by Kelly, A. S.
“I don’t know who I am. But I’m ready to find out.”
That’s a damn good answer.
“The real question is whether you’re ready to give this bad boy a chance, knowing that he’s grown into a man who’s just trying to do his best.”
I bite my lip.
“Are you ready to give him a chance, Jordan? Or, maybe the question should be: are you ready to give yourself a chance?”
“Myself?”
“We both need this, Jordan. This could be our last call.”
I know that he’s right. I desperately want to believe him – but I also know that I’ve already spent too many nights alone, crying on my sofa.
“That person wasn’t me,” he says, suddenly. His tone has softened. “And I only realised that when a teenage daughter fell into my life.”
I close my eyes and abandon myself to the sound of his voice, the sweetness of his words.
“I don’t want to be this lonely, bitter man. I’m done with being arrogant and self-centred. I want a different life. I want to be a father, to cook for my parents. I want to take my daughter on her stupid dates, and I want…” He sighs. “I want to kiss you. Right now.”
I smile, moved by his speech.
“And I want to hold your hand in the darkness of the cinema, where no one can see us.”
I realise only now that I’ve been holding my breath. I release it.
“And I want to make love with you again. And again. And…” Another deep breath. My body is burning up, almost aflame. “I want you to want to make love to me, too.”
I never planned for any of this. It’s dangerous, so unexpected. I never went looking for him, never thought about him. I could never even have dreamed of this. It’s so wrong, out of my control.
Niall Kerry is out of my league – he has been ever since we were kids, and he is even more so now. Yet I believe his every word.
“What time will you pick me up?”
Niall
When she opens the door to me, she still has one shoe in her hand.
“You didn’t need to come upstairs.”
“I’m a gentleman.” I hand her a rose, which I’d been hiding behind my back.
“I can see that.” She takes it and brings it close to her face. “Thank you.”
“I also brought you this.” I hand her a box, which she accepts uncertainly, with trembling hands.
“A cake.”
“They promised me there was definitely some form of chocolate inside.”
“I thought we were going out.”
“This is for later.”
She raises an eyebrow.
“You can choose whether to eat it on your own, or share it with someone.”
“I thought we were chaperoning Skylar and Carter.”
“We are. Cinema and dinner, as planned. Actually, we’re already late. The film starts at six and the closest cinema is in Bundoran. It’ll take us at least half an hour to get there.”
“Niall…”
“That’s what I’m here for.”
She studies my expression, unconvinced.
“At least, that’s what I’m here for. I don’t know about you.”
“What have I got to do with this? You’re the one who turned up here with cake.”
“What have you got to do with it? Have you seen your reflection tonight?”
“Yes, but—”
“And don’t tell me that you just pulled the first thing you could find out of the wardrobe. You’ll hurt my feelings.”
“What have your feelings got to do with my dress?”
“Just tell me you spent hours choosing it, that you were nervous about tonight. That you tried on everything in your wardrobe only to finally wear the first one you’d picked out, because you wanted me to like the way you looked. But I already like the way you look, all the time.”
I think I’ve shocked her a little.
She kneels down to put on her missing shoe, then stands up again, smoothing down her red dress.
“The second one.”
“Mmm?”
“I put on the second one I tried on. The first one had a stain.”
Our smiles are wide.
She goes to put the cake in the kitchen, then grabs her bag.
“Ready.”
She may be ready; but I’m not. I never could be. But I can’t go back on the speech I’ve just made. I can’t tell her that she has a one-up on me, or she’ll never let me live it down.
“Seriously, mate? Thor?”
“What?” Jordan asks. “What’s wrong with Marvel films?”
“Apart from the fact that all the superheroes are unnaturally muscly, and save the world over and over with their bare hands?”
“Someone scared of a little competition?” Skylar asks, teasing.
“Competition? There’s no competition. Come on!” I gesture towards the poster hanging in the wall of the cinema entrance.
“Enough with all these rubbish excuses,” Jordan says, taking me by the arm. “Let’s go and get the tickets.”
“Tickets, too? When did this become a double date?” I ask through gritted teeth.
“When you invited me.”
I scoff and head over to the ticket booth as Jordan walks over to get popcorn. We regroup in the entrance and I hand the kids their tickets.
“We’ll see you later, then,” Skylar says, dragging Carter along behind her.
“Thanks, Coach K,” he says, as he’s yanked away by my daughter.
“We’re sitting miles away from them,” Jordan points out.
I shrug.
“That was nice of you to give them some privacy.”
“I actually did it for us.”
“I don’t believe you.”
I smile. “Fine, I did it for everyone. Happy? I just wanted us to have a little privacy, too.”
“What exactly do you expect us to do in a room full of people, Kerry?”
“I promised you I’d hold your hand.”
She bites her lip, trying to mask a smile.
“And I don’t want an audience.”
“Please, stop staring at him like that.”
