Carnal Secrets

by Suzanne Wright

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Watching from his spot on the patio step as the wolf with the salt-and-pepper fur—Dominic—earned himself a swipe from a dark wolf with creamy markings—Ryan—Nick could only laugh. Despite Dominic’s wolf’s efforts to tempt the other wolf to play, he wasn’t successful. Ryan’s wolf was much too serious for that, just like his large gray Alpha who was currently watching two jet-black wolves—Derren and Tao—wrestle playfully. Similarly, the red she-wolf and the dark-gray she-wolf—Shaya and Roni—were leaping at one another playfully.

  Many of the wolves had decided to go on a short pack run on the land behind Shaya’s home, sticking close to the house, but Nick was much too wary to shift while it was quite possible that one, if not all, of the rebels were in fact a threat. Over the past three weeks, he had watched them closely without giving any indication that he suspected them of anything. He’d come to learn that Jesse was surly and militant yet admirably composed. Bracken was flirty and a regular joker, but—unlike a certain blond pervert—he understood boundaries. Not only was Zander one of the shrewdest sons of bitches Nick had ever met, he was incredibly strong and fast. Not one of them had given him any reason to believe that they might be allied with Logan, but Nick wouldn’t risk Shaya’s safety.

  Also, despite that the extremists no longer hovered outside Shaya’s home—wisely keeping a low profile—that didn’t mean they weren’t out there somewhere. When the video of the extremists’ attempt to attack Nick and Shaya went on YouTube three weeks ago, it hadn’t been long before the footage was featured on the news. Seeing the extremists demonstrate the type of violence, complete with flying bullets, that they repeatedly accused shifters of perpetrating had lost them a lot of support and credibility. Nick knew that Logan would hate that, would blame Nick for it, and he fully expected the asshole to retaliate by going for his only weak spot: Shaya. As such, Nick intended to stay on high alert.

  Despite receiving a list of all the male shifters residing in Arizona, Nick was no closer to working out who was behind the creation of the game preserve. The only ones he knew personally were Jesse, Bracken, Zander, Hadley, and a guy called Flint who was born in the same pack as Nick. But Flint was a decent guy, mated and with two pups—it made no sense for him to endanger his own family.

  Taryn had said she wouldn’t be surprised to find that her father was responsible, that she believed he was capable of just about anything. However, that didn’t ring true for Nick. Sure Lance was a bastard—so much of a bastard that he had been responsible for Shaya and her parents spending the first four years of her life packless—but he was known for his disdain for humans. He believed shifters to be the superior race.

  Pulled out of his thoughts by a familiar yapping sound, Nick looked to see that his mate was snapping her teeth in warning at a russet she-wolf. Amber. It was a clear “fuck off.” Shaya might be reasonably patient with Amber, but her wolf sure wasn’t. Normally, a submissive wolf wouldn’t even entertain the idea of displaying such antisocial behavior at a dominant, but that wouldn’t mean shit to her wolf while she viewed the other female as a rival—her possessiveness and jealousy would drive her to make her point.

  The russet she-wolf stood tall, growling low at the red she-wolf in an attempt to intimidate her. And what did his mate do? Lifted her head haughtily and turned her back on the dominant female, swishing her tail in her rival’s face for good measure—dismissing her with utmost contempt. He could only chuckle. But then the russet she-wolf growled again and moved toward his mate. Before he had the chance to react, his sister was there, blocking her path. She curled back her upper lip, displaying teeth and gums, at the threat to his mate. Roni was much more dominant than Amber, and they both knew it. Wisely, the russet she-wolf loped away.

  “It seems the bitch has a sense of self-preservation,” commented Taryn as she sat beside Nick. “I find myself disappointed.”

  “You’re not going on a run with Trey?” Nick asked her.

  “There’s no point. Kye should wake up from his nap soon. Why, trying to get rid of me?”

  He snorted, turning his gaze back to his mate. “There’s no such luck. But I have to admit I don’t much like talking to you.”

  “Why? I’m a very nice person.”

  “Because it’s like being arrested—everything I do and say can and will be used against me.”

