My Yuletide Earl: A Wallflower’s Christmas Wish

by Andresen, Tammy

  She didn’t want to accept his proposal. She still wasn’t certain if she truly cared for him or if she just lusted after him, but she did wish to explore her feelings more. And no matter what, she’d like to help him. He needed that.

  As they entered the inn, Holly didn’t see Jack anywhere. She did, however, note Lord Blitzencreek chatting with the innkeeper, Mr. Rudolf.

  She craned her neck to look about the common room when Noelle’s voice penetrated her fog. “What do you mean, you’re a duke?”

  Holly’s gaze snapped to Lord Blitzencreek. He wasn’t a baron? She wrapped her arms about her sister, staring at the man who was to marry Noelle. He’d lied about his very identity?

  “Is it true?” Holly stepped in front of her sister, squaring her shoulders. “Are you a duke?”

  “Now Holly. What I really need to do is talk to Noelle.” He inched forward as though too much movement would frighten them like deer and they’d startle and run.

  Holly crossed her arms, giving him a glare. “Answer the question.”

  “Yes,” he said, his jaw clenching. “I’m a duke.”

  She heard Noelle sob behind her and her own agenda was forgotten.

  Her poor sister.

  Noelle gasped and Eve wrapped her arms about her, whispering soft words of encouragement.

  “You,” Noelle’s voice trembled as she stood behind Holly. “You lied to me.”

  “Please,” he started, moving just a tad closer once again. “Allow me to explain.”

  “Explain?” Noelle’s voice caught but didn’t tremble with tears, rather the tone sounded harsh. Angry.

  He swallowed. “Yes. Explain.” He glanced over at Holly who was still glaring at him. “Preferably in private.”

  “No,” Holly said at the exact same moment as Noelle. Her sister’s pain radiated out. Had Holly been considering giving her heart to a rogue?

  Dashlington or Blitzencreek or whatever his name was looked at Holly with a narrowed glare. “You’re not helping.”

  Holly gave an indelicate snort. “At least I’m not a liar.” How could this man hurt her delicate sister? They’d been through so much?

  “My aunt opened her home to you.” Eve spoke more softly but with no less scorn. “My sister rescued you in the dead of night—and you would lie to us, to her?”

  “When I told you I was a baron, I didn’t know you at all.” He held her gaze, willing her to understand. “I had no idea that you would ask me for a boon.” His words were met with complete silence, which in his estimation was a vast improvement.

  Noelle put her hand on Holly’s shoulder and stepped up to peak at him. “But still. You’ve had plenty of opportunity to tell me the truth.”

  He gritted his teeth. “Apologies, my love.”

  “My love?” She blinked rapidly and then lifted her chin. “This was never about love, remember?”

  He straightened up and clenched his fists at his side. “No. It wasn’t.” Holly refused to budge, preventing him from moving closer to Noelle, from touching her. She needed to protect her sister now. “Please? I want a chance to explain.”

  Noelle shook her head. “It’s not wise that we be alone together. I need to think, and whenever we are, all reason leaves my head.”

  “True.” Then he cleared his throat. “My mother,” he began, shifting from one foot to the other. “She never loved my father. In fact, I’m fairly certain she hated him, though to be fair, she only loves herself.” He hated that his own words gave rise to old resentments. Because it oughtn’t make any difference to him. He was a grown man, for God’s sake.

  Her brow scrunched. “What does that have to do with us?”

  He shook his head and reached out a hand, but Holly still stood firmly in his way. “I didn’t want a wife like that. One who cared more about being a duchess than my wife. And—”

  She shook her head, stepping around Holly. “But that makes no sense. Ours was an arranged match.”

  “Was?” he asked, any hope he’d been feeling dying.

  Noelle straightened, her chin notching in the air. “That’s right. We both agreed that we wouldn’t expect… “ She faltered, and for a moment she seemed to be fighting back tears. “It’s too complicated—too muddled. How could I marry a man who based our entire relationship on a lie?”

