Never Let Me Go

by Angelique Voisen

  “This isn’t just a one-time thing for me.”

  “I know. Didn’t you say we’re finally free to do what we want?”

  “It’s…” Rob hesitated, biting on his lower lip. “Just like that?”

  “Why make things complicated? I’ve been fucking waiting for you for the longest time, Rob. You’re the same. I knew why you kept your distance. I can’t forgive you for that yet, but I will. You know I can’t stay mad at you long.”

  Rob’s lips curved into a smile. “I know. We bicker, we fight, but in the end, we always stick together, thick and thin.”

  “I can’t say the same for most marriages.” Neil brought him close for a kiss, hand slipping to the button of his trousers. “Tell me, Rob. What do you want most of all in the world?”

  “You. Us.”

  “Let’s make that a reality.”

  Rob groaned when Neil dragged the zipper of his trousers down, but he grabbed Neil’s hand.

  Raising his eyebrows, Neil asked, “Changed your mind?”

  “Let me.” Neil let Rob undo his bottoms and pull out his shaft. At the sight of Neil’s long, semi-erect and thick dick, he licked his lips in anticipation. “I missed you.”

  “Are you talking about me or my dick?” Neil asked, amused.

  “Both.” Rob lowered his head into Neil’s lap, relieved to feel the pressure of Neil’s fingers threading into his hair. He always liked a little bite to his pleasure and Neil knew.

  “Remind me how much you missed my cock,” Neil ordered.

  God. Rob missed that too, Neil’s domineering side when they were in the bedroom. He’d always known he loved submitting to a powerful man capable of sending him to his knees. Only Neil was capable of doing that. Neil craved power exchange as much as him.

  Rob flicked his tongue over the pre-cum gathered at Neil’s tip, swirling it around his cock head with relish. The familiar taste of Neil filled his mouth, tangy and a little salty. Groaning above him, Neil tightened his grip on his hair.

  “Don’t tease.”

  Rob disobeyed him on that account. He’d spent too many lonely nights, thinking about this very moment. Taking his time, he licked Neil’s length from crown to base. Neil’s balls, Rob didn’t neglect. He took each one in his mouth, sucking at them.

  “Enough, baby.”

  Damn. Rob doubted he’d ever get tired of that term of endearment. When Neil pushed his shaft between his lips, Rob opened wide and began giving Neil the best blow job of his life. Applying suction with every inch, Rob bobbed his head up and down. Hearing the sounds of pleasure coming from Neil’s mouth and knowing he was the cause—that was an incredible turn on.

  “I’m close,” Neil said with panting breaths.

  Rob relaxed in his hold, knowing Neil wanted to take over. Neil fucked his mouth, strokes steady at first before picking up speed. Unable to help himself, Rob imagined how Neil’s cock would feel like, stretching his ass, claiming the territory that rightfully belonged to him.

  Once they started, they couldn’t stop and Rob didn’t want to. He missed this. Hell, Rob missed everything about Neil. He wanted to spend the rest of his life reacquainting himself with every nook and cranny of Neil’s body, even though they knew every inch of each other better than they knew themselves.

  With a growl, Neil pushed his dick into Rob’s waiting mouth one more time before finally exploding. Rob closed his mouth over Neil’s softening prick, swallowing down his cum and not spilling a drop.

  “Fuck, I missed that,” Neil said.

  Rob raised his head from Neil’s lap and licked his lips. “Yummy.”

  Neil zipped up his jeans. “Get out.”

  Blinking, Rob couldn’t speak. Emotions raged inside him into an unrecognizable mess. “What?”

  “We can’t do this here, in the back of my car. I can’t fuck you like this.”

  Relieved Neil wasn’t sending him away or changing his mind, Rob nodded. “Where then?”

  “Where else?” Neil opened the door and Rob understood.

  Of course, it was only appropriate to retrace their steps to where it had all started. Home, or at least the house they’d grown up in. Rob rode shotgun and took off his jacket. Neil did the same.

  “Are you sure?” Rob had to ask.

  He knew Neil swore he’d never return to that house. With their father buried out back, his mother never wanted to move. Clarissa had demanded that she live and die in the house she and her husband had bought together.

