by Kelly, A. S.
“Okay.”
“I’m serious. It’s true, we did kiss in the changing rooms, and I did ask her to meet me there. But we didn’t have sex.”
Tyler listens to me, with no reaction.
“And I wasn’t the one who started the rumour.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because no one believes me.”
“Who do you want to believe you?”
I shake my head and sit there in silence. I don’t know why I care so much about something that happened twenty years ago, or why I want her to believe me so badly. But I didn’t like the look I could see in her eyes, and I really didn’t like the way I felt after knowing that she believed I would’ve done something like that.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Why didn’t you make a move twenty years ago?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Come on…”
I slowly exhale the breath I’d been holding. “I never thought she’d have this effect on me,” I say, touching my stomach, “right here.”
Tyler smiles.
“I’d never even thought about it. Then we had that night together, and it was so different… And now she’s permanently on my mind. One of those niggling thoughts that never leaves, once you’ve let it in.”
“I get it.”
“And seeing that nothing has changed for her – that I’m still the same old self-centred arsehole…and now she’s making me sign that damn agreement…”
“And you think you haven’t had the chance to prove to her that you’ve changed?”
“I don’t know whether I really have changed.”
“Then before you do anything about this, you should ask yourself whether you really want this change.”
I look at him, exhausted.
“If you really want to step up and be a good dad, if you want to be there for your family, if you want her to see you for who you are now, instead of who you were twenty years ago.”
“I’ve accepted that stupid job, anyway.”
“Well, it’s what you’re good at – isn’t it?”
“I know how to play; I don’t know how to train a whole team. But, hey, it can’t be too difficult, can it?”
“Don’t ask me, mate. I haven’t played for…” he sighs. “Twenty years, maybe more. Not since we left school.”
“You weren’t bad, you know. And you’re in good shape.”
“Definitely better shape than you.”
I smile. “Maybe you should get back into it.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You could be my assistant coach.”
“Me?”
“Why not?”
“Because I already have a job.”
“You could do it as a favour to a friend.”
“So it would be unpaid, too?”
“People around here know you. You’re a well-respected member of the community.”
“Have you seen me, Niall?”
“Come on. It could be fun!”
“You’re not just saying this because you’re scared of being left alone with the kids, right?”
“You could come along whenever you want – whenever you have time. Whenever I need you. It wouldn’t be a fixed thing.”
“Why are you forcing me into this?”
“Because you decided you want to be my friend.”
“And I’m already starting to regret it.” He gets to his feet and stretches his back. “So, tomorrow?”
“At six, at the school.”
“I should be able to make it. I get off work at four.” He turns to face me. “Will she be there, too?” he asks cautiously.
“I told her it wasn’t necessary. If we’re not supposed to talk, or even see each other, then I don’t see why she has to be there for training.”
“You’re pissed off, aren’t you?”
“You have no idea.”
“Because you’re not the one making the rules?”
“I don’t know why I’m so angry.” I get up, too. “But she doesn’t have the right to make all the decisions.”
“Decisions about what? Whether to see you?”
“She never even gave me a chance. That morning, at her house.”
“Well, this isn’t a good time for her.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Haven’t you heard?”
I shake my head.
“Steven Hill isn’t exactly man of the year right now.”
I clench my jaw. How did I guess?
“It didn’t end well between them.”
“What happened?”
“He had an affair.”
“What a fucking arsehole.”
“And she walked in on them.”
“Oh, my God.”
“And now he’s with that other woman, and they just wander around town like nothing happened.”
“I always said he was an idiot.”
“It doesn’t surprise me that she’s so cold towards you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
“You said you don’t like gossip.”
I glare at him.
“It wasn’t my place to tell you.”
“Then why are you telling me now?”
“It seems different now.”
“What?”
“You seem…genuinely interested in her.”
Unfortunately, he’s right.
“So, maybe if you knew the whole story, you’d know which cards to avoid playing…”
“What are you talking about?”
“I like Jordan. I never liked Steven Hill.”
I smile, despite myself.
“And you’re alright, too.”
“Wow, thanks.”
“I think that people deserve a chance in life. Steven Hill wasn’t for her, just like Dublin, money and fame wasn’t for you.”
“How do you know that?”
“I think that your second chance is currently asleep upstairs.”
I nod slowly, a strange emotion seeping through my body.
“And I think that someone could help you take that chance, without letting it slip away. And if, in the meantime, you don’t let that person slip away, either… Well, that would be great.”
Jordan
I’ve never been nervous for the bell to go off, before. I’ve never been nervous for work in my entire life – not even on my first day as headmistress. But, right now, I’m about to throw up my non-existent breakfast all over my desk.
