Songlines

by Carolyn Denman

  ‘No, not you!’ he recoiled, clinging to my mother again. So he still remembered my voice at least. Tessa came and took his hand instead. Watching her lead him, I was immensely impressed with the way she was willing to help the man who had held a knife to her throat less than half an hour earlier. I would never think of her as cowardly again.

  As soon as they moved off, Annie gave each of us another quick hug, headed back into the tunnel still clutching the Fruit that Harry had refused, and was gone.

  When we reached the river, we settled Harry into the canoe with Noah. Bane pushed the boat off and Noah began to paddle it downstream. Harry had assured us that there were no more waterfalls, but it would still be a rough ride.

  ‘What was he doing here, anyway?’ I whispered to Tessa. Mr Beckinsale was sitting down on the riverbank taking off his shoes and socks like he had been asked. ‘Surely he couldn’t have known about Eden?’

  Tessa explained what he had said to her and then Bane added what he had heard in Horsham at the gallery. I glared at the man through narrowed eyes. He looked completely harmless now so I had to trust that everything would work out all right, but I felt deeply offended.

  Chapter 41

  Liam and Caleb were relieved but confused to find us all rocking up at the house two hours later. It had been a torturously slow hike back with a blind man. They told us that the trip down the river had opened up Harry’s wounds pretty badly. Because of the cuts on his hands, he’d struggled to brace himself properly as the canoe had bumped him around, and by the time the ambos got to him he was slipping in and out of consciousness again. Noah had gone to the hospital with him.

  The first thing I did when I got in the door was to call Senior Sergeant Loxwood. When he arrived in a dust cloud of lights and sirens, I had no real explanation to give.

  ‘You say you found him trespassing?’ the police sergeant asked.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And now he’s blind?’

  ‘Yes. But seems okay other than that.’

  ‘Anything else you’d like to tell me?’

  ‘Harry’s hurt. Badly.’

  ‘I know. I heard the call.’ He waited, but I didn’t have anything else to offer, so he crossed his arms. ‘After you’ve seen Harry, all four of you will come straight to the station and make a statement. I’ll be there as soon as I’ve had Mr Beckinsale seen by a doctor.’ It didn’t sound like a request, which worried me because I didn’t want to lie but would have no chance of speaking or writing the truth either.

  Harry was unconscious when we finally reached Nalong Hospital. There must have been some internal damage that the small amount of Fruit hadn’t healed, and he had lost a lot of blood. The surgeon was perplexed by his wound. She said he was lucky to be alive and couldn’t understand how he had sustained such a serious injury and yet had somehow managed to miss cutting an artery. I nodded but couldn’t look straight at her, because it hadn’t missed being cut at all.

  Aunt Lily and Sarah met us there shortly after. They had only been booked for speeding once. Aunt Lily had been driving, luckily, because Sarah was shaking like a leaf in the wind. We told them everything that had happened, and Sarah spent a long time at Harry’s bedside, not speaking but holding his hand, while my aunt paced around the halls looking for doctors to interrogate. Eventually we had to leave them there to watch over him so we could face up to Sergeant Loxwood’s third polite summons.

  ‘You claim Mr Beckinsale attacked you?’ he asked as we all crammed into the tiny interview room at the Nalong Police Station. Tessa was the only one who looked vaguely calm. I had no idea what to say.

  ‘We were camping,’ she explained. ‘We knew Harry was due to come back and we were hoping to meet him on his way home.’ Which was sort of true, but I couldn’t believe how easily she lied to the policeman. ‘Mr Beckinsale found me alone and tried to make me tell him where the cave paintings were. He had a knife.’ Her voice was shaking at the memory, but I knew she was more angry than frightened. I could always tell. She swallowed and continued. ‘I think he was planning to do something to them because he had a satchel with some ochre paints inside. He must have been trying to discredit the paintings as fakes.’

  ‘What did you do?’ the senior sergeant asked, flicking his pen around his finger. It was a gesture that was made to look casual, but I could almost see his brain taking copious notes as he studied each of our faces out of the corner of his eye.

