NOT SO Beautiful: a bay falls high novel

by Kidman, Jaxson

  “What the hell is wrong with you?” Danica yelled as she grabbed the back of my jeans and pulled me down into the seat.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Why would you say that?”

  “Even if it’s not true, who cares? Fuck Raza. Drama queen bitch…” I sighed. “Sorry. Are you sure Lizzy is okay there by herself?”

  “She’s locked in on someone,” Danica said. “She’s fine. I’ll drop you off at Jo’s and come back out here.”

  “Really? That’s a lot of driving for you.”

  “I don’t mind,” Danica said. Then she smiled at me.

  “What’s so funny now?”

  “Raza,” she said. “What you said… it was true. I almost felt bad for him.”

  I curled my lip.

  I hated Raza.

  I hated Them.

  I hated Ash the most.

  No… I hated Them equally.

  With the chance to be alone with Danica and actually talk, we ended up not talking at all. It was a quiet drive back to Jo’s.

  When she stopped her car right at the steps to the house, I looked at her.

  “Sorry.”

  “You should be.”

  “Thanks.”

  “There’s no good ending to this, Belle,” Danica said. She frowned. “You’re in it too far.”

  “I know,” I said.

  “So what are you going to do?”

  “Smoke a cigarette on those steps and then try to get some sleep.”

  “Solid plan.”

  I got out of the car and did just what I told Danica.

  Halfway through my peaceful cigarette, I heard giggling.

  And then I saw something I never thought I’d see.

  Jo.

  Walking up the driveway.

  Carrying a pair of high heels.

  With a guy.

  With a suit jacket over his shoulder, a white shirt with half the buttons undone.

  “Whoa,” I whispered.

  The guy grabbed Jo and kissed her once and then picked her up.

  She let out a playful scream as he started to run.

  I like hearing Jo laugh like that.

  It was weird.

  But it was nice to hear.

  The guy spun around and put Jo on her feet. He threw his arm out and his head back. Jo did the same.

  I put my cigarette between my lips and started to clap.

  They both looked at me and Jo snorted and burst into laughter.

  The guy whispered something to her and Jo smacked his chest.

  She broke away from the guy and as graceful as a drunk could be, she skipped her way toward me.

  “Hey, Belle,” she said.

  “Jo,” I said. “Good night?”

  “Not yet,” she said. “Will be soon.”

  She made her hips dance.

  “That’s kind of gross to me.”

  “Shouldn’t be,” she said. She reached down and bopped my nose.

  “Wow,” I said.

  “Wow is right,” she said. “You better get to your room soon. Or go somewhere for the night.”

  “I’ll put my earbuds in and turn the volume all the way up,” I said.

  “Good girl,” she said.

  She hurried up the steps and her guy friend was in her place, one foot up two extra steps. He was clean cut handsome, kind of like Ash, but much older. The lines coming from his eyes and sprinkle of gray in his hair told me that story.

  He just stared.

  “Something wrong?” I asked him.

  “You tell me.”

  “I hope not. If you’re wondering, no, I’m not her daughter. Just a guest.”

  “Right. That didn’t cross my mind at all.”

  “Good,” I said. I looked back. “I think your bride is waiting for you.”

  “Does she talk about me?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You don’t even know my name, do you?”

  “Am I supposed to?”

  “Michael,” he said, putting his hand out.

  I shook his hand. “Belle.”

  “I know,” he said. “She’s mentioned you before.”

  “I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.”

  Michael shrugged his shoulders. “You know smoking is bad for you, right?”

  “Oh yeah? What are you? A lung doctor?”

  “Yeah,” he said.

  “Oh. Shit. Sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry to me, Belle. You’ll be sorry later in life.”

  “I don’t really look to the future. I heard that’s a waste of time.”

  Michael chuckled. He stepped forward and was next to me. That’s when he crouched down and plucked the cigarette from my hand.

  I curled my lip.

  No fucking middle aged doctor was going to take my cigarette from me and lecture…

  Michael put the cigarette to his lips and took a deep drag, closing his eyes.

  When he opened his eyes, he exhaled the smoke and handed me the cigarette back.

  “Hypocrite,” I said.

  Michael laughed. “Does that bother you, Belle?”

  “Is it supposed to?”

  Michael looked at the front door then back at me. “This was fun. We should do it again. Hopefully soon. Sound good?”

  He winked at me and that gave me the creeps.

  I slowly turned my head as he walked up the rest of the steps and through the front door. He shut it behind him.

  I looked at the lit cigarette and flicked it away.

  What a fucking creep.

  Jo had the same fucked up way of choosing guys just like my mother did.

  And me.

  Except I had to deal with three assholes as once.

  seventeen

  When I saw Uly sitting on the curb at the end of my parking spot, there was a slight temptation to just park the car and see what would happen. Then again, the last thing I needed was to run over some hot rich guy and have my ass get fried for it.

  It wasn’t like I could call my mother and tell her to get a good lawyer, right?

