Hard To Leave (The Hard Series Book 3)

by S. Jones

  “I can’t believe you brought my favorite—lemon-meringue pie,” I told Carly, licking the last bit of the crumbs off my spoon.

  I was stuffed and exhausted. Between the pie, the wine, and the day I had, I was ready for bed. The diner was busier than usual today, and then I had to come home, do laundry, clean the house, cook dinner, and get a very hyped up seven-year-old to bed. It seemed like I just blinked and my day was already over.

  The best part about the day, however, was when my best friend showed up with a bottle of wine and my favorite dessert.

  “Why don’t you go sit down on the couch while I pour us another glass,” she said, tipping the wine bottle back and pouring the vino to the rim. She smiled at me while holding out my glass for me to take. I stared at her long and hard—suspicious thoughts filled my head.

  “Are you trying to get me drunk?”

  “I just want you to relax,” she said, standing up and bringing our plates over to the sink. I watched her load up the dishwasher and move around my kitchen with the familiarity as if it were her own.

  I walked over and settled into the couch. I folded my knees underneath me and rubbed my finger around the rim of the glass. “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on. Is everything okay with Luke?”

  Carly and Luke were getting married next year. They’ve only been dating for a couple of years, but last I knew, things were going great. In fact, she was as happy as I’d ever seen her. The only thing she ever complained about was his job. He was a surgical device rep and had to travel a lot for work. She ran a big, five-star resort which kept her just as busy. They both had demanding careers but always seemed to find a way to make it work.

  She folded the dish towel, set it on the counter, and joined me on the couch. “Everything is fine with us.” She smiled. “But I do need to talk to you about something.”

  “Okay.” I swallowed nervously.

  “Remember how I went to Vegas for that resort convention last week?”

  My fingers paused on my wineglass, and I tilted my head to the side. “Yes, but what does this have to do with me?”

  She opened her mouth and closed it. Whatever it was she was trying to tell me, it was something big. I could feel it in my bones. She chugged the last of her wine and set the glass down on the coffee table. “I ran into Brogan.”

  Her words hit me like a punch to the chest. “What do you mean you ran into Brogan?” Just hearing his name made my throat tight. I looked away, hoping to block out her words, wishing that she would take them back because I didn’t want them to be true.

  “Chloe, look at me,” she demanded, but I ignored her. Because if I did look at her, I would have to talk about him, which was the last thing I wanted to do.

  “He doesn’t know about Tanner, does he?” Panic raced through me as my hands clenched the armrest to the couch.

  She frowned at me. “You did not just ask me that, did you?” She looked hurt and offended, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. My fight or flight instincts were kicking in. “That’s not my secret to tell, and I would never betray you. You know that.”

  I reached over and grabbed the bottle of wine, quickly pouring the rest of the bottle into her glass. My hands were shaking so bad I was surprised it didn’t spill all over the table. “I know. I’m just caught off guard.”

  What were the odds that after all these years they would just randomly bump into each other?

  “Trust me, no one was more surprised than me,” she admitted, rolling up the sleeves of her black dress shirt. She clocked out of work early, so she could make the hour-and-a-half drive to my place and bring my favorite pie. That should have been my first clue, but it wouldn’t have mattered. Nothing could have prepared me for this conversation.

  “Please.” I closed my eyes and pleaded. My curiosity was getting the better of me. “Tell me everything.” I couldn’t take this anymore. I wanted to know, but I didn’t. She had seven days. A whole week to sit on this. Where I only had minutes to digest this information.

  “He was walking out of one of the ballrooms. We were both stunned when we recognized each other. He invited me into a private room he was renting so we could speak out of the public eye.”

  “How is he?” I asked, feeling hesitant but more than curious.

  Brogan wasn’t just my ex-boyfriend; he was my first love and the father of my son. There was a time where Brogan Hayes was my entire world, but when he started to make a name for himself in the industry, he changed. He started partying hard and doing things that I wasn’t comfortable with. I was young and in love and had my future all planned out. If you were to ask my younger self what my future would look like today, he would have been the biggest and best part. Unfortunately, the cliché of performers rising in their careers and changing was mostly true. He eventually reached a point where I no longer recognized him. So, when it was time for him to move to Nashville and advance his career, I knew in my heart that wasn’t the life for me. So I let him go.