  ‘I didn’t have a chance to do anything because Harry turned up and made him let me go, but then they fought, and …’

  Noah helped her out, catching the policeman’s eye. ‘We heard the commotion but by the time we arrived, Mr Beckinsale was unconscious and Harry was injured. We called the ambulance and told them to meet us at Lainie’s farm. There was no way they would have been able to get to us where we were, so we bound Harry’s wounds as best we could. He was awake and I thought he would be fine but now …’ His distress was not faked.

  ‘And what about Mr Beckinsale? How do you explain his blindness and amnesia?’ the sergeant asked, turning back to Tessa.

  ‘I have no idea. Perhaps he hit his head? He woke up after a few minutes and his eyes were completely white! Does he really not remember anything, or was he faking?’ she asked intently. We all leant in a little closer to hear his reply.

  Sergeant Loxwood blinked. ‘He can’t even remember his own name. And yet the doctors have found no evidence of a head wound. Where’s the satchel now?’

  ‘At my house,’ I replied a bit too eagerly. ‘We looked inside but didn’t touch anything.’

  ‘And did you find the knife that wounded Harry?’

  ‘I threw it away,’ Bane interjected. ‘I wasn’t sure what Mr Beckinsale would do when he woke up. I could go and find it, I guess.’

  The police officer nodded. ‘So none of you have any idea what happened to him?’

  Tessa’s eyes widened as she clutched the sides of her plastic chair. ‘Harry Doolan is an Elder in this community. Lainie told me. Do you think he cursed Mr Beckinsale for trying to mess with a sacred site?’ She looked like a child being told a ghost story.

  The sergeant put down his pen. ‘Tessa Bright. This is a serious investigation. Please don’t try to confuse things by bringing up conjecture about the supernatural. If Mr Beckinsale has suffered some sort of medical affliction then the doctors will find an explanation. My job is to establish whether or not a crime has been committed. I cannot fathom how Harry Doolan could possibly be responsible for Mr Beckinsale’s condition, so unless the medical experts are able to shed some more light on the subject, I will not be chasing up ghost stories.’ He placed his palms on the desk in front of him and looked at her seriously. ‘Do you want to press charges against Mr Beckinsale?’

  Her mouth opened, and she glanced over at Noah, who looked very conflicted. It would have been very satisfying to send him to jail, especially after what he’d done to Tessa and Harry, but the idea of having to explain what had happened to a judge without revealing anything about Eden felt very complicated.

  ‘No,’ Tessa said firmly, obviously coming to the same conclusion. ‘I don’t think he’ll hurt anyone again, do you?’

  The policeman closed his folder. ‘Then unless Mr Doolan wishes to lay charges, I will write up a report and not take the matter any further. For now, I would like you all to go home and get some rest. Mr Millard, could you please go back tomorrow and check to make sure the cave paintings have not been damaged, and call me when you’ve located the knife—but don’t touch it.’

  We all sat there stunned for a minute. How had Tessa managed it? By bringing up the idea of the supernatural while sounding like a young foolish girl she had effectively managed to steer the sergeant right away from any such ideas. She’d even managed to keep the lies to a bare minimum. We would have to watch out for her. She was really sneaky and I completely adored her at that mome
nt. All of us owed her, big time.

  Chapter 42

  The heavy night was waiting, and I nearly made it all the way home before I started to seriously fall apart. For some reason the leftover Minties wrappers on the back seat of Aunt Lily’s car reminded me of the white butterflies that had danced around me by the River that morning, and then it was suddenly all too much. The vast disparity between my time spent in Eden and what had happened since was just too difficult for me to integrate. My heart was still full of joyful songs and exuberant play but then I had been smashing rocks and pressing my fingers against a severed artery.

