Shut Up and Kiss Me

by Julie Cannon

  “And what did your father think of his daughter looking so dashingly handsome tonight?”

  “You think I’m dashingly handsome?” Lowe asked while looking at me, her eyes twinkling.

  “Absolutely. In an unthreatening kind of way. I like it.” It was true, and I didn’t want to deny it.

  Lowe’s eyebrows rose at my descriptor.

  “Very much so,” I added for emphasis. The look in Lowe’s eyes made me thankful for my new job. “What about your father?” I asked, desperate to chase erotic thoughts of Lowe out of my head.

  “He didn’t say much. My father is a strange guy,” she said, frowning. “Most of the time he’s exactly like my mother, but he bails out and heads to the golf course as much as he can. I think that’s his coping mechanism. Neither one of them gets me. What about you?” Lowe asked, shifting the conversation away from herself. “Does your mother get you?”

  Dozens of images of my mum “getting me” flashed through my head. She’d sit on the sidelines watching me play softball before her overnight shift, when more than likely all she wanted to do was be home in bed catching a few more minutes of sleep. She’d done without, so I could play a musical instrument in junior high. And she looked so proud when I told her I’d been offered the job on the Escape. But my most vivid memory was her reaction when I told her I had a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend.

  It was late Friday night when I returned home from a high school football game my junior year. That in and of itself wasn’t unusual, though what was had changed my life that night. I had kissed Michelle Miles behind the science building. Obviously, it was a kiss like none other I’d had before, and, in that instant, I knew I would never kiss another boy. I’d come home, shaken from the experience. I tried to disappear into my room to relive it repeatedly, but my mum evidently knew something was up and called me into the kitchen.

  I was never able to keep anything from her and certainly wasn’t able to lie to her, so when she asked what was wrong, I blurted out everything, starting with “I kissed Michelle Miles.” My mum’s expression didn’t change as she processed the information and what it meant. The longer she didn’t say anything the more nervous I became, until finally tears started rolling down my cheeks.

  My mum reached for me and held me tighter than I could ever remember. She smelled like coffee, cookies, and hairspray, three things that remind me of her even today.

  “Faith,” she said, her voice muffled by my head in her bosom. “I don’t care if it’s the man in the moon or the woman of your dreams that makes you happy. All I want is for you to be happy. That’s all I have ever wanted.”

  My mum’s reaction surprised me. She’d always been open-minded and accepting of everyone, but it was different when your own daughter tells you she’s a lesbian—very different. But not my mum. She was wonderfully supportive, and we spent the next hour talking about my feelings for Michelle. I went to bed clinging to her final words. “Just be careful, Faith. There are people out there who will hurt you because of this.”

  “Yes, she does,” I replied simply. My mum is an uncomplicated woman, no frills, pretense, or exaggerations.

  “As it should be,” Lowe said. “I think it’s the parents’ job to raise children to be respectable, honest citizens independent of them. Kids grow up and move out of the house for a reason. My administrative assistant once said that you teach your children to be thoughtful and have their own opinions, beliefs, and ideas, and then you have to bite your tongue when they do. My mother got the first part of that message, but not the second.”

  “Yet you come visit every year?” I said, then instantly regretted my question. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.” I was so comfortable with Lowe it seemed natural to ask.

  “No. It’s okay. They’re my parents,” Lowe said, as if it were a no-brainer. “They have idiosyncrasies, weird habits, and some ridiculous beliefs, but they’re still my parents, and I’m their child. They won’t be around forever, and if visiting them gives them a little bit of joy in their life, then so be it. What about your mother? How often do you see her?”

  “Not as often as I’d like,” I replied, unable to keep the sadness from my voice. “It’s difficult because I travel all over the world, but I see her as much as I can.”

  “Does she ever come here?”

  “She’s been on board once, but only for a few days. It’s hard for her to get away.”

  “She must be very proud of you.”

  “I think so. At least she tells me that all the time.”

