by KT Strange
It was too much. It wasn’t enough, not enough pressure, just the dull heat of his palm, and whatever friction I could get by tensing and shifting under him. I could feel the tips of his fingers on me, almost in the right place to slide inside if I just… moved… down…
He let out a shuddering breath and pulled his hand away, staring down at me like I was too much for him to handle. I couldn’t help the disappointed sigh that escaped my mouth.
“I don’t want to fuck you on a pile of moth-eaten curtains,” he said, his cheeks and ears pink. “I might not have standards, but c’mon. Just cause we’re trash doesn’t mean we need to have sex on actual garbage.”
“You don’t need to fuck me,” I said, “we could just…” I trailed off and he smirked.
“Oh yeah? We could just… what? Is that your way of asking me to do this?” His hand was back on me and I groaned, my eyes closing.
“Yes,” I whispered.
“I should make you use your words,” he teased. “Make you tell me exactly what you want. I bet you want to come all over my fingers, right?” He was rocking two fingers against my clit through the thin fabric of my panties, and it was right where I needed it. The heat spread out, spiraling through me, the shivering feel of it leaving me with no ability to do anything but wrap my arms around him and keep him close.
If he stopped…
I’d be so fucking mad.
He kissed the side of my face, pressing his fingers harder against me.
“Like that?” He asked. “Is that it? Right there? Mia, you’re so fucking hot, your thighs squeezing around my hand, like you’re desperate for it.”
My face was warm, my skin tingling all over, and I reached down to grab his wrist, sliding his hand down further between my legs. The heel of his hand ground against my clit, giving me the exactly right amount of pressure, and the tips of his fingers stroked over my entrance through my panties.
He dug his fingers in, curving them into me and I moaned at the dull, barely-there penetration of him and the fabric.
“I’m going to get you wet, and you’re gonna spend the rest of the day thinking about my hands on you, my fingers inside you,” he whispered, and that’s all it took, the shuddering heat of my orgasm cresting inside of me. I gasped, my muscles tensing as it was right there, right within my grasp-
Finally it broke, like it was never going to stop, and I clung to him, burying my face in his shoulder as he kept stroking me slowly, his hand rocking against me until I collapsed back into the velvet curtains with a groan.
His eyes were bright when I managed to get it together to look at him, all my limbs loose and tired. I was sleepy, like a nap would do me good.
He lifted his fingers, the ones that had been between my thighs, to his mouth and licked the tips of them. I blushed and shrank down into the fabric pile.
He winked at me and leaned in, kissing me slowly.
“You’re beautiful,” he said with a sigh. I bit my lip and reached for him, sliding my hand around his hip and then down his thigh. I needed, no, wanted, to return the favor-
In the distance, the lunch bell rang, and he groaned, letting his forehead fall onto the fabric next to my head.
“Fuck,” he said. I smirked.
“Soooo, I’m gonna walk around wet for the rest of the day, but that’s not a big deal. No one’s gonna know. I think you’re going to have a hard time hiding your erection, though,” I laughed. He glared at me, but smiled.
“Fuck,” he said. “You’re going to be the end of me.” He pulled me up, kissing me quickly and smoothed my skirt down my legs. “Maybe I’ll just fake sick, go rub one out in my room.”
I rolled my eyes at him as we got to our feet, trying not to stare at the slight bulge in his pants.
“Just I dunno, hold a notebook in front of yourself or something, that’ll look totally normal.”
He gave me a light shove and then grabbed our bags, passing me mine. As we left the old auditorium, I paused at the doorway, looking behind me.
“We should come back here sometime,” I said. He smiled when I glanced at him.
“Any time you want,” he promised. “I’ll be here. Let’s just do it when we have enough time for both of us, yeah?”
***
My phone rang, on my desk beside my bed, and I sat up from the nap I’d almost been about to have, and a sexy little day-dream about Colt and his talented fingers. With a groan I reached for it, and frowned. It was a call from town, a number I didn’t- in a panic, I hit the accept button.