  He reached for her arm but she jerked away. “But that is what I am trying to explain. I’ve never felt love before. Didn’t even recognize the blasted emotion. I only understood that you were different from the current duchess and that—”

  “That’s enough.” Her sister’s voice broke on a sob. “It doesn’t matter what you say because I now know that I never knew you at all. Everything was based on a lie.” Her lip trembled, but she still held her head high. “Goodbye, Duke of Dashlington. I hope you find the perfect bride.” She turned on her heel and left, marching back out into the square.

  Holly was next, silently following her sister. But her anger at Dashlington had evaporated. The man had been trying to confess his feelings. Explain. He’d wanted to make amends, it was her sister who hadn’t listened. She drew in a breath. She had to help Noelle as surely as she needed to aid Jack.

  * * *

  Jack watched Holly leave the inn, his shadowed corner allowing him to watch the entire scene unfold. He likely should have stepped out and announced his presence but he’d spent the afternoon by the lake, trying to sort through his feelings. He still wasn’t certain he’d gotten the full measure of them.

  He wanted to believe that lust was what fueled his feelings for Holly, but he was beginning to suspect there was more there. First, he worried after her, then he felt extremely jealous, and he’d been hurt at her rejection. All feelings he’d held for Rose.

  Holly was smart, beautiful, sassy—again like his former love interest. But that is where the two women diverged. Holly had been exceedingly honest from the first. Her need to find love, heal her family. She’d even been honest about the fact that her attraction was against her better judgment. There had been no false promises.

  Jack scrubbed his face. He was the fool who had gone and proposed when she’d all but told him she’d never accept. The fault was his.

  But he was also faced with a decision. She’d been telling him to leave her alone. Perhaps it was time to listen. Which was why he’d remained in the shadows.

  Dash headed up the stairs, Nick on his heels. Jack stood too but rather than follow, he watched Holly walk across the square. He didn’t want to leave her be. In fact, he wished to chase after her, pull her into his arms, and kiss her until they both ceased thinking about what was good or right and just let the feelings swell between them. Was it love? He didn’t know yet. Part of him wished to find out, while another was deathly afraid he’d only be hurt again.

  She disappeared back into her aunt’s house and he ran a hand through his hair. Did he go after her? He needed more time to decide if he’d survive another rejection. With that in mind, he followed his friends up the stairs. It wasn’t hard to find them, yelling could be heard from the common room.

  “I was running from love too.” Nick’s voice boomed down the stairs. “Worst mistake of my life. I hurt her. I hurt me. Don’t do this. Don’t leave. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

  Dash fired back. “You don’t understand anything. Not really. I am not a man meant for happiness. I don’t get a happily ever after.”

  Jack stopped on the stairs. Why didn’t Dash get a happily ever after? And if Dash could have one then perhaps he could too? But he shook his head. Impossible. Feelings had done nothing but crush him under their weight.

  “You’re wrong,” Nick said with such vehemence that it made Jack step back. He wasn’t afraid but surprised to hear his friend speak like this. “She loves you too. That’s why your betrayal hurt her so damned much. But stay and prove you’re not that man. Don’t run.”

  Those words slashed through Jack. Nick was talking to Dash, but Jack felt the words pierce his hea
rt.

  “I’m not the man you think I am.” Dash’s voice nearly broke on the last word.

  “You are,” Nick answered.

  The innkeeper brushed by him on the stairs and headed for Dash’s room, giving a firm knock. “The sleigh is ready.”

  Dash was leaving? Jack started up the stairs taking them two at a time. He needed a respite from this town, from his feelings. Holly was getting under his skin. Perhaps some distance would provide perspective. He didn’t want to let her go but he wasn’t certain he could keep her close either.

  He burst into the room, looking at Dash. “Are you really going to go?”

  “Yes,” Dash stood straighter. “You’re not going to try and stop me too, are you?”

  Jack straightened up, crossing his arms. “Hell, no.” He drew in a deep breath. “I’ve my own reasons for needing to leave this village and it’s none of my business if you want to ruin your life.”

