The Love Island Bookshop

by Kate Frost

  ‘Oh Zander, that’s so awfully sad. What was her name?’

  ‘Willow.’

  Freya looked away at the rippling ocean dappled by the moonlight squeezing beyond the edge of the clouds. She understood now what the ‘W’ engraved on Zander’s ring stood for and it made her realise she should wear the necklace Amber’s parents had given her, rather than keeping it hidden in a drawer.

  ‘After she died, books were my escape. I immersed myself in adventure stories because that was far better than watching my parents crumble in front of my eyes. And I never grieved properly, despite the hurt deep inside that I carried into adulthood. Letting go of that hurt is a healing process. I grieved for Willow at the same time I grieved for Paul, and it was a turning point in my life. It doesn’t mean you’ve got over losing them, it just might mean you’re able to move on with your life in a more positive way. They’re always a part of you, whether they’re a relative or a friend. They’ve helped shape us into who we are.’

  A tear slid down Zander’s cheek. Freya wiped it away with her thumb. She caught her breath as another wave of upset hit her. Zander pulled her to him again, his cheek now damp against her skin as he held on to her tight, an all-encompassing hug that she’d needed to feel for a long, long time.

  ‘A few weeks after Amber’s suicide, my ex-boyfriend said to me, “you’ll get over it”, like I’d failed an exam rather than lost my best friend.’

  ‘You don’t get over it, ever.’ Zander looked at her, his eyes still damp with tears. ‘It stays with you; you just learn to live with it. It gets easier with time, but that loss never goes. And I can only imagine that someone taking their own life is something terribly difficult to come to terms with. People can hide how they’re feeling so well, even when they’re in a desperate situation. You can’t blame yourself for not seeing the signs, there really may not have been any. That was probably intentional on her part if she didn’t want saving.’

  ‘It hurts so much.’ The tears still stung her eyes and another sob caught in her throat.

  Zander’s arm remained round her waist. He swept away the hairs stuck to her damp face. ‘Is what happened to your friend the real reason you wanted to leave the UK?’

  ‘I was so sad and lonely. I needed to do something. And what could be more positive and life changing than escaping to a tropical island. And then Aaron happened and the bookshop burnt down...’

  ‘Life is never that easy or straightforward, is it?’

  ‘It’s certainly not.’

  ‘I’m sorry about your friend.’

  ‘And I’m sorry about your friend too. And your sister.’

  Zander’s arm around her waist was comforting, not awkward like she imagined it would be. He was her boss and the man Aaron had accused her of having an affair with. But nothing could be further from the truth, even though she and Zander had formed a friendship over the last couple of weeks. The destruction of the bookshop had brought them closer together, but there’d been moments before that where they’d bonded over a shared love of books. The look of happiness on Zander’s face the night of the cocktail party crossed her mind. Aaron had obviously read a lot more into the time she and Zander had spent together.

  ‘Whatever you believe about your friend and what you could have done to help her, I think it’s only natural to regret things or to wish we’d done things differently. Like the way I courted the press when I was younger. If I hadn’t, maybe things would have been different, certainly for me now, and people’s opinion of me. I wanted to be noticed and talked about. I was rich and popular – well, that’s what I believed at the time. The “friends” I had and the women around me I strongly suspect were only there because of the money. But I didn’t care. I had a different woman on my arm each week; I slept around; I showed off; I bought a lot of stuff I didn’t need because I could. I wanted to stay relevant and in the news. None of it meant a thing, but I didn’t understand that until tragedy struck. I bet you read all of this and didn’t have a great opinion of me. Am I right?’

  ‘I um... well...’

  ‘Freya, you can be honest.’ He sat more upright to look at her, his arm still resting on her hip.

  ‘Yeah, I’d read stuff. Enough to make me question the real reason I got the job. Not straight off, it was just things some people said...’

  ‘Let me guess, Aaron was one of them.’