  She laughed. “How are things going with you and Shaya?”

  He snorted again. “Like you don’t watch us like a hawk and quiz Shaya ten times a day.”

  “She won’t tell me why her submissive status is suddenly no longer an issue for you. It makes no sense. According to Jaime and Dante, when they spoke to you about it, you insisted you couldn’t claim Shaya.”

  Nick shrugged. “I changed my mind.”

  “Huh. What did you do with the diaper?”

  He threw her an exasperated look. “Don’t you have anything better to do than irritate me?”

  “But it’s fun.”

  He rolled his eyes. “On a serious note, must you really try to make things difficult for me where Shaya’s concerned?”

  “Yup. You weren’t the one who held her while she cried, Nick. What you did devastated her.” She cocked her head, eyebrow raised. “What, nothing to say to that?”

  “I don’t have to explain myself to you, Taryn,” he reminded her. “Shaya, yes. But no one else.”

  “She’s my best friend.”

  “Then be her best friend and support her instead of making things hard for us.” When Taryn went to contradict him, he asked, “Remember that time you came to my old territory to see your uncle? Remember how he behaved toward Trey? Don’s your uncle, and you love him, but when he was an ass to Trey instead of being supportive in your choice of mate, what did you do? You chose Trey over him. You put Trey first, because that’s what mates do. Don’t put Shaya in a position where she feels she has to choose.” He wasn’t just saying that because he worried she’d choose Taryn. He hated to see his mate hurting in any way. “Support her.”

  “I am supporting her.” But he could tell that Taryn was now realizing that her behavior had, in fact, been anything but supportive. “I told her I’d give you a chance.”

  “But you haven’t. You’re determined to hate me. To be quite frank, I couldn’t give a shit what anyone other than Shaya thinks of me. But it’s hurting her. And I know that’s something you’d never want to do.”

  Taryn was a silent for a moment, which was new. Then she turned perceptive eyes his way. “Do you care about her? I don’t just mean as your mate, the person who’s made for you—it’s instinctive to be fond of your mate. I mean do you care about Shaya the person?”

  He looked again at the red she-wolf, watched as she bounded around with Roni. “Yes. It’s kind of hard not to.”

  Taryn tilted her head, conceding that. “True. Do you know why she’s holding back?” Her tone communicated that she did. He knew Shaya confided in her a lot.

  Nick sighed heavily. “She thinks I’ll suddenly decide I want a dominant female and then leave her.”

  Taryn’s expression morphed into one of surprise. “She told you?”

  “No. I’ve come to learn how her little mind works, realized how many insecurities she has—it isn’t surprising, given how her own mother constantly puts her down. I’ve told Shaya over and over that she’s all I want, but another thing I’ve come to realize about her is that words mean shit to her. The only way she’ll believe me is if I show her that she’s all I want.” Although Nick wasn’t sure what more he needed to do to convince her he was sticking around.

  After a short pause, Taryn sighed. “I guess it’s fair to say that you’ve been pretty perseverant up to this point. But if you get what you want and she gives in, will you suddenly feel bored? That’s my question.”

  Nick gestured at the snippy red she-wolf, who was now approaching him—even her walk was sassy. “How could I get bored with all that sassiness?” The wolf came to stand betwee
n his bent knees, nuzzling his hands. Taking the hint, he began to pet her. Apparently the wolf didn’t like that another female was sitting so close to her mate, because she snapped her teeth at Taryn.

  The Alpha female gaped. “Hey! Not cool.”

  Smiling in amusement, Nick continued to happily stroke his mate and rub his face against hers. She licked at his chin and then snuggled up against him.

  “I didn’t expect her to be that possessive.” Taryn looked at them curiously for a minute before releasing a sigh of resignation. “Fine. I’ll stop being a pain. Not that I’ll stop coming around here—I want to be here for her. But I won’t poke my nose in or be a bitch. However…know that if you hurt her I’ll shove a beer bottle up your ass, use your sphincter to twist the top off, and laugh along with everyone as you scream in absolute agony.”

  “People would find that amusing?”

  She shrugged one shoulder. “Well, I’d be laughing.”