  I hadn’t talked to my mother in a while. Not since our fight over the phone about her new boyfriend. Which didn’t surprise me. This was the routine for her. When she was single, she’d make dinner. There would be food to eat at whatever apartment we were living in. But when she was with someone, there would be cash on the counter with a note and a scribbled smiley face.

  That wasn’t a bad thing though. Cash meant I could buy whatever I wanted.

  But I wasn’t near my mother. Or Chester. Or whatever drama she had in her life.

  I was sitting behind the wheel of a six figure car, staring through the tinted passenger window at Uly as he just sat there, smoking a cigarette before class.

  With rips in his jeans. His long sleeve shirt. Those two necklaces dangling outside of the shirt. His beanie pushed back like he always had it. But it was the way he had his head turned, sunglasses on his face, like he was deep in thought.

  So fucking hot.

  The first one of Them to talk to me. To help me.

  The first one of Them to suck me into this crazy world of theirs.

  But the world was bigger than that.

  It was BFH.

  It was East vs. West.

  I decided to park somewhere else.

  Let Uly chase me down.

  Which he did.

  He was waiting for me as I got out of the car.

  “Trying to get away from me, doll?” he asked.

  I looked at him and then looked away.

  As I started to walk by him, he leaned against my car and kept smoking.

  “Silent treatment,” he said. “Do what you have to do, Belle.”

  That was my chance to keep walking.

  But of course I turned and looked at him.

  “Fuck you, Uly.”

  “That can be arranged,” he said. He pushed from the car and flicked his cigarette to the ground. “Now tell me what’s on that mind of yours.�
��

  “Why don’t you go first?” I asked. “What are the necklaces for? Huh? You really don’t try to hide them. Not like Hil does.”

  My mind could have went anywhere but it went to the stupid necklaces.

  Uly grabbed both necklaces and lifted them over his head.

  He held his hand out.

  “Take them.”

  “What?”

  “Take the necklaces, doll,” he said. “They’re yours now.”

  “I don’t want your necklaces, Uly. I want to know what they mean.”

  Uly stepped closer to me. “You know it already.”

  “No I don’t. The band thing… fine. I can guess there and be right.”

  “I wasn’t talking about the guitar pick,” Uly said.

  “So then who was she?” I asked. “Because Hil has the same ring too.”

  “He thinks he has the same ring,” Uly said. “He doesn’t.”

  “I love how I keep telling you all things about me,” I said. “Or you all somehow know things. Yet I ask one question and it turns into this fucking game. Don’t forget, Uly, I still have all the power here. It’ll take me two seconds to disappear.”

  Uly brushed his lips to my ear. “If you wanted to leave, you would. You love this, doll. You love every second of it. We’re the story you don’t know how to write yet. We’re the ones without an ending because you want everything to be perfect. Because in your heart there’s an ending that scares you.”

  I put one hand to Uly’s chest and one hand over his fist holding the necklaces.

  I backed away, shaking my head.

  “I think you’re the one who is scared,” I said. I winked. I kissed the air. I did anything to look like a snotty bitch. “Go find someone to fight, Uly. Save some energy for yourself though. For your hand. You know?”

  “Oh, right,” Uly said. “You’re trying to be a bitch to me. Telling me to go jerk myself off, right? That’s cute, Belle.”

  I walked away.

  I had to walk away.

  Uly appeared at my side a second later.

  I shut my eyes for a second and sighed.

  When I saw Owen walking with Max, I frowned a little.

  Max’s face looked… like Ash had been beating the hell out of him for no reason.

  They both stopped walking.

  I did too.

  Uly kept going though.

  Acting as though they weren’t even there.

  He opened one of the side doors to BFH and whistled at me.

  I lifted my hand, sort of pointing at Max, sort of waving at him.

  I had no idea what to do.

  Max looked at me, his face puffy and rough looking.

  Owen said something to Max and they turned and walked away.

  I looked at the open door and Uly waiting for me.

  It was a set of double doors so I went to the other door that was still closed.

  I opened it for myself and walked into BFH.

  Uly laughed.

  I showed him my left middle finger and just kept going.

  This time he didn’t follow me.

  And it kind of disappointed me.

  * * *

  I flipped through the pages of my notebook. As if the wound wasn’t slowly opening to begin with, I wanted to find something. A certain something. A page that would…

  Shit.

  There it was.

  I had been sitting outside the apartment at like two in the morning.

  At BFH, there was always the sound of the ocean. The pushing, pulling, crashing of the waves. A nonstop soundtrack.

  Where I came from… it was the buzzing of the streetlight right outside the apartment. The only time that buzzing went away was if we lost power. Which happened a few times. Two for bad storms. Once for some drunk guy that hit a pole down the street, which made the transformer hit the ground and it was lights out. Literally.

  But I had been sitting outside under that streetlight…

  i want my heart to buzz like this light

  i want to feel what i think i should feel

  i want to drink that one drink that will always make me forget

  i want to not know you

  i want to not know him

  i want to start it all over

  i want to shut my eyes and pretend so hard it all goes away

  I shut the notebook and swallowed hard.