  “Yeah, I’m sure.” Neil started the engine.

  Rob shook his head and joked to diffuse the tension. “Hear that roar. So sexy.”

  “So are you.”

  Color rose to Rob’s cheeks. He wasn’t a shy guy by any means, but only Neil could make him feel self-conscious.

  “Tell me how she died.”

  Rob did, although there wasn’t much to tell. Neil professed he didn’t give a damn about Clarissa, but Rob knew better. Neil cared for her in his own way. They both needed the distraction, the simple act of talking to unburden their souls of everything weighing them down. For Neil, talking served as a distraction from returning to the place of nightmares and for Rob, to forget about his grief.

  “I woke up one morning to discover she wasn’t breathing. She died exactly the way she wanted, in the bed she and Dad once shared. Morbid, isn’t it?”

  “Appropriate.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  Neil barked out a harsh laugh. “We never saved her, Rob. When Dad died, he took a piece of her with him to the grave.”

  Rob had a come back ready, but why defend his mother when Neil had only stated what he’d known for a while? He could remember that one awful moment that had scarred both of them for life—Clarissa’s hate-filled eyes that silently begged him to end her too and Neil, who was forced to take charge and be an adult. Rob might have pulled the trigger, but those he loved had paid the toll for his sin.

  “I guess you’re right.”

  Awkward silence filled the tiny space. Tension racketed. The ache inside Rob grew worse. He shut his eyes, remembering.

  Once upon a time, they hadn’t needed words. When a storm had raged outside their window and when their parents tried to drown out the noise of the wind using their own voices, Rob would clamber down his bunk. He’d nestle himself beside Neil, comforted by his warm body and embrace. Neil’s presence, his warm breath against Rob’s neck and the even rise and fall of his chest had the power to render the rest of the world insignificant, mute.

  No words were required. They clung to each other, knowing that all they needed was each other.

  For so long, Rob had suppressed his desires. Told himself it was better to keep his distance. His mother and the rest of the world said it was wrong for him to love Neil, but now, no one decided the rules but them.

  Neil pulled into the driveway of their old house.

  “Huh. I thought it would look different somehow, but everything’s the same.”

  Rob reached out, peeling Neil’s cold fingers from the wheel and raised them to his lips. He blew at them until Neil’s flesh warmed.

  “Nothing’s the same.”

  Neil grabbed the back of his neck for a bruising kiss, as if he needed a reminder Rob was within easy reach and finally his to take. Without another word, Neil released him and got out of the car. Rob followed, raising his head to taste the droplets on his lips. Rainwater and Neil, he mused, tasted amazing.

  “Rain’s a good sign,” Rob told Neil. They walked to the front door together, just like old times when they would come back from school. God, every inch of this house contained memories, joyful ones and painful ones. He put the key in, comforted by the feel of Neil’s hand, stroking his spine.

  “Why’s that?”

  “Water cleanses. Helps us forget.”

  Neil nipped at his ear lobe. “I don’t want to forget. I can’t.”

  “Neither can I.” Rob shut the door behind him.

  They stared at each
other for a couple of seconds.

  Neil growled. “Take off those clothes, or you’ll catch a cold.”

  Rob’s lips lifted to a smile. The years had changed them, turned them from two damaged boys into two scarred men. Underneath it all, the core remained the same. Neil would forgive him for the lost years, like Rob knew he would. And Rob? He’d make sure he spent every waking moment showing Neil how much his love and sacrifice meant to him—everything.

  “Are you saying those words to get me naked?”

  “Do it, or I’ll rip them off you myself.”

  God. Rob loved it when Neil took control.

  “Catch me first.” Rob sprinted past Neil, slapping away his arm to run up the flight of stairs.

  Old ghosts had chased Rob here, especially when Neil left. He’d feared once Clarissa joined Don in death, he’d start seeing her, too. Tonight, the old house remained quiet, save for the rain hammering on the rooftops and Neil and his footsteps thudding on the hardwood floors.

  Rob almost made it past their old room when strong arms wrapped around his waist. Panting from the exercise, he leaned against Neil and waited for Neil to take in the changes he’d made over the years. The bunk bed—gone, and a king-sized bed in its place, but Rob had kept old reminders of Neil.