  Freya shrugged. She still couldn’t understand how wrong she’d been about Aaron. He’d reeled her in with his looks and charm. But she knew it wasn’t just that. It was his friendship and the way he’d made her feel so welcome and at home on an island where she knew nobody. That was what hurt the most, that their friendship had been ruined and their subsequent romantic relationship was built on a lie. Had he set out to befriend and seduce her? Was that his plan all along to get close to Zander’s ‘pet project’ – the love island bookseller and the bookshop he cared so much about? It was all such a mess.

  ‘All we’ve been doing is talking,’ Zander said. ‘And I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. Tuck in.’ His hand slid away from her as he reached for the bowl of prawns. ‘I like it, sharing food with someone else.’

  ‘You don’t get to do this often?’

  He shrugged. ‘I’m at one of the bars or restaurants most evenings, chatting to guests and sometimes I’ll grab a bite to eat with the head barman or chef, whoever’s around, but we usually talk about work. I rarely get to sit and chat to someone who understands...’

  Freya realised he meant that she understood about losing someone. It was something they had in common along with their love of books and reading, and the bookshop they were both passionate about. Even if his way of life was different to hers, there was still much she could understand.

  ‘It gets lonely.’ Zander stared off into the distance. ‘I know the other evening I said I was less lonely than I used to be, but that’s not really true.’

  Freya waited for him to continue.

  ‘I’m well aware that it sounds like I’m moaning, but fame and fortune... it’s been both my greatest gift and also the bane of my life. I live in the most incredible place, but I’m on an island that for the best part of the year I share with hundreds of other people and there are times when I feel desperately lonely. It’s an exclusive couples only resort, so day in day out I see and speak to couples newly in love, engaged, on honeymoon, celebrating special anniversaries, and yet I’ve never had that. And then there are the staff. However much I try and fit in with them, I’m not one of them. I’m the boss. I’m fair and straight and generous, but I’m well aware how different my life is to theirs. I think what I’m trying to say is, I’ve loved you being here. It seems different with you, perhaps because the bookshop means so much to me and has brought me so much joy and you’re a huge part of that. Talking to you about books and engaging with guests in a different way than about romantic stuff; it’s been a breath of fresh air. And you, you’ve been as perfect as I thought you’d be.’

  Taken aback by the passion lacing his words, Freya downed the rest of her drink. Her palms were sweating and her heart thumped loud in her ears. ‘Why did I really get the job, Zander?’

  ‘Because you were the best person for it.’

  ‘Really?’ She looked at him wide-eyed.

  ‘I know what you’re getting at.’ He reached across the short gap between them and placed his hand on her thigh; his touch was electric through the thin material of her skirt. ‘You’re beautiful, that’s true, but that’s not the reason I gave you the job. I watched your first interview with Meena. I watched all of them. I wanted to get a sense of people without them being aware I was watching. I didn’t want anyone to try and impress me. Your passion for books came across so beautifully. You were articulate and engaging. There was something about you; a connection, I guess. And I know I may not have given the right impression to begin with. I’m guarded with people until I get to know them, and I’ve been told many a time that it can come across inappropriately
or as arrogance or a coldness, but it’s self-preservation. I don’t easily trust people, not when I’ve been taken advantage of many, many times.’

  Freya felt like a weight had been lifted. The chain that had been squeezing tight around her heart making her fearful to let anyone else in, a friend or a lover, afraid to lose someone she loved again, had loosened. She sensed something similar with Zander, his openness and honesty a relief for him as much as it had been for her.

  ‘Thank you for telling me that.’ Freya stroked the side of his face.

  He gently caught hold of her wrist and looked intently at her, his green eyes searching her face, as if taking her in for the first time.

  ‘I like spending time with you, Freya.’ He kissed the side of her hand. ‘And I love talking to you.’

