sisters. They had their lives with their future husbands. She appreciated Roxy’s and Sonya’s support, and even their gentle prodding, but she needed to stand on her own and decide what she wanted herself.
They weren’t kids anymore.
She’d made her choices and had to learn to live with them.
The good ones. The bad. The benefits. And the consequences.
Chapter Seventeen
Drake sneaked out the kitchen door and headed straight over to Adria’s cabin. He didn’t know when he began thinking of it as “hers” but it felt to him that she’d always be there. Still, he had to wonder if she planned to get her own place once the business opened and her sister finished rehab.
Trinity had dumped a bunch of paint samples and furniture magazines on the table, saying simply that Adria forgot them in the truck when they got home. He should have stopped himself from asking why Adria needed them if she lived in the cabin, but he asked anyway.
Trinity stared at him for a good ten seconds before she said the building they bought had an apartment upstairs and Adria planned to move there with Juliana if she decided to stay instead of going back to Nevada.
Why that sent a bolt of panic through him, he didn’t want to even acknowledge, let alone examine it. They weren’t permanent. They weren’t even dating. They both stuck to the agreement. They shared their bodies and not much else.
While it worked for them, he still felt the strain in their odd relationship.
Maybe they’d let it go too far, or hadn’t taken it far enough. Something felt off.
He thought about the smile she’d given him in the stables. Sweet. Open. Sexy as hell. Just for him. He’d felt the impact of it hit him right in the chest.
But that didn’t mean anything.
Just like the sex didn’t mean anything.
He wondered how long he could tell himself that lie before he had to accept that this thing was going to blow up in his face. Because that was the only outcome he could see. She’d made it clear she didn’t want anything more with him. She’d gone out of her way to keep their other interactions to a minimum.
Admittedly, he had, too.
Were they both afraid to try for
something more?
Or did they both know this was all they’d have and they needed to accept it?
Truthfully, he didn’t know what she wanted.
He was better. He’d had a good couple weeks. Things were looking up for him, mentally speaking. He had his emotions and anger under control. He didn’t feel like he wanted to punch everyone in his path or have a full-on rage. He’d tempered his paranoia and vigilance when it came to walking in the open and being around people.
The last few days, he actually felt more like his old self. Talking through things with Dr. Porter and Jamie left him feeling more at ease with himself and the past.
His nightmares had abated. Mostly because after being with Adria he felt calm and sated and slept like he did before he’d gotten on the merry-go-round of flashbacks that stole his sleep, sanity, and well-being.
He’d put in the work to make himself better, but being with Adria helped more than anything to mask the pain, turn off the nightmares, and dull his wild emotions. Just thinking about her and what they shared made him feel better.
He needed her.
So damn bad.
Maybe that’s exactly why he should turn around and go home. It wasn’t fair to need her so much.
Still, his boots led him right to her.
Before he reached the porch steps, she walked out the door and met him as he stood one step below her. She didn’t say a word, just hooked her hand at the back of his neck and kissed him hard. Her hunger in full force rocked him and cleared every thought from his head, except the one that seemed tattooed on his mind: I want her.
Adria jumped into his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist. He loved that she never treated him like he was disabled or fragile. He’d shown her he wasn’t and she accepted what she saw and felt in him.
He stepped up onto the porch and headed for the door. She kissed a trail down his neck and held him tight. He couldn’t wait to lay her out on the bed and have his way with her. All he had to do was get her through the door. He stepped inside and turned to push the door closed, but he caught sight of Trinity standing in the distance staring at them.
His heart pounded with dread.
He should say something. Explain.
But Adria took his face, stared into his eyes, and said, “Take me to bed.”
He’d sworn to follow her orders. Without the promise, he’d have followed through because he wanted the same thing.
He hated to leave Trinity questioning what was going on, but it was none of her damn business, so he slammed the door shut and did exactly as Adria ordered.
He didn’t owe Trinity an explanation or feel the need to defend himself. Not to her.
He and Adria were grown adults with a bargain that worked for both of them.
“I want you now.”
See. He had no reason to feel guilty about the woman pulling his shirt off or the one outside who looked up to him.
At least she used to.
He stood at the end of the bed, shirtless, his arms full of a willing woman, who all of a sudden stopped her all-out assault on his senses with her hands sliding over his shoulders, her sweet floral scent filling his nose, and her pretty blue eyes staring at him, her lips tilted into a soft pout. “What’s wrong?”
If he told her about Trinity, this night ended right here, right now. Deep down, he suspected it would be the end of their deal for good.
“You’ve got too many clothes on.”
Her shirt disappeared, revealing her bare breasts. The pink tips begged for his lips and he dived in and sucked one into his mouth.
Yep. He was a bastard. But if this was the last time he’d get to be with her, he’d make it worth it. One more sweet, hot memory.
He’d tell her before he left.
But right now, she was his.