She laughs and turns towards me.
“I don’t think they’re real, you know. I think there’s some CGI involved there; some sort of special effect.”
“On their muscles, you mean? I don’t think so. They’re all real.”
I scoff, turning my attention back to the screen.
“Besides, I always liked the Hulk best. You know, when he wasn’t green.”
“So you like scrawny losers?”
She laughs again.
“I have no hope, then. I’m fucked either way.”
Her laugh has grown into a warm, reassuring smile. She moves her hand towards mine, which is resting on her thigh, and squeezes gently. In the dark, just as I promised I would. The light from the screen is flickering across her face; Jordan turns suddenly towards me, and gives me a shred of hope.
“I’m scared that we’re both fucked.”
* * *
When we walk out of the cinema, I’m still holding her hand. My daughter and her date are a few steps ahead of us, not holding hands. I cast a few glances now and again towards them, but it’s too dark and crowded to work out if anything is going on between them. I don’t know whether to hope that Carter makes a move or pray that he never does; I’m torn between sympathy towards Carter, and my protective, fatherly side.
“He still seems a little nervous,” Jordan whispers to me. “Do you think we should do something?”
“Us? What can we do?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he just needs a little push.”
“With my daughter?”
“Maybe we should drop them off at the restaurant then leave them alone?”
I glance at her, concerned.
“We can go somewhere else and give them some space.”
“Does that mean I can’t check up on them?”
“No, you can’t.”
>
“Are you suggesting that I leave my daughter alone with a teenage boy whose hormones are in position and ready to attack?”
She laughs.
“I wasn’t joking.”
“What do you think is going to happen? They’ll be having dinner in a restaurant filled with other people. We just won’t be some of those people.”
“I don’t know.”
“What if I promised you something in exchange?”
“I’m listening.”
“A goodnight kiss.”
“Are you kidding?”
“That’s already too much. We still have our agreement to think about, here.”
I scoff. “How about a little feel, too?”
“What kind of ‘feel’?”
“First and second base.”
“So bold…” she gasps, teasingly.
“It sounds like a reasonable suggestion to me.”
“What about half a cake instead?”
“What if we just skipped dinner altogether?” I suggest. “I could come to yours. We could have cake for dinner, and…”
“And…?”
“And then I could have you for dessert.”
“That doesn’t sound very fair.”
“It sounds perfectly fair to me.”
“I’m all for equal rights, you know. Equal opportunities.”
“I’m sure you’ll find a way to make this agreement work for both of us.”
Niall
Jordan comes back into the living room with the cake, as I’m patiently waiting on the sofa. She’s taken off her shoes, and let down her hair. But her dress is still in the wrong place: on her body.
It doesn’t seem very gentlemanly of me to say it like that, so I try to find the best way to invite her to take it off as quickly as possible.
“Let’s play a game.”
“A game?” she asks, curious.
“Let’s do everything backwards.”
“What are you on about?”
I move across the sofa and rest my hands against the armrest behind her head, trapping her between the cushions.
“Let’s work backwards through dinner.”
The corners of her mouth lift into a smile.
“I want to start with dessert.”
She nods, slowly.
“And I’d be perfectly happy not to bother with the other courses, either.”
I bend down towards her neck and brush against her with my lips. I nibble her gently, excited by the sensation of her hot skin. Jordan sighs and moves on the sofa, as I slide down to her collarbone and squeeze her breasts with my hands. She lets her head fall back, her lips parted, her breathing heavy. She’s ready to let herself go. I quickly slip down to her hips, pulling away just far enough to grab her ankles and stretch her out on the sofa. I lift her dress and pull down her underwear, pressing lightly against her thighs, inviting her to open her legs for me. She lifts herself onto her elbows and watches me, her cheeks in flames and her eyes deep and clear; she can’t wait any longer. She wants to feel me, to know how much I want her. I bend down between her legs, caressing her slowly with my tongue, pressing against her thighs to keep them apart. I suck and kiss her labia, before licking her again, gently, letting the taste of her wash over me.
I help her hook her legs over my shoulders, then gently move my fingers into her; Jordan lets herself fall back into the cushions as I play with her heat. She grabs at the armrest behind her. I push slowly into her, deeply, my tongue still playing with her clit. Her fingers lace themselves anxiously into my hair, pulling me into her.
I shove my fingers in deeper, devouring her; I’m starving. She moves against my face, my insatiable tongue never letting up. Her groans spur me on – I won’t stop until I’ve heard my name vibrating desperately from her lips. I bring one hand down to the button of my jeans, undoing them quickly and sliding my hand inside. I grab my dick, playing slowly with it; when I hear her call my name, followed by a long, sensual moan, I almost come into my own hand.