  My aunt had told us that Harry was still unconscious. I didn’t know what that meant. He’d seemed so much better when we’d left the cave. Was the healing power of the Fruit only temporary? If only he’d agreed to eat it. If only he still had a Guardian. Both Bane and Tessa had tried to heal him but felt nothing—apparently they really could only heal the Cherubim they were linked to. Trusting that everything would work out fine seemed a long way from feasible all of a sudden. I only noticed how violently I was trembling when Bane moved across the backseat so he could wrap me in his arms. A tired part of my brain tried to warn me that I should probably push him away, but I couldn’t stand the thought. I needed his secure hold, and I needed him. And until he had a chance to tell me he was leaving, I would take full selfish advantage.

  When we arrived home, Caleb was wonderful. He’d done all the chores, made us cups of tea and even cooked us a late dinner, although I struggled to eat. We told him that his mum had decided to stay with Harry, despite the nurses’ orders. She’d announced in no uncertain terms that she considered him as family, and she would never leave a member of her family to lie alone unconscious in a hospital no matter what the rules said. She could be fierce when it came to family. The nurses had backed off.

  ‘Do you want me to come with you tomorrow to bring back the camping gear?’ Caleb asked Noah as he took away his plate. We all stared at him blankly. ‘You know,’ he continued, ‘if you’re going to have a dirty weekend away, you might want to think about taking Tess somewhere a little more classy than Nalong State Park. Have I taught you nothing?’

  Of course. We had all appeared out of the bush so suddenly he would have assumed we were all camping out there together. He took my plate next and polished off the rest of my stir-fry. ‘I could bring Nicole along to help. She’ll be stoked. She’s been asking to see the cave paintings but Mum wouldn’t let her,’ he suggested.

  ‘No!’ Noah exclaimed. His brother paused mid-bite, looking confused.

  Bane cleared his throat. ‘Actually, Caleb, Sergeant Loxwood has requested that I go and locate the knife. He told me not to touch it. I think he wants to make sure the scene is left undisturbed, just in case.’

  We all sat silently as his words sank in. The only reason the policeman would request that was if he thought it could become a murder investigation. ‘Just in case’ meant ‘just in case Harry died from his wounds’. I left the room.

  Bane found me in Harry’s cottage, staring listlessly at the stupid note on the fridge. I had planned to do some tidying up because I wanted to believe Harry would be moving back in soon, but instead I’d just stood there numbly, staring at his annoying scribble as my mind kept oscillating between hopeful expectation that everything would be fine and razor sharp grief that kept trying to convince me that he was already lost.

  ‘There is always a choice,’ I whispered, over and over. Harry had chosen not to eat the Fruit. Had he chosen death? My mother had sounded so confident when she’d explained about people choosing to ‘move across’, as if they were choosing to take a holiday or a really long nap. Was that what Harry wanted? I shook my head. Again with the wanting. Eden rules. If he wanted to die, I should not only be happy for him, I should help. But what about what I wanted?

  Behind me I heard Bane enter and lean against the doorframe, waiting for me to say something. I put it off for as long as I could but eventually I turned to face him and took a deep breath.

  ‘I’m ready now. You can say what you need to.’ Pressing down a bit of the curled up grey lino with my foot, I tried to sound more composed than I felt but I could hear the tremble in my voice.

  He tilted his head. ‘What is there to say?’

  Oh, I don’t know. Maybe how angry you are at me for ruining your life and embarrassing you in front of all my friends and family …

  Looking up at him boldly, I clutched the back of one of the chairs. ‘Tell me what you need from me. I said I would help you leave Nalong but I honestly don’t know if I can now. It depends on Harry.’ There was a good chance that the mining threat was now over, but even if it was, I still couldn’t leave Aunt Lily to run the farm on her own. Good farmhands were not easy to come by, let alone finding one we would feel comfortable with living so close to Eden. If Harry was unable to work …

  ‘But I’m not leaving Nalong,’ he said, his slate grey eyes fixed on mine.

  My heart was in turmoil. I was thrilled at the idea that I could still see him but I knew it would only be harder on me. The only way I knew of to break the bond was to cross into Eden. Would he stay on as our farmhand if I left? Was that his plan? I was so tired I could hardly think.

  ‘I will always allow you your freedom,’ I resolved. ‘I need you to believe that.’

