by Londyn Skye
“Home is whereva’ you and our children are, no matta’ where we are in this world.”
“James that’s a serious move. Don’t you think you might regret makin’ such a drastic change in your life just for me?” she asked, her puzzled eyes staring straight into his.
“Maybe you haven’t been listenin’ to me these past few months when I tell you every day how much I love you. Or maybe you just don’t believe me. I know afta’ everything I’ve put you through in the past, maybe I don’t deserve to be fully trusted by you yet, but Lily…” James made her look at him after her eyes drifted to the ground. “You are my world. I’d do anything for you, and I’d most certainly go anywhere for you. If I haven’t proven that to you already, then I don’t know what else I could possibly do to make you believe me.” He threw his hands up. “Hell, except for lettin’ you watch me get on that ship and sail away from here without hesitation or one single solitary reservation about it. And so, for us … would I have any regrets about makin’ such a drastic change in my life? Hell no! I’d leave this place with you in a heartbeat and neva’ give it a second thought!”
“I believe you,” Lily replied, but there was still no excitement in her eyes or in her tone.
James could sense her reluctance, but he did not understand why. “Lily, what is it?”
She removed his hands from her face and turned away from him.
“Lily, tell me that you want this too, so we can sail away from this place and neva’ look back. Tell me that you wanna start ova’ a world away from here and take nothin’ but all ‘a the wonderful memories you and I have created. When we get there, we can create a lifetime full ‘a new unforgettable memories … and a beautiful family of our own.”
Lily was still silent. Her mind already seemed to have drifted a world away.
“Lily?” James persisted. “You’d want that too, wouldn’t you?”
“You really are serious about all this, aren’t you?” she asked, still staring across the room at nothing.
James walked around to the front of her and turned her face toward him. “I’ve neva’ been more serious about anything in my whole life. I want you an ocean away from my fatha’ and my brotha’s … in a world where I can finally feel secure that he has no way of gettin’ access to you. Where I know you and our children will be safe.”
“I can’t do it, James,” Lily finally replied.
“What? Lily, w-why not?” he stammered.
“Not without my motha’,” she answered, instantly bringing clarity to her reservations. “I don’t wanna go … not unless I can take her with me. I can’t leave her here.”
“If that’s what you want, then I’ll find ’er. I swore that to you, and I will. As soon as we’re settled in Europe, and I know you’re outta harm’s way, I’ll come back and find ’er for you. But…”
“But what? You made a promise to me,” Lily reminded him, a serious look in her eyes.
“I know, and I swear I’ll stand by that. It’s just that I know your fears about wantin’ to find ’er, and I don’t want you to feel rushed into this because ‘a what I’m askin’ here. So, I’ll do it, but only … only if you’re truly ready for me to do it.”
Lily stepped past him and walked over to glance out of the moon-filled window at the troubled world that her mother was still trapped in. It was a troubled world that Lily had the power to help free her mother from with just two simple words. Ready to exercise that power, Lily closed her eyes and let out a cleansing breath. “I’m ready,” she announced.
Feeling great relief after hearing the sincerity in Lily’s tone, James walked up behind her and slid his arms around her waist, and they gazed out the window together.
“I know I can do this, so long as you’re with me to give me the strength to get through it,” Lily added.
“So long as I’m alive, I’ll always be here for you … through everything.”
“Then I’m truly ready…” Lily finally relaxed in the arms of the man who continued to prove that he genuinely loved her. “Ready to start our new life … togetha’.”
“Togetha’,” James repeated, letting a soft kiss linger on the side of Lily’s face. “In the Old World,” he continued, swaying gently with her in his embrace.
“The Old World will be our new world,” she whispered.