I lift myself up, letting her hands slip from my hair, before moving up the sofa to press my mouth against hers. My hand is still wrapped around my hardness. I kiss her, and her tongue moves around my mouth in longing; her hands move back to my hair, and I reach for her breasts. I pull away from her and Jordan opens her eyes, her gaze falling immediately onto my erection.
She lifts herself up and kneels, pushing me back against the sofa. I stretch myself out; I only realise too late what she’s about to do. I haven’t had the chance to prepare myself, mentally or physically, for the idea of her mouth wrapped around my dick. I should have realised what she meant when she started talking about equal opportunities.
The immediate effect is devastating, because her mouth itself is devastating; not to mention her tongue and the way she moves it; not to mention the excitement of what I’ve just done to her, of still being able to taste her in my mouth.
I let Jordan do whatever she wants to me and my trusty companion – I’m hers now, totally infatuated. I’m overpowered, enchanted. I’m completely fucked. All I can think about is her heat; my dick sliding in and out of her mouth; her hair splayed out across my stomach. I’m on the brink of orgasm, with no chance of slowing it down. I move my hips towards her, possessed by a burning desire within me. I need to come, now: to dive head-first into my own, personal devastation.
I move against her for a second before letting myself go entirely. I enjoy every moment, suffocating on my own breath.
Jordan lifts herself up slowly, brushing the hair back from her face. Her expression is predatory: someone who won’t leave you alive after she’s got what she wants from you. And I really hope that’s the case – because I’d have no idea what to do with myself if she ever realised that she’d be better off with a nerd like the Hulk, before he goes green.
“No one knows how to make an agreement like you, Headmistress.”
She smirks, satisfied.
“And no one knows how to sign a contract like you, Kerry.”
I’d accept all her terms and conditions. The small print doesn’t faze me anymore; what does faze me is this expiration date we have looming over us. I’m scared that it’s approaching too quickly. I’m scared I won’t be ready to face it.
I hold out another piece of cake, which she eats right out of my hand. I bend down to steal another chocolate-covered kiss from her.
“I didn’t realise you had such a sweet tooth,” she teases.
To be honest, Jordan, I’ve never had a sweet tooth – but I don’t know if you’d believe that now. So I decide to keep that confession to myself.
“I never even liked contracts, either,” I say instead. “Yet here I am, ready to sign everything you put in front of me.”
“You know that no one is forcing you to agree to any of this, right?”
I study her for a moment.
“What?”
“How could I ever say no when I have all this to play for?” I say, gesturing towards her amused yet dubious expression. “Oh, come on! Don’t pull that face. You know full well the effect you have on me.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Okay.” I lift myself up and sit, as she stays there, splayed out over the sofa. “I’ll regret telling you this.”
“What?”
“It didn’t work.”
“Mmm?”
I gesture between my legs, where my magic wand stands to attention.
“I don’t think I get it.”
“It had been about nine months since… Well… It wouldn’t have worked even under torture.”
“Oh. Oh…”
“Please, don’t make it worse.”
“I didn’t mean to. I’m just surprised, that’s all.”
“You didn’t think that could ever happen to a guy like me?”
“I never thought a guy like you could admit to something like that.”
She’s right again.
“Maybe it was just a blip or
something…?”
“It just stopped working. I even went to the doctor about it. They ran some tests, and said that it may have been down to stress. But after nine months, I started to lose hope. I may as well have been dead. Until that night, in the pub.”
She smiles.
“You brought it back to life.”
“Don’t be dramatic. Maybe you really were just stressed.”
“So you don’t think it means anything that, after nine months, it just happened to start working again as soon as it saw you?” I bend down towards her and smile. “It means…” I take a deep breath and take a leap of faith. “It means it doesn’t want anyone else but you.”
“Are you still talking about your magic wand, here?”
“N-no.”
The terror in her eyes is as palpable as the fear in my voice.
“I’m talking about me.”
She lies there, silent for a few moments, giving me extra time to contemplate my own devastation.
“You still have a tournament to win,” she says, suddenly shy.
She doesn’t want to risk anything, even though I’ve already laid all my cards out on the table.
I lift myself up again and sit down.
“And what if I don’t win that tournament, Jordan? What happens, then?”
It’s a question that’s been haunting me for days. I never thought I’d have the courage to ask it – but I’m putting myself on the line, risking everything. I’m telling her everything that comes into my head, without thinking of the consequences.
My phone buzzes, saving her from having to respond. Deep down, I’m not sure I wanted to hear her answer.
I grab it and glance at the screen. “It’s Skylar. They’re finished, and waiting for me to take them home.”
“You should go.”
I nod, and disappointedly pull myself to my feet.
“The first match is tomorrow,” she says. “You need to be ready.”
“I will be.” I look at her. “I already am.”
Her eyes lose their sparkle, just a little.
“I’m not the problem, Jordan. We both know that.”
She lowers her gaze, avoiding a response. I take a deep breath and gather up my stuff, before bending down to kiss her on the head.