  “Enough,” Dash cut his hand through his hair. “When did you two become like a couple of old hens clucking about feelings and life plans?” He picked up his trunk. “We travel about doing debaucherous deeds while we get drunk.”

  Nick shook his head. “I have a suspicion those days are done.”

  Jack cracked his neck, the only sound that broke the silence. He had a feeling deep in his gut that Nick was correct. What he was less certain of was whether or not he’d survive the change. His past had nearly killed him.

  Dash glared at him. “Well,” he looked to Jack. “Are you done carousing forever?”

  One of Jack’s shoulders rose and fell. “I…I…don’t know.”

  Dash shook his head. “Let’s get out of here. Perhaps we’ll start thinking straight when we rid ourselves from this tiny village.”

  Jack frowned. “Perhaps. Let’s go.” But first, he needed to leave a note for Holly.

  Chapter Eight

  Holly crossed the square once again, noting that she’d worn an actual path in the snow from her aunt’s house to the inn. Once again, they had no dinner.

  Not that she cared. She’d finally caught sight of Jack, or at least his back, as he’d driven off with Dash. He’d left.

  Her chest tightened in pain as Noelle followed behind her. He’d left without a word. Granted she’d told him to leave her be, turned down his proposal, but still. She’d hoped to have another chance to explain or perhaps just get to know him better, sift through her feelings.

  She entered the inn, her face flushing after the scene they’d caused earlier.

  Mr. Rudolph glanced up from his desk as Holly closed the door behind them.

  “Good evening, ladies.” He frowned sympathetically at Noelle. “Your aunt sent word about the condition of your bird. Your aunt’s cook must be right popular with the strays in town.” He tugged at a bell pull behind him. “One moment and I’ll have a basket brought out.”

  “Thank you, sir,” Noelle bit her lip. “Lord Blitzen—I mean, has Dashlington?”

  “The Duke of Dashlington.” He confirmed. “I cannot apologize enough for speaking out of turn earlier. I believe I’m the person to blame for His Grace’s departure.”

  She inhaled and then exhaled on a shudder. “Do you know where he’s gone?”

  “I’m afraid not,” his answer dashed her hopes. “But perhaps—”

  “Perhaps I can be of some assistance,” a cultured voice drawled.

  Holly and Noelle both spun around. Holly noted he was handsome as sin and equally sure of himself.

  “We haven’t met,” she blurted out, sure he was friends with Jack. Perhaps he could shed some light on where Jack had gone and why.

  “Nicholas St. Hope, the Marquess of Merriweather, at your service.” Extending one foot forward, he made a deep bow. Upon rising, he glanced toward the door, and his most affable smile faltered for an instant. “Just the two of you this evening?”

  “You mentioned that you might be able to help my sister,” Holly reminded him. Her own breath caught with hope.

  The marquess glanced around the room and then indicated a table with four chairs near the corner. “I might. But I’d have a word with you first, if you’d be so kind, Lady Noelle?”

  Noelle swallowed hard but nodded. “Why didn’t you leave with him?” she asked after they were all seated.

  Lord Merriweather shrugged. “Unfinished business. Am I mistaken that you were asking our good friend Mr. Rudolph if he had knowledge of Dashlington and Tidemore’s destination?”

  “You are not mistaken. Dashlington’s destination, yes. Not the other lords.”

  He brushed a wayward lock of hair away from his face at the same time his gaze flickered to Holly. “Well, yes. As a matter of fact, they’re both en route to London. I believe their intentions are to drink themselves into oblivion at Dashlington’s townhouse in Mayfair. One-seven-four-eight Grosvenor Street, if you were curious to know.”

  “Do you think he will return?” Noelle asked.

  Holly’s breath caught. That would make all of this so much easier, but Holly simply wasn’t certain Jack would return after the way she’d rejected him .

  But His Lordship frowned and shook his head. “Not likely. He’s a damned stubborn fool.”

  Her sister dropped her head. “I’ve been such a fool.” Her voice shook. “I just want Dash.”

  Holly winced. She had that same feeling growing in her belly. She wanted to be near Jack. When had it happened?

