by Nyrae Dawn
His voice sounds off. I can’t really explain how, but he sounds different. Agitated. “Can I trust you? I mean, can I talk with you honestly for a minute? I care about you, and I’m a little worried.”
“Always, be honest with me. You don’t have to worry about me though. Everything is good.” What’s with guys and always being worried? Like as a girl, I can’t take care of myself or something.
“It’s about your boyfriend.”
I actually feel the color drain from my face. Did they see each other? Fight. “Is he okay?”
Gabe shakes his head. Worry spikes inside me. “I don’t think he’s being honest with you, Abigail. I don’t trust him. I’m afraid he’s going to hurt you.”
Relief starts to replace the worry. “Funny, he says the same thing about you.” I try and play it off like his words don’t affect me, but they kind of do. I trust Caleb. I do, but there’s a part of me that still worries if this will all be taken away from me. That somehow this is some big, cosmic joke and I’m the one who’s going to get laughed at.
“I’m sorry. Maybe I’ve said too much…”
“What… what makes you think that? That you think he’s not being honest, I mean?” Not because I don’t trust Caleb, but because I’m curious.
“I didn’t want to tell you, but I saw him with a girl. She’s our age, with long black hair. They were laughing together and holding hands. I could be wrong, but I think that’s part of the reason he doesn’t want me around you either. He might know I saw them together, and he’s scared I’ll tell you.”
My heart stops. No. No, no, no. Stacy has long, black hair. Could it be? No, it couldn’t. Why would they be together? Maybe it was another girl. Another time. Before we got together. I feel like I’m going to be sick.
“I thought maybe it was his ex or something, but then I saw them together again tonight.”
My stomach churns. I’m so close to puking. We weren’t together today. For the first time in forever. My eyes start to sting. Why? Why would he do this to me? No, something inside me says. This is Caleb. He would never hurt me like this.
“Maybe I’m wrong,” Gabe says. “But I thought you should know.
“No.” I’ve said it over and over in my head, but this is the first time I manage it out loud. “Thanks for telling me, Gabe. I appreciate your concern, but it couldn’t have been Caleb. He wouldn’t do that to me.”
Gabe’s smile is sad as he backs away from my window. “I’m sorry. I hope you’re right. Sleep well.” Like he’s so good at, Gabe walks away from me.
***
“You’ve been awfully quiet today, Kitten.” Caleb says to me as we’re walking. Our hands are linked. I’m savoring the feel of him. Trying to suck confidence from the way he holds me that this is real. That he’d never go behind my back with the person who hates me more than anything.
I hate the thoughts that have invaded my head all day. What if they were working together? What if this was Stacy’s idea of a joke? Be nice to me and let me think my life is normal before taking it all away from me? I hate doubting him. Doubting myself too. I deserve this and him and nothing will take him away from me. “Sorry. I just didn’t sleep too well last night.”
Caleb rakes a hand through his hair. “Yeah, me either. I had another headache and some really crazy dreams last night.”
I tilt my head at him. “Dreams?” He’s hinted to them before, but never gone into any detail about them.
“Crazy stuff… It’s… nothing. Don’t worry about it.” I let it go. I have too much on my mind to worry about nightmares.
“Can I ask you something?” Caleb says. I nod my head and he continues. “That guy? Gabe. You don’t see him anymore, do you?”
I almost trip, but catch myself. It’s a coincidence. It has to be. He might know I saw them together, and he’s scared I’ll tell you. “Um, no. Not really. Why?”
Caleb stops, so I do too. “Listen, I know this is going to sound crazy. I swear I’m not some possessive boyfriend, but there’s something off with him, Abby. If he tries to come around you, I want you to stay away from him. Can you do that for me?”
Why, Caleb? Why do you want me to stay away from him? “He’s my friend.” Is the answer I give.
“Kitten…fine. Whatever. Can I see you tonight? I’ll come to your work and then ride home with you.”
Why? So you’ll be there if Gabe shows up? What is wrong with me? Why do I doubt him so easily? What kind of girlfriend am I? He wants to see me and I want to see him. That’s what I should be focusing on. “Of course. It’ll be fun.”
We’re quiet then, until we hit the stop sign. “Are you ever going to let me walk you to your door?” he asks, brushing my cheek with his thumb.
