Short Stack
Page 30
Eventually, I stir and look up to find him staring at the ceiling, his eyes busy.
“What are you thinking?” I ask.
“This would be a lovely main bedroom.”
I stretch lazily. “So, we’re buying it, then?”
He looks down at me, his eyes creasing in a warm smile. “Well, I’d like to. What do you think, partner?”
I smile up at him. “I think I love you more than I have ever loved anything or anyone in my life.” His eyes soften, and I grin. “And I think I’d like to live here.” He whoops and hugs me close, and I laugh. “I’m also thinking that we’re now stranded at this house without a car, and one of us has no shirt because it’s covered in come.”
“Maybe we should just stay here,” he muses, lying back on the floor.
“For how long?”
“Forever,” he says sleepily. “Or at least until dinnertime.”
I sigh. “I like your thinking.”
First Night Fathers
Gideon
I come awake with a start. It feels like I’m surfacing from a faraway planet, so I know I was deeply asleep. “What?” I say groggily. “What’s the matter?” Memory soars back. “Hetty?” I gasp. We’re in the hospital suite with our new baby.
“Ssh!” Eli’s voice whispers. “You’ll wake her up.”
“Well, I’m so glad you’re showing some concern for that. Why then is it acceptable to wake me up?” I ask grouchily.
“Your voice is so loud,” Eli observes.
“It’s my moneymaker,” I say loftily.
“Does the moneymaker have to be so loud?”
“Piss off,” I whisper.
The uncomfortable hospital bed depresses with his weight, and I inhale the scent of coconut which, for a second, overtakes the room’s faint disinfectant smell. I wrap my arms around him and kiss the top of his head, filled suddenly with so much love for him.
“This is lovely,” I whisper. “But weren’t your last words to me that I should take the first sleep?”
“Yes, well, I changed my mind.”
“This isn’t a democracy anymore, is it?”
“Gid, this has never been a democracy, and you know it.”
“I have come to terms with that fact,” I say sadly, and he snorts softly. “So, what’s up?” I ask.
“Nothing,” he says quickly.
“Eli, I may be a novice with all things relationship, but I’m bloody good with body language and non-verbal cues, and my deductive powers are telling me that…” I stop talking as I register the fine tremor in his body. “You’re scared. Sweetheart, what is it? Tell me, and I’ll sort it.” The words rush out of me like a river bursting the dam.
He twists to look at me and the faint light washes over his face. “I am scared,” he whispers. “How stupid is that?”
“What are you scared of?”
“That I won’t be good enough. She’s so tiny, Gid, and I want to be the best father I can.” He pauses.
“And?” I prompt, knowing there’s more.
“Well, my dad must have had the same wish once and look at how shit he was.”
“Eli Jones,” I say, coming up on my elbow to look down on his face. “What a load of old bollocks.”
Humour washes over his face. “Look at you with all the words. All the cursing words. In front of the baby.”
I shake my head impatiently. “The sleeping baby,” I remind him. I touch his face, feeling the stubble rasp against my fingers. “Maybe your dad did have that wish. Maybe he didn’t. I don’t know that, and neither do you. The one thing I do know is you. You are the best person in the world. You’re kind, clever, easy-going to the point of ridiculousness, and the most positive and wonderful person in the world.” He gazes up at me, his eyes shining, and I want desperately to freeze-frame this moment when he’s looking at me like this. “You’re bossy, which I think is good for children because it’s a fact that I’m going to be putty in their little hands.”
“Did you just say that my bossiness is a positive attribute?”
“Don’t tell anyone.” I pause. “And let’s never mention that again.” I run my fingers over his lips, and he purses to kiss them. “You just need to relax and be yourself, Eli. That’s all.”
“Why?”
“Because your real self is bloody amazing. You’re the best person I know, and you’ll be the best dad. I know it.” I rub my hand over my heart. “I know it here.”
His eyes shine suddenly, and he buries his head in my chest. “I’m sorry.”
“For being vulnerable? Why are you sorry for that? You’re with me. There’s no safer place to be vulnerable because I’ll always protect that. You mean more to me than anyone I’ve ever met, or ever will meet.”
“Thank you.”
We look at each other in the dim light, and at that moment, Hetty stirs in her crib and utters a tiny cry.
I watch confidence wash over him. That inner-calm surety that he always carries. “Alright now?” I ask.
He nods and kisses me. “I’m always alright with you in my corner.”
“Then you’ll stay that way because I’m always there.”
He jumps up and goes over to the crib. “Alright, sweet girl? Look at those pretty eyes.”
I smile. That Welsh lilt in his voice is something I hold so dear. It represents everything to me – home, security, and a deep, deep love.
“Bring her over here,” I say, and he bends and brings her up, cradled to his chest. She looks so tiny, yet utterly safe in those big hands that hold her with the gentle confidence he brings to life.
Walking over, he lays her next to me and then joins us from the other side of the bed.
Hetty looks up at me, her eyes so like Eli’s, blinking like a tiny owl. I stroke my finger down the blonde fuzz on her head. “She’s so beautiful,” I whisper. I pause. “And so tiny. Jesus Christ, what if I break her?”
“What happened to that inner surety you had going on?” he asks, laughter running through his voice.
“I’m not sure. Have a look around and see if you can find it.”
He laughs and snuggles up to Hetty, flinging his arm over my waist. “I think we’ll be fine,” he muses.
I shoot him a glance. “How do you know?”
“Because we’ll do it together, Gid. Everything. Every step she takes, every bad dream, every accomplishment and every failure, we’ll always be there loving her. I think that’s really all we have to do.”
I lean over and kiss him gently. “I do want it noted that for a brief, shining moment I had to tell you what to do.”
“It’s engraved on my brain,” he assures me solemnly.
We lie back, talking to Hetty in quiet murmurs, kissing her fingers and counting her toes as the first night passes into the first day of fatherhood.
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Thank You
My husband and my boys. For all the laughs and the love.
Edie. Thank you for sprinkling magic dust on my book, Pandora!
Leslie. I couldn’t do it without you.
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Hailey. For the laughs and support every day.
To all the bloggers who spend their valuable time reading, reviewing and promoting the books. Also, the readers who liven up my day with their messages and photos and book recommendations. I love being a part of this community, so thank you.
Lastly thanks to you, for taking a chance on this book. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
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