Songlines

by Carolyn Denman

  Aunt Lily tried to look enthusiastic about it. She was holding up well, considering how little detail we’d been able to provide her. On Harry’s suggestion, she was taking Sarah with her to the city to try to ratify our submission to the Aboriginal Affairs department, and Caleb and Liam had offered to take care of the farm. They’d teased Noah and me about taking Tessa and Bane away for a few days to an undisclosed location, but it was easier to let them think what they wanted. At least it meant they didn’t try to pry for details. Well, not much anyway. Nicole was ecstatic at being asked to take over the care of the joey.

  That night I lay awake, stressing about how I really needed a good night’s sleep, and tried to imagine what I would say when I met my mother. All these years I had thought she was dead, and she had apparently thought the same about me. Is that why she never came back? Had I been deprived of my mother all my life because of a simple lack of communication? But Noah’s mum had mentioned my mother had thought I was dead when I was a baby, sleeping in her arms.

  Staring at the ceiling, I tried to control my nerves. What if she didn’t remember me? What if she didn’t want to meet me? What if she did want me but we didn’t get along? I had a hundred different scenarios whirling through my mind, some of which belonged in musical theatre, most belonged in a dinnertime soap opera. Eventually there came a gentle tap on my window.

  ‘Bane! I’m keeping you up, aren’t I? What are you doing outside?’ I opened the window and a thousand tiny bugs flew in and dazzled themselves in ecstasy around my bedside lamp.

  ‘I couldn’t sleep either, not your fault,’ he assured me. ‘Come for a walk?’

  He’d thrown on a pair of jeans and a loose white shirt, which made him look like he’d misplaced his luxury yacht. I glanced at the clock—it was well after midnight. I had never been on a clandestine night-time adventure before. Not even with Noah. A small shiver went up my spine at the thought of Bane inviting me to sneak out the window. Of course, had she known, Aunt Lily probably would have encouraged it, which made it not quite so thrilling, but still.

  My old boots looked terrific with my Tintin pyjamas as I clambered through the window. Bane eased me to the ground far more gracefully than I would have managed on my own and then took my hand and led me to the top of the hill behind the house. The smell of honey drifted in with the warm night breeze. Nearby amongst the trees I could hear possums jumping between branches and a koala roaring. The world came alive at night as the industrious societies of native animals went about their business, completely indifferent to our meaningless daytime activities. In some ways I wished I could join them.

  We found a flat bit of dry grass to lie down on and stared quietly at the sky bling for a while. Nothing else existed in the world except the feel of his presence beside me and it was all I could do to stop myself reaching for him. With a sinking feeling I realised how foolish I had been to come out here. The way my blood was singing, it would probably only lead to more confusion.

  ‘Lainie, are you really planning to come back?’ he asked softly after a few minutes, snapping my attention away from the feel of his shoulder touching mine.

  I sat up. ‘Of course I am! This is my home. I’ll find a way back somehow.’ Did he really think I would abandon this world so easily?

  His shoulders relaxed slightly. ‘And what are you hoping to achieve by going? Is it really just about your mother, and bringing Harry home?’ He sat up as well and looked me in the eye. ‘Or is it me? I can leave if you want me to, Lainie. You don’t have to risk your life to get away from me. I can manage if I stay in town.’

  I gaped at him stupidly. Me get away from him? These days I struggled just to leave a room he was in. My brain had been having panic attacks whenever I tried to imagine letting him go permanently. When had I become so dependent on his company? I hadn’t planned on it, and I had barely noticed it happening, but now that he said it like that, I couldn’t begin to imagine what my life would be like without him around. How could I ever make him leave? The problem was, I couldn’t afford to let him know how I felt, but I couldn’t make myself lie to him either, so instead I just stared at him like a startled rabbit with my heart thudding.

  His mouth began to curl up into that smile.

  ‘I knew it. You don’t want me to go.’ He looked triumphant.

  ‘What makes you say that?’ I squeaked.