  “He seemed like the old Brogan.” She shifted on the couch with a sad smile. “We actually talked for quite a while. We talked about his music, his family, and of course, you,” she said so softly I could barely hear her. “We talked about what his life was like now and how much has changed.” She reached out and placed her hand on top of mine. “He’s been sober for almost two years now.”

  I withdrew my hand and crossed my arms protectively in front of me. “I’m happy for him and glad that he’s sticking to his recovery, but what good does that do me now?” I swallowed thickly and licked my lips. “I needed him to change eight years ago. I’m really not sure what you want me to say.”

  “I guess you need to decide if this changes how you feel?” she said gently. “I know you’ve struggled with keeping Tanner’s paternity a secret, but I think you need to take a minute to think about what all this means.”

  My eyes cut to hers. “What’s going to happen if he finds out that he has a son that I never told him about?” I was trying hard not to cry but couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. “I can sit here and justify all day long why I did what I did, but that won’t stop him from resenting me. He has a son, for Christ’s sake, and I never said a word. There is no way this ends without him hating me.”

  “Brogan could never hate you, Chloe, because the truth is that he’s still in love with you.”

  My head snapped to hers. “What did you just say?”

  “He said he always regretted what happened and that if he could go back and change things, he would.”

  I brought my hand to my neck, feeling a familiar ache in my throat. I shook my head in denial. “No, he doesn’t love me. He’s engaged to that supermodel, what’s her name…” I snapped my fingers. “Selena Stapleton. That’s who he loves. Not me.”

  It’s been years since I’d seen him, but I’ll never forget the day I saw the engagement article from TMZ online announcing Brogan-Lena. They were the next up-and-coming super couple. I felt wounded. I don’t know if I would call it jealousy—maybe more like sadness—but still, I knew that I had no reason to feel that way. Not one. Sure, it hurt seeing my ex with someone else, and I was furious with myself for even feeling hurt, to begin with. I hurt for the young girl who felt forced to make a decision and raise a child on her own. I felt sad for the man who was denied the chance to be a father because of the way he lived his life. And I was furious that he was able to find love again when I was still all alone raising our child.

  She placed her hand on my bouncing knee while my thoughts ran wild. I was all over the place. “He told me you were unfinished business for him.”

  I shook my head and plugged my ears. “No, no, no.” I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t want to hear any more of this nonsense. It’s been almost eight years; I’ve moved on. We loved, we tried, and we failed. The end. He doesn’t get to say those things.

  He doesn’t get to come back after all this time and tell her how he’s all better. That he’s a changed man now. It’s b
een eight years. He can’t possibly still love me. He doesn’t even know me anymore.

  She ran her hand along her hair and straightened her ponytail out on the end. “We’ve been over this a dozen times. I know you don’t listen to his music, but almost all of his songs are about you.”

  “Did he tell you that?’

  She sighed, and I was getting pissed. “He didn’t have to. I know about your history because I was there. Listening to his songs is almost like traveling back into the past. Why is it so hard to believe that he could still have feelings for you?”

  “Because,” I sputtered, “we’re different people now. We’ve both moved on. For the first time in years, I feel happy. You out of all people know how long it took me to get here. I know everything with Jack is still new, but I care about him a lot.”

  What would Jack do if he found out? It was bad enough that I lied about not knowing who Tanner’s dad was, much less have it turn out that he’s probably seen pictures and heard of his songs. His trust in me would be destroyed. Would he even want anything to do with me after that? My heart broke a little at that thought. And oh my God, what would this do to poor Tanner?

  “You know that I’m happy that you were able to find someone again after all this time, and I know the timing of all this sucks. But as your friend, I’m telling you to give this some serious thought. Think about Tanner and what’s best for him.”

  I glared at my best friend. “Just because you had a nice, little sit-down with an old friend, doesn’t change the fact that I don’t trust him.”

  It shouldn’t have surprised me that she was going soft on Brogan. They always got along really well. Carly was one of the few friends of mine that he actually liked. In fact, I think her heart broke almost as much as mine did when we ended things.