“Hello?” I sat forward, swallowing hard, and then looked around frantically for a pen and paper in case Brandt had instructions for me.
“Mia, kid, that you? Shit. Shit… you sound, all grown up.” It was definitely Brandt. I swallowed.
“Hey, Brandt,” I said, not wanting to prolong the conversation. “Mom said you needed some help?”
He laughed, thin and reedy.
“Aw, fuck, yeah, I do, I do… but here, listen, your mom’s in trouble, and I’m fine helping her out, you know, talking to her lawyer, doing my best, she didn’t mean what she did, you and I both know that…” His words were rambling and I knew, with a sinking feeling, that he was drunk or high. He sounded not right. But he was offering to help my mom. That meant something.
“Whatever you need,” I said, “just let me know how to get the money to you.”
“I knew you’d come through. Good kid, you’re such a good…” his voice stalled. “Girl.” There was something in the way he said it that almost oozed through the phone and I closed my eyes. He was three times my age, easily, I was sure of it, but his voice poured over me like oil and made me feel filthy in the wrong way.
“So, Mom said Moneygram?”
“Nah, I don’t trust the government,” he said. “Can you bring it in person? Where are you, anyway? She didn’t say.”
“Uh, in town? I guess I could…” I didn’t want to tell him where I was. That was too much information. I huffed out a breath. “Yeah, I can come meet you. It’ll take me a few weeks to get the money together-”
“Look, Mia,” Brandt’s voice started to go hard. “I don’t think you know what kind of shit your mom has gotten herself into. You want me to help her? Then you better fucking help me. Okay?”
My throat went tight at his threat.
“Okay,” I whispered. He laughed, like everything was normal and it was totally a regular thing to threaten people.
“There we go, all good? Right? Okay, I’m still in this shit-hole at the Park, so you can just come meet me here. Call me and let me know when you’re coming, I’ll be around.”
“Sounds… sounds good,” I said, a growing feeling of dread in my stomach. I needed to talk to my uncle about it, but I knew, I just knew he wouldn’t agree, and he didn’t have the money anyway.
“Good girl, yeah, maybe you can stay a bit when you come. Have a drink with me. I’ve got beers,” he said, his voice dropping low. I had to pull the phone away from my ear, the tone of his words was too disgusting.
“I’ll call you soon,” I said, and hung up. My heart was pounding hard in my chest as I stared at my phone.
I needed to get that money for him, fast, soon, so that I could help my mom… and also, keep Brandt from ever needing to talk to me again. He scared me, there was something about him so unhinged and off-kilter, and he talked to me like he was mentally undressing me. Once I paid him, he’d be out of my life, though.
I closed my eyes and sighed before sending Shiv a text message.
Know anyone who’s hiring? I need a job. I’ll do anything!
Six
I adjusted my backpack on one shoulder and squinted into the dying afternoon sun. The long walk from HRA into town so I could do my physical therapy was not something that I Was looking forward too. I sighed and set out through the parking lot, the sound of students getting into their cars, the high pitched screams of younger students as they ran on the playground waiting for parents to pick them
up, filled up the air.
“Hey, Mia?” Cael Pierce’s voice made me turn. He stood there, bag slung over one shoulder, car keys in his other hand. “Need a ride?” A smile spread across his face, welcoming, and almost apologetic. I let out a relieved breath.
“Yes, god, please.”
I had to tie my hair up into a bun, because Cael was apparently offended by putting the top up on his car, even as the air was becoming colder with each day.
“So how long is your physical therapy for?” He asked, casting a glance down at my arms. “You’ve been doing okay, taking notes in class?”
“I’m almost done, a few more sessions, I think. It barely hurts anymore.”
Cael flinched.
“It’s really okay,” I insisted. “You didn’t mean to.” He shook his head.
