Carnal Secrets

by Suzanne Wright

  “My family moved there while I was in juvie—they didn’t want to be near the bad memories. Unfortunately, it was taken over by another Alpha three years after they settled there. He was the type to rule by fear and intimidation. He punished the slightest transgressions, caused divides within the pack, isolated the weaker members, and forced many of them to fight in the underground fighting club he owned—including Eli.

  “After spending nine years cooped up in that fucked-up place, my wolf wasn’t in the best frame of mind. Leaving juvie to find my family suffering like that…it knocked him over the edge. I challenged and killed the Alpha”—more blood on his hands—“but I didn’t want the position. The trouble was that no one else wanted it. The pack was a mess, and no one wanted the responsibility of fixing it. I’d killed their Alpha. I had no choice but to do what was right by them and take that position. So I did.”

  Shaya could only begin to imagine how hard it must have been for him to have come straight out of juvie only to find himself suddenly Alpha of a pack. It was more or less exchanging one prison for another. Being Alpha was a huge responsibility; everyone else came first, and he always had to be strong for the pack, no matter his own problems. Nick had never had time of his own, never had a breather. Maybe this little vacation from the position would be good for him. She couldn’t allow herself to trust that this was anything more than a vacation.

  “Told you it wasn’t a pretty story.”

  Shaya swallowed hard. “You protected your sister. No one can blame you for that. No one can blame your wolf for turning feral at a time like that.”

  His short laugh was bitter. “I hadn’t turned feral, Shay. I knew exactly what I was doing. I didn’t have to kill one of them. I didn’t even have to hurt any of them. They were spooked enough by me shifting that they were ready to make a run for it—they’d clearly been confident that I wouldn’t shift. But I wasn’t satisfied with scaring them off. I killed that human because I wanted to, just like I attacked the two who had tried restraining me because I wanted to. If people hadn’t turned up and intervened, I might have done more than maim them.”

  A chill suddenly came over Shaya. But, oddly enough, it wasn’t because of his confession. It was because of how lonely he looked right then. She understood loneliness all too well. Could she really blame him for wanting to hurt people who had intended to rape his little sister? A twelve-year-old girl? Maybe other people would have, but Shaya found that she couldn’t. “Of course you wanted to hurt them. They—”

  “I’m not sorry I did it, Shay.” It was better to find out now if she could or couldn’t accept him as he truly was. He knew, however, that if she tried using this to push him even further away, it wouldn’t work. “I never have been. Not even when I was put in that hellhole, not even when I thought I’d die there…I wasn’t sorry. I don’t think I ever will be.”

  There was that loneliness in his expression and voice again, that feeling of not having anyone who could understand and accept him. He was wrong. “I think of Taryn as a sister, and I know that if anyone tried to hurt her, I’d be prepared to stab them through the fucking heart.”

  Seeing the vigor in her expression, he could believe that. “You’re half human, Shay. Those people I hurt are half yours.”

  “But I’m half shifter, too. And they tried to hurt your sister and you. That’s not something I would ever find excusable.” He was hers, whether she wanted him to claim her or not. He was still hers, and the idea of anyone hurting him simply wasn’t something she could ever tolerate or forgive.

  The total lack of recrimination was a balm to his wolf’s scarred soul. Nick wanted nothing more than to take her mouth, but he forced himself to resist. Needing some sort of contact, he leaned his forehead against hers and traced her cheekbone with the tip of his finger. “See, you deserve better. But I’m going nowhere. I know that makes me selfish. I know another male shifter might have walked away. But I can’t do that, Shay. I tried it once—it didn’t work. Don’t you get it yet? My life’s worth shit without you in it.”