Chapter Twenty-two
What Lily was currently feeling was a familiar anxiousness that began to manifest the very first time she ever saw James roll out of sight in a wagon to stay with his aunt and uncle for a few weeks during the summer. That anxious sick feeling in her stomach grew worse every time she watched him leave every summer thereafter. That anxious pain in her stomach led her to regurgitate the day she watched James pack up his wagon for college and ride out of her life for six long years without so much as a goodbye. That same unsettling feeling in her stomach struck again when Sheriff Tolliver had come to haul James off to jail. James’s unknown whereabouts in the days that followed had her stomach teetering on erupting again when he failed to show before her performance. Now here Lily was, sitting snuggled next to James in her carriage, headed to the train station with that all too familiar sickness brewing in the pit of her stomach again.
In the few days before the Manhattan art museum fundraiser, Anna Mae had struggled to rid herself of a cough that rattled her whole body, brought pain to her chest, and hoarseness to her voice. She had fought it for as long as she could, but it had gotten progressively worse. Amidst the art museum festivities, the invading bug caused her to collapse. James had returned to The Grand Ballroom after his intimate rendezvous with Lily to find guests circled around Anna Mae as she lay on the floor. He immediately put his medical training to good use. He found that Anna Mae’s symptoms pointed to dehydration, brought on by her inability to hold much of anything down. James had forced her to drink as much as she could on their way back to their hotel. By the time they arrived, she was feeling slightly better. William insisted on finding a doctor in town who had the sort of equipment and medication that James lacked, but Anna Mae refused. She accepted whatever help James could offer, but she was fearful of what some other white doctor may do to a helpless Negro woman. Instead, she insisted on being treated by the doctor she had trusted for years back in Ohio. Her family tried to convince her that traveling while ill would not be wise, but she remained stubborn. After months on the road anyway, she was longing for trusted medical care in the comforts of her own bed.
Since James was best suited to handle medical emergencies, he decided to escort Anna Mae and Ben back home. In between a fit of painful coughs, Anna Mae thanked James for his willingness to help. He told her it was the least that he could do in light of everything she had done for Lily.
Before departing the hotel, Anna Mae’s children and everyone else said their goodbyes to her and Ben. And now, Lily took a moment to bid them farewell while they sat on the train, waiting for it to depart. She held Anna Mae tight and kissed her on the cheek. “I feel guilty, like I’m the one that done worked you clear to the bone tryna keep up with all the madness for the show. Don’t seem like you eva’ get a minute ‘a rest.”
“Don’t you feel a lick ‘a guilt, baby,” Anna Mae replied, coughing into a handkerchief. “I’m the one been foolish enough to push myself too hard. I neva’ trusted that absentminded daughta’ of mine to make the costumes and yo’ dresses by herself.” She tried to laugh but began coughing again. “Guess I ain’t got no choice now,” she wheezed.
“I’ve seen Isabel’s work. It’s just as beautiful as yours. You taught ’er well. You should be proud.”
“I am proud … proud ‘a both of ya’.”
“Thank you, Ms. Anna Mae,” Lily said, taking her by the hand. “I’m gonna miss you. I don’t know how to adequately thank you for all you’ve done for me.”
“Seein’ the joy on your face every time you put on one ‘a my dresses has been all the thanks I eva’ needed, baby,” she replied, breaking into another coughing fit.
“No mo’ talkin’. You go on and rest now,” Lily said, patting her free hand. She then turned toward Anna Mae’s husband. “Ben, I know you’ll take good care ‘a her.”
“Always have, always will,” he replied, as he covered his wife with a blanket. “Don’t you worry about her. All I want you to do is go put on a show that queen ain’t neva’ gonna forget, ya’ hear?”
“Yessa’, I promise I will.” Lily embraced him. “For all the hard work you put into the stage, I wanna thank you too.”
“It was my pleasure, sweetheart. I finally got to put these old muscles to work for a change. Had all them young’uns lookin’ like a bunch ‘a sluggish snails,” he joked.
“I sure am gonna miss you … and that sense ‘a humor of yours,” Lily laughed.
“I’ll miss you too. Take care, sweetheart.”
