Never Let Me Go

by Angelique Voisen

  EVERNIGHT PUBLISHING ®

  www.evernightpublishing.com

  Copyright© 2016 Angelique Voisen

  ISBN: 978-1-77233-921-5

  Cover Artist: Jay Aheer

  Editor: Carlene Flores

  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

  WARNING: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. No part of this book may be used or reproduced electronically or in print without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.

  This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, and places are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  DEDICATION

  To my readers, I hope you enjoy this story as much as I enjoyed writing it.

  NEVER LET ME GO

  Romance on the Go ®

  Angelique Voisen

  Copyright © 2016

  Prologue

  Ten Years Ago

  The storm raged outside, but Neil and Rob didn’t fear the howling winds nor the rustling branches of the ancient oak outside their window. The real monsters didn’t lurk outside, they came from within. They’d learned that lesson early.

  “Do you hear them?” Rob asked, breaking the silence.

  Rob took the top bunk. Known for being addicted to heights, he loved climbing to high places. Some of his early pursuits had nearly given Neil heart attacks. Whenever Neil told Rob one thing, he would do the exact opposite. There had always been a kind of wildness about him too, a quality that made him hard to tame but easy to love.

  Voices rose and fell outside as Neil listened. They were quiet at first, but then the fight escalated to an unbearable pitch, loud enough to drown the lashing rain hammering on the rooftops.

  “How long are we going to put up with this shit?” Neil demanded.

  “Leave, if you hate it so much.”

  “You know I can’t do that.”

  Neil was sure Rob knew the reason why. Nothing could move Neil, with the exception of a natural disaster or a freak accident. He cared too much. That was his curse, then and now.

  They were both technically adults. At eighteen and nineteen, they refused to move out of the home they’d grown up in. St. Luke’s College might be forty minutes’ drive, an hour if traffic prevailed, but they stayed for her—Rob’s mother, Clarissa to Neil. Neil called her nothing else. Clarissa accepted no concessions. She’d never taken to him, despite the fact Neil had lived in the same house ever since the moment he’d been dumped on his father’s doorstep by the woman who’d given birth to him. He’d been twelve that day.

  Rob and he had become fast friends, brothers, and forged a bond far greater than any label available in the dictionary. Neil never quite managed to melt the ice in Clarissa’s heart or soften her disdain.

  They made a promise in a fort made of blankets when Rob turned fourteen. After high school graduation, they left home and never looked back—or at least that had been the plan. Freedom became short-lived when Rob discovered their father’s drinking had gotten worse. Their father, as if Don deserved that title. Technically, Rob had a different biological father, but they both referred to Don as their dad. They moved out of their shared dorm room the same day they’d arrived on campus.

  If Neil was being honest, he stayed purely for Rob. Rob might be a year older, but Neil had always taken the mantle of the older brother. Thunder sounded outside, drowning out the crash of wood and Neil’s thoughts. He shut his eyes, able to imagine Rob bolting up from his sleep and clambering down the ladder. Reaching out, Neil grabbed a fistful of Rob’s shirt.

  “Leave it be. It’s nothing.”

  “It can’t be nothing.” Rob tugged the hem of his shirt away from his grasp.

  Don’t, Neil wanted to say, but he stayed his tongue.

  Clarissa’s sobs punctured the air, high-pitched and shrill, like the sound of a bird being strangled to death. Cursing, Neil rose to his feet, fumbled for the old baseball bat he’d kept under the bed the moment he’d turned thirteen, and ran after his step-brother.

  “Get away from her.”

  Neil had never heard Rob sound so calm, so cold. That alarmed him. Rubbing his clammy palms on his sweats, Neil closed his hands tightly around the bat. How often had he imagined the sound of the wood finding its target—their dad’s skull?

  In all his nineteen years, Neil had never used the weapon. He chickened out at the last minute. Always. Instead of enacting vengeance, he took the blows meant for Clarissa and Rob.

