by Kelly, A. S.
“What the hell are you talking about?” I say, trying to defend myself. “Skylar knows what’s going on; last night we were all together at her apartment!”
“What?”
“Skylar was the one who wanted to go. I had nothing to do with it.”
“Niall…”
“I’m not doing anything wrong.”
“I hope not – because you’re an adult, and you’re responsible for your own actions, now.”
“You think?”
“Please, just don’t get yourself into any more trouble.”
“I’m not thirteen, Dad.”
He sighs, shaking his head. “You’re the only example that girl has. Try to bear that in mind.”
“We’ve known each other since we were at school. We’ve seen each other around a few times, with Skylar. That’s all.”
He stares at me, unconvinced.
“Oh, come on! What’s wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong is that I was the one who went and spoke to the Hannigan family.”
“What?”
“I apologised to them on your behalf.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You just disappeared without a word, as always. You hurt that girl, embarrassed her and her family. You ruined her reputation.”
“I didn’t—”
“So I went and apologised to them.”
“That wasn’t your job.”
“You’re right, it wasn’t. It was yours.”
“I didn’t do what everyone thinks I did,” I say, weakly trying to defend myself. “I never started those rumours.”
“But you still didn’t do anything to help her. And sometimes, Niall, staying silent is worse than really doing something.”
I was quiet at dinner. The conversation with my father really bothered me. I didn’t know he’d spoken to Mary’s family in my place – to be honest, I never thought that people around here would still be talking about the whole incident. It seemed so silly, just a stupid teenage rumour – something that should’ve died out over time. It’s true that I never did anything to make things better for her. It doesn’t matter that it wasn’t me who started those rumours, or even that I never slept with Mary in the first place. I hurt her and her family. I forced her to move out of town. I ruined her life.
“Everything okay, Coach?” Carter asks me from the passenger seat. “I’m sorry you always have to drop me home.”
“It’s no problem.”
“I could’ve cycled.”
“Not in the dark on your own; not when you’re leaving my house.”
He fixes his gaze in front of him. Maybe I was a little harsh on him.
“I don’t mind giving you a lift. This way, we get to chat a little, too.”
“Okay.”
“So, how are things going with Skylar? Does she still hate you?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Does she still insult you?”
“No. She just puts up with me, now.”
I laugh. My daughter is so strong-willed – but I can’t tell him that. I would never even dream of it. That’s not the reason she’s so strong.
“Well, that’s a start, right?”
“I guess so.”
“What do you think of the team?”
What with the drama surrounding my daughter at the last training session, I never got the chance to talk to Carter about how it went.
“I don’t think I’m cut out for this, Coach.”
“Bullshit. You’ve only been to one training session – you can’t know that, yet. Next week is our first match.”
“I can’t play,” he says, shocked.
“Of course not. Not yet. But you can watch from the bench.”
“Like the loser I am.”
“No. Like someone who’s there to learn.”
“I don’t know.”
“Trust me.”
As we pull up outside Carter’s house, he turns to me again.
“Skylar said she’ll come to our next training session.”
“Did she?”
He nods.
“See? You’re already moving in the right direction, kid.”
“I don’t think she’s doing it for me, Coach.”
“What do you mean?”
He smiles shyly at me. “I think she’s doing it for you.”
“For me?”
“She said she wanted to see what you’re up to; make sure you don’t mess up.”
“Me? What would I mess up? This is my job; I played for over twenty years.”
He shakes his head. “She meant with the headmistress.”
“Oh.”
“She wants to keep an eye on you.”
I smile. She wants to keep an eye on me.
“Goodnight, Coach. Thanks for the lift.”
I wave as he gently closes the door behind him and heads up his driveway towards the front door.
Thank you, Carter, for giving me hope. I knew you’d come in handy one day.
Not all the decisions I make are shitty, right? I still know how to do something right – and I still have time to learn how to do the rest.
Niall
“You seem a little too nervous for a training session,” Tyler says.
“Me? Nervous?”
“Yes, you. Are you worried about the tournament?”
“Oh, come on.”
Of course I’m worried. This is the last training session we have before the first match, and everyone seems to have decided to come along, just to put me under even more pressure. There’s my daughter, Tyler, my favourite headmistress, and a few of the kids’ parents, too.
“There’s a lot to play for,” Tyler reminds me.
As if I didn’t know that already.
“And after the first two matches they start eliminating teams.”
I scoff, irritated. I’m starting to remember exactly why we weren’t such good friends as kids.
“And if you lose—”
“Are you done?”
Tyler laughs, my daughter joining him.
Since when have they been so close?