“I should’ve fucking known better. I got our handyman to install a mirror there just in case. I’m not the only one who uses that gate, all of our staff do, and some of the groundskeepers are not much older than me and probably half as responsible. If one of them came ripping out the gate again and-”
His hands tensed on the steering wheel. Was he imagining me getting hit by a car? If you’d asked me that question A few weeks ago, I would’ve told you that he would’ve been fantasizing about it. But now he looked like he was upset.
“Hey, it didn’t happen, so try not to think about it, okay?” It was nice that it offered to drive me to physical therapy, and he was obviously still torturing himself over what could’ve happened instead of what did happen. “You can’t go back in time, and you can’t change the past. I think you felt bad enough about it, I’m really not that upset.”
“I still need to get you a new bike, are you sure you don’t want to Vespa?” He shot me a playful grin. “You could wear a beret and a striped top. It’d be very French. You can even where you know, a little black skirt. That it be… Nice.”
I laughed.
“You are so fucking obvious, does that really work on people? Like girls?” I asked. He just wanted to see me in a skirt riding around on the scooter, and it was obvious that I would be flashing my underwear the entire time. He shrugged.
“A guy can try, right?” He shot me another look, this when heated. I felt myself blushing. “Besides, I saw you at the dance with Reid.”
The dance. Right. Reid.
“I’m just having fun,” I said. “That’s what guys do, right? They have fun. Well, why not me? I’m entitled some fucking fun to.” I felt brave, like anything I said to him would stay in our bubble. I was getting used to being an object to scrutiny at school, but I still felt like I was slightly in the danger zone all the time, and that I needed to protect myself by not saying or doing anything that anyone could gossip about.
“Having fun is just fine,” he said with a sigh. “Reid it is just… I just want you to be careful around him that’s all.”
I put my hand to my chest for, faking shock.
“Cael, how could you say that? He’s your friend. And he seems totally well-adjusted, like not at all disturbed or freaky.”
“Reid just likes to fuck, that’s his thing, and he seems to have got an eye on you. It helps that it’s pissing Buck and Shawn off to no end.” Cael was smiling.
“Aren’t you guys friends? With them?” I asked. Why would he, or Reid, want to piss them off?
“Yeah, we are, but that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to have their noses rubbed in it every once in awhile. They fucked up, they know it. Have you even talked?”
“They want to,” I said, a small part inside of me feeling really weird at having this conversation with Cael of all people.
“What’s stopping you?” He asked, his tone gentle, almost sweet. I swallowed down my reservations.
“I don’t know if I want to hear something that’s going to be all lies,” I said. “I saw what I saw.”
“True,” he said, nodding and looking thoughtful. He turned onto the street where my PT’s office was. How’d he know where to go? I hadn’t even told him. Ugh, small towns. There was probably only one physical therapist, and he was a football player. He’d probably been there himself. “Just keep an open mind. You saw what you saw… but what you saw was probably only a quarter of the story. Here’s good?” He pulled up in front of the building, the car rolling to a slow stop.
“Thank you so much,” I said, opening the door.
“Mia-” He cleared his throat as I got out of the car.
“You’re right,” I said. “I only know what I saw, not how they felt, or what was going through their minds.”
His look was serious, as he reached into the back and grabbed my backpack, handing it to me.
“I’ll be here to pick you up after,” he said. My face warmed.
“After? How do you know when I’ll- never mind. I don’t want to know,” I turned away.
“Hey,” he called after me, “you still haven’t told me if you need anything.”
I paused, thinking about it for a moment.
“A job,” I called back. “I need my own spending money. I don’t take charity handouts.”
I didn’t wait to hear his response, and headed into the PT office before he could reply.
***
I stared down at my phone, and swallowed hard. It was about time I get around to it, but I’d been putting it off. I shot off a quick text to Buck, and waited for his reply.
It came within a minute.
I’ll be right over.
My uncle was out, and I sat on the front porch in an old sweater pulled down over my knees, and black leggings to keep away the night-air chill.