  Light filtered out from the master bedroom, the door slightly open. Panting, each step heavy, Neil managed to drag his feet closer to the room of nightmares. Clarissa lay in a crumpled heap on the bed, knees drawn to her chest, rocking back and forth. The woman might hate his guts as much as Neil hated hers, but she was the only family he had, aside from Rob. Rob yanked the door all the way open.

  “What are you going to do about it, you little piece of shit?” Their dad sneered. “Being in college doesn’t change anything.”

  Don turned to Neil, who held onto his bat like an anchor.

  “Are you going to clobber me to death, boy? Think you can swing that fucking bat? Go ahead. See if a spineless fucker like you can do it.”

  Ten years ago, Don Lovell had been a heavy weight champ making his way to the top of the boxing world. Don never reached the pinnacle. The overweight drunk who loved using his fists on human punching bags might look like a pathetic shadow of his former self, but fear still filled Neil at the sight of him slapping his favorite belt on his meaty palm.

  Neil couldn’t move a muscle, couldn’t even swing his weapon of choice to save his skin, or his step-brother’s. Biting his lower lip, Neil met the gaze of the only man he cared about. Rob’s eyes softened and a wave of understanding passed between them. They’d rendered the need to communicate with words unnecessary a long time ago. If the eyes served as gateways to their souls, then theirs were a reflection of each other.

  Neil didn’t miss the way Don’s eyes narrowed, as if he’d come to a conclusion he didn’t like, or unveiled a dirty secret Rob and he had done their best to hide from prying eyes their entire lives.

  “Son-of-a-bitch,” Don began. The bastard looked like he had plenty to say, but Rob cut him off.

  “Neil’s not the only one with a weapon, Don.”

  With shaky hands, Rob slipped something out from the pocket of his sweats. The metal gleamed under the dim lights of the bedroom.

  “You think you can pull that trigger, faggot?”

  Neil winced at the word. Don had done it now, but Neil gave nothing away, no reaction or smart comeback emerged from his lips.

  Without another word, Rob clicked the safety off. His hands no longer shook. Clarissa let out a startled cry. Neil’s heart thudded so hard in his chest, he was certain everyone could hear it. He knew Rob inside out.

  Who was this stranger, gripping a weapon of murder with sure and practiced hands?

  “Neil and I love one another, Don. Thanks to you, we’ve really bonded, but this craziness needs to come to an end.”

  “Don’t, Rob. Stop,” Clarissa whispered.

  On her knees now, she crawled to Rob, tugging at his shirt, but he didn’t look at her. Neil understood. Rob wouldn’t dare tear his gaze away from a monster, because one moment of weakness could mean the end for all of them. Now that Rob had pointed a gun at Don, Don would never forgive them.

  “Listen to your mother, you sorry piece of shit.”

  Neil didn’t see Rob pull the trigger, but the roar of the gun made him jump. Later, Neil wondered how easy it had all been, ending the life of the monster who had scarred all of them, inside and out.

  “We can
’t leave him like that. We have to get rid of the evidence,” Neil told Rob, keeping his voice firm. The cops might never buy the self-defense story, and he couldn’t afford to lose Rob, not now, not ever.

  Pale, hands shaking, dropping the gun, Rob’s mouth fell open to a perfect ‘o’ of shock. If Neil didn’t take charge now, he’d lose Rob forever. Picking up the gun, Neil clicked the safety off and tucked it inside the waistband of his sweats.

  He’d dispose of the gun and erase every trace of evidence until everything looked normal. Deep down, Neil knew nothing would be the same. This secret would tie the three of them to their graves. Guilt might eat them alive in the end, but it didn’t matter. For the first time in his life, Neil felt safe, unafraid, and in control, although Rob had pulled the trigger.

  “Neil.” Rob faltered, eyes wide, large as saucers. The fear there transported Neil back to the past, to all those nights they’d huddled in the closet, listening intently for Don’s heavy footsteps.

  Neil crept up to him, wrapped his arms around him, and pulled him close into a hug. Rob stilled against him, ragged breathing ceasing, but Neil could hear Rob’s heart, hammering hard against his chest.