  “You don’t fit in there, you know?”

  I pushed the notebook away and shut my locker.

  Lizzy smiled at me.

  “Did you just call me fat?” I asked.

  “You want to fit into a locker?” Lizzy asked.

  “Do you?” I asked.

  “What?”

  I rolled my eyes. “You’re very happy today… I guess that means everything you had planned… went to plan…”

  Lizzy shrugged her shoulders. “I’m not worried about me. I’m worried about you though.”

  “Why?”

  “Heard about Max,” she said.

  “Yeah. They’re fucking crazy, Lizzy. We know this already.”

  Lizzy grabbed my arm. “Listen to me, Belle. I’ve been trying to talk to you for a while.”

  “You’ve been talking and I’ve been listening. Trust me. Between you and Danica, it’s annoying. I know what I’m doing.”

  “Do you really?”

  “Maybe. Maybe not. What’s the worst that happens, Lizzy? I know what they are. I’m not going to fall in love and think I can change Them. Seriously? I am far from that stupid.”

  “You’re not stupid at all. But if you would just listen-”

  “Wow, Belle, you really did a number on Lila’s mouth,” Danica said as she just moved into the conversation like Lizzy was invisible.

  I was thankful for that.

  I did not need any more of Lizzy’s advice. Or worries. Or fears.

  “I wasn’t talking or anything,” Lizzy said.

  “Look,” Danica said.

  Sophie, Maya, and Lila walked through the hallway.

  Lila’s lips were more than pouty. They almost looked like she had an allergic reaction to something.

  She didn’t bother to look at me.

  Neither did the other two cunts.

  Instead, Sophie tossed her hair behind her and threw me the middle finger.

  I smiled.

  “Maybe you shut those three up for good,” Danica said.

  “I heard Lila tried to cover up the cuts and that’s why her lips are messed up now.”

  “Oh yeah?” I asked.

  “Not that it matters,” Lizzy said. “She deserves it. And I can’t believe she didn’t get her parents involved. Want to hear a story?”

  “Sure,” I said.

  “When we were younger…” Lizzy giggled. “Lila got her period in class. First time, right? She had to rush out of class and everyone knew what it was.”

  “No,” Danica said. “The stupid boys didn’t know what it was.”

  “Right,” Lizzy said. “But Lila refused to come back to school until the staff apologized to her in front of the entire school. For not being sensitive enough to her medical condition. And they made everyone attend an assembly in her honor.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “I’m not lying,” Lizzy said. “Her parents have a lot of pull. So you’re really lucky she didn’t run to her parents after you hit her.”

  “It’s not like I have anything to lose,” I said.

  “Everyone has something to lose, Belle,” Danica said.

  “I have to go drop something off with Miss Whitaker. I’ll see you both later.”

  I got out of whatever conversation that was waiting for me and hurried toward Miss Whitaker’s room.

  When I got to the door I heard a muffled voice.

  I looked through the small window and saw Uly standing at her desk.

  Miss Whitaker sat in her chair, looking…

  Scared. Tired. Sad.

  Plenty of other words to describe her
.

  Uly put his fists to the desk and leaned toward her. I couldn’t hear a word he was saying but the look on his face was more than enough to know he was pissed.

  He pointed toward the window and then he punched the desk.

  Miss Whitaker then jumped to her feet.

  She put her pointer finger to the tip of his nose and gave it right back to him.

  When she pointed at the door I jumped out of the way.

  I put my back against the painted concrete wall and waited.

  I looked at the paper in my hand and wondered if I should just wait to give to Miss Whitaker.

  The door flew open then and smashed against the wall.

  Uly was there and he looked right at me.

  Before I knew what I was doing I grabbed his arm.

  “Uly,” I said.

  “What?”

  “Are you okay?”

  He curled his lip.

  He was enraged.

  Without his sunglasses on, his eyes burned at me.

  “Stay out of my business, doll,” he said. “Make up the ending you want.”

  “What about the ending I need?” I asked as I pulled at him.

  Uly turned and put his right hand to my hip.

  He drove me back against the wall harder than when I put myself there a minute ago.

  His mouth lowered down to mine.

  He kissed me so hard and aggressive that my knees gave out.

  Uly’s right hand grabbed my jeans to keep me from falling.

  He pulled away in a hurry, leaving our kiss echoing through the halls.

  We stared at each other.

  I gasped for air.

  He breathed like normal.

  My heart started to climb up into the back of my throat.

  It all felt suddenly so serious with Uly.

  He took his hand away from my hip and brushed his fingers against my cheek.

  Then he touched his lips and nodded before walking away.

  It took me a few seconds to peel myself from the wall and go into Miss Whitaker’s room.

  When I opened the door, I saw Miss Whitaker standing at the window.

  “I told you to fucking leave and just-”

  Miss Whitaker turned and gasped when she saw me.

  “Belle,” she said.

  She hurried to wipe under her eyes.

  She looked up and started to laugh.

  “Miss Whitaker,” I said. “I’m…”