  She did her best to ignore his words, to not let them worm their way inside her—she really, really did—but they crept into that lonely spot she had, warming it. The possessiveness in his eyes melted her wolf. As he rubbed his thumb over her bottom lip, Shaya almost shuddered. Having him invade her personal space like this, touching her, should have annoyed her, but it was instead arousing her. Her nipples were hard, and her clit was tingling. God, she had been one big G-spot since he arrived. The wise thing would have been to pull back, but she sensed that the physical contact was calming him, chasing back the memories. How could she refuse to do that for him? Besides, if she was honest, she didn’t want to pull back anyway.

  The lust glimmering in her eyes made Nick groan. He scrunched a hand in her hair, digging deep for restraint and using the feel of her to do it. “You can’t look at me like that, Shay. I’m hard as a rock here, and you’re making it really difficult not to bite this mouth. But you like that you do that to me, don’t you?”

  Her blush gave her away. “Asshole.”

  “At least I have the comfort of knowing I’m not the only one who’s horny.” When she snorted, he arched a brow at her and said quietly, “Shall I tell you what I’m thinking about right now?”

  Flushed, she squeezed her eyes shut. “I really wish you wouldn’t.” The mating urges were becoming harder and harder to deal with, and she didn’t need him making it worse—particularly when she was feeling so restlessly needy. Her wolf, on the other hand, was extremely curious.

  “I’m thinking about how gorgeous you would look tied to my bed. Want to know what I’d do to the nipples that are poking through your T-shirt? I’d suckle on them and bite them until you were arching off the bed and begging me to fuck you. But I wouldn’t fuck you. Not yet. First, I’d taste you. You can’t have any idea how badly I want to know how you taste. Only after I’d licked you to orgasm would I bury myself inside you and take what’s mine. There’d be nothing gentle about it, Shay. It would be fast and hard and raw.”

  When she opened her eyes again, Nick saw that they had darkened and her pupils were dilated. To add to that, her lips were parted, and her breath was coming in short, soft pants. He had to wonder why he was doing this when he was tormenting himself just as much as he was her. Clearly he had a masochistic streak he hadn’t known about until now.

  Shaya took a steadying breath before speaking. Her voice was embarrassingly raspy. “You’re a teasing, cocky asshole.”

  He laughed, forcing himself to get to his feet and end the torture. “Story time is now over. Eat your chocolate and rest. I have a juicer to fix.” With that, he left the room and she turned her attention back to the TV. The plan hadn’t been to fall asleep. But that was what happened. When she woke, it was to find that it was dark and that Nick was sitting on the sofa with her feet resting on his lap, watching the TV on a low volume. He must have sensed she had woken, because his eyes moved to hers.

  “Hey, baby. Feel any better?”

  She did, actually. The cramps had gone, and the edginess had eased. She nodded.

  “Good. Just so you know, your juicer is now fixed, the kitchen tap is no longer leaking, and your dinner’s in the oven, waiting.”

  Did he have to be so nice to her?

  “I noticed the faulty boiler, too. Your landlord will need to take care of it. I don’t want you having cold showers.”

  Ha. Her landlord didn’t address any problems. He’d say, “Oh, I’m starting to think I may have to sell the house, I can’t afford to keep repairing it,” which was, of course, an indirect threat—if she didn’t deal with the problems herself, she’d be out of a home very soon. “I’ll call him tomorrow,” she said casually, though she knew the conversation would amount to nothing.

  “No need. I called him while you were sleeping. He promised he’d take care of it.”

  She gaped at him. “You called him? How did you even know his number? And what do you mea
n ‘he promised’?” Oh hell, what had he done?

  Nick shrugged, his gaze on the TV. “I got his number the same way I got yours—I have contacts in the right places. Admittedly, he wasn’t so cooperative to begin with. Cried poverty and talked about selling the house, but when I mentioned that his bank balance didn’t quite back that up and just how important you are to me, he had a change of attitude.”

  “You know his bank balance?” She was beginning to think Nick could find out just about anything about anyone. He simply shrugged again, like it was nothing. “I suppose you threatened him too.” He looked suitably offended.

  “I didn’t need to. He was spooked enough knowing I had access to his personal information—including the little detail of him having an affair with his sister-in-law.”

