NOT SO Beautiful: a bay falls high novel

by Kidman, Jaxson

  I curled my lip. “I don’t even know if that’s a joke at this point. But you sound like Hil. And that’s not a good look for you, Uly.”

  Uly clicked his tongue. “See? You have things with us. Each of us. The way I talk and act… and kiss. And touch. It’s different from Hil. And from Ash.”

  “Yeah. It is. So what’s your take on this thing, Uly? Do you share?”

  Uly moved his hand from my face to my lower back. He pulled me toward him and pressed his body forward.

  I exhaled smoke in his face and didn’t care one bit.

  “Share? Now why the fuck would I share? Anything I’ve ever wanted, I’ve gotten it. And if I was told no I got it anyway, doll. When I was in kindergarten, JT came to school one day with this brand new toy. It was this truck that changed into things. I don’t really remember much about it. I wanted it. He told me no. So I watched him play. He used his right hand to push the truck. It just so happened his right hand met the closet door in the classroom. And I told him his truck was now mine.”

  “That does nothing for me,” I said. “That makes you a bully. An asshole. A punk loser spoiled rich boy…”

  Uly kissed me again. With more force. “It’s not about the truck, Belle. It’s about what I was willing to do to get it. And that was a piece of plastic. A stupid toy I lost interest in by the time JT was getting his hand put into a cast. Understand?”

  “No,” I said.

  Uly laughed. “Just think about what I’d do to get you to myself, doll. Breaking a hand… that’s just a start.”

  Uly kissed my cheek and pulled me off the hood of the car.

  I forgot for a few seconds that we were in a cemetery.

  I grabbed for Uly’s hand. “How do I know you’re not lying to me? Or just fucking with my head?”

  Uly looked back. “My father’s name is Cohen. Cohen Penton. Feel free to look it up. My mother’s name is Amanda. You won’t find anything about her. Maybe a random article about a DUI or something. But I’m pretty sure my father had all of that swept away. I can take you over there to see his name if you really want to.”

  “No,” I said. “What about Ash’s parents?”

  “I’m not your guide here, doll.”

  “But with Hil it’s okay?”

  “With Hil it’s about humility,” Uly said. “And in a way, it’s about understanding. He doesn’t know what it feels like. If that step-family bullshit wants it to be their secret and story, good for them.”

  “But you’d be jealous if I fucked Hil not knowing the truth,” I said.

  Uly didn’t say a word.

  He took his hand away and got back into his car.

  I finished my cigarette - in a fucking cemetery - then got into the car too.

  “Hey, Uly,” I said as he made his way back to the paved road.

  “Yeah, doll?”

  “I’m sorry about your father,” I said.

  Uly nodded. “It’s life. And it always ends. So the in between part… that’s your time to be true to yourself.”

  “That’s some poetic, hippy talk there. Not exactly tough guy talk.”

  Uly put his left hand to the wheel and reached across the seat with his right hand.

  He touched my leg and didn’t say a word. He didn’t turn his head. He just drove.

  I looked down at his hand.

  I slowly moved my hands to the sides of the seat.

  Even though nothing was happening.

  But I knew that ‘nothing was happening’ wasn’t going to last long.

  * * *

  Uly turned left and stepped on the gas pedal. The engine didn’t exactly roar, but the car took off fast. The engine was smooth and confident, knowing it was built for this kind of driving. I tried to see how fast we were going but couldn’t. I opened my mouth to ask Uly when he moved his hand.

  Still on top of the dress, but he pushed against the dress and my leg. Cutting to my inner thigh where he paused for a second… then another… one more…

  Then he moved again.

  My lips began to shiver and I casually tried to look down without making it obvious that I was.

  His two middle fingers pressed hard against my inner thigh and began to move up my body. He touched me and then moved to my other leg. But that was only for effect, I guess. Because he moved right back to between my legs. Still over the dress. Pushing enough to make sure I could feel his touch.

  Trust me, Uly, I fucking feel it.

  My nails dug into the sides of the leather seats. I felt the wild urge to thrust my hips at him. My feet begging to stay flat on the floor of the car, the muscles in the backs of my legs tight, telling me to lift my lower half up off the seat for Uly.

  I swallowed hard and tried to keep calm.

  Uly’s two fingers made circles, digging against my dress over and over.

  My face was completely flushed as I forced myself to stare forward at the road.

  The car continued to pick up speed. There was no end in sight for the road. Which was good. Because where this was going with Uly…

  He moved his hand again.

  Away from me.

  His strong hand inching down my inner thigh.

  I wondered what he was doing but quickly found out when his fingertips curled around the end of the dress. I pursed my lips tight together, wondering if this was why he wanted me to wear a dress. I didn’t really care at that exact second in time.

  Uly drove faster.

  His fingers eased along the skin of my leg.

  I shivered again, my body randomly jumpy with muscles that twitched with excitement and a warning that this was going to end up with my heart getting broken. But that could only happen if I allowed my heart to get involved, right? I wasn’t going to fall for Uly. Or Hil. Or Ash. I wasn’t going to stay in BFH forever either.