  His hand slid from her wrist and found her waist. They were inches from each other, neither of them breaking their gaze. Zander closed the gap. His kiss was tentative at first; unexpected but wanted. Freya responded, allowing the kiss to deepen. His hands pulled her closer. Freya ran her hands over his chest, firm beneath his T-shirt. They stayed clasped together, their hands and tongues exploring for a seemingly endless amount of time that Freya didn’t want to end.

  ‘Stay the night.’

  His hand was hot on her thigh; her stomach still doing somersaults from kissing him. This time she didn’t think he was talking about staying in a guest room. Her heart and head were in turmoil, her heart longing to say yes and see where the night would take them, her head telling her it was a bad idea to risk their newly-formed friendship. And even though she knew Aaron was leaving and she’d probably never see him again, she didn’t want to prove him right in his unwarranted assumption that there was something going on between her and Zander.

  ‘No, I uh... I really shouldn’t. I’m going to go back.’

  Aaron was still fresh in her mind; she’d tumbled into bed with him – although not straight away – and look how that ended. She’d been hurt too much recently, first by Owen and then Aaron; she didn’t want to risk messing anything up with Zander. They had a friendship that she wanted to keep. She truly treasured the time she’d spent with him over the last few weeks.

  ‘I’m sorry if I came on too strong then. See what I mean about being inappropriate... And after all we’ve talked about this evening...’

  ‘It’s okay.’ She clasped his hand. ‘The kiss was lovely.’ It had been more than lovely, sensual and spine-tingling, a moment she hadn’t wanted to end.

  ‘Honestly, stay in the guest room. No expectations. I want you to be safe.’

  ‘I’m sure it’ll be fine going back to the staff village...’ She couldn’t bring herself to say Aaron’s name again. She assumed he’d be asleep by now and not causing any trouble, but as she’d learnt this evening, she didn’t really know him so maybe Zander’s overprotectiveness was necessary. ‘It’s late.’

  ‘Fine, but I’m walking you back.’

  She didn’t argue but she did get a stab of regret as they walked across the sand to the path through the trees. Zander led, lighting the way with the torch on his mobile. Freya followed behind trying to concentrate on her footing rather than Zander striding ahead. Lanterns then lit the path so Zander switched off the light and they walked together in silence. They’d said enough already this evening and Freya’s head was a mess.

  It felt strange walking towards the staff village with Zander. It was late and there were few staff about. They rounded the corner of the women’s block and Zander stopped before they reached the open courtyard and the possibility of prying eyes.

  ‘I’ll say goodnight then.’ He leaned closer and kissed her cheek, lingering long enough for her to feel his warmth and the brush of his stubble. ‘I’ll wait until you’re safely inside.’

  She nodded, a surge of warmth flooding through her at his concern. ‘Night, Zander.’ She turned and paced the short distance to the door and pushed it open. With a quick look and wave, she went inside.

  Her heart thudded as she took the stairs two at a time. She prayed no one else was up, certainly not Drew – she didn’t want to have to explain herself or talk about the evening she’d had. Confusion constricted her chest. All was dark and quiet. She shut herself in her room, not bothering to shower, wash or even clean her teeth, just needing time and sleep to make sense of everything that had happened.

  Freya lay in her bed and stared up at the ceiling. Something had changed between them tonight, and it was more than the kiss. She imagined Zander lying in his bed. She’d said no to staying the night and yet she was thinking about him. She couldn’t get him out of her head. She didn’t want to. As sleep finally drifted over her, she wondered if he was thinking about her.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  ‘You two are driving me insane. How do you cope with the sexual tension?’ Drew laughed.

  Freya gave her a coy smile and wiped her hands on the tea towel in their shared kitchen. ‘I didn’t know there was any.’

  ‘Are you kidding me, Freya?’ She raised an eyebrow. ‘I swear you two are going to explode if things get any goddam hotter. You’re his plus one for the bookshop reopening tonight.’ She raised an eyebrow.

  ‘I’m the love island bookseller, of course I’ll be going with him.’

  ‘You’re his date and you know it. You do realise tonight is about way more than reopening the bookshop. Please, I’m begging you, do something about it. If you like him, go for it, because he sure as hell likes you.’