I want to be excited, like he wants to meet my mom because he cares about me and not because she’s the vamp freak. “Caleb…”
“Shh. No biggie.” And then he gives me that look. Like he’s soaking me in. When his lips take mine, I forget everything, but him. Us. Because someone who kisses me so thoroughly? You can’t fake that. Can you?
***
“I see you’ve taken this book seriously, Abby. I found it shoved in your closet,” Mom says the second I walk through the front door. “You know, if you didn’t want to read it, you could have just said so.”
I drop my backpack to the floor in front of the door. I do not need this today of all days. “Really, Mom? I could have just said so? Yeah right, but I will now. I don’t want to read it.” This time, there is no guilt mixed with my words. I don’t care if her feelings are hurt. If she’s upset, because I’m upset. I don’t know who to believe and it’s all because of Mom and stupid books like Modern Vampire.
“Excuse me, I need to go to work.” I start to walk past her.
“What’s gotten into you lately? You know how important this is! If you can’t take it seriously, you won’t go back to your job. You only keep it if I can trust you.”
I whirl around. “Oh my God! Does the universe freakin’ hate me?” Why does everything have to happen at once? I’m tired… so tired of everything. Of being hurt, of being scared of being hurt. Of vampires. “Did you know I have no friends, Mom? That I lie to you so you wouldn’t feel guilty that everyone at school calls me the vamp freak? That they all tease me because I have a crazy mom?”
Her hand flies to her mouth and it’s shaking. I’m shaking too.
“So go ahead. Take the only thing in my life that’s normal away from me. My only freedom from being the vamp freak. Or the ungrateful daughter who had the nerve not to want to carry a stake around with her. What’s it matter now, anyway? Vampires have already ruined my life. Maybe it’s time I stop pretending I can ever have one.”
She’s crying and I almost stay. Almost apologize, but I don’t. I run upstairs to get ready for work. Until she tells me I can’t go, I’m going to go.
Chapter Sixteen
I toss the last plate in the bin, not sure if I’m excited Caleb should be in in a few minutes or not. I mean, I am. It’s Caleb, but my thoughts are all mixed and jumbled. Vampires, Moms, mean girls and other boys are clouding what I feel. How he always makes me feel and I hate it.
I pick up my dish bin and turn toward the kitchen when I hear the front door jingle. I don’t know how I know, but it’s him. I can feel it. My skin starts to tingle and my insides turn to goo. Yep, it’s Caleb and just knowing that starts to make everything better.
“Abby!” My grip on the dish bin slips when I hear him frantically yelling through the small diner. The dishes crash to the floor as I whip around and gasp. Something is wrong. Terribly wrong. Happiness from just seconds ago is replaced by dread, making me dizzy.
Caleb’s eyes are wide, his head jerking around as he scans the restaurant. I can hear him breathing from twenty feet away. “Abby!” he yells again, before his eyes connect with mine.
He runs toward me. The few patrons are all staring now, watching us. Liz looks just as curious as everyone else.
> “We have to get out of here!” Caleb reaches for my hand, but I jerk it away. He’s freaking me out. It’s almost like he’s on something. Does Caleb do drugs? I don’t think so, but right now, I don’t know what to think.
“Shh. You’re going to get me into trouble.” I know it’s about the stupidest thing I can say. The damage is done. My boyfriend is spazzing out at my work and my boss is right here, but I don’t know what else to say. “Go outside. I’ll meet you later.” Maybe… Dirt is caked on his shoes. His eyes are wild now, like I’ve never seen him before. No, I have seen him like this, I realize. Seen those crazed eyes before and it was in my dream.
“We can’t. We need to go now. Your mom was right. Vampires!” His hands rake through his hair. “Gabe! I saw him. Blood… Stacy… He wants you, Abby.”
The customers to my left shift uncomfortably, looking nervous before they get up and leave. There is a table of two in the corner, their eyes wide and darting around. They shake their heads, looking at me. Liz is behind me.
“Listen, kid—” Liz starts to say, but Caleb cuts her off.
“I don’t have time to listen!” He yells.
I can’t breathe. I suck in a breath, but it’s like there’s none there. I reach up, trying to remove the invisible hands that strangle me. Not sure what else to do, I start to cry.