  “What about your father?” Lowe asked carefully.

  “My birth father was never in the picture. And my stepfather died when I was twelve.” Just thinking about my pop made me remember the way he used to laugh all the time and play games with me and kiss my mum every time he left the house and when he came home. “But, as you know, the ship has Skype and the internet, so there are lots of ways to stay in touch.”

  “But it’s not the same.”

  “No, it’s not. But it won’t be forever, and my mum knows that.”

  Lowe looked over my left shoulder. “Your friend Donna is shooting daggers at you.”

  “That’s all right. I’m wearing Kevlar.”

  Lowe’s eyes narrowed. My breath caught at the heat directed my way.

  “Where?” she asked, looking at my dress. “No, wait,” she said. “Let me just imagine.”

  I flushed everywhere Lowe’s eyes traveled, and I felt like the most desired woman in the world. I memorized everything about this evening.

  I wasn’t surprised that Lowe was an excellent dancer. She was tall and strong, and she telegraphed her moves with a subtle squeeze of my hand or light pressure on my back.

  Her scent and being in her arms was intoxicating, stirring and making me crazy. It was so easy to get lost in the music, the feel of her arms around me. Every negative thought, worry, and problem dissolved as we glided across the dance floor. An unfamiliar warmth started in my midsection, slowly spreading to my limbs. I felt like I was floating, the bonds of responsibility nonexistent. I could get used to this, I thought as Lowe expertly maneuvered us through the crowd. A few heads turned as we passed.

  “May I cut in?”

  The familiar voice of Raul brought me out of my fog.

  Lowe looked at me for confirmation that it was okay to let him step in.

  “Thank you for the dance,” I said, even though I didn’t want it to end. Lowe gallantly stepped back and allowed Raul to take her place.

  “Lowe, this is Raul Diaz, a good friend of mine. Raul, Lowe Carter.”

  “Pleased to meet you, Ms. Carter, and thank you.” His accent was heavy as he thanked Lowe for letting him cut in. Lowe gave me another long look before turning and walking toward the bar.

  “What in the fuck are you doing?” Raul asked in Spanish as soon as Lowe was out of earshot. He had started teaching me his native language shortly after we met.

  “I beg your pardon?” I said, my accent flawless.

  “You heard me, chica. Are you out of your mind? Everybody, and I mean everybody, is watching you two make goo-goo eyes at each other. For God’s sake. You both should be stark naked by the way you’re undressing each other.”

  “We were not.” I started to defend myself, but Raul cut me off.

  “Think again, sister. Better yet, get a room. On second thought, if you keep this up, you may need to find a new job.” Raul’s eyes were dark, his tone serious.

  “We’re not sleeping together,” I said firmly. Not that I hadn’t thought about it constantly and dreamed of it just last night. Many naughty images flashed in my mind.

  “Hello?” Raul asked, snapping his fingers in front of me. “Earth to Faith.”

  “What? Oh, sorry,” I said, the heat of embarrassment on my face.

  “I can only imagine where you went, but I know who you were with. And don’t tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about.” Raul maneuvered us around a pair of kids dancing. �
�One more minute down memory lane, and you would have embarrassed yourself.”

  “One more second is more like it,” I said, breathing deeply to try to clear my head.

  “You’ve got it bad, girl.”

  “No shit, Sherlock,” I shot back. “I mean, look at her,” I said, doing just that. Lowe was standing next to the bar talking to one of the residents. She looked so good it hurt. “She oozes sensuality.” Raul swung me around so he could see Lowe.

  “Even I think so, and I don’t drink out of that glass,” Raul said.

  “What am I supposed to do?”

  “Stay away from her.”

  “That’s not as easy as it sounds. I’m with her almost every day.”

  “Then just do it.”

  I stumbled at Raul’s blunt statement.

  “You heard me. Drag her into a very private place and fuck her brains out. You know where they are.” Raul was alluding to the private and some not-so-private places for intimacy. They were well-known secrets, at least with the crew. “Just do it and get her out of your system,” he said, this time in English.