  ‘Your heart rate. I’m getting more attuned to you every day.’ He picked up my hand and ran his fingertips lightly from my wrist to my shoulder. They burned deliciously, and I quivered. His touch thrilled me—and he could feel it. There was a profound promise there.

  ‘Listen, I understand that you need to do this. You need to experience Eden and find out who you are. You should find your mother, and maybe you’ll even find a way to resolve the sadness in the river music. But please don’t think you’re doing this for me. Just because the link is broken when you’re there doesn’t mean I’ll stop feeling what I feel.’ Leaning towards me, he waited until I was brave enough to look him in the eye. ‘I want to stay with you. I love it here.’ He took my hand again, entwining our fingers. ‘And I love you.’ His voice was soft and confident. ‘I couldn’t let you go without telling you. I don’t care if it’s pre-destined or if I’m just the world’s luckiest guy; I’m just grateful to have had this time with you. I keep waiting for the bubble to burst. For my life to go back to the way it was, and I’m dreading it. Please just let me stay a little longer?’

  Reason had vanished into the depths of his silver eyes, his long eyelashes making them seem large enough to drown in. It would be so easy to give in to this feeling. It was right, and natural, and exciting. But was it real?

  Gathering my wits together was like trying to hold ten puppies at once. ‘Bane. I want you to do something for me. When I’m there, when you’re not under the influence of this compulsion to protect me, I want you to step away for a while.’

  He froze.

  ‘Just for a few days,’ I qualified. ‘Go into town and spend some time with other people. Talk to a stranger. Do something you’ve never done before. Get some perspective back and then examine how you really feel.’ I clasped my arms around my knees and studied my old dusty work boots. ‘I’m nothing special, Bane. I’m just me. If you find that without the compulsion you stop feeling this way, then I promise I’ll stay away from you and let all of this become just an embarrassing memory. A secret that I’ll keep. No one will have to know how you almost fell for Lanky Lainie. I’ll find a way to let you get on with your life.’

  He looked exasperated. ‘And if I still feel the same?’

  I smiled wistfully. That would be far too good to be true. I just hoped that when the time came, he would be honest enough with himself to admit I was right.

  The next morning Sarah’s Pajero rumbled up our driveway road just as the early sun was glowing through the dust. I could see Noah and Tessa cuddling in the back seat. The plan was for us all to leave at the same time, so that everyone would assume we’d all gone together to the city before parting company. Tessa got out hauling a huge backpack almost bigger than she was. She was planning to stay in the cave until we found a way to come home. Bane had packed too, but not as heavily; he’d agreed to go to Horsham to see some friends. The Ashbree twins weren’t due until late afternoon so he would have time to come back and get his sedan. They would just assume we’d taken that car too.

  All too quickly it was time for Sarah and my aunt to leave and I hugged Aunt Lily far too tightly but she didn’t seem to mind.

  ‘Come back to me,’ she whispered, a tremor in her voice betraying her worry.

  ‘I will. Even if I have to dismantle the rock fall one pebble at a time,’ I promised. I glanced at Bane lifting her suitcase into the Pajero. ‘Just in case I don’t, you’ll talk to Bane like we discussed?’

  ‘Of course. But I can’t make him do anything. He needs to make his own choi
ces.’

  ‘I know. That’s the whole point,’ I said with a wry smile.

  ‘Take care of my son, won’t you, Lainie?’ Sarah asked as she gave me a quick hug. As if he wasn’t the one responsible for both our lives as we jumped off a cliff.

  ‘As always. And good luck with the registration process. Hopefully it will get these miners off our backs for good so we can get on with better things.’

  She nodded, looking eager and determined. She was probably grateful to be able to finally contribute something useful to protecting Eden without compromising her family.

  As they drove away, I reflected that there was a very real possibility that I would never see either of them again. Or my home. Strictly I disciplined my thoughts to focus on the task at hand. If I let myself dwell on things too much I would never be able to follow through with the plan. Even so, I couldn’t stop myself looking at each shed and tree and gate we passed, thinking that it might be the last time I saw them.