“Jordan?” Anya pokes her head into my office; standing behind her is the reason I’m so nervous.
“Make yourselves comfortable,” I say, waving my hand around. “Good morning,” I say to them. “How are you?”
“Good morning, Ms Hill.” He seems nervous, too. “We’re ready.”
“Good.” I turn to Skylar. “All the teachers are expecting you. This is your timetable,” I say, handing it to her. She takes it, her fingernails painted a deep black.
Usually, I don’t allow students to paint their nails like that, but today I’ll turn a blind eye. I don’t want to make the whole situation even worse for her.
“She doesn’t have her uniform, yet,” her father tells me, “but I’ve ordered it. It should be arriving next week.”
I look at Skylar: she’s wearing leather trousers, with her boots untied. Her shirt is unbuttoned, her cleavage on full display, and her face is fully made-up, complete with red lipstick. Her entire outfit is screaming look at me! Help me! but still no one sees her. I don’t want to talk about the way she’s dressed in front of her dad, and I don’t want to bring it up the moment she arrives. I’ll find the right time to mention it, once she’s more comfortable, and we’re on our own.
“No problem,” I say, trying to appear disinterested.
The bell rings, saving us all from further embarrassment.
“Come with me, Skylar,” Anya says. “I’ll t
ake you to your first lesson.”
“Well, have a good day.” Her dad seems self-conscious, awkward.
“Whatever,” she responds, before following Anya down the hallway, leaving us alone.
I need to limit these meetings. I have to avoid spending time alone with him.
“She’ll be okay, right?”
“It’ll take a few days, but I’m sure she’ll settle in.”
He runs a hand nervously through his hair, then turns to look at me.
“Thank you for giving her a chance.”
“I’m happy to help.”
“It wasn’t nice for her to feel so rejected all the time.”
“I can imagine.”
“Look, I know she’s done some things…” He shakes his head and sinks into a nearby chair.
I didn’t expect him to take a seat, or break down in my office.
“She’s only fifteen. She’s still a little girl, for fuck’s sake.”
I want to tell him to watch his language – we’re in a school, after all – but I let that slide, too.
I sit down, too, and decide to stay and listen to him, show him a little empathy.
“I wish I could do more, be closer to her, but she won’t let me in.”
“Sometimes, when people put up walls like that, it’s really a cry for help.”
“How can pushing your own father out of your life be a cry for help?”
“Maybe she just wants to work out whether you really do want to break down her walls.”
“…Do you think?”
“You need to try a little harder.”
“I know.”
“And you need to keep trying every day.”
He sighs and slumps back against the chair. “Hopefully being around people her own age will stop her from isolating herself.”
“It’ll take some time, but you’ll know the right thing to do.”
“Thanks, Jordan – I mean, Ms Hill.”
“You’re welcome, Mr Kerry. It’s my job.”
“And you do it well.”
I smile, even though I shouldn’t.
“Have you worked here for long?”
“That information has nothing to do with you.” I put him firmly back in his place; but he doesn’t seem disappointed. He seems amused.
“You know that contract means fuck all, right, Jordan?” His tone changes in a flash.
“W-what?”
He gets to his feet and leans his hands on my desk. “I don’t give in that easily.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Sure, I signed the contract. I’ve agreed to keep this relationship strictly professional,” he says, emphasising that last word as if he were winding me up, “but I’m not easily convinced into doing something I don’t want to do.” He moves even closer. “It’s not that easy to get rid of me.”
“You accepted the terms of the contract.”
“I did.”
“You wrote your signature and gave your word.”
“I’ll keep my word. You know why? Because you’ll be the one to take it back.”
He straightens up, slowly giving me space to breathe again.
“I can’t erase everything that’s happened. I can’t turn back, Jordan – but I can show you that I’m not that kid anymore.”
“Why should I care?”
“To be honest, I don’t know if you do care. But I really hope that you do.”
“What is this, Kerry? One of your games?”
“You should read a magazine, once in a while; then you’d know that I don’t play anymore.” He looks at me again, making sure that his words have sunk in, before leaving my office with his head held high, and his hands in his pockets, fully aware of the doubt he’s planted inside me. But one seed of doubt isn’t enough to make me change my mind about him. One tiny doubt won’t make me believe in men again.
And one night definitely isn’t enough to make me fall to his feet – even though I can’t shrug off the thought of him, of his hands sliding around my waist.
Even though it was the best night of my life.
Niall
“Hey, how was…?” My car door slams shut before I can finish my question.