Buck’s Rover rolled into the drive-way, and he hopped out, his movements uncoordinated and not confident. I wasn’t used to seeing him like that.
He walked over to me and stood still, staring down at me.
“Wanna go inside?” I asked.
“Only if you want me there,” he said carefully. A familiar ache in my chest started up. I’d missed him. He’d cut his hair, the soft strands flopping over his face, barely below his ears. It must’ve been getting too long for him. I wanted to curl my fingers in it, pull him close and kiss him.
But first we needed to talk. I needed answers. I needed to think about those answers and make a decision as to whether I wanted him in my life at all, or not.
“C’mon,” I said, getting to my feet. He followed me inside, the screen door closing with a soft bang behind him. I curled up at one end of the couch. He sat at the other, looking down at his hands in his lap.
“So,” he said. “I guess… is it okay if I just lay it out?”
“Please do,” I said. He inhaled, the sound sharp, and painful.
“Garrett said you saw us kissing, at camp.”
The memory hurt, and I tried not to close my eyes against it.
“Yeah,” I whispered.
“Shawn and I’d been talking. I know I should’ve waited for you at the fire, but he’d been being weird all day… I just wanted to check on him. So I went.” He swallowed, his throat bobbing.
It felt like a horror show, my heart unraveling with his words.
“He’s been my best friend, Mia, forever, I… that means something to me. I know he’s been hurting, and I should’ve said something before, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know how. I just had this feeling, and I went looking for him. He was in our cabin, sitting on my bunk, looking like the world was ending for him.”
I watched him, trying to get a read on whether he was telling me the truth or not. But Buck wasn’t much of a liar, I’d seen him try to pull the wool over my uncle’s eyes a few times when he’d been living with us.
His expression right then was sincere and pained.
“Okay, so, I can… I don’t really care about you leaving the campfire without me,” I said, trying to keep the acid out of my voice, “but the whole making out-”
“We weren’t making out. We were talking, in my bunk-don’t fucking roll your eyes like that Mia, guys can ge
t close, it doesn’t have to be like that,” he said, shoulders hunched, his voice defensive. I swallowed and tried to not to pull another face.
“Okay, so you were talking.”
“About his dad. I know Garrett talked to you about it.”
“Yeah,” I said, biting my lip. “Is it really that bad? I’ve been meaning to talk to my uncle about it.”
“No, Shawn doesn’t want that,” Buck said with a shake of his head. “But yeah, we can talk about that later… I just wanted… Shawn was laying it all out, telling me how he couldn’t take it anymore, how even though he loved you, that wasn’t good enough for his dad, it wasn’t enough to prove to the old fucker that he shouldn’t beat the gay out of his son every day-” Buck faltered and wiped at his eyes. I sat up, on the edge of the couch, my own chest aching. Shawn had loved me? He had a funny way of showing it. I tried to listen with an open mind though.
“And I-” He took a breath. “I told him that it wasn’t okay, and that he could stay with me if he needed, but we both knew if he did that, his parents would pull him out of Hidden River, and that’s not something he wants so…”
“I’m still not understanding how this ended up with you guys kissing,” I said, “I’m not trying to be mean, but, Buck, you gotta see it from my perspective-”
“I knew he loved me like that,” Buck said, staring at me hard. “I knew it, but I also know how much he loves you, not past tense, he still does, Mia, and things were just getting intense between us, he kept saying that I shouldn’t be his friend, and I should’ve never allowed him to get with you, because he didn’t deserve it, or you. I told him to shut the fuck up, because he doesn’t need to earn the right to be loved, because fuck, Mia, he doesn’t. You don’t. None of us have to earn the right to be loved.”
He looked furious, staring down at his hands.
“Fuck his family for making him think that, that just because he likes guys the same as girls,” he muttered. I shifted in my seat. It… it was hard to hear, all of it, but he wasn’t wrong. Maybe Shawn hadn’t earned my love with his actions, but that didn’t mean he still didn’t deserve to find love, or be loved.