  Freya shook her head in mock frustration at her friend. Deep down she loved how Drew looked out for her, and she knew she was only telling her like it was. She’d been there for her throughout everything, including the fallout of Aaron’s actions. She couldn’t have asked for a better friend and they told each other everything.

  Drew grabbed her mobile and hugged her. ‘I hope everything goes brilliantly.’

  ‘Thank you. And I’ll see you at the party afterwards.’

  Drew wrinkled her nose. ‘Are you sure it’s okay? Am I allowed to come?’

  ‘Of course you are. You’re my guest.’

  ‘And that’s because Zander’s your date.’ She flew from the kitchen with a wink and a wave, shouting back, ‘Later!’

  Freya couldn’t help but smile, but she also acknowledged the truth at the heart of Drew’s teasing. It was the 31st January, more than two months since the bookshop had burnt down and Aaron had left the island for good. The last time Freya had spoken to Aaron was just before he’d stormed off after the confrontation with Zander on the beach. She purposefully avoided leaving her room too early in the morning in case she bumped into him. She’d gone straight to Reef to open the bookshop, her head filled with Zander and their heart to heart and kiss the evening before. The last time she’d seen Aaron was from afar. With hunched shoulders and his rucksack on his back, he’d stalked to the seaplane, his time on the island and working for Zander over. He left without a backwards glance and certainly not a look in her direction. He must have known that she’d been there, watching. She’d felt strangely empty; any remaining feelings she had for him had been erased the moment she’d found out the truth. His destructive nature and his distrust and anger was the last thing she wanted to be a part of, while Zander had reeled her in, not because he was charming or rich, not even because he was good looking and owned a tropical island, but because he was a good person. He’d opened up to her, shared his heartache and helped her to make sense of hers. She couldn’t have been more wrong about them both.

  Freya left the staff accommodation and took the path through the centre of the island towards the over-water villas. Since she and Zander had first kissed, it had happened a few times since, but they hadn’t taken things further. And Drew was right about the sexual tension. She knew it, Zander knew it, and probably everyone who saw them together knew it. They’d grown even closer over the last few weeks collaborating on the rebuilding of the bookshop. Zander was eager to have Freya’s input as well, and it gave him an
excuse to spend time with her. He’d said as much, and she was as keen to spend all the time she could with him. Most of her days had been spent on Reef at the makeshift bookshop, before it closed down in mid-January, then she’d switched to restocking and putting the finishing touches to the newly-built bookshop. Many of her evenings were spent at Zander’s villa, often discussing plans and talking about the progress made, but they’d also have dinner together or go for a moonlit walk along Driftwood Cove and through the jungle of trees that hid the villa so well. They’d talk and kiss and talk some more. After that first time, Zander never asked her to stay over and Freya never suggested it, but she was pretty certain it crossed his mind. It was always at the forefront of hers, and yet she was terrified of losing what they had and making a mistake by rushing into things without being certain... But every time he touched her: a brush of his hand against her back, a lingering kiss, the way he swept a loose hair off her face, it made her realise how much she longed for him.

  Her head had been so filled with Zander that she realised she’d already reached the Sand Bar. She stepped up on to the wooden walkway and made her way towards the over-water villas. Her raspberry-painted toenails caught her eye as she walked, contrasting against the white of her skirt. She was wearing the maxi skirt and strapless pink top that she’d worn for the photo shoot back when she first started. It seemed appropriate given Annie would be there this evening to re-photograph the bookshop. It wasn’t drastically different but there were a few extra touches here and there, which Freya was proud to have been a part of.

  She reached villa #30 and knocked on the door. It almost immediately swung open.

  ‘Freya, my goodness, you look even more gorgeous than you did the last time I saw you!’ Mia gripped her arms and kissed her on both cheeks.

  ‘The same for you. It’s brilliant to see you and thank you so much for doing this again.’