by Kelly, A. S.
She nods, and I head towards the coffee table to grab my phone and send him a message.
“Ms Hill?”
“Mmm?”
“Even though Kerry doesn’t deserve you, will you give him a chance, too?”
I open my mouth to respond, then realise that I have no idea what to say.
“He messes up a lot, like me. Maybe it runs in the family.”
“Skylar…”
“I know that he hasn’t been the best father, and sometimes he has no clue what he’s doing. But I think he’s being honest about how he feels.”
I sigh anxiously; I’m starting to believe that, too.
“I think he likes you. And I think you’d be good for him.”
“Really?” Okay, fine. I’m asking confirmation from a teenager. His daughter, at that.
She nods, smiling.
“I’ll think about it.”
“Okay.”
I turn back to my phone and type out a quick message, telling him to come back upstairs, before placing it back on the table. I grab my plate of leftovers and take it into the kitchen, as Skylar looks around, Caramel close at her heels. She seems to have taken a liking to the cat.
“What’s her name?” She kneels down to stroke her.
“Caramel.”
“Nice.”
“Because of her colour.”
“How old is she?”
“A year. I bought her when I moved in – and, no, it’s not what you think. I’m not just a sad old lady who needs a cat for company. I’ve always loved cats, but my husband…sorry, ex-husband,” I say, correcting myself, “hated them. So as soon as we broke up, I went out and got one.”
“That was a good move.”
“Well, it’s nice to have someone waiting for you when you come home.”
“I was talking about breaking up with your ex.”
“Oh…”
A knock at the door interrupts our odd conversation, thankfully distracting me from my own embarrassment.
“That must be your dad.”
I scurry over to the door; when I open it, he’s standing there with a brown paper bag in hand.
“Chocolate ice cream.”
He lowers the bag, and flashes me a charming smile.
“I thought you girls might need something sweet.”
“You were right.”
“You’re finally starting to make yourself useful, Kerry,” Skylar says from behind me.
“Everything okay, here?” he asks, lowering his voice.
I wouldn’t quite say it was okay, Kerry, because I’ve just stumbled across an enormous problem: you. I’ve just discovered that I don’t just like you; it’s something more than that. And I don’t want to wait until the end of the tournament. And I’m ready to have my heart broken yet again.
“Yep, all good.”
And, apparently, I’ve just discovered that I’m a damn good liar.
Jordan
Niall joins me in the kitchen as his daughter sits in the living room, cuddling Caramel.
“Do I need to sign an agreement for this, too?”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, his warm words tickling the back of my neck. His hands are leaning either side of me, against the counter.
“Please, Jordan. Tell me there won’t be any more contracts to sign.”
I slowly open my eyes and turn my head a little.
“As long as you tell me there’ll be no need for them.”
“Do you really need me to say it?”
“I just want you to be honest.”
“About what?”
I gather my courage. “About us.”
His eyes widen, his hands moving onto my hips.
“Skylar is in the other room,” I remind him. “She might see us.”
“You’re lucky she’s here,” he teases, “or no one could save you from me.”
“I’m not scared of you.”
He grins smugly. “I like that you’re not scared of me. And I like that you used that word.”
“What word?”
“Us.”
“It’s actually more accurate to call it a personal pronoun.”
“Don’t make me close that mouth for you.”
My body shivers at the thought of his mouth on mine.
“Even though something tells me you’d like it.”
I part my lips instinctively, as he gazes at my mouth.
“I know you’d like it, Headmistress.”
“Oh, shut up,” I manage, miraculously.
“Or what?” he teases, pressing his chest against mine. “Will you put me in detention?”
“You two are so embarrassing.”
Skylar’s voice forces us to pull apart, putting an end to this particular exchange.
“Sorry,” I say, composing myself. I gather up the spoons I’d left on the counter. “We’ll be right in.”
Skylar rolls her eyes and turns back into the living room. Niall grabs my arm gently before I can follow her.
“Please tell me I don’t have to wait until the end of the tournament.”
“It’s not that simple. I have my job to think about. It’s unprofessional.”
“You’re right.” He lets go of my arm. “Sorry.” He steps back and I let out the breath I’d been holding.
“Just let me think about something, okay?”
He nods, smiling at me. “I trust you. Blindly.”
I never have guests – apart from Anya, and occasionally Iris. I usually go to their houses instead. It’s always just me – it’s been like that for a year, now. Actually, I was often in my own company even before that; especially once my husband had decided I wasn’t good enough for him.
My apartment really is tiny. It’s perfect for one; you might be able to squeeze in a young couple. So it was a little tight for all three of us on my sofa. Skylar decided to leave us old people the space and settle herself onto the carpet. We ate ice cream and watched the second half of that stupid film; only Niall laughed at the jokes.