  When the she-wolf gave his chin another lick and then trotted inside the house, followed quickly by Roni, Nick guessed his mate was going inside to shift and get dressed.

  “She’ll make a good Alpha female.”

  It took a few seconds for Taryn’s words to sink in. He looked at her oddly. “What?”

  “Are you going to let Kent join your pack too? I heard him talking to Shaya on the phone, saying that he’d happily—”

  Nick held up a hand. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. What’re you talking about? I haven’t started a pack.”

  Her smile was sympathetic. “You kinda have, sweetie.” She paused to nod at Derren as he came—now back in his human form—to sit at Nick’s other side. “You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if my uncle asks if he can switch from the Ryland Pack to yours. It’s safe to say your brother will definitely join.”

  “There’s nothing to join.”

  “Are you sure?” Taryn raised a brow. “Because if you count you, Shaya, Derren, Kathy, Roni, Amber”—said with a growl—“Jesse, Bracken, and Zander…Hmm, looks like the beginnings of a pack to me. By the time Roni and the unmated shifters have all found their true mates, your numbers will be—”

  “Enough.” Beyond exasperated, Nick sighed. He didn’t have the patience for this. “Derren, you deal with her.”

  Derren shrugged. “Taryn’s right. This is virtually a pack.”

  “I know you think you can’t make Shaya your Alpha female without endangering her,” began Taryn, “but it truly wouldn’t make any difference if she was a dominant female.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean that, yes, it will put her in physical danger, but it’s no different for me. In fact, I’d say it’s worse for me. The fact that I’m powerful makes a lot of dominant females consider challenging me—defeating me would quickly and significantly bump up people’s opinion of them. Shaya would be in similar danger if she was dominant.”

  Huh. He hadn’t thought of it that way before. Nick wasn’t sure how he himself felt about being an Alpha again, but he knew that his wolf would leap at the challenge. He was born to lead; it was what he did best, and it was what he enjoyed doing. But his wolf wanted Shaya more than he wanted any position, just as Nick did. “In any case, I don’t think she’d want to be an Alpha female.”

  “You won’t know unless you talk to her about it. One thing I know for sure is that she’d make a better Alpha female than many I’ve known.”

  Nick could agree with that. Still…“My aim right now is to win Shaya’s total trust. If we decide to form a pack, it can be something that comes much later.” With that, he stood up and headed for the kitchen, intending to make some coffee.

  With Nick out of earshot, Taryn turned to Derren. “Am I right in thinking that part of his problem is that he doesn’t want to share Shaya?”

  “Yup. Plus, Nick prefers being alone.” Derren sighed. “If he had his way, the two of them would be holed up somewhere together and no one would ever bother them. But that’s never going to happen. Nick’s strength draws people to him, always has and always will. If you had seen the way he organized all the groups in juvie…Even the older ones followed him. There was only one guy, Merrick, who wouldn’t—Nick had to challenge him, and though he never meant it to go that far, he killed him. Nick never elected himself as leader, never tried to be one, but everyone made him one. And I’m going to do the same now. If he won’t take on the position, I’ll make him do it in my own subtle way.”

  “He’s not going to like it,” said Taryn, but she was smiling. “How can I help?”

  As her mom did her woe-is-me routine complete with degrading comments, Shaya was wishing she hadn’t answered the phone. Feeling guilty for the fact that she had completely ignored her mother’s calls for the past two weeks, she’d answered it…and now she was close to smashing her own phone. While Gabrielle Critchley was still ranting, Shaya placed her cell phone on the bed and pulled on her blue denim cutoff shorts and strappy black top. Unfortunately, her shifter-heightened hearing meant that she could hear every word clearly. Once Shaya had slipped on her black stilettos, she retrieved her phone. Time to end this quickly and cleanly.

  “Mom, I know but”—she faked a static noise—“I have to”—another noise—“Something must be wrong with my”—more static—“I can’t hear”—more static—“I’ll call you tomorrow and—” Then Shaya ended the call with a sigh of relief.

