His Secret Starlight Baby

by Michelle Major

  “Did those things mean a lot to you?”

  She rolled her eyes. “I’m pretty sure you know they didn’t. I never cared about that stuff.”

  “I thought I knew you,” he said quietly, the ache in his chest expanding with every moment that passed. “But now I wonder. The woman I knew wouldn’t have kept a baby from me.”

  “I get it.” She adjusted her hold on the child, cradling him more snugly against her. “With how you left, I was afraid you wouldn’t want anything to do with me, and it would have broken my heart. I’d planned to contact you after he was born, but with the surgery and follow-up visits, there was so much happening.”

  “What surgery?” Jordan sat straighter in the heavy oak chair.

  “Ben had a congenital heart defect. The doctors discovered it shortly after he was born,” she explained. “He had surgery when he was five days old.”

  “What kind of defect?” Jordan demanded, then took in a calming breath when the baby startled. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout.”

  “It’s okay.” Cory gave him a hesitant smile. The smiles he remembered from her had been wide and beaming, like she was a character in that old TV show his grandma used to watch, turning the world on with her smile. “It was a narrowing of the aorta, and his lower extremities weren’t getting enough blood flow, so they had to do surgery to correct it. It was scary, but he came through like a champ. According to the pediatric cardiologist, he’s healthy now. And he’s perfect.” He watched as she drew in a shuddery breath and then added, “To me, he’s perfect.”

  Jordan pressed two fingers to his chest in an attempt to rub away the deep ache that surfaced at the obvious love in her voice. Questions and accusations surged through him in angry waves. He had a child. His baby had been through something as significant as heart surgery, and he hadn’t been there. He’d had no idea. “You dealt with all that on your own?”

  Cory shook her head. “I went back to Michigan and moved in with my grandma. Mom didn’t want much to do with me. She was too mad that I’d thrown away my ‘meal ticket.’” It was clear by the sharp air quotes she made what Cory thought of her mother’s opinion.

  Jordan agreed. Despite his frustration, Jordan had to admit it said a lot about her character. He’d had his doubts about that part when he’d left Atlanta. Somehow the knowledge that he hadn’t been wrong about her priorities softened the sharp edge of anger he seemed to be skating at the moment.

  “Gran was great, but...” Her gaze went dark. “She passed away last month.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said automatically.

  “I was happy to be with her at the end, and I’m grateful she got to meet her great-grandson. In fact, Gran was the one who made me promise I’d seek you out to tell you about Ben.”

  “Thanks, Gran,” he said, glancing up at the ceiling.

  “I don’t expect anything from you.” Cory gave a quiet laugh. “Lowering my expectations has become par for the course these days. If you want to be a part of his life—”

  “Who do you think I am?” Jordan demanded, temper flaring again. “Hell, yes, I want to be a part of his life, Cory. He’s my son. I don’t know how we’re going to figure this out, but I can guaran-damn-tee you I’m not letting him go.”

  “Okay,” she said. “We’ll find a way to make it work. Gran always said everything is figure-outable. I believe that.”

  She spoke softly, her tone calm, like she was trying to gentle an angry bear. Jordan sighed when he realized he was the bear. Another benefit of his simple life was that it allowed him to stay in control of his emotions. When he didn’t feel much of anything, he couldn’t get himself into trouble.

  Tonight a bomb had gone off, blowing apart the simple life he’d crafted in Starlight. Despite Cory’s vow to make it work, he had no doubt his moratorium on trouble had just been lifted.

  Chapter Two

  Cory woke early the next morning, light just beginning to make its way through the edges of the heavy curtains she’d pulled tight over the window of the inn the night before. She turned on her side to watch Ben asleep in the crib the inn’s owner had helped her set up when they’d arrived yesterday afternoon.

  She’d shared a bedroom with her son since the day she finally brought him home from the hospital, almost a full week after he was born. Last night, she’d explained the baby’s heart condition to Jordan with the calm of hindsight, but there was no way to describe the terror she’d felt watching her newborn being taken to the operating room in that sterile hospital.

  She wasn’t sure if she’d ever adequately be able to communicate all the reasons she’d taken so long to reach out to Jordan and tell him he had a son. He’d been angry and shocked, both of which she’d expected, but he’d also been surprisingly quick to commit to being a part of Ben’s life.

  Cory didn’t have much experience with men and commitment. Her own father had left town when Cory was barely a toddler, and she’d had virtually no relationship with him since then. She’d thought Kade, whom she’d met her sophomore and his senior year at the University of Michigan, was committed to their relationship. He’d certainly demanded her devotion, begging her to leave school early when he was drafted. Despite her doubts, she’d done what he asked and believed him when he told her she could transfer to a different college once they were settled.

  Then she’d been swept into the world of being a full-time girlfriend, always available to cater to Kade’s never-ending list of needs.

  She’d worked at a small boutique owned by one of the coaches’ wives and tried to ignore the fact that every aspect of her life was set up to revolve around a man. It shamed her to think about how much of herself she’d given away in those years. When she’d driven away from Atlanta, hand on her belly like she could draw strength from the life growing inside her, she’d promised herself she would never give away her power or conform to a man’s desires in lieu of her own dreams.