“Did you have to come and pick me up?”
“Did you want to walk home?”
She scoffs, fixing her gaze out the window.
“Was it that bad?”
“Can we just go, please? This is embarrassing.”
“What?” I ask, humouring her and accelerating out of the car park. “Being in a car with your dad?”
She turns to face me.
“I’m not even that old.”
“That’s what you think.”
“Besides, I’m kind of famous around here.”
“Do you actually believe any of the crap that comes out of your own mouth?”
“Hey, it’s true!”
“Is that why you’re coaching a school GAA team?”
“I’m doing it because the school asked me to.”
“The school? Or the headmistress?”
“What’s the difference? The headmistress represents the school, doesn’t she?”
“What’s going on between you two?”
“What the hell…?”
“It’s obvious there’s tension there. I thought it was just a sex thing, but now…”
“Now what?”
“I know you slept together, but I didn’t think it was anything more.”
“I shouldn’t be discussing these things with you. Actually, you shouldn’t be discussing them at all – especially not with me.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.”
“And, er…tension?” I shuffle around in my seat. “What…tension?” I ask, glancing at her.
“So now you’re suddenly interested?”
“I’m just trying to work everything out.”
“Work out whether you like her?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. What’s there to like…?” I scoff, stopping at the traffic lights. “What do you think?”
“Now you want my opinion?”
“Opinion? No… It’s just that you’re a woman. Maybe you understand these things better than me.”
“Weren’t you a man-whore?”
“Watch your language.”
“I didn’t say it.”
“Then who did?”
“Come on, Kerry. It was everywhere. Now you’re trying to act like a father who only cares about his daughter’s future.”
“So you’ve been reading those fucking papers, too?”
“It was all over the internet.”
“You shouldn’t believe everything they say about me.”
“Then why don’t you tell me what I should believe?”
I think this is the longest conversation we’ve ever had. It may not be my favourite topic, but I can’t let this opportunity slip away.
“Let’s just say that I’m hardly a saint.”
“No way.”
“But I’m not a total dick, either. I’ve made a few mistakes, and now I’m trying to make things right.”
“For her?”
“To be a better person,” I say through my teeth.
“Someone that she will like.”
“Can you stop that? You’re obsessed with the idea of me and the headmistress.”
“I honestly couldn’t care less who you sleep with, Kerry.”
“I’ve already told you not to speak to me like that.”
Skylar falls quiet, staring into the distance in front of her. I don’t think I’ve been too harsh. Or maybe I have? Should I have disciplined her, or been friendlier, more light-hearted?
Jesus, I’ll never learn.
“She seems alright.”
“Mmm?”
“The head teacher.”
I try to keep my cool. “She is. She always has been.”
“Have you known her for a long time?”
“Since we were kids. We both went to your school.”
I sigh. “No.”
“Did you like her?”
“Hey! What’s with all the questions?”
“If you want, I can shut up.”
That sounds like an intelligent form of blackmail; I give in.
“We had nothing in common – a little like now, I guess.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’re very different. She’s intelligent and hard-working. She was top of the class for everything.”
“A nerd?”
I smile. “Kind of. But a sexy one.”
“What about you?”
I glance at her from the corner of my eye, her sudden interest in my life moving something inside me.
“I was only good at sport.”
“Does that mean you didn’t study?”
“No. I was too stupid to study, and I realised then that I was also too stupid to be good at anything else.”
“So you stopped trying.”
“Exactly.”
“Did you like her?”
I pull up in front of my parents’ house and switch off the engine. I smile at my daughter and decide to tell her the truth – a truth which, until a few days ago, I thought I could ignore.
“Yes.”
“But she didn’t like you?”
“No.”
“And now you’re trying to make up for lost time? To make her fall in love with you?”
“Let’s not get carried away. I wasn’t in love with her. She was just something I wanted, but could never have – that’s all.”
“If you say so.”
She opens the passenger door and gets out of the car. I follow her and we stop in the driveway, watching my father talk to some of the workers at the side of the farmhouse.
“If I never discovered sport, I’d have been doing that, too.”
“You’d have been a farmer?”
“Your granddad isn’t just a farmer. This is an entire business, now.”
“Do you think you’d have liked it? If you weren’t a sportsman.”
“I’ve never asked myself that, because I had no other option. I’d have had to do it anyway.”
“Okay,” she says, shrugging and heading towards the front door. “Anyway, I think you should give it a shot.” She turns to look at me. “I think you might have a chance with her.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Come on, Kerry. Why else would she have helped me? You’ve tried loads of other schools, and they all had the same response.”