Jordan walks back over to us after yelling at the team. I should really have been the one to do it, but I couldn’t help it; she’s so sexy when she puts people in their place. And I’m trying really hard not to think about that ponytail: I want to grab it, and…
“What are you looking at?” Her voice shakes me from my daydream and back into a dull reality.
“I can’t tell you that. We’re not alone, and we’re on school grounds.”
She narrows her eyes, and I laugh.
“Why don’t you try keeping your eyes on your team, instead?” she snaps. “If you ask me, they’re not exactly well-prepared for the match on Saturday.”
“Are you kidding? They were born ready.”
“They’re distracted, and they’re being flaky. Just like their coach.”
“Ouch,” Tyler comments.
“What are you trying to say?”
“That you need to be a good example to them, Kerry.”
“Are you saying I’m not doing a good job?”
“They don’t take you seriously enough.”
“That’s true,” Tyler adds, helpfully.
“If you want to win this tournament, then go over to your team and show them who’s in charge.”
Her little speech has an unexpected effect on me. But not on my mind: on something I definitely shouldn’t be thinking about right now.
I get to my feet and walk down the few steps which separate the two of us.
“Can I show you who’s in charge, too?” I whisper into her ear.
“Kerry…” she says, scolding.
I laugh and jog away smugly, ready to knock my team back into line just as she has with me. I’m already dreaming about the day I get to show her that I’m in charge; and I’m sure she’ll enjoy it as much as I will.
After training, I discreetly hover around outside the gym with
Tyler, to give my daughter and Carter time to say goodbye. Jordan ran off as soon as the session was over – I imagine she’s trying to avoid any more of our encounters.
“What do you think?” Tyler asks, gesturing towards my daughter.
“What am I supposed to think?”
“You have a teenage daughter, Niall. There are lots of things you should be thinking.”
“Don’t put thoughts into my head.”
“I’m not doing anything. But he,” he says, nodding in Tyler’s direction, “has plenty of thoughts flying around his head.”
“Who, Carter?”
“Everyone has those thoughts, Niall.”
“Are you saying I should be worried?”
“I just wouldn’t leave them alone so much.”
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?”
“That’s how you thank me for coming to give you a hand today?”
“You were the one who told me you were busy tonight.”
“I need to help my brother with something.” He glances at his watch. “And I’m already late.”
“Go, then.”
“I’m going, I’m going. But you,” he says, gesturing towards my eyes, “don’t lose sight of what’s important. Okay?”
“I’ll see you later, Tyler.”
He waves, and heads off towards his car, as Skylar approaches me. Carter has already jumped onto his bike. We climb into the car and I turn on the ignition; just as we’re pulling out of the school gates, Skylar speaks.
“I think I have to ask you about something again.”
“Let’s hear it.”
“I want to go out. Tomorrow night.”
I slam the brakes on in the middle of the road. “What?”
“I want to go out.”
“With who?”
She lowers her eyes. “Carter.”
“Carter.”
She shrugs, embarrassed.
“Didn’t you hate him?”
“Didn’t you tell me I had to start making friends?”
“Since when were you friends with nerds?”
“Since when have you changed your mind about him? I thought you liked him.”
“I liked him before he asked you out.”
“I asked him.”
“Why does that not surprise me?”
I accelerate slowly, trying to stay calm until we get home – but Skylar decides to put my self-control to the test.
“We’re going to the cinema, then out for dinner.”
“Mmm.”
“In town.”
“Mmm.”
“I’ll be home by midnight.”
“Eleven.”
“Okay.” She scoffs. “So, can I go?”
I pull up at the side of the road and grab my phone.
“What are you doing?”
“Just give me a minute.”
Do you think I should let my daughter go out with Carter tomorrow night?
What are you worried about?
I don’t know. Should I be worried?
Why are you asking me?
Because you’re the most intelligent person I know.
Thanks for the compliment, but this isn’t a question of intelligence. It’s about trust. Do you trust your daughter?
I glance at Skylar as she waits for me to give her an answer.
“You can go.”
She smiles, turning her gaze back to the road ahead.
Thanks, Jordan.
You’re welcome, K.
I smile idiotically at my phone then put it back down.
“Did you seriously ask her first?”
I shrug. I have no intention of hiding it.
“You’re in serious trouble, you know.”
“Yeah, I guess I am. But you’re hardly any better.”
“What have I got to do with this?”
“Come on. Do you really think I’m buying this whole story of making friends?”
She blushes furiously and turns away.
“Let’s both just admit it, right now, in this car. We like nerds. And we’re both fucked.”
“So I can say ‘fucked’ now?”
“Only in this car, and only when we’re alone. But you’d better not say it in front of anyone else.”
