Collector's Item
Page 7
indecent!"
"We eat beans, don't we?" Mortland pointed out. "They're seeds."
"We also eat meat," Miss Anspacher added.
There was silence. "I imagine," Mrs. Bernardi murmured, "it's becausewe never get to meet the meat socially." She avoided the saurians' eyes.
"We'd better see how Monster makes out, though," Miss Anspacherobserved, replenishing her lipstick, "before we try the berriesourselves. The fact that the bush is anxious to dispose of them doesn'tmean they can't be poisonous."
"Why should Monster sacrifice himself for us?" Mortland retorted hotly,overlooking the fact that Monster's purpose in eating the berries wasalmost certainly not an altruistic one. "If we can risk his life, we canrisk our own." He crammed a handful of berries into his mouth defiantly."I say, they're good!"
Algol sniffed the bush with disgust, then turned away.
"See?" said Miss Anspacher. "They're undoubtedly poisonous. When he'sreally hungry, he isn't so fussy." She combed her hair.
"But is he really hungry?" Bernardi asked suspiciously. "Come here,Algol. Nice kitty." He bent down and sniffed the cat's breath. The catsniffed his interestedly. Their whiskers touched. "I thought so. Fish!"
"You mean," Mrs. Bernardi shrieked, "that while we were strugglingthrough that water, alternately starving and drowning by centimeters,that wretched cat has not only been walking along here dry as toast, butgorging himself on fish?"
"Now, now, Mrs. Bernardi," Jrann-Pttt said. "Being a dumb animal, hewouldn't think of informing you about matters of which he'd assume thatyou, as the superior beings, would be fully cognizant."
"You might have told us there were fish on this planet, Mr. Pitt."
"Dear lady, there is something I feel I should tell you. I am not--"
"They're here on the other side of the ridge," Greenfield called,bending over and peering through the foliage. "The fish, I mean."
"The pools look shallow," Bernardi said, also bending over. "The fishshould be easy enough to catch. Might even be able to get them in ourhands." He reached out to demonstrate, proving the error of both histheses, for the fish slipped right through his fingers and, as hegrabbed for them, he lost his balance, toppled over the side of theridge into the mud and water below and began to disappear, showingbeyond a doubt that the pools were deeper than he had thought.
"Carl, what are you doing?" Mrs. Bernardi peered into the murky depthswhere her husband was threshing about. "Why don't you come out of thatfilthy mud?"
His voice, though muffled, was still acid. "It isn't mud, my dear. It'squicksand!"
"Rope!" the captain exclaimed, grabbing a coil.
"Hold on, chaps!" cried a squeaky voice. "I'm coming to the rescue!" Astout twelve-foot vine plunged out of the shadows and wrapped one end ofitself around a tree--disregarding the latter's violent objections--andthe other end around Professor Bernardi's thorax, which was justdisappearing into the mud. "Now if one or two of you would haul away,we'll soon have him out all shipshape and proper. Heave ho! Don't beafraid of hurting me; my strength is as the strength of ten because myheart is pure."
"It's that vine!" Dfar-Lll exclaimed. "So that's what has been followingus all along!"
* * * * *
"I can accept the idea of a vegetable thinking," Professor Bernardigasped as he was pulled out of the quicksand, "although with the utmostreluctance." He shook himself like a dog. "But how can it be mobile?"
"You chaps can move around," the vine explained, "so I said to myself:'Dammit, I'll have a shot at doing that, too.' Hard going at first, whenyou're using suckers, but I persevered and I made it. Look, I can talk,too. Never heard of a vine doing that before, did you? Fact is, I hadn'tthought of it before, but then I never had anyone to communicate with.All those other vines are so stupid; you have absolutely no idea! Hopeyou don't mind my picking up your language, but it was the only onearound--"
"We are honored," Professor Bernardi declared. "And I am deeply gratefulto you, too, sir or madam, for saving my life."