One of the men stands up as though he’s going to do something.
Caleb steps forward. I can’t bring myself to pull away when his hands gently hold each side of my face. “Don’t cry, Kitten. We’ll get out of here. I know you’re freaked out, but I promise I won’t let anyone hurt you. I won’t let Gabe hurt you.”
I can hardly hear him. The only noise in my head is what Gabe said. He worried Caleb was playing me. He’d seen him with Stacy. This has all been a game. A trick. He wants to make a fool out of me in front of everyone. Everyone will now know Mom believes in vampires and they’ll think I’m crazy too.
A cry breaks free from the back of my throat.
I pull away from him. “Go away, Caleb. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t do this, Kitten. Please let me keep you safe. I saw him with fucking fangs in Cavanaugh’s throat!” Caleb reaches for me, but I scramble backward. Stacy… It’s the two of them. But why? I know why she would do this, but why would he do this to me? I start crying harder now. He looks so convinced. Like he thinks this is real that I almost want to go to him, but that scares me more than any of this. If I go to him, that’s admitting something I can’t admit. It’s saying I think vampires are real. It’s saying my biggest fear has come true and I’m crazy like her.
The man from the table makes fists, rushing toward Caleb.
Caleb reaches for my hand again, but I rip it out of reach. Caleb’s hands instead go to his head as he clutches his hair, pulling at it. He pushes against his temples, a strangled cry breaking through the now silent diner. “Oh, shit. He’s here. He’s messing with my head, Abby! The headaches, the dreams, the noises outside my cabin. Fuck! Get out of my head!”
The guy shouts at Caleb again. “Kid, I’m going to call the police. You’re upsetting my wife! Why don’t you take it outside?” Liz, I suddenly realize, has been pulling at Caleb’s arm, trying to move him to the kitchen. He brushes her off, ignores the man. I’m so humiliated.
Convulsions wrack my body. I’m choking on my own tears, caught between reaching for him. Holding him, because God, is he crazy? “Caleb?” I can hardly get his name out.
His head jerks toward mine. “Don’t talk to me like that! Don’t look at me like there’s something wrong with me. I’m trying to protect you and you’re too stupid to trust me!” His words slap me across the face. He grabs his head again. “Shit! I didn’t mean that. Just come with me. I’m telling you, YOUR MOM WAS RIGHT! Vampires are real and they’re after you!”
I collapse to my knees. Someone help me! I don’t’ know what to do. Why isn’t anyone doing anything?
“That’s about enough. I am calling the police,” Liz tells him. And she means it. She’s got her phone in her hand, and she’s waiting for somebody to answer.
Every part of me is screaming at me to go to him, that he’s in pain, but how can I believe what he says? How can I think vampires are real? Just like the LP, he’s taken my weakness and played on it.
Tears blur my eyes, but when the bell over the door jingles again, I can make out the figure standing there. Gabe.
“Abigail? What’s going on?” he asks.
Wierdly, all of a sudden, the man from the corner booth sits down. And Liz hangs up the phone. Maybe Gabe makes them feel safe, like he’s normal or something. But it’s odd.
Caleb turns toward Gabe and I stand, reaching for them both, hoping to stop the fight I know will happen. When I do, Caleb jerks away, his eyes murderous as they land on Gabe.
“Don’t talk to her!” He stands up straight, not holding his head like he had been as he stepped toward Gabe. “I saw you. I know what you did, but you can’t have her, you bloodsucking freak!”
Vamp freak. Abby you’re such a freak! I hate that word. Hate hearing it thrown around to attack someone else. Someone who’s like me, alone. “Caleb, stop it. Please just stop!”
“Don’t trust him, Kitten. Please…” His voice cracks. God, he sounds so hurt, like he really believes the craziness coming out of his mouth. But it’s crazy. He sounds just like Mom. I don’t want to believe him.
“You’re scaring me, Caleb.” I try pleading with him to stop, hoping he can hear the pain he’s causing me. I look at the man, hoping for help. He has an odd, spaced-out look on his face. Why isn’t anyone helping us?