  This was just… temporary.

  Everything was temporary.

  Even what Uly was doing… it would start… stop…

  His fingertips sought the center of my body.

  My toes curled in my shoes.

  I slowly moved my legs, opening them more.

  The heat pounding against my cheeks matched the pounding in my chest.

  I dared myself to look down and when I did, I gasped. The sight of my dress pulled up way too high and the disappearance of Uly’s hand…

  I sighed and whispered, “Holy shit…”

  When I looked forward again I saw that the road was coming to an end.

  It was one of those roads where you had no choice but to turn left or right.

  And this was one… well, going straight meant going down to the ocean. I could literally see the ocean. I could see the waves.

  And speaking of waves…

  Uly moved his touch away from my body and back to my inner thigh.

  Every muscle in my body from my lower back down tightened and released… and tightened and released…

  Uly squeezed his grip tight.

  My left hand suddenly moved, grabbing Uly’s wrist.

  The end of the road came closer and closer by the second.

  Coming… closer… by… the… second…

  I didn’t know what my body and my mind were doing to one another or together.

  Uly slowed the car and came to a complete stop at the end of the road.

  I felt my breathing jumping all around.

  The pit in my lower stomach ached yet felt good at the same.

  Everything was so warm…

  I turned my head and looked at Uly.

  He took his hand out from under my dress. When he pulled his hand away from my grasp, I saw the perfect crescent shaped marks my nails made in his skin.

  Uly slowly grinned.

  “Sometimes the road ends, doll,” Uly said. “Then you have to decide. Left or right.”

  He reminded me about what Jo said about herself and my mother. Two different paths and two very different lives.

  I laughed.

  My face was still burning red
hot.

  And my legs… and my…

  Whew.

  “What’s so funny, doll?” Uly asked.

  I looked at him again.

  “Them,” I said. “There’s three. This road ends here, Uly. Left. Right. But there’s a third option. To go straight. Go right into the ocean. And either float away or drown.”

  “Yeah… that’s true. Why’s that funny?”

  I bit my lip for a second as another pulsing warmth went through my body.

  “I’m just wondering which one of you is the one that’s going to make me drown.”

  Uly revved the engine of the car. “Meaning you’re wild enough to just go straight into the ocean. With no care. With nothing to lose.”

  “Exactly,” I said. “Remember that, Uly, I have nothing to lose.”

  Uly lifted his right hand and played with his fingertips, smirking. Then he lifted his sunglasses up onto his beanie. His dark eyes shined pretty fucking bright at me.

  “You have a lot to lose, doll. More than anyone else in this town. Houses, cars, all that bullshit can be replaced. But what you’ve got… your heart… words… soul… that’s not something that can be replaced.”

  “Then I better hope I don’t drown,” I said.

  “Or maybe just pick a different path.”

  “I’m pretty sure I already picked the path, Uly.”

  Uly sucked in a breath and growled. “You say shit like that and you might just be worth falling for.”

  I opened my mouth but Uly reached for my chin and closed my mouth.

  My body was set on fire again.

  “Let me get you back home to get changed so you can go talk to Hil.”

  He turned the car completely around and took off down the road we had just come down.

  Maybe that was another direction… go back.

  Right?

  No, Belle.

  There was no going back.

  That suddenly gave me an idea to write something.

  I tucked the thoughts away and sat in silence for a good while with Uly as he drove.

  can’t go back

  not that track

  the one screaming from my heart

  my eyes on the road

  the one you left me on

  That wasn’t good.

  At all.

  So I tried something else in my head…

  i turn my back too

  to you and you, all of you

  one finger, goodbye

  “You’re writing in your mind, doll,” Uly said, breaking the silence.

  “What?” I asked.

  “I can feel it coming off of you. I get the same vibe from Lake.”

  “She still writes?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why doesn’t she do anything with it? And what happened to her? Why…” I shook my head. “Never mind. I can talk to her about it someday. So you let her live with you. That sort of makes you nice.”

  “I make up for it in other ways,” he said.

  “And you’re dropping me off knowing I’m going to text Hil. Knowing I’m going to go meet up with him. Knowing the things he says to me. Thinks about me. Wants from me.”

  “What’s your point, Belle?” Uly asked with his lip curled.

  “Doesn’t that bother you?”

  Uly took his eyes off the road. “It’s going to fucking drive me crazy, doll. So I’m going to drop you off and go find someone to fight. To take the edge off a little.”

  The power in voice shut me right up.

  It scrambled all my thoughts too.

  Uly drove me back to Jo’s.

  When the car came to a stop, I turned to face him. I leaned across the seat and kissed his cheek.

  “Thanks for…”

  He grinned. “No problem.”

  My face turned red again.

  I didn’t mean it like that…

  “I’m sorry about your father again,” I whispered.

  “Thanks.”