"Think nothing of it," the vine said, arranging its leaves, which wereof a pleasing celadon rather than the whitish-green favored by the restof the local vegetation. "Now that I can move, I'll probably be doingheroic things like that all the time. Are you all going to the city? MayI go with you? I've heard lots about the city," it went on, takingconsent for granted, "but I never thought I'd get to see it. Everybodyin the swamp is such an old stick-in-the-mud. I thought I was trapped,too, forced to spend the rest of my life in a provincial environment. Isit true that the streets are filled with chlorophyll? Do you think I canget a job in a botanical garden or something? Perhaps I can give littletalks on horticulture to visitors?"
The mosquito-bat looked out of the tea kettle austerely. "Monster!" itpiped shrilly.
"The very idea!" the vine snapped back indignantly. "Oh, well," it said,calming down, "you probably don't know any better. It's up to me as theintelligent life-form to forgive you, and I shall."
Jrann-Pttt and Dfar-Lll looked at each other in consternation. _Do youthink there really are cities on this planet, sir? Can there beindigenous intelligent life? If so, it may have already got in touchwith the commandant._
_Impossible_, Jrann-Pttt replied. _The vine probably just heard ustalking about a city. After all, it picked up the language that way;very likely it absorbed some terrestrial concepts along with it. Ifthere are any real settlements at all, they must be quiteprimitive--nothing more than villages. No, it's we who will build thecities on Venus. Combining our technology with the terrestrials', wecould develop a pretty little civilization here--after we've disposed ofthe commandant, so he can't report our disappearance. We don't want anypublicity. So much better to keep our little society exclusive._
* * * * *
"Wonder what time it is," the captain remarked as he rose and stretchedin the dim yellow light of the long Venusian day. "Must have slept forhours. My watch seems to have stopped."
"Mine, too." Mortland unstrapped his from his wrist and shook itfutilely. "Waterproof, hah! If we ever get back to Earth, I shall makethe manufacturer eat his guarantee."
"Oh, well, what does time matter to us now?" Professor Bernardi pointedout as he rose from his leafy couch with a loud creak. All of them--eventhe saurians--had aches and pains in every joint and muscle as a resultof the unaccustomed exercise and the damp climate. "We are out of itsreach. It has no present meaning for us."
This depressed them all. Only the vine seemed in good health andspirits. "I notice you're all wearing clothes except for the shortfour-legged gentleman with the home-grown fur coat," it chatteredhappily. "Do you think I'll be socially acceptable without them? Iwouldn't want to make a bad impression at the very start--or wouldleaves do?"
Everybody looked at Jrann-Pttt. "We are not a narrow-minded species," hesaid hastily. "I'm sure your leaves will be more than adequate."
After a breakfast of fish and berries stewed in tea--which the vinedeclined with thanks--the various members of the party gathered uptheir belongings and resumed their journey. Encrusted with dried purplemud and grime, their clothes deliberately torn by anti-social shrubbery,their chins--of the males, that is--disfigured by hirsute growths, theterrestrials made a sorry spectacle. It was hot, boiling hot, and morehumid than ever.
"Well," said Miss Anspacher, letting the Swahili marching song withwhich she had been attempting to encourage the company peter out, "I dohope we'll reach your city soon, Jrann-Pttt. I must say I could use ahot bath." She added hastily, "Hot baths are a peculiar cultural traitof ours."
"I could use one myself," Jrann-Pttt said. He brushed his scalesfastidiously.
"I'm looking forward so to meeting your relatives," she said, grabbinghis left arm determinedly. "I'm not violating a taboo or anything, amI?" _It isn't really slimy; it just feels that way._
"Not one of my people's. But I'm afraid you are violating a terrestrialtaboo, judging from the thoughts I pick up from your captain's mind."
"Oh, him--he's a stupid fool!"
"Not at all. Rough, perhaps. Untutored, yes. But with a good deal ofnative intelligence, although fearfully primitive."
"Perhaps I was too harsh," Miss Anspacher observed thoughtfully. _Thecaptain ... is