  “Rob, we need to clean this up. Can you help me?”

  Silent understanding passed between them, punctured by Clarissa’s sudden wail of agony. She was completely inconsolable. Unable to tear her gaze from the mess, she whispered four little words under her breath repeatedly, words that would forever damage Rob.

  “I won’t forgive you.”

  ****

  The moment the seemingly never-ending graduation ceremony ended, Rob tugged off his stuffy toga and pulled off his ridiculous hat. Unlike most of the young men and women there, the paper certificate in his hand meant nothing. What use was a bachelor’s degree in marketing when Rob had no interest in meeting other people or launching someone else’s product?

  Marketing was Neil’s thing, but the years hadn’t been wasted. Despite a year apart, Neil and he had tailored their schedules so they took the same classes and participated in the same activities. Hell, Rob supposed these really were the best years of his life. Nothing could replace the soothing calm when he sat next to the only man he wanted in the lecture hall, or when they collaborated on a project. They worked so well, became so co-dependent on each other that the world no longer mattered.

  “Could you keep that until after the pictures?” Neil asked, looking at his toga and hat with dismay.

  Throngs of people exited the hall where the graduation ceremony was held. They flocked to friends, parents, and relatives. A pang of longing hit him then, unwarranted sentimentality. After burying their father in the backyard, no one in the house had spoken about the accident. At times though, Rob couldn’t help but wonder how things would have been like if their dad hadn’t been a monster. Like the rest of their cohorts, would they be having a nice dinner at some pricey restaurant with their parents, recounting wild tales?

  He’d left the invitation to the ceremony on the fruit bowl right in the middle of the dining room, hoping in some way, his mother would see it. After Don’s death, Clarissa had never been the same. Rob hoped she’d get better, but she never did. Neil kept persuading him to move away from that house of nightmares, but Rob lacked the courage to leave his ghost of a mother there.

  Without him to anchor her back to reality, she’d join her dead husband soon enough in the ground. Not that she’d been the most pleasant woman to deal with. If she wasn’t ignoring them, she made it her life’s mission to make their lives harder.

  Well screw it. Only one person mattered to Rob, and Neil stood right in front of him. Feeling Neil’s strong hands cupping his jaw, he blinked. Looked around to check no one watched them. Their relationship was something they’d decided to keep a secret, because they still shared the same last name.

  “Don’t look at anything or anyone else but me,” Neil said softly.

  Rob met his gaze and smiled, liking what he found there—fierce hunger and celebration. Trying to hide that he knew about the surprise Neil had planned turned out to be extremely hard. Tonight, they wouldn’t be taking the forty minute drive back to Lily Valley. Neil had reserved a room for them at a charming inn a couple of hours from the college. There, no eyes could watch or pass judgment on them.

  God knew they needed some private time alone. The past few months hadn’t been easy, full of cramming and Rob’s mother alarmingly watchful like a hawk over them for once. She’d never taken interest in their studies, so why start now?

  Neil released his hold on Rob as Cindy, who was part of their circle of friends, ran up to them.

  “Guys, you’re coming to Jan’s party, right?” she asked.

  “Sorry,” Rob answered automatically. “We have plans with our family.”

  Cindy, who Rob knew had a massive crush on Neil, tried to hide her disappointment with a laugh. “Alright then, you guys don’t be strangers.”

  “Plans?” Neil asked, raising an eyebrow.

  Rob grinned, flashing his teeth at Neil like a wolf. “Baby, do you think you can keep something like that from me? Please.”

  Startled at Rob’s nickname—they only addressed each other affectionately in private—Neil let out a deep, rumbling laugh. God. What a sexy sound. Even though he’d heard it a thousand times, hearing Neil laugh made his insides melt.

  “Well, I’m bad with surprises anyway.” Neil eliminated the inch of space between them, the hard muscles of his body colliding against Rob’s lean frame. So solid, unyielding and all his. Rob’s breath hitched in his throat, groaning when he felt Neil’s erection jutting against his jeans and toga. “There will be hell to pay for you snooping around my things, brother.”