  He didn’t answer right away, but stared at her, thrumming his fingers on the table thoughtfully. “He was not happy when he left, and as I’ve already mentioned, he’s a stubborn ass.” But then his gaze traveled down her face, to her bosoms, and then back up again. “But it’s not as though he’s been immune to you so far.”

  “So, I have a chance?”

  “Dashlington’s home is easy enough to find, on the corner of Culrose Street, just across from the park.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out some letters. “If you would pass these along to him, when you get there, you’d save me the trouble.” He then reached another envelope across to Holly. “Miss Holly? Tidemore left this for you.”

  Her heart jumped into her throat. What did the letter say? She hardly listened as they left again, bringing the basket back to her aunt’s. Rather than eat, she raced up to her room. She had to know what he’d said.

  Scanning the contents of the letter, her heart pounded in her throat. He apologized for leaving. Her hand trembled as he hastily detailed his first romance, the loss of the woman to another man so close to the loss of his family.

  Covering her mouth with her hand, she choked back emotion as he told her how he knew she was different. How she’d been honest and open but he worried his heart was too damaged to love her the way she needed him to. A tear slipped down her cheek. The words were filled with so much raw emotion. He must have penned them hastily, and they revealed so much more because he had. But Holly was now certain of what she needed to do.

  She’d have to see him again. Soon. And find out if he thought he could love her because she was almost certain that she loved him.

  Now she just needed to convince Noelle to go after Dash too. Together, they’d go find their men.

  * * *

  Jack sat next to Dash, his thoughts back in Maybridge Falls. They rode down a pretty tree-lined road but he didn’t give a damn. All he could see was a curvy little blonde who felt like heaven and tasted like vanilla. Not that he’d be able to enjoy the scenery anyway. Dash was driving like a madman.

  Jack gripped the side of the sleigh. “Bloody hell, Dash, we’re not racing. Slow the fuck down.”

  He grimaced, looking over at his friend. “I’d like to put as much distance between me and her as possible.”

  Jack looked up at the grey sky, the afternoon sun covered by dark clouds. They suited his mood. “Why?”

  “You were there,” Dash barked. “You know why.”

  Jack shrugged. “It doesn’t matter if you go two miles or ten. She’s an unma
rried woman. She can’t follow.” He felt the pang of those words. He’d left Holly. To be fair, Dash might need him here. Besides, he wasn’t sure he could hold himself apart from her any longer. Hell, he’d already proposed. A man like himself couldn’t afford to fall in love. There was too much risk.

  “She’s the one who told me we were done. That she didn’t want to hear my explanation.”

  Jack turned to look at him then, a single brow cocking up. “If this is the part where you think I talk sense into you, then you’ve picked the wrong travelling companion.”

  “Why the hell did you come with me then?”

  Jack stared straight ahead. “Noelle won’t be there to pull you out of the snowbank when you drink yourself stupid.”

  He choked a bit as he continued to stare at Jack. “Thank you?”

  Jack gave a small jerk of his chin. “You’re welcome. Now leave me be.”

  “What the fuck for?” Dash pulled the carriage to a stop entirely. “It’s you and me in a sleigh. What the bloody hell do you mean I should leave you alone?”

  Jack turned then, his whole torso coming to face Dash. “You were not the only one who was having a romantic interlude in Maybridge Falls. I’m attempting to decide how much damage I just did by leaving and how much I care.” His chest tightened. He cared. Too bloody much for his own comfort.

  Dash leaned back, his eyes growing wider. “Eve?”

  Jack snorted. “You know that there is an entire village of women besides the Bailey sisters.”

  Dash’s gaze narrowed. “Holly.”

  Jack felt the color drain from his face. “Stay out of my business and I’ll stay out of yours.”

  Dash shifted, looking over at Jack. “You didn’t propose, did you?”

  “Bullocks, no.” Jack spit over the side of the sleigh to hide his jolt of surprise. Was he so transparent? “Are you going to keep prying into my affairs?”

  “Yes,” Dash answered, settling back. “Have you kissed her?”