  I laughed at his reference to the Nike tag line. It helped me get my feet back on solid ground, or floating wood floor, to be precise. I dropped my forehead against his.

  “What am I going to do?”

  “I already gave you my opinion, and judging by the look on that woman’s face,” Raul tipped his head in Lowe’s direction, “she’s in complete agreement.”

  I lifted my head and met Lowe’s eyes across the room. Even from this distance, I could see they were hot and burning. So much for getting under control, I thought.

  ***

  “Faith is such a wonderful girl, isn’t she?” Shirley asked a few minutes into the song. I had stepped away from the temptation of taking Faith in my arms again and had asked Shirley to dance instead.

  “Shirley, I’m not going to talk about another woman when I’m dancing with you. It’s rude.”

  “Baloney,” Shirley said, tapping my lapel. “You’re not my type, but she is.”

  “That may be but—”

  “But nothing. I’ve learned many things in my life, and the most important is that life is too short. If you don’t go after and grab what you want, someone else will. And you’ll regret it the rest of your days.”

  “It’s not like that. Faith is—”

  “Hot for you.’

  I stopped, causing a couple to shift quickly to avoid running into us.

  “I’m old but not blind. She doesn’t let you out of her sight. She lights up when she sees you.”

  During the rest of the dance, I focused my attention on Shirley, but I’d kept one eye on Faith most of the evening. She danced with a few people, and every trip to the bar was to refill her glass with Coke.

  Madeline nabbed me the instant after I returned Shirley to her table.

  “I see you’re having a good time.” Madeline sounded disappointed.

  “Yes, I am, very much so. It’s a wonderful celebration.” I flagged down a passing waiter and took a glass of champagne from the tray. “I spoke with your parents. They’re so happy you’re all here.”

  “We’re a tight family. We watch out for each other, especially our parents.”

  Madeline’s words contained no lack of innuendo.

  “From what I’ve seen, they’re both really sharp and deeply in love.”

  “Yes, for now. But there will come a day when that’s not the case, and we want to make sure no one takes advantage of them.” Her message was clear, and she obviously didn’t care about the love part.

  “Your parents are lucky to have a family like yours. I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

  A protective feeling crept into the back of my neck, and I searched for Faith. A man I didn’t recognize in a blue suit was standing too close to her for my comfort. She was backed into a corner and didn’t look happy about it.

  “Excuse me,” I said, not waiting to see the expression on Madeline’s face and not caring.

  I grabbed a glass of water from a tray held by a crew member who had obviously not been invited to the party.

  “There you are,” I said, stepping next to Faith. “Here’s your water you asked for. Sorry it took so long,” I said, not knowing how long Faith had been talking to the man. He turned to me, the unmistakable odor of alcohol on his breath that matched his glassy eyes.

  “Have we met? Lowe Carter.” I used the introduction to step between them.

  The man looked at me, trying to figure out if I was a man or woman. I was used to his reaction and recognized the confusion no matter how good the person was hiding it.

  “Lowe, this is Daniel Barber,” Faith said, maneuvering out of the corner. “He’s married to Paula, one of the Cobalts’ daughters.”

  Piece of crap is what he is, I thought. Hitting on another woman during the wedding-anniversary party for his wife’s parents. I hoped he’d fall overboard in his drunken stupor.

  “Marshall said he’d like to talk to you,” I said, my attention shifting from the sleazy bastard to Faith. For a few seconds, Faith looked confused but then caught on.

  “Oh, good. I’ve been looking for him.”

  “I’ll take you to him. Excuse us.” I grasped Faith by the elbow and led her away before the man had a chance to object.

  “Thank you.”

  “You looked like you needed rescuing.”

  “Yes and no. But thank you anyway. He was quite persistent.”

  “So was Madeline.”