After Ben kissed her on the cheek, Lily exited the train and walked up to Griff, the leader of the misfit security bandits. There were already two bandits back on William’s estate guarding the grounds, but William still felt it was best to send Griff back with Anna Mae and Ben for added protection, since death threats still trickled in from time to time. Griff was the closest to Lily of all the bandits, and she suddenly found it hard to say goodbye to him as she approached him. As always, Griff had his thick, dark mustache perfectly twisted and turned down at the sides. He was wearing his typical all black clothes and boots, his black Stetson hat, and had his two pistols hanging crooked in his holster from his hips. Lily had never once seen him without “the punishers” dangling from his waist, as Griff jokingly called them. She swore he probably slept with them. By all accounts, Griff looked mean and hard as nails. But all he ever did was talk to Lily about the fondest memories of raising his three grown daughters. The tenderness he exuded as he gushed about them left her convinced that they had melted his ice-cold heart.
Lily found Griff’s combination of soft and tough endearing. Griff never said it, but she could tell that he never stopped missing his girls since they married and moved away. So anytime they were back at William’s estate, she would walk out to Griff at the front gates in the morning and serve him fresh brewed coffee, strong and black the way he liked it, along with a towering stack of her homemade pancakes. The pancake on the very top was always made in the shape of a heart, the way Griff said his daughters used to do for him when they were younger. It was not only Lily’s way of thanking him for risking his life to protect hers, but of trying to make Griff feel like his girls were there with him again, at least for a little while.
“I sho’ am gon’ miss them famous flapjacks ‘a y’urs,” Griff confessed to Lily when she stopped in front of him at the train station. “But you more than anything, Little Flowa’,” he said, referring to her by the nickname that he had given her.
Strangely, his term of endearment would always remind Lily of something that once happened to her while she was standing near an apple tree on her father’s plantation when she was only three. Hearing Griff call her that now triggered the memory again. She began to wonder if the event she was recalling was real or perhaps just a dream. Once her mother joined her in the Old World, it was one of the many things she wished to ask her about.
“I’m gonna miss you too, Griff,” Lily admitted. She then threw her arms around him. Griff wanted to keep up his hard demeanor, but with his “Little Flower” hugging him, he easily lost his willpower and gently returned her embrace.
When Lily let him go, Griff returned to his usual intimidating self. He then walked over to one of the other loyal bandits and slapped him on the shoulder. “Take good care ‘a my Little Flowa’, Samuel … Or I’ll blow y’ur goddamn head off y’ur shoulda’s and mount it on my wall,” he threatened.
Samuel swallowed hard, flashed a nervous smile, and touched his forehead after imagining the wound. Griff then strolled by him to get on the train in his usual calm strut.
After her goodbyes to everyone, Lily had to turn and face the inevitable: a goodbye that had already begun to sicken her. Knowing that James was leaving for a noble cause, she felt foolish for her anxiousness this time around. Meekly, she approached him. Her hanging head spoke volumes to James. He took her by the hand and ushered her to a dark corner of the station. Samuel stood guard nearby as an added layer of protection from prying eyes.
“You okay?” James asked, once they had some privacy.
“I wish you didn’t have to leave tonight,” Lily admitted.
“Me neitha’, but I wanna be sure Anna Mae’s well taken care of on the way back. Besides, once I can get ’er to her doctor, it’ll give me time to tie up some loose ends, take the money outta our account, and gatha’ up all our things to take to the Old World, just like we talked about on the way here. The soona’ we can leave this place afta’ you perform, the betta’.”
Lily nodded. “I know.”
“Speakin’ of your performance … I just looked at that train schedule, and it looks like I’ll be runnin’ a little behind gettin’ back here in time for the start ‘a the show Christmas night,” James said, the cold air making clouds out of his breath. As with all things regarding Lily, he noticed the quick change in her disposition after he mentioned when he would be returning. “Lily, it’s alright. I’ll be back for the show. I may be a little late, but I’ll be there.”
“I know. It’s just that…”
“Just what?”
“Nothin’,” she said, determined to ignore the sick feeling in her stomach. “But will you do me a favor?”