  “You kept my posters,” Neil said, sounding stunned.

  Freeing Rob from his embrace, Neil walked around the space and occasionally reached out to touch surfaces, the spines of books and the baubles Rob had collected over the years.

  “Good thing you’ve gotten rid of the old bunk bed.”

  “I didn’t want to, but it’s strange for an adult man to sleep in a bunk bed.” Clarissa had bugged him for ages to get rid of the thing. Rob stubbornly refused, because that bed reminded him too much of special moments, like the first time he’d snuck to Neil’s side and the first time they’d made love.

  “And this new bed, how many men have you brought back here?” Jealousy coated Neil’s voice, but Rob couldn’t blame him.

  Rob didn’t rise to the bait. Everyone had needs. He knew Neil resorted to one-night-stands and random hook-ups just like he did. Turning on his heel, Neil pushed him against the bed. Fear and excitement crawled down Rob’s spine. Neil would never hurt him, not then and certainly not now.

  “Tell me the truth.”

  “I’ve always slept alone.”

  “Liar.”

  “Why would I lie to you? Do you think I’d bring some random stranger here, with Clarissa next door?” Rob let out a mirthless laugh. He fingered the sheets. They were pure black, like his grief. “Never mind the fact she knew about you, about us, but she always hated the fact I was gay. She kept pushing so many girls at me, setting up dates, but she eventually stopped.”

  Guilt crossed Neil’s features. “I’m sorry.”

  Rob looked him in the eye. “You left. What did you expect?”

  “I asked you to come with me.”

  “And you knew I couldn’t. What else is new?” Could they really mend old wounds, or had they accumulated too many scars? Was fixing each other even possible?

  Neil breathed hard, looking at him. Torn between tugging him close and shoving him away, Rob silently counted to ten and tried for logic instead.

  “Why did you come back, Neil?”

  “You said you needed me.”

  Rob crossed his arms. “That’s not good enough.”

  “Nothing’s good enough for you, is it?

  When Rob didn’t answer, Neil let out a sharp exhale and tried again. “I wanted to see you. These years apart, they wrecked me.”

  “When I wake up each day, do you know the first thing that comes to mind?” Rob asked.

  Frowning, Neil met his gaze. “Tell me.”

  “That I could have woken up each morning, to the face of the man I love.”

  Expression softening, Neil closed the distance between them. He tilted Rob’s face upward, thumbing Rob’s bottom lip, still swollen from his earlier kisses.

  “We can’t change the past, but the future’s still waiting to be written.”

  Hope flared inside Rob. He clutched at the fabric of Neil’s trousers, not daring to speak.

  Neil bent down to kiss him, slow and tender.

  “Let’s continue where we left off.”

  Chapter Three

  Neil couldn’t deny everything about this house jarred him and disoriented his senses. The moment he entered the front door, the walls seemed to press down on him. It took a special kind of courage to continue living in this place of nightmares, the way Rob did.

  Hell, only Rob’s presence kept him rooted down and sane, even though he’d suggested they come here in the first place. By volunteering to return here, where everything began, Neil hoped to exorcise the demons that continued to haunt him.

  “Take off your clothes,” Neil ordered. “I want to see how hard you are for me, how much you want my cock.”

  Commands came to him naturally and knowing Rob would submit to him fully and no one else—that was icing on the cake. It didn’t hurt learning Rob had never brought another man here.

  Devious smile on his lips, Rob reached for his tie. Neil beat him to the punch and tugged away Rob’s tie until the drenched fabric dangled in his hand. Rob gasped in surprise, watching him intently. Taking off his own tie, Neil braided the two pieces of material together, enjoying Rob’s increasing discomfort.

  “Will you make me repeat myself, Rob?”

  Rob shrugged off his blazer and fumbled for the button of his shirt. Every inch of flesh Rob unveiled made Neil’s dick thicken. Neil placed their ties on the corner of the bed and undressed. His mouth watered when Rob finally kicked off his shoes, trousers and boxers. Nude and glorious, Rob spread his thighs, showing Neil his erection. Neil didn’t miss the way Rob licked his lips once Neil stood in front of him, body and soul bared.

  “You’ve really bulked up,” Rob murmured in appreciation.