“Abigail? What’s going on?” This time it’s Gabe who speaks, and what a mistake it is. Caleb breaks our connection and lunges for Gabe, punching him in the face. I try to pull them apart, yell for help, but still no one does anything to stop it. Caleb hits Gabe over and over again and for some reason, Gabe doesn’t fight back. He jerks a look over at me as if to say, “and you like this jerk why?”
Liz is standing frozen in the back of the counter, her eyes unfocussed. The man starts moving towards the door, their eyes like Liz’s. It’s so surreal. What the hell. Somebody has to stop Caleb from killing Gabe, so I run toward them. I don’t care if I get hit, I just need him to come to his senses. Caleb takes another swing right when I jump between them and his knuckles graze my jaw, but by some miracle, Gabe pushes me out of the way.
“Shit! Abby, I’m sorry. I would never hit you. You know that. Come here, Kitten. Please come with me.”
I don’t move. He’d almost hit me. I know it’s an accident, but I’m still shocked. And my heart breaks because I know how much he hates his father and I know, no matter what’s going on here, Caleb’s not like him.
He’s hurting… he’s in pain. I don’t know what’s going on. Maybe it’s the stress of being on his own, but whatever’s going on, it’s hurting Caleb as much as it is me, only in a different way. He reaches for me again and I’m going to let him this time. If only to calm him down, and hopefully get him some help, but he screams again. Grabs his head.
“Abby, I have to tell you something. I saw something tonight,” Gabe tells me.
Slowly, Caleb straightens from his bent over position. “Please…please don’t go with him.”
“Haven’t you hurt her enough?” Gabe asks him.
“Fuck you.” Caleb replies and I wonder what Gabe means. My wonder doesn’t last very long.
“Caleb? You did it?” Stacy Cavanaugh walks up to Caleb’s side.
I can’t breathe.
My chest aches.
It’s true. All along Stacy and Caleb were playing me.
“What the hell are you talking about? Get away from me!” Caleb looks at Stacy.
She laughs. “It’s over, Caleb. You played her, just like we planned. No need to pretend anymore.”
It’s all I can stand. I run out of the restaurant and make my way to my car. I open the door, lock i
t and cry. I know I should leave, but I can’t make myself drive right now. I love him and he never cared about me. Nothing was real. Nothing will ever be real again.
Minutes pass and I cry and cry. Tears wetting my shirt, but I don’t care. The pain is too much. I feel like I’m split in half. I don’t stop crying, even when someone knocks on the passenger window. I know its Gabe.
Hitting the button, I unlock the door. Without a word, he pulls me out, walks me over the passenger side and sits me down.
“I’ll drive,” he says. All I can manage is a nod.
We’re on the road in a matter of seconds. My thoughts are still back at the diner. Still with Caleb. “What did you do after I left?” Gabe mumbled something. I could have sworn it was, “cleaned up”, but that didn’t make sense. It had only been a few minutes, which definitely wasn’t enough time to clean the mess in the diner. “What?”
“Just let him know how I feel about him and what he did. That’s all.”
Fear spikes inside me. “Did you hurt him? I hate fighting, Gabe.” I don’t know why I care. He obviously doesn’t care about me.
But I still don’t get it. After Stacy came in and revealed their relationship, Caleb was still acting wrong. Why did Stacy’s words freak him out so much?
I feel Gabe’s eyes on me. Like my words shock him. “After everything you care if I hurt him?”
I can’t bring myself to answer. Gabe groans, but I ignore that too, and ask, “Where are we going?”
I feel guilty for bringing Gabe into this. He didn’t deserve any of it; Caleb’s anger toward him, my choosing Caleb over him. None of it. All he’d done is been a good friend to me. He’s being a good friend to me still.
“We’re almost there.”
He didn’t answer my question, but I let it go, too brokenhearted to care. I drop my head against the cold window and stare as we drive down the street Caleb’s cabin is off. Just the thought makes something squeeze in my chest.
We keep going and the road gets quieter. I know there are a few miles where there’s almost nothing at all and then you come into all the really nice houses in Karma. The part of town where Stacy lives. I’m not surprised Gabe lives here too. But for now… now, there’s nothing out here. A chill slides down my spine. I pull my feet up on the seat, hugging my legs to me, hoping he doesn’t realize I’m uncomfortable.