  Rob shuddered, nearly losing his control then and there, but somehow managed to keep himself upright. “I’ll meet you in the parking lot? I need to stop by the men’s room.”

  “Don’t take too long,” Neil reminded him.

  The moment Neil parted from him, Rob wanted to bridge the gap between their bodies again. When had he become so needy and dependent? Rob supposed love was like that. It hits you right in the gut and never cares for mercy. Imagining all the exciting and filthy things Neil would do to him, Rob headed for the toilet with a grin on his lips and stopped short when a thin arm lashed out, nails digging into his skin.

  “Hey—” Rob retorted, cut short when he stared into his mother’s face.

  She looked like a wraith, able to slip from this world to the next any moment. The white dress didn’t help, neither did her hair, once golden but now threaded with more gray than yellow. Fury stared at Rob from those hard eyes, taking him aback.

  “Mom.” Rob breathed out the word.

  Neil often told him there was no reason to be afraid of one old woman, especially one who’d given up on living a long time ago.

  “Don’t speak.” Clarissa’s words sliced through the air like razors capable of cutting deep into the bone. “I saw you together.”

  The three damning words rang in his ears, but Rob didn’t taste defeat on his lips. For years now, he’d wanted to tell her. Maybe she’d suspected it all along, but had never opened her mouth. Rob could fix this. Convince her that nothing would change his mind about a future with Neil.

  “I love him,” Rob said simply, wincing as her sharp nails broke skin, drawing blood.

  “It’s wrong. You’ll burn in hell for this, Robert. I won’t stand for this,” she hissed in his ear, as if terrified someone would overhear them.

  “Hell?” Rob let out a little laugh. She drew back, looking at him in awful wonder, as if she questioned whether she was speaking to a doppelganger who had replaced her real son. “We’re already going there for what we did, but guess what? At least Neil and I are going together.”

  She slapped him then, nails raking across his skin, and began to repeat the motion, but he caught her thin wrist.

  “Don’t,” Rob said simply. “I’m twenty-four and Neil’s twenty-five. We’re adults. Hell
, we made that transition the day we buried him in the backyard. You can’t do anything to us.”

  Rob didn’t plan on leaving her, despite knowing Neil wanted to move far away from their hometown. After tonight, he knew Neil would propose they leave behind the trappings of the past and start somewhere new. Each time Neil spoke about what awaited them, a world free of judgment from Clarissa’s poisonous words, he caved in a little. Only a thin barrier walled his heart. They deserved to be happy, too.

  “Is that what you think?” His mother let out a cruel laugh.

  Clarissa, Rob corrected. She’d ceased being his mother the day they’d come to her defense and made that terrible but necessary decision together. Still, her blood flowed in his veins. He steadied himself mentally, because Rob was certain whatever ammunition she’d bring out would be a killing blow. Funny how her words still had an effect on him, even now.

  “You and your filthy step-brother won’t be free of me,” she crooned in his ear. “I’ll ruin you both, wreck him the most. It would be so easy to show the police the bones in the backyard, but I think the press would be interested in the pictures I have of both of you, fornicating, sodomizing each other under my own fucking roof.”

  Rob froze. “What pictures?”

  “Should I show them to you and all your innocent little friends, Robert?” She reached for her purse and pulled out a plain brown envelope.

  Rob felt like he was stuck in a horror show-and-tell. He felt helpless, like he’d been at eighteen when Don had nearly beat Clarissa to death, and would have ended Neil too, without a second thought. Grabbing the bastard’s old service revolver had been the only solution.

  His step-father’s contorted face, full of rage and disbelief, still haunted his dreams. The old nightmares haunted Neil too, even though sleeping side-by-side helped drive those foul memories away. Neil wasn’t just his anchor, his sole reason for living, but also his talisman against the dark. Clarissa should have followed the fucker, if she missed him so much.