She laughs. My daughter laughs at my bullshit. This is definitely something else I shouldn’t be proud of, but I’ve already made my peace with the idea that I won’t be winning any Father of the Year awards. As long as she doesn’t hate me, and doesn’t get herself into any more trouble. I want her to make friends: and Carter seems to be the only candidate right now.
“Do you have any idea how to win over a nerd?”
That’s hardly going to put me in the running for this fatherly prize, either.
“You’re asking me? Aren’t you the one who slept with the headmistress?”
Basically, yeah.
Wait a moment. “You’re not thinking of sleeping with Carter?”
“Oh, my God, Kerry!” she yells, offended.
“I was just asking. I just wanted to make sure. But if that day ever comes, would you tell me?”
“Do you really think now is the time to be talking about this?”
“I don’t think there’s ever a good time.”
“Exactly!”
Right.
“Is it because I’m a man?”
“It’s because you’re my dad!”
She says it angrily, but she still says ‘Dad’ – and that’s enough for me.
“You’re right – but I want you to know that you can come to me anyway, for anything. Even the most embarrassing stuff.”
“No way!”
Well, she made that perfectly clear.
“Can we please change the subject?”
“Yes, we can. Only if you promise me that you won’t have sex with Carter.”
“Kerry!”
I tried.
I take a deep breath. “At least promise me that you’ll be careful.”
She sighs. “We’re only going to the cinema and out for dinner. You’ll probably have to pick us up and drop us off, too.”
I hadn’t thought about that particular detail. I could use this to my advantage.
“Will you promise me that you won’t be embarrassing?”
“I’m your dad, Skylar. I’ll be embarrassing to you even if I don’t mean to be.”
Luckily, she laughs.
This might not win me any Father of the Year awards, either – but I feel like I’m getting closer.
Jordan
I receive a message during my lunch break.
What are you doing tonight?
I’m not going anywhere with you.
What if it were for a good cause?
I doubt it.
I have to take Skylar to her date with Carter. Do you really want me to do it on my own, at risk of embarrassing her?
I laugh. I can already picture the scene.
Of course not.
So, will you come with me?
What else will we do?
Cinema and dinner.
This time I smile, despite myself. It’s been years since I last went to the cinema.
You know I can’t do that.
And you know that I won’t give in. I’ve read through the rules: there’s nothing to say that the head teacher can’t go out with the father of one of her students.
He’s actually right: there is no written rule about this. But it’s a question of morals.
It’s not that simple.
Maybe not, but I’m good at simplifying things.
I drum my fingers nervously on my desk, under Anya’s watchful gaze.
“Please tell me these are sexts.”
“He wants me to go with him to drop his daughter off on her date.”
“Do you want to go?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is he really that bad?”
“Not at all.”
“But you don’t trust him?”
�
�I don’t trust anyone.”
“And this isn’t just about having fun between the sheets anymore, is it?”
I lower my guilty gaze.
“I knew that this would happen. You can’t separate things – you think too much.”
It isn’t technically an insult, but I still take it the wrong way.
‘You think too much, you never let yourself go. You don’t know how to have fun’. These were some of Steven’s favourite things to say.
“I don’t want to play devil’s advocate, here, but if you don’t plan on getting involved, Jordan, then you need to nip it in the bud right now. Before things get out of hand, for both of you.”
I’ve tried, but it’s not that easy to get rid of Niall Kerry; and not just because he seems to pop up everywhere. The problem is entirely in my head – and maybe somewhere else, too.
“I need to get back to work.” Anya gets up. “Don’t go to that date if you’re not one hundred-per-cent sure of what you’re doing, Jordan. I’m saying this for your benefit.”
Anya walks out of my office, leaving me alone with my phone in my hand and an answer to give. Just as I’m about to type out my rejection, it starts to buzz.
“You shouldn’t call me,” I tell him as I pick up. “The messages are bad enough.”
“You weren’t replying. I wanted to make sure you weren’t inventing an excuse to say no.”
“I don’t need an excuse.”
His breathing is heavy at the end of the line.
“It’s not right.”
“For who?”
This time, it’s my breath which fills the silence.
“It’s just for moral support.”
“You know as well as I do that that’s bullshit.”
“Did you just swear, Headmistress?”
I laugh. “Stop.”
“It’s so sexy when you swear.”
“You’re not helping.”
“I have absolutely no intention of being helpful. But if you want, I can help you with a few other things – although that might be a breach of our contract.”
“Okay, you win.”
I can almost hear him smile.
“But you already knew that. I’m an idiot.”
“An idiot? Why? Because you’re letting yourself be seduced by a bad boy?”
“Is that what you are?” I ask him, suddenly.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Are you still the same bad boy from school, Niall?”