  She could only gape again. Then she shook her head, groaning. “You scare me sometimes.”

  He rubbed his hand up and down her thigh. “You never have to fear me. You’re the one person who’ll never be harmed by me, no matter what.”

  She believed that. A week ago, she wouldn’t have believed a single word he said about anything at all. But now, she did. That told her he was getting under her skin. And that was dangerous. But how could he not? The fact was that, whether she liked it or not, it was hard not to like having him around. He made her life easier by doing the littlest things, and he tried his best to take care of her despite her grumbles and protests. No one had ever done that before. No one had ever been so completely focused on her. Not even her parents.

  “Now that you’re feeling better, I’ll get out of your way.” The last thing Nick wanted to do was leave, but he wasn’t going to stay unless she asked him to. He didn’t want her thinking that everything he’d done for her today had been in an effort to earn an invitation to stay. He’d done it because he wanted to. But as he wasn’t as well behaved as she’d like, he didn’t resist the temptation to plant a kiss on her tempting mouth. “If you need me for anything, you know where I am.” He had only taken two steps when he heard her voice behind him.

  “Nick…thanks…for helping,” she awkwardly said. He flashed her a sexy smile that made her wolf shiver, and then he left…and Shaya found herself wanting to call him back. Yep, he was under her skin all right—under a lot deeper than she’d thought. Crap.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  After three weeks of Nick doing his best to immerse himself in her life, Shaya was about ready to cry…because it was working. To her dismay, he was utterly consistent in everything he said and did. Each morning, he would be waiting at his car with a coffee and an offer of a ride, which she had given up on refusing. Each day at work, a gift and a text message would arrive that brought a smile to her face and made her want to laugh. Every lunch hour, he came to take her to lunch wherever she wanted to go. At the end of each day, he was there to collect her from work with a meal he’d cooked for her. And every Sunday, he helped her with grocery shopping and offered to do any jobs around the house.

  Although he touched her often and teased her with the things he’d like to do to her, he never pushed for more, never took advantage of the arousal that was coming close to ruling her body. That same arousal was responsible for the dreams she had every night. There was nothing vanilla about them. The one she’d had the previous night had been particularly hot. Not only was she naked on her back in bed with her hands bound above her head, but she had a butt plug up her ass and Nick was fucking in and out of her hard and deep. She blamed Kent and all his “I bet Nick’s just as dominant in the bedroom” comments. That and Nick’s constant teasing.

  As such, when he walked into the salon at midday looking so freaking hot it wasn’t fair, she wasn’t sure whether she wanted to snap at him or jump on him. She went with the first. “I told you this morning that I wouldn’t be able to make lunch today—Fridays are always busy here.”

  “I know,” said Nick soothingly, smiling. Her snippiness never bothered him. “I brought you something—I wanted to make sure you didn’t miss lunch altogether because you were busy.” Not only did the female eat like a bird, picking at everything, but Nick knew she occasionally missed meals, and he’d be damned if he let her neglect herself like that. It particularly wasn’t good for shifter metabolism.

  Shaya might have rejected the bag he held out to her if the Subway sandwich didn’t smell so unbelievably good. Begrudgingly she took it, silently cursing him for once again being nice and trying to take care of her. He did that a lot. Of course Kent thought it was unbelievably sweet, as did her regular clients, who had all met Nick at least once by this point and thought he was fabulous—in fact, the client in front of her was at that moment greeting him and talking with him about the freaking weather.

  Finally, Nick turned back to Shaya and gestured at the sandwich. “Make sure you eat it.” In a voice so quiet only shifter hearing would pick it up, he added, “If I find out you haven’t, I’ll spank your ass.”

  Perching a hand on her hip, she gaped at him. Just as quietly, she asked, “Who do you think you are, bossing me around and threatening to spank my ass?”

  “I’m the person who owns that ass, baby. And I don’t like it when you’re not taking care of it.” With that, he planted a brief kiss on her cheek and left.