  Now she was in a strange bed in a strange town, unsure of what the future held because she was waiting for a man to decide what he wanted from her. Her gut tightened painfully as a familiar wave of regret rolled over her.

  The unexpected friendship with Jordan had been a bright spot in her life. Because he was a veteran player with an impeccable reputation, team management had asked him to mentor Kade on his behavior, both on and off the field. Jordan made an effort, but Kade didn’t like to be told what to do. Still, Jordan became a regular part of their lives.

  For Cory, who always felt alone despite being constantly surrounded by people, Jordan’s easygoing charm and lack of interest in the postseason party scene held a powerful appeal. They’d talked for hours and fallen into an easy rhythm of sharing parts of themselves that no one else saw. She’d come to depend on his steady presence, and when things fell apart after their one night together, it had been a huge loss.

  What would they be to each other going forward? She couldn’t imagine a way back to the connection they’d once had. For all she knew, based on how he’d left Atlanta without a word to her, all of those feelings had been one-sided anyway.

  She and Jordan hadn’t discussed next steps last night. In truth, Cory had been so exhausted from a mix of the adrenaline crash and plain old fatigue that she wasn’t sure she would have lasted through another heated conversation. Ben had saved her from having to admit how overwhelmed she was by fussing enough that she knew she needed to get him to bed.

  They’d exchanged numbers and agreed to meet today to make a plan. Cory reminded herself that she wasn’t waiting for Jordan to call the shots.

  Gran might not have had anything but the Buick to leave her, but she could start over and make her way in the world however she saw fit. Cory had spent most of the months after Ben’s recovery nursing her grandmother until the cancer stole Gran’s life. Despite the lingering guilt at keeping father and son apart for a time, she would fight for whatever she deemed
best.

  Unfortunately for her, she had no money, no home and very few prospects to provide for her son on her own. Gran had left her the car, but Cory’s mother had taken everything else.

  Determination. She had a soul-deep determination to give her baby a good life. However that unfolded, Cory would make it work. Of course, it would be a lot easier if Jordan had gone bald or ended up with a beer belly in the time since she’d last seen him.

  They’d spent only one night together, but her body still seemed to be tuned to his like some kind of powerful radio frequency. The last thing she needed was to be distracted by her son’s father.

  She continued to watch Ben sleep, his little chest rising and falling in steady breaths. Not a day went by that she didn’t think about what he’d been through and the gift she’d been given when he recovered from the surgery.

  Cory might not have much now, but she could imagine what the future would bring if she continued to work toward her goal of providing a good life for him. She saw him as a toddler and then a young boy, playing in a backyard with green grass and pretty potted flowers. Maybe they’d adopt a puppy one day, a furry beastie that would love Ben best of all, just the way she did.

  She quietly showered and got dressed, an expert at getting ready in silence so as not to disturb him. When he woke an hour later and gave her a radiant smile, her heart filled with hope and her eyes with tears. She would do anything to ensure her child had a better, happier childhood than hers. Not a high bar to surpass, but one she planned to leapfrog just the same.

  She changed his diaper, fed him a bottle and a bit of rice cereal, then changed him from pajamas into one of her favorite outfits—a striped shirt under tiny overalls. He was her little man, and she believed without reservation that he was the cutest baby ever. Most moms probably felt that way, but it was important to Cory that Jordan also recognize it.

  He hadn’t even held Ben last night, and she’d been too nervous to push the issue. As he’d walked her to her car after they agreed to meet today, he’d reached out and traced a finger along Ben’s temple. She’d heard his sharp intake of breath, like the touch had sparked him in some way.

  There’d been no text from Jordan this morning, and she wondered if he was a late sleeper because of long nights at the bar. She figured she’d get coffee and a pastry at the coffee shop she’d passed in town and then call him once she was fortified with caffeine and a hefty dose of sugar.

  Ben had been crying when they’d arrived back at the hotel last night, so she’d left the infant seat in the car and carried him in her arms to their room.

  Instead of waiting for the elevator, she took the stairs to the lobby. The inn’s lot had been relatively empty both times she’d parked. She guessed a weeknight in late March wasn’t a popular time for tourists.

  If she’d done the math right, she had two more nights to stay at the hotel before she maxed out her remaining credit card. Hopefully today’s conversation with Jordan would help clarify next steps. She hadn’t really thought beyond carrying out her gran’s request. Cory had gotten used to taking things one day at a time, especially in the last weeks of her grandmother’s battle with cancer.

  It was time to start planning for her future and to figure out what role a sexy, grumpy, definitely off-limits man might play in it.

  She exited the heavy door that led to the lobby and stopped in her tracks, her heart beginning to beat an uneven clip in her chest.

  As if she’d conjured him with her unwelcome thoughts, Jordan sat in one of the cozy space’s overstuffed armchairs, clearly waiting for her. And not looking the least bit happy about it.

  * * *

  “Do you actually think I would have skipped town?” Cory gave Jordan a sidelong glare as he maneuvered the hulking SUV he drove along the winding mountain road that apparently led to his house. “I sought you out in the first place.”