It’s a strange sensation, having someone to share something with. It’s even more strange that that person is him – them. They’ve dropped unexpectedly into my life. This is the first evening I can remember that I haven’t planned in advance. They just turned up, and that was that. I took it for what it was. I didn’t make a fuss, I didn’t try to organise everything. And maybe that’s exactly why I feel so comfortable having them here.
“I think it’s time we went home.”
“What? Why?” Skylar protests. “I don’t even have school tomorrow.”
Niall looks at me.
“I can’t take back her suspension. It wouldn’t be right.”
“Of course,” he nods, slowly.
“I fucked up. This is only fair,” she says.
“You’ll be able to make up for it,” I say kindly. She smiles at me.
Niall gets up from the sofa and Skylar lifts herself from the floor. They grab their jackets and head towards the front door as I follow them.
“So…” But before I can say anything, Skylar has flung herself at me in an emotional hug.
“Thank you, Ms Hill. For everything.”
“You’re welcome, honey.”
She loosens her grip and smiles. “And don’t forget to think about it.”
I smile at her, nodding.
“I’ll wait for you downstairs,” she says to her father.
“Okay, but stay inside,” he says.
He watches his daughter bound down the stairs, then turns to me.
“What exactly do you have to think about?”
“She asked me to give you another chance.”
He stares at me in shock. “Seriously?”
“She told me I should take a chance on you, even though…”
“Even though?”
“Even though you don’t deserve me.”
“Well, she’s right.”
“Why do you think she’s right?”
“Come on, J
ordan. We both know exactly why. Don’t worry about hurting my feelings.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re beautiful and intelligent. I’m stupid. I’m going nowhere.”
“Do you really think that’s true?”
“Yes. And I want you to take my daughter’s advice.”
He takes a step towards me and takes my hands in his. “I desperately need you to give me a chance.”
And I desperately need to believe him.
He leans down to my face and brushes his lips against mine. I let him hold me for a few seconds, before he pulls away slowly, taking my last shred of reasoning with him.
“I know this wasn’t part of our agreement, but this is a special occasion.”
“Why is it special?”
“Because you’ve finally understood.”
“Understood what?”
“That you don’t just like me. In the same way that I don’t just like you.”
I watch him pad down the stairs, my heart in my throat, fully aware that I’m overstepping every boundary, and so close to tearing up every agreement I’ve ever set for myself.
Niall
Skylar comes up to me as I’m chopping carrots in the kitchen.
“I have to ask you something.”
I freeze, my knife in mid-air, and look at her.
“Shall I put this down, to be safe? Or can I keep chopping?”
“You can keep chopping.”
I don’t trust myself, so I place the knife on the chopping board. I lean back against the counter and cross my arms. “Shoot.”
“I wanted to ask you if I have to ask your permission before I do something.”
“Does that sound like a question to you?”
“I don’t know. I’m not used to you, yet.”
True.
“I don’t know if you expect me to ask you stuff.”
“Well, I assume that’s how it works.”
She shrugs. “I guess so.”
I clear my throat. “Did you ask your mother permission for things?”
“For some things, yeah. Otherwise she just trusted me.”
“Okay…” I think about this for a moment. “Let’s say that, for now, you have to ask me before you do something. Then slowly we can work out where the boundaries lie. What do you think?”
“That works.”
“So, go on. What do you want to ask?”
“I want to invite Carter over for dinner.”
My mouth drops open; but her sharp glare reminds me immediately to close it again.
“I need him to help me with a project.”
Is that what they’re calling it nowadays?
“Just because I’m suspended, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be studying. And he offered to give me a hand; I’m rubbish at Science.”
“What’s the project?”
“Something about planets. He’s, like, some kind of expert.”
“I can imagine…”
“Don’t you believe me?”
“What?”
“It’s like you’re making fun of me.”
“Me? No, of course not.” I straighten up and go back to chopping the carrots. “It’s okay. I mean, if you have to study… I hope he likes stew.”
“Are you cooking again?”
“Grandma is out late tonight, and Granddad is busy with work. I’m doing fuck all, so… Let’s just say that I have to earn my keep somehow.”
“Well said.”
I glance at her and she smiles.
My daughter.
Smiling.
At me.
“How are you feeling?” I ask her, suddenly.
It’s been two days since her outburst.
“Better.”
And things really have been going better. She hasn’t insulted me or yelled at me for two whole days.
“You know, if you ever want to talk about it…”
“I know.”
“Okay.”
I go back to my carrots, and the pile of other vegetables waiting for me.
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“How do you feel?”
“What do you mean?”
“I heard something.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I heard you and Ms Hill talking in the kitchen.”