  Shaya, still gaping, looked at Kent, who was working at his station beside hers and would have easily heard Nick with his shifter hearing. “Can you believe that guy?” Kent simply shot her another look of disapproval. Why? Because she had accepted the offer of a date for tonight from a client she’d had that morning, who was new in town. Ordinarily, she wouldn’t date a client, but she’d made an exception here. She could lie to herself all she wanted about why she was going—she could say it was because she didn’t want Nick, or she could say it was because she had a huge thing for her date, but the truth was that she was testing Nick.

  He was fast becoming important to her. She couldn’t help being comforted by his presence and confidence. He made both her and her wolf feel safe, cosseted, and protected. For too long, she’d felt alone. Even before the whole Nick extravaganza, that loneliness had been there…like a cold draft in her chest. When he was around her, when his scent was filling her senses and he was touching her, that loneliness subsided.

  He had made himself a part of her everyday life to the extent that if he left again, it would have a huge impact on her—an impact she wasn’t sure she could bear. If that was going to happen, she would rather he did it sooner instead of later. If one thing could succeed in making him give up, it was her going on a date with another guy. If he still didn’t give up…well, there would be no denying that he deserved a chance. It was a huge gamble, and it could blow up in her face, but she needed to know how committed he was to sticking around before she even properly considered giving him a chance.

  After her client left, Shaya was cleaning her station when she again heard that frustrating noise. “Will you stop growling at me,” she whispered abrasively to Kent.

  “What you’re doing is wrong, Shaya, and you know it.”

  “I need to know if he’ll leave again.”

  “No, you want to punish him.”

  Okay, a part of her did want him to hurt as she had, but she was starting to think that he had been hurting as much as she had all this time. “If I can’t trust him not to leave, we can’t move forward. You know about my history with Mason—trusting is really hard for me. Considering Nick, my own mate, abandoned me once, I’d say it’s not all that surprising for me to be so hesitant.”

  Kent’s face softened. “I know. But Shaya, there’s a strong possibility that Nick will kill your date. Do you want that on your conscience?”

  “Why do you think I haven’t told him anything about it and don’t plan on doing so until after the date? I’ll send him a text to say that I’m going to your place after work.”

  Kent gaped. “Why am I being dragged into this?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Stop being a Nancy. He won’t know that you knew anything abo
ut the date because I won’t tell him.”

  He gave her a petulant look. “Is there no other way of testing Nick?”

  “Testing Nick for what?” asked a new voice. Paisley.

  Groaning inwardly, Shaya shot her a sweet smile. “Nothing.”

  “I have to say, I’m surprised he’s interested in you. I mean, I look at him…and then I look at you…and it just doesn’t make sense.”

  “Paisley,” cautioned Kent.

  “I’m not being insulting.” For once, it seemed that Paisley wasn’t being intentionally offensive. She appeared genuinely confused. “He’s clearly a very dominant guy—I’d be surprised if he doesn’t enjoy the D/s lifestyle. Someone like you, Shaya, well…I just can’t see you being able to cope with Nick as he is. You’re like the watered-down version of what he’d want—too testy and defiant, not to mention inexperienced. You…you’d be better with a guy who’s practical, sensible, sensitive, and gentle and all that stuff. Maybe a librarian or someone like that.”

  “A librarian?”

  “You know…someone safe and timid.” Paisley shrugged. “Now Nick, well, he’s far from that. I can’t imagine that you have experience with guys like him. And you might be sort of pretty, and you may have gotten his attention, but seriously, you can’t honestly think you’ll be able to keep it.”

  Actually, Shaya didn’t think she could. And that was also a huge problem in all this. She had discovered over the past three weeks that it wasn’t just her distrustfulness that held her back. It was her insecurities. She couldn’t help wondering if he would one day regret that she was his mate due to her submissive status. Most alphas preferred females whose strength matched their own. Shaya knew she had the inner strength to match his, but was that enough for him, or would he prefer someone like Amber?