  She was just heading for the stairs when the bathroom door swung open and a strange female wrapped in a white towel walked out. Both of them froze, gasping. Shaya was just about to demand to know who the hell this woman was when she realized that the dusky green eyes were very familiar—eyes that were just like Nick’s. “Roni?”

  She gave Shaya a wobbly smile. “Yeah. Hi.” Tucking the long, wet, ash-blonde ropes behind her ear, she cleared her throat. “Um, I sort of need clothes. I can ask Amber—”

  “No, no, it’s fine.” Recovering from her brief moment of shock, Shaya pointed behind her. “Just follow me to my bedroom.” Once inside, Shaya closed the door behind them and gestured to the bed. “Take a seat.”

  Gingerly, Roni perched herself on the end of the bed and gave Shaya a slight smile.

  “It’s nice to meet you properly.”

  “Yeah,” chuckled Roni—it was a rusty sound, suggesting she hadn’t made it for a while. “If I’m honest, I hadn’t thought about shifting back to my human form until you talked with me a couple of weeks ago. The things you said stuck with me, played on my mind over and over.”

  Shaya couldn’t figure out whether Roni found that a good thing or a bad thing. If she was anything like Nick, the girl was the type to hold her cards close to her chest. “You and Nick really do need to talk. He thinks you stay in your wolf form a lot because you’re haunted by the memories of what happened—it breaks his heart and makes him feel awful. But it’s not that, is it? You’re haunted by a senseless guilt that you’re responsible for the downward spiral his life then went on.”

  “Perceptive,” said Roni, catching the hairbrush that Shaya threw to her. “I didn’t realize he felt guilty. That’s stupid.” Dragging it through the tangles, she continued, “How could he think I was anything other than grateful for what he did for me?”

  “Nick’s not exactly great with understanding ‘feelings.’”

  Roni nodded her agreement. “He never has been. I’d be bad with emotion too if my wolf had surfaced so early. His mind wasn’t anywhere near ready for it, was introduced to a stage of life that his development simply wasn’t equipped to deal with. Can you imagine that? As young as he was, he found it hard to cope, and his wolf was so angry and cold. Having to deal with that at any age would be hard. I know because my wolf became so angry after what happened that day in the woods, but she healed.”

  But Roni hadn’t, Shaya knew. “Nick’s wolf didn’t heal?”

  “With my wolf, the anger was tangled up with trauma. With Nick’s wolf, it’s not trauma. He was born in anger, and it shaped his personality. You can
’t ‘heal’ someone’s personality. You can change it to some degree, but not heal it.”

  Shaya retrieved a long-sleeved T-shirt and a pair of jeans from her wardrobe and laid them gently on the bed. “They should fit you fine.”

  Roni fingered the soft material of the white top as she quietly confessed, “I’m nervous about going downstairs and facing all those people.”

  “How long has it been since you were last in this form?”

  “About six months.”

  Wow. “And that’s by choice? Your wolf doesn’t hound you to stay in wolf form?”

  “Oh no, she’s quite happy to stay in that form for months at a time, but she doesn’t fight the change. She understands there has to be a balance.”

  Right now, it wasn’t a very good balance in Shaya’s opinion. There wouldn’t be one until Roni healed. “The lingering guilt…it’ll get better…but only if you want it to. Sometimes we cling to the guilt because we think we deserve to suffer. That’s not the same as being truly guilty of something, is it?”

  Roni frowned thoughtfully, but she didn’t answer.

  “It’s not that you need to forgive yourself. It’s that you need to realize there’s nothing to forgive.”

  “Have you forgiven Nick for not claiming you in the beginning? It wasn’t that he was abandoning you. If you had seen the state he was in when his cognitive functions started degenerating…It was horrible. We all panicked, scared we’d lose him. I remember the day he first met you. He came home that night, and he was in the foulest mood. He told me about you, about how it had killed him to leave you behind. I’ve honestly never seen him look so upset—not even when he was sentenced to time in juvie. Not even the times we went to visit him there. When he met you, he was in the middle of his healing sessions and his future was so unsure; he didn’t want to be your patient. I think he also worried that if he claimed you and then slowly became someone you didn’t even know—worse, someone who didn’t know you—you would then hate him.”