  “Are you really going to pick a fight with someone?”

  “It’s not picking a fight, doll. It’s settling some things.”

  “I’ll text you later,” I said.

  “You do that, doll.”

  The moment felt awkward yet hot at the same time.

  I was leaving Uly to go be with Hil. Yet I just promised to text Uly later. All the while somewhere in my heart it stung that I realized Uly and Ash had gotten close in life because they both lost a parent. But Hil was… faking it?

  I got out of the car and watched Uly drive away.

  I looked down at my dress and rubbed my hands on the bottom to straighten it out.

  That made me blush.

  Who the fuck was I becoming here?

  * * *

  I went inside the house and walked right to the kitchen and sat down at the counter. I took out my phone and started typing another text message to myself of all the words I thought about while with Uly.

  And then more words decided to come to me.

  i don’t wear heels

  on your street

  i dont walk the yellow line

  which direction are you coming from?

  i can spin like a pissed off tornado

  throw you aside

  the way

  you wanted to do to me

  i'll take your V add a line

  to ask Y

  i'll snap my fingers

  like a last breath at midnight

  later yesterday

  now it’s tomorrow

  and the shadows you never saw

  move toward you

  let’s hear those sweet

  candy coated

  words

  you promised you’d say

  but forgot when your

  tongue touched mine

  and you got what you wanted

  I sent the text to myself and then brought up Hil’s name.

  Your father isn’t really dead, Hil. You lied about it. You lied to everyone about it. Why? Where is your father then? Does your mother know you lie about him? Or is she in on the lie too? Does Ash’s father know…

  The questions were almost too much to keep up with.

  I put my phone down and looked around the wide open, bright kitchen.

  And I shook my head.

  Fucking rich people had the same amount of drama as they had cash, huh?

  ten

  It felt good to get out of the dress. I was definitely more comfortable in my hoodie and my jean shorts. And my old, dirty shoes. I hung the dress up in the walk-in closet and shook my head, knowing I’d never wear it again.

  But at least I didn’t pay for it, right?

  I wasn’t completely heartless of the situation though. I did feel guilty that I was leaning on Jo so much. She offered for me to stay there. She gave me the credit card. And she hadn’t said a word about anything I had purchased.

  Then again, why couldn’t she just give me the cash that I was going to spend so I could get the hell out of BFH and make sure I stay away from my mother’s messy life and just get out on my own?

  I was sure Jo had her reasons. Even if she was just that much of a crazy bitch.

  So in a way I felt like I was right back where I started.

  Standing outside Jo’s house, waiting to hear the lion’s roar of Hil’s motorcycle. Not only did I text him, I told him to get his ass here as fast as possible. And then I sweetened it all by texting that if he kept to the deal we all made, he’d be very happy.

  What did that actually mean?

  Who. The. Fuck. Knows. Or. Cares.

  I just wanted Hil to get here.

  My first thought was to slap him across the face.

  Who the fuck are you to lie about your father dying? When your stepbrother actually went through his mother dying… and Uly… the guy who was once your best friend and you played in a band with… he lost his father for real… you fucking scumbag…

  I caught myself breathing heavy and pacing back and forth like I was th
e lion.

  And when the sound of the motorcycle echoed in the distance, I turned to face the driveway and was ready for him.

  But really I wasn’t.

  The sight of him on the motorcycle - the bucket helmet, clear glasses to protect his eyes, lit cigarette between his lips - left my knees feeling weak. I started to pat my sides and even my butt, looking for my phone… or my cigarettes… or a time machine to go back in time so I could have never showed up to BFH.

  None of that was possible.

  Hil turned his motorcycle and shut it off.

  I walked toward him, my right hand now deciding to ball up into a fist.

  I wasn’t going to slap him. I was going to punch him.

  When I got close enough to hit him, Hil looked at me and unsnapped the helmet and held it out for me.

  “Jump on, beauty,” he said. “We have to go for a ride. I don’t like it here.”

  “I’m not-”

  Hil started the motorcycle, cutting me off.

  I scoffed.

  Well, fuck you, Hil. I am not getting… on this… motorcycle…

  He looked at me again, took a drag of his cigarette without using a hand, and then nodded to the seat behind him.

  My eyes moved to the helmet.

  Fuck.

  I put the helmet on and I climbed on the motorcycle.

  I had never been on a motorcycle before.

  I sat like Hil sat and put my hands to his shoulders.

  He grabbed my left hand - hard - with his right hand and pulled it down his body and made me grab his t-shirt. I did the same thing with my right hand. I was sort of hugging Hil, the front of my body pressed tight to his back.

  The rumble of the engine between our legs…

  I shut my eyes and exhaled a breath.

  Calm down, Belle. He’s a liar. He’s an asshole. You can’t get turned on right now.

  I opened my eyes when the motorcycle started to move.

  I told myself the same thing again and again.

  I even whispered it out loud.

  “I can’t get turned on right now,” I said.

  But it was too late for that.

  * * *