  He gripped the doorframe in frustration, looking as grumpy as he had all those times when I’d tipped his locker forwards to make his books fall against the door. Was he going to yell at me the way he always had back then?

  ‘Lainie, you can be incredibly infuriating sometimes.’ It wasn’t quite a yell but I still cringed. ‘I’m not going to leave you. Not unless you tell me to. I know you think I need my freedom, but I’m telling you I already have it. And I will always allow you yours.’ He pointed in exasperation to the writing on the fridge. ‘I have a choice. And with or without the bond, I’m choosing to be here, with you.’

  I was stunned. He still wanted me? Could it really be as simple as that? As simple as Eden?

  ‘Look,’ he said, clearly trying to be patient. ‘I don’t blame you for doubting me. And you were right to make me leave for a while. For the last ten years I’ve treated you like dirt. I hurt you in every possible way I could think of.’ His face had taken on that bitter, self-loathing expression again. Humans should never ever look like that.

  ‘Bane, I told you I’ve forgiven you for—’

  ‘I know!’ he interrupted, ‘but that’s not enough. I need a chance to regain your trust, because why would you possibly believe that I won’t hurt you again?’

  I just stood there looking stupid and feeling scared. How was he able to articulate what I felt when I couldn’t even make sense of it myself? I needed to tell him anyway, no matter how muddled I was.

  ‘I used to be able to just let it bounce off me, when you were mean. More or less,’ I stammered. Stupid words. I wanted words that would banish that self-contempt from his eyes, not these ones.

  ‘But now you can’t,’ he said.

  I shrugged apologetically.

  ‘Because I matter to you now.’ I gave a short nod. He smiled, but his eyes were still very serious. ‘I want you to be able to trust me.’

  The sign language that I’d seen in Eden could not be manipulated to tell lies and so I knew that everything about Bane’s body language was telling me the truth. And I was good at knowing if people were being truthful. He wanted a chance to prove I could trust him.

  ‘Bane?’ I whispered in a voice that always seemed to go husky when I most wanted to be heard. I was afraid to ask but even more afraid not to. ‘What else do you want?’

  He closed the distance between us as if released from chains. ‘I want us to be together. And I want to help you to do your job. And not just because it’s been ordained, but because I’ve always loved you—even when I was too self-absorbed to see it.’
/>   I could feel his body quivering as he gripped my shoulders. He searched my face. ‘But what about you, Lainie? What do you want?’

  An intrinsic, primal impulse welled up inside me that had nothing to do with Eden, and everything to do with the person I had been born to love.

  ‘I want what you want,’ I breathed, and when he kissed me, for just a little while, everything was just fine.

  Chapter 43

  Everything will be fine, I thought to myself as I started to drift off to sleep on the couch. Bane’s arms were wrapped around my waist and I could feel the weight of his ankle resting on mine. He had reluctantly cut short my kisses and led me back to the house, saying he didn’t want to take advantage of my ‘transitioning emotional state’—whatever that was. We each showered away the grime and various remnant bits of bushland that had stuck to us since our afternoon trek back from the cave, and changed into our daggiest old tracksuits, but then I had just sort of gone into hibernation in the lounge room and refused to move again, despite Aunt Lily’s best coaxing techniques. Eventually she’d given up and tossed me a spare woollen blanket and a pillow.

  Bane hadn’t even looked apologetic when he’d pulled the blanket over us both, and Aunt Lily hadn’t commented. He couldn’t possibly have been very comfortable, but he refused to let me go now that he knew how much I needed him, and the thought of going to sleep in my own bed as if everything was back to the way it had been a few days ago made me feel kind of dizzy. Nothing was the same anymore. Harry was in hospital. Paradise was close enough to taste, and my life had been thrown into utter chaos. My worry for Harry would return the second Bane was not around, I was certain. But with him there, everything would be fine.

  I let my mind relax, and at some point the line between my muddled thoughts and my jumbled fantasies blurred, and I slept. All night my dreams were cut from sorrow as well as sweetness, both fabrics capricious and yet still somehow harmonious, and both were inescapably woven from threads of love.