  When the four of us made it to the top of the ridge, the last few tufts of early morning mist were only just managing to grasp at the tree tops below us. There was a light southerly breeze that promised to give a little relief from the heat later on. I began to help Noah unpack the glider, but he stopped and gave me the same look as when I’d tried to help him set up the tent the last time we went camping. I was perfectly capable, but he could be a bit of a control-freak sometimes. Still, he had a point this time. Hanging in the air strapped to a hang glider was probably not a good time to discover I had put the right pole in the wrong place.

  Bane pulled me aside. ‘I have something for you to take,’ he said, handing me an envelope. I peeked inside. He’d printed off a few small photos of himself, Aunt Lily, and even some of the Ashbrees that had been taken at Christmas. ‘Just to help you remember,’ he said seriously.

  As if I could ever forget the people I loved—but I tucked it into my back pocket, hoping that it wouldn’t be all I was left with if things went wrong.

  ‘Thank you, Bane. I know this isn’t easy for you.’ I leant forward and whispered in his ear. ‘Just for the record, how are you feeling? Do you honestly feel that I’m in danger?’

  A mix of emotions crossed his face. ‘I’m so tempted to say yes,’ he admitted. ‘And to say that I can’t help but do whatever it takes to stop you from taking this insane leap of faith. The truth is, I don’t feel anything compulsive. I still want to stop you, but only because I don’t want you to leave.’ My shoulders relaxed slightly. ‘Lainie, that doesn’t mean much. It could just be that my pre-cognition can’t see what happens to you past the boundary.’

  Hmm, good point. He had obviously been thinking this through a lot. I had come to rely on his senses to keep me safe, but I was about to jump into the unknown with no such reassurance. He noticed my worried frown and his face became gentle.

  ‘Listen, I trust Noah. He knows what he’s doing. It’s only a short drop really, as these things go.’ He squared his shoulders. ‘And you need to do this, if only so I can prove to you that what we feel is real.’

  I hoped he wouldn’t be too hard on himself when he came to his ‘real’ senses. I looked over at Noah. He’d finished setting up the rig and was checking the harness and safety gear. It had taken less than ten minutes, and it had gone quickly. It was time to find out what reality was like.

  What I hadn’t been game to mention to Bane of course, was that the cliff was much higher in Eden than it appeared from this side. Noah didn’t seem fazed by that though, so I had no reason to worry. So my head told me.

  We cleared the take-off site as well as we could, moving away branches and rocks that could trip us over. We would need a good run up to launch, the idea being that we would be more or less airborne before we even reached the edge. That, of course, meant that we would be crossing the Event Horizon partway through the launch. Bane and Tessa would have no idea whether we managed to even launch safely, let alone land.

  As Noah strapped me into the harness I tried to stop myself from shaking. It was more in anticipation than fear, but I still hoped no one would notice. To distract myself, I whimsically tried to imagine what the Eden locals would think when they saw Noah and I descending like a giant winged bird. The glider was not exactly discreet; it was white and yellow with a large picture of the manufacturing company’s winged eye logo on each side. In wry amusement I wondered if that meant that technically we had two sets of wings, like the Cherubim in the Bible. Our helmets alone made us look like creatures from outer space.

  Finally Noah was satisfied with our preparations. He gave Bane a solid slap on the shoulder, and Bane nodded and looked at him meaningfully. It was clear they’d had words, but I was glad they had done it in private. Tessa was holding up well, back straight and her chin held high, determined not to appear weak. I couldn’t believe the change in her since school. A few months ago she would have been swooning in fear. Finding out the truth about her role had given her more freedom to be herself, not less, and I was glad for her. Noah swept her up in a tight embrace, whispering in her ear, and she smiled coyly in response.