“Of course. Anything.”
“All of our letters … I keep ’em in the chest at the end ‘a my bed. Would you gatha’ ’em up and bring ’em too?” she asked, thinking of everything she could to keep from having to say goodbye until she absolutely had to.
“I’d be happy to.”
“I know it might seem like such a petty thing, but those letta’s mean so much to me.”
“It’s not petty at all. They mean a lot to me too. Anything else you can think of?”
“My book … Our book. I’d be sick if I left it behind.”
“I already had it on my mental checklist,” he said, pointing to his temple with a smile. “Anything else, m’lady?” he asked, playfully mimicking a British accent, attempting to cheer Lily up.
Lily wanted to laugh, but she felt a lump starting to form in her throat. “You.” She closed his large overcoat and pulled his scarf a little tighter, trying to distract herself from the tears she felt brewing. “And don’t you dare be gone away from me long this time.”
James brushed back a lock of her hair after the wind swept it into her face. “I won’t be gone from you a minute longa’ than I need to be, Miss Lily.”
“Not one minute, ya’ hear?” she warned.
“Not one,” James promised, not wanting to hurt her the way he had during his last absence. “Not one damn minute,” he whispered, caressing her face.
“AAALL ABOOOARD!”
James looked back at the conductor and watched the last few people funneling toward the train entrance.
“Well, you best get goin’,” Lily said, dropping her head, still refusing to say goodbye first.
“I’ll see you real soon, beautiful,” James said, raising her head and kissing her quickly on the lips before turning to walk away.
“You were right all those months ago, ya’ know,” Lily called out to James before he had gotten too far.
He stopped just feet away from her and turned around.
“I’ve always felt it,” she continued.
James looked at her a bit confused. “Felt what?”
Lily approached him and ran her hand down the front of his overcoat. “How much you’ve always loved me,” she answered. “And I hope you’ve always felt it too.” Her eyes were suddenly fixated on his. “How much I’ve always loved you.”
James froze for a moment and let his eyes drift across the softness in Lily’s face after she had spoken the words. “Always,” he assur
ed her, in a faint whisper.
“Good. ’Cause I do,” she admitted, blinking away the tears she could no longer hold back. “I really do love you, James Adams. Through everything all these years … I always have.”
James’s eyes suddenly closed as an uncontrollable swell of tears surged forward and threatened to fall from the warmth and sincerity of her confession. In the six months since he had confessed his love to her, Lily had been willing to share her worries, her joy, her concerns, her happiness, her fears, her laughter, and even her body with him. But never had she shared those words … until this very moment. After his egregious errors of the past, James knew that such words did not come lightly and without great meaning. He viewed those invaluable words as a symbol of her willingness to completely trust him. It meant that the healing was complete, that all had truly been forgiven, and that he was finally worthy of having all of her. Lily was now willing to be totally and completely vulnerable with him, without so much as a grain of the wall she had once erected around herself standing in between them.
As the train whistled in the background, with tears welling in his eyes, James descended on Lily’s lips. He kissed her with the sensitivity and finesse that he hoped would convey how much he understood the magnitude of her admission. Lily’s confession and the caress of her soft lips suddenly made James feel impervious to the freezing temperatures, and to everything else for that matter. He closed his eyes again while he kissed her and let the sentiment of Lily’s deceleration seep into his heart, his soul, and his spirit as he mentally recorded the time, the place, the look on Lily’s face, the tears in her eyes, the tears in his own, the sound of the train engine, the direction her hair was blowing, and the slight break in her voice as Lily professed her love to him for the very first time. He needed to be sure that everything about that moment implanted itself deep in the recesses of his memory for the rest of his natural life.
As the conductor called out for the last time, with great reluctance, James pulled himself away and let Lily go. Lily stood on the platform huddled next to Samuel and watched him board and take his seat near Anna Mae, Ben, and Griff. As the train began to roll, James looked out the window and kept his eyes firmly planted on the woman who loved him, until she was no longer in his sight.