I turn away from the vegetables again and shift my attention onto her.
“Are you two really serious?”
I decide to tell her the truth.
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know because you’re not sure about her, or about yourself?”
“Mmm…both. Although I’m leaning more towards the first.”
“I thought so.”
“But I’m working on it.”
She flashes me a small smile. “Make sure you do.”
“Why do you care so much about your dad’s love life?”
“I like her. I like the person you are when you’re around her.”
“Don’t you like the person I was before?”
“I don’t know who you were before; but I know he wasn’t the same guy who’s preparing a stew for everyone right now.”
“And do you like that? Me, being at home, cooking? Being…a dad?”
“I don’t know.”
At least she’s honest, too.
“I’m going to call Carter.”
“Ask him if he likes stew.”
She rolls her eyes and disappears upstairs, as I turn back to my pile of vegetables once again. But before I pick up the knife, I glance at my phone, resting on the counter.
Carter is coming for dinner. She invited him.
Wow. That’s a big step.
That’s what it seems like. She says they have a project and he’s promised to help her. Something about planets or science. Boring stuff.
What isn’t boring to you?
I consider my answer for a few seconds.
You.
She doesn’t reply; but I’ve made her think about it.
I turn my attention back to dinner. Once I’m done with the carrots, I start on the celery, then the potatoes. By the time I’m chucking everything into a pan, my phone buzzes again.
Did I hear that Carter is on the team now.
I smile. She changed the topic; but she’s not given up on me.
You heard right.
Is he good?
I’ll find out soon. Are you worried about your team?
Of course. You know how much I want that prize.
The money? Or me?
Since when did you become the prize?
I laugh.
I’ll win that tournament, Headmistress. I never lose.
She doesn’t reply to this either, but I didn’t expect her to. I don’t need her response. Silence says more than any number of words: especially hers.
I’m going to win, for you and for me, Headmistress. Because we both deserve this chance; and neither of us should let it slip away.
Niall
Carter arrives at around six o’clock. He just about has time for a quick ‘hello’ before my daughter drags him into the dining room, probably out of fear that I’m going to embarrass her. They sit at the big table, as she tells him that her room wasn’t big enough for them both to study in – they’d have had to sit on her bed. At the word bed, I realise just how much I support her decision. Sure, Carter seems like a good kid – he’s probably too scared of my daughter to try anything – and my daughter has reassured me on more than one occasion that she thinks he’s an utter loser; but you never know what to expect with teenagers. That’s a lesson I’ve learned recently.
I leave them to study as I finish off dinner. For a proper casserole, you need at least three hours of slow-cooking, so I leave it bubbling away on the hob and slice the garlic bread, ready to go into the oven. I grab a beer from the fridge and open it, just as I hear the front door slamming shut. My mother appears suddenly in the kitchen a few second
s later.
“Niall,” she exclaims, her expression shocked. “What are you doing?”
“I’m making dinner.”
My mother looks at me, concern etched across her face.
“What’s up?”
“Nothing, I’m just a little shocked.”
“Wow, thanks.”
“I just didn’t expect it.”
“You were at work, Dad was at work. I was here, doing fuck all.”
She steps towards me and plants a kiss on my cheek. “Thanks for taking care of it.”
“No problem.”
She heads towards the stairs and I suddenly remember that Carter is here.
“We have a guest, by the way.”
She turns to face me.
“Carter. Skylar’s tutor.”
Her eyes light up instantly.
“Don’t start.”
“What?”
“Getting involved.”
“I’m just going to go and say hello. It would be rude not to.”
I laugh. “Sure.”
My mother wanders off to embarrass her granddaughter as I turn my concentration back to my casserole, my beer, and my phone, which is lying on the countertop.
After my last message, I haven’t heard anything from her. I’m trying not to think about it too much, but it’s not easy – not when you’re so unsure, after you’ve laid all your true feelings so bare to someone, and you have no idea whether or not they even want you in their life.
“Wow, smells good!” My dad walks into the kitchen from the back door. “What are we having tonight?”
“Stew.”
“You’re giving yourself a lot to think about, here.”
“It’s just dinner, Dad. Don’t make it a big deal.”
“I’m not just talking about dinner. I saw that Skylar has company.”
I smile. “Yeah, but that’s not down to me. Jordan paired them up.”
“Jordan?” he asks, his eyebrow raised.
“The head teacher,” I say, correcting myself. “Ms Hill.”
“But you just called her Jordan.”
“It’s her name.”
“You call the headmistress by her first name?”
“It’s a small town. Everyone knows each other.”
“And you two know each other pretty well, don’t you?”
“Dad…”
“Do you really think this is the best idea for your daughter, Niall?”