  I glanced over at Bane only to catch him watching me with his arms crossed. Tension knotted his jaw. ‘You’re humming again,’ he said. ‘Are you certain you want to do this? It’s not too late to pull out, you know.’

  I poked my tongue out at him, trying to appear nonchalant, but he wasn’t fooled.

  He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before I could protest. ‘Stay safe, Lainie. Come to the cave as soon as you can. I’ll be waiting.’

  And that was it. Noah had drilled me on what I needed to do and I’d even had a few practice runs from the top of the hill paddock at home. It seemed fairly straightforward. Noah would do most of the work; all I had to do was keep up. Unfortunately I was now regretting the night I’d spent watching YouTube videos of all the things that had gone wrong for people in the past. It had seemed funny at the time.

  We positioned ourselves carefully and Noah finished his final preparations before gripping the frame ready for launch.

  ‘Ready, Lainie?’ He grinned at me, his eyes ecstatic. This was the Noah I knew, ready to experience something new, and ready to take me with him into the unknown. I smiled back and nodded.

  He counted down from five and then we were running, and in just a few short seconds I could feel my feet lifting off the ground. We passed through the boundary so fast that I hardly had a chance to register the feeling, but I certainly noticed the sudden change of scenery and atmosphere. Even the wind was different, which gave me a brief moment of panic, but it was far too late to pull out. Why had we even bothered waiting for the right weather conditions? They meant nothing here. With my heart doing backflips in my chest I hoped desperately that Noah would be able to keep his focus better than the last time. The edge of the cliff came rushing towards us and then it was gone—and we were flying.

  Chapter 35

  Like the first shocking gasp of a cold shower on a sweaty day, my entire body felt washed clean and crisp as we crossed out of our world. I felt as though I had suddenly woken up, and whatever I had been dreaming of mere seconds beforehand had become completely obsolete. I caught my breath as the valley opened up below us, shining joyfully in the bright sun.

  Instead of the expected sound of the wind roaring in my ears as the air rushed past, it was actually very quiet and serene. Gently Noah leant to the right and the glider started to turn. The view was overwhelmingly magnificent. It was a good thing there was not much Noah needed to do to keep us safe, because everything around us was really distracting. Everywhere I looked there was something amazing to see. A wedge-tailed eagle soared ahead of us, as if guiding the way. In fact, there were so many birds in the sky that I was grateful the eagle was there to keep them away. The last thing we needed was to land in Paradise covered in snarge.

  As we circled back towards the cliff I could see how different Eden wa
s from the world we knew. The bright snow-topped mountains to the north eased down to a wide grassy plain, but the cliff blocked the rest of the view. I stretched my neck to see where the River cut through the cliff to the south, wide and sparkling and sapphire blue. Easily the most brilliant and captivating treasure amongst a wealth of stunning images, it made the river back home look like a pathetic brown streamlet.

  Noah craned his head back to me and laughed. ‘You can stop strangling my shoulder now, Lainie, the hard part’s done. So what do you think of flying?’

  We were strapped in not quite side-by-side, and so I let go of his T-shirt and rested my chin on his shoulder instead. ‘Why haven’t I done this before? You should have told me,’ I accused. ‘This is brilliant! It’s nothing like I expected … it feels so natural.’ As he laughed I was hit with a sudden insight. ‘Do you think maybe Cherubim are supposed to fly? Maybe it’s like a primal instinct. Maybe when we die we’ll revert back to our natural form and do this all the time. I hope so. I could definitely get used to this.’ All my nervous anticipation had dissolved away like a snowflake in the sun and I was feeling utterly euphoric.

  Noah let go of the bar and I glared at him in a panic. Had he lost his mind? Become so overwhelmed by the transition across the boundary that he had forgotten he had to steer?

  ‘Have a go. It’s easy.’

  I grabbed the bar in a death grip.

  ‘Just lean the way you want to turn.’

  I leant. We turned. I let out a not so quiet ‘woo-hoo’. It really was very simple and Noah’s laugh was contagious.