  “The Cobalts’ daughter? What was she persistent about? No. Wait. Don’t answer that. It’s none of my business.” Faith held up both hands, palms up.

  “It’s okay,” I said. “She warned me that she and her family were watching out for their parents.”

  “Watching for what?”

  “That someone doesn’t swindle them.”

  “Like who?” Recognition quickly dawned on Faith, and she asked, “You?”

  “I guess my being polite and visiting them is a sure sign I’m after their money.”

  “That’s ridiculous.”

  “Well, Madeline doesn’t think so.”

  The warm ocean air greeted us as we stepped outside. The sky was clear, the stars brilliant against the night sky. By unspoken agreement, we’d left the party, and Faith led us to the sundeck at the rear of the ship.

  “This view never gets old,” Faith commented when she stopped at the rail. The noise of the party dimmed with each step away from the door.

  I could barely see the wake churned up by the big ship as it motored through the water. I stopped close beside Faith, resting my left hip against the rail.

  “It’s beautiful,” I said, my observation directed at both Faith and our surroundings. A moment passed before she turned and faced me. The sliver of a moon reflected off the water and onto Faith’s face. She was breathtaking.

  “I can think of only one thing better.” We were only a few inches apart, and I felt Faith’s breath hitch when she saw the desire in my eyes. Anticipation is the best aphrodisiac.

  Faith’s eyes locked with mine, then dropped to my lips. She wanted me to kiss her, and I was more than willing to oblige. An instant before our lips met, I hesitated. My heart hammered, and my pulse jumped a dozen beats a second. I had never been so ready to kiss a woman.

  “Kissing a beautiful woman under the stars.”

  I lowered my head, slowly, savoring every moment. The instant before our lips met, Faith licked her lips. My heart raced faster.

  Faith’s lips were softer than I’d imagined, and I wanted to spend hours tasting them. Neither of us moved to get closer or deepen

  the kiss. I was overwhelmed with sensation, every nerve alive, attuned to her. She smelled like lilacs, and her lips, molding and responding, tasted like berries. Nothing existed but the two of us and the night.

  I was the first to break the kiss, my breathing fast and shallow. I was dizzy and needed Faith to ground me. I opened my eyes and found
Faith’s searching mine. Was she looking for the same explanation of what had just happened to me? Was she astonished at her response to the kiss? Did she want to do it again? Feel my lips on her skin? Taste every warm, wet inch of me? Run back to her cabin alone or take me with her? Did she want to spend the hours till daylight lost in my embrace, needing more and more and more?

  That was exactly what I wanted, and I was paralyzed, afraid I’d push Faith too fast or not fast enough. Decisions ruled my life. I made dozens every day, some impacting millions of dollars and affecting more lives than I was comfortable with. I knew when to take a woman to bed and when to simply take her home. I knew when to stay for breakfast and when to leave in the middle of the night. I knew when to call or never to leave my number. I could always determine if the woman wanted romance or a quick, mind-blowing fuck.

  But I was completely out of my element with Faith. The overwhelming need for her both exhilarated and frightened me, and for the first time in my life I was almost paralyzed with fear. I was afraid if I did the wrong thing I’d lose Faith or I’d lose myself.

  “I’ve wanted to do that from the moment I saw you,” I finally said, my voice husky with desire.

  “I’ll bet you say that to all the crew members that run you down on your first day on board.”

  Faith’s breath caressed my lips, and I wanted, no, needed to kiss them again. “Only the ones that take my breath away with their beauty and make my heart race when they smile.”

  Panic flashed in Faith’s eyes. “I have to go,” she said quickly, stepping away from me.

  “Faith, wait,” I said as she started to walk away. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “It’s not that. I just need to go.”

  “I’ll see you to your room,” I said, not wanting our evening to end but respecting her need for it to. I didn’t understand. Her signals were as strong as mine, but I refused to press her.

  “That’s not necessary. You go back inside.”

  I started to protest that I would never not walk my date to her door, but Faith stopped me.