  “Because your grandma made you promise,” he reminded her. “I’m guessing you didn’t think I’d want to be part of my son’s life.”

  She chewed on her bottom lip. “I didn’t not think you would.”

  He snorted.

  “The past few months haven’t exactly been a cakewalk for me,” she said, trying not to sound as overwhelmed as she felt. “Of course I hoped you’d want to get to know Ben. I want my child to grow up with a father in his life.”

  “Our child,” Jordan corrected.

  “Ours.” She nodded. “You have my phone number. Why didn’t you just call to make plans?”

  “I wasn’t sure you’d answer,” he said, and she appreciated his honesty. “As I remember, you weren’t great with the follow-up.”

  Annoyance burned her stomach like someone had dumped a bottle of acid down her throat. She knew he was referring to the one night they’d spent together, when she’d left his bed early the next morning before he woke up.

  At that point, Cory had thought she was done with Kade, and to fall for another guy—let alone another football player—went against everything she’d thought she wanted for herself.

  It didn’t matter that Jordan was completely different from Kade, both in how he approached his career and how he treated her. She ignored the fact that he seemed to want to be her friend as well as her lover. Cory had been too raw from the breakup and unwilling to trust her heart again.

  By the time she’d gotten up the nerve to go to his condo later that week, he’d moved out and moved on. His Atlanta number had been disconnected, and she’d taken that as a fairly concrete sign that he had no inclination to hear from her.

  “As I remember, you cut and ran pretty quickly when things weren’t easy to manage.” She glanced into the back seat and smiled at Ben, who laughed, kicked his feet and then went back to staring out the window at the pine trees flanking either side of the road. “A baby isn’t easy, Jordan.”

  “I understand,” he said quietly. “I googled his surgery when I got home last night. He went through a lot for such a little guy.”

  “The hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with was knowing I had no power to take away his pain.”

  “I’m sure you did everything you could to make sure he got through it.”

  She shrugged. “The doctors and nurses had more to do with that than me. All I did was spend those hours in a hospital waiting room, wondering if he’d survive and what I’d done wrong that he’d been born with that sort of complication.”

  Jordan’s fingers tightened on the steering wheel. “It was a congenital defect. That had nothing to do with you.”

  “Mom guilt is a powerful thing.” She laughed without humor. “You’d be amazed at the dark paths where the mind of a mom can wander.”

  “Did your mom ever feel guilty about the way she raised you?”

  Cory shook her head. “She was too busy trying to land another boyfriend or husband to spend much time thinking about me. I’m guessing your mom didn’t have much time for guilt, either.” She glanced out the window. She and Jordan had shared a lot about each other’s childhoods during the football season when they became friends.

  “She was too busy keeping my dad happy,” he answered without emotion.

  They fell into a silence that should have been awkward. Cory guessed he was as entrenched in unwelcome childhood memories as she was. She certainly had a treasure trove from which to choose. Her mom had made it clear over and over that Cory had changed everything about her life, and not for the better. Cory had done her best not to be a burden and had learned from an early age how to make herself smaller so her mom—and later her boyfriends—wouldn’t have to deal with the weight of her love.

  Her stomach churned at the thought of how she’d lost herself trying to be what other people wanted—or maybe she’d never been found in the first place. Jordan’s fingers were tight on the steering wheel, and she wondered what dark path his mind was traveling along.

  T
he air seemed to hold a thousand unspoken regrets, but it wasn’t uncomfortable in the quiet of the car, the thick forests of the Pacific Northwest surrounding them. For the first time since she’d found out about the pregnancy, Cory felt a sliver of peace doing its best to bloom inside her heart.

  Maybe because no matter what kind of arrangement she and Jordan made, at least she knew she was no longer alone in raising her child.

  “I want to be a good mom,” she said as he turned onto a narrow driveway. “I don’t want to make him feel the way I felt as a kid. Like I was an inconvenience that held her back from the life she wanted. Even if she didn’t say it out loud, I always understood I was the root of the problems in her life.”

  Jordan slowed as he steered the SUV up the winding gravel drive. “You won’t do that.”

  “How do you know?” She knew she sounded weak, needing confirmation, but she couldn’t stand the thought that she might fall into the same pattern as her mother. Although Gran and Mom had been estranged for the better part of Cory’s life, her grandmother hadn’t once spoken an ill word about her difficult daughter.

  “She did her best” was all she would ever say. Cory didn’t want to believe that her mom had tried her best at parenting, because that might mean Cory could do her best and still end up hurting Ben. The thought terrified her more than she could explain.

  “I just know,” Jordan said as he pulled to a stop.

  Well, that wasn’t very reassuring. Then her gaze switched from him to the truck’s front window. She’d been so focused on watching Jordan, searching his face for confirmation as to whether he was telling her the truth or blowing sunshine up her proverbial skirt, that she hadn’t noticed the house.

  It was magnificent, a two-story log cabin with an expansive wraparound deck, large windows and a burnished slate roof that made the cabin look like it had been in these woods for generations.

  “Wow,” she murmured. “The bartending business must be treating you right.”