  “Going to the gym became one of my hobbies.” Neil retrieved the tie.

  When Rob began to reach for his hardening shaft, Neil flicked the tie against his hand.

  “Behave,” Neil chided.

  Rob pouted. Beads of water still dotted his skin, like he’d come from a bath. Neil couldn’t wait to put his mouth to every inch of Rob, to taste what was his. “But you look so tempting. Man candy. Mine.”

  “Mine,” Neil repeated, still unable to believe the words.

  “Yours,” Rob agreed.

  “Hands out.” Rob offered him his hands and Neil bound the fabric over his wrist. He double-checked to make sure that while his knots were firm, they wouldn’t cut the circulation. Fuck, but his black tie wound around Rob’s blue one looked amazing on Rob’s pale complexion.

  “Why did you do that? Bind the two ties together?” Rob asked.

  Neil pressed a hand against Rob’s chest to feel Rob’s racing heartbeat. He gave Rob’s chest a gentle push, until Rob lay on his back, gaze meeting his.

  “Two is always stronger than one.”

  Rob beamed, getting it. “Ready to ride me, cowboy?”

  “Not yet.”

  Neil blanketed his body over Rob, pulling Rob’s restrained hands above his head. Bodies touching, heat leapt from Rob’s body to his, hot enough to chase the cold away. Rob moaned softly underneath him, vainly rubbing his body and his dick against Neil’s. Fuck, Neil could have burst right there, but he wanted to take his time.

  Silencing Rob’s mouth with a kiss, Neil nibbled and sucked. Rob yielded to him, opening his lips wider, so Neil could deepen the kiss. Neil ran his hands all over the familiar planes of Rob’s body, reacquainting himself.

  “Neil,” Rob murmured. “Please. I need you in me now. Remind me I’m yours.”

  Tempting offer, but Neil couldn’t rush this. Oh, he had every intention of fucking Rob until Rob could barely walk in the morning. Knowing Rob would only beg him for more made it hard to hang onto his control. He pinched Rob’s left nipple until the bud hardened a
nd Rob bucked underneath him.

  “I’m not done with you,” Neil said. “Stay still while I enjoy you.”

  Neil began making a path of kisses from neck to hip.

  “God, I missed this,” Rob murmured.

  Neil planted a kiss on the tip of Rob’s dick. “I missed you too, baby. Badly.”

  Planting his hands over Rob’s thighs, he kept them apart so he could put his mouth and tongue to work.

  “Neil, what—” Rob couldn’t continue.

  Neil swiped the pre-cum over Rob’s tip and swirled his tongue over Rob’s cock head. Moaning above him, Rob thrust his hips to his mouth, prompting Neil to give his left thigh a playful slap. Neil gave Rob’s balls a squeeze, knowing Rob liked a bit of pressure and started to take Rob’s prick into his mouth.

  “Baby,” Rob whispered but said no more.

  Neil liked that word on Rob’s lips, liked it a lot. Applying suction with every inch he covered, Neil marveled at the way Rob hardened under his ministrations. Once Rob’s tip hit the back of his throat, Neil pulled out. Then he repeated the action. Every whimper he wrangled from Rob’s mouth hardened his own dick.

  At Rob’s tell-tale shudder, Neil withdrew his mouth from Rob’s prick. He curled his hands around Rob’s shaft, gliding his fist up and down.

  “Give it to me, baby. I want you to explode all over my fingers. Do it now.”

  At his command, Rob groaned, climaxing. Strings of Rob’s cum covered Neil’s fingers, some coating his chest and stomach. Eyelids flickering, Rob’s mouth parted, but no sound came out. When Rob seemed to recover, Neil swiped his fingers over the cum on his chest. Rob’s eyes widened when Neil placed his digits to his mouth and sucked on them.

  Neil placed them into Rob’s mouth. “Taste us, you and me combined.”

  Rob let out a shudder and licked his fingers dry. Neil groaned at the erotic sight. Fuck, but Rob reminded him of a hungry cat.

  “We’re far from done, baby,” Neil reminded him.

  “Oh, I know.”

  “Tell me how much you want my dick in you, baby.”

  “Very badly. Put your big cock in me, Neil. Remind me who owns me—body, heart and soul.”