They didn’t exchange another word or waste any time stripping away their clothes. Desperate need hummed between them, but they still took their time, touching, tempting, kissing, drawing out every sigh and moan.
Though he’d committed every inch of her to memory, he mapped her body with his hands and mouth until she panted and writhed beneath him. He wanted his mark to seep into every cell so she’d never forget him. His touch. His taste. The way he lit her whole body on fire and sent her up in a wild explosion of sparks.
He took his time getting her there, drawing out every stroke of his body over hers until she was wild, desperate, and clutching his ass, pulling him in deeper. Harder.
Lost in her, and her in him, time stopped, and the night slipped away. Everything went away and it was just the two of them entwined in a sensual bliss that went on and on until they were swept away by pure pleasure.
It rocked through him. And just like every other time he was with her, he felt changed. He didn’t know how, but she altered him in a way that made him feel better and more whole each and every time.
He rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling. For a brief second he missed her closeness, but then she slipped up to his side, draped her leg over his thigh, laid her arm on his belly, and traced her fingers up and down his chest, her head tucked against his shoulder. He absently trailed his fingers over her tattooed arm.
They didn’t speak.
What was there to say after sharing something like that?
He should tell her about Trinity seeing them together.
Nothing, not one word from him or her broke the quiet calm he loved sharing with her.
Selfish to his very marrow, he held her close and savored the feel of her, the memories they shared, and her generous heart for the way she gave herself over to him every night.
Something this good couldn’t last.
He wouldn’t allow himself to do anything to ruin it.
But he knew eventually he’d mess up; a flashback or unmanageable outburst would end them.
He feared one day she’d wake up, ask herself what she was doing with a man who didn’t want to keep her, and move on.
The middle part of that didn’t exactly ring true. Not like it did in the beginning.
Maybe they did need to have a talk about what happened next.
Still, no words left his mouth.
He’d never considered himself a coward. He’d faced down insurgents and bullets and cleared buildings where death could be waiting behind the next door he kicked in. Yet he couldn’t ask the woman half-asleep beside him in bed if she wanted more from him.
She probably didn’t ask because she thought him incapable of giving it to her. Or she wanted him to stick to the deal because she simply didn’t want more.
Dr. Porter told him to take things slow, that it would take time for him to really heal and put the past behind him.
He wanted to move forward. He wanted to be like he used to be.
He wanted life to be easier.
He wanted this thing that seemed so easy in the beginning to be easy again.
In his mind, it seemed to have gotten complicated.
Maybe he was making it that way.
“Drake.”
“Yeah.”
She propped herself up on her arm beside him. “You’re thinking too much.” She leaned down and kissed him, sliding her body over his, so she lay down the length of him and everything disappeared from his mind again.
Making love to her was his pleasure and torment.
Leaving her an hour later took a lot more effort than the night before. And the one before that.
He spotted the lights on in the house long before he got there. He resigned himself to the inevitable and walked right up the porch steps and went in through the front door like he didn’t have a thing in the world to hide.
Trinity, Declan, and Tate all sat on the sofa watching an old Jackie Chan movie. All three of them turned to him and stared.
He didn’t say a word. He didn’t owe them an explanation.
Trinity’s eyes were filled with hurt when she asked, “How long have you been seeing Adria?”
“I’m fucking h
er, not seeing her.” He thought he’d make that clear. For them. For himself.
Declan and Tate exchanged judgmental frowns.
“I don’t need your opinions or disapproval. We’re adults. We can do what we want.”
Trinity shook her head, not believing him. “She’s not like that. Her mother . . .”
“I know all about her past.”
“She told you.” The disbelief in Trinity’s words stung, just like it did when Roxy and Sonya were amazed Adria shared what happened to her with him.
Instead of revealing how much they’d shared with each other, and defending himself as not being some callous asshole who didn’t care about Adria’s feelings and history, he went with his anger. “Let’s get this straight. What Adria and I do or don’t do is none of your fucking business!” The last he hadn’t meant to shout, but he couldn’t believe they’d been sitting here waiting for him to come home so they could tell him what an asshole he was for sleeping with Adria behind their backs. It wasn’t about them.
He wanted something good in his life. She was it.
If they ruined it for him . . . Well, if they thought he was a ball of roiling rage before, they’d know that was nothing compared to what he’d feel if he lost her.
Fuck!
He’d tried so hard not to have thoughts like that one.
It hit him hard and deep.
Along with the realization that he might have already ruined him and Adria by not being as stealthy as he had in the past and letting Trinity see them together.
Maybe part of him wanted to get caught.
“She’s not like that. I can’t believe she’d want this.” Trinity’s words cut.
“What you mean is you can’t believe she’d want me.” With the scars, his bad attitude, and a long road to getting back to anything resembling his normal self, he worried all the time that Adria agreed.
Tough Talking Cowboy Page 14