  Her brows furrowed. “I know this sounds like I’m sympathizing with Brogan, but I know you, and there is no way I could keep this from you. I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I think you should consider all your options.”

  “He could have a relapse. Celebrities are famous for them.” It was a selfish thing to say and wasn’t even my biggest fear. Brogan had power and money, and that scared me more than anything. He was also irrational and prone to make impulsive decisions. “And let’s face the facts,” I choked out, feeling the tears burn the back of my throat. “There’s a good chance that telling him now could cost me my son!”

  “You don’t know that, but okay.” She held her hands up in defeat. “One last question and then I’m dropping the subject.”

  “What’s the question?” I asked, clearing my throat and wiping my eyes. I was feeling confused, guilty, and exasperated. I wasn’t sure which emotion I was supposed to give in to. It was as if they were all fighting for space. My heart was telling me one thing, and my head was telling me another. In short, I was a giant mess of emotions.

  “Would you be open to talking to him? Not about Tanner, but just talking. He gave me his email and cell number. He wanted me to pass them along to you.”

  I blew out a deep breath and threw my head back. I was in a no- win situation. I was so sick and tired of thinking and talking about this. As curious as I was, and as much as I wanted to see him, I wasn’t sure I was strong enough. I didn’t think I was capable of making that decision just yet. There were too many questions that he would want answers to. There was too much risk involved, and I’m not sure it would be a good idea.

  I looked over at the picture of Tanner sitting on the end table. He looked just like his dad. The resemblance was so strong it had my heart beating with a thousand different emotions. “I don’t know, Carly. I need time to wrap my head around all this.”

  Even though I acted in the best interest of our child at the time, I knew he wouldn’t see it that way. There was no way to tell him the truth without hurting him.

  I wiped my face as Carly reached inside her purse and handed me a tissue. “Just think about it. I’ll support you no matter what you decide.” She patted my knee and stood up.

  “I’ll give it some thought,” I told her as she walked to the door.

  She rested her hand on the doorknob. “I’m just a phone call away if you need to talk.”

  “I know. Drive safe,” I said before slumping back into the couch. Once I heard her car pull away, I dragged myself into my bedroom and stared at the ceiling fan. The tears that had been flowing all night were burning my eyes.

  There was no way I was going to fall asleep.

  I took a long sip of my coffee as I sped through the morning traffic on my way to work. I was exhausted from the night before and wished I were back in my bed. I was struggling with my routine this morning and almost made Tanner late for school. It was times like this where I wish I could just call in sick.

  My cell phone came to life when Bruno Mars’s “That’s What I Like” started playing through my Bluetooth speakers. Jack thought he was being cute when he programmed that damned song in my phone as his ringtone. “Good morning,” I answered while sneaking a look at myself in the rearview mirror. God, I looked like shit. It was a good thing he couldn’t see me.

  “Hey, I was just checking to see if you were still alive. You were supposed to call me last night.”

  I adjusted my sunglasses to shield my eyes from the sun. I felt guilty for not calling him, but after Carly left, I was in no position to fake my way through a conversation.

  “I’m sorry. It was really late by the time Carly left. I didn’t want to wake you.” I tried to concentrate on the road while switching lanes. “I should have called or at least sent you a text.”

  He chuckled into the phone. “No worries. I just wanted to call and check in. You sound a little down today. Is everything okay?”

  “I’m just tired. Everything is fine.”

  Yeah, everything was fine, all right.

  My knuckles tightened around the steering wheel. “What did you end up doing last night?”

  He laughed, and I heard some papers rustling around in the background. “I worked on a few documents until my head hit the back of the couch. I would have called you, but I ended up falling asleep a little after eleven.”

  “You work too much.”

  “If I’m going to manage a four-day work week a couple times a month, I need to put in the overtime during the week. Seeing you is more than worth the lack of sleep.”

  My insides twisted with guilt. He had so much going on and was under a tremendous amount of pressure. Taking over his father’s company and trying to help his mother manage the finances was no easy task. I really wished there was something I could do to help, but I was at a loss. I was a waitress, not an accountant. The only thing I could do was offer my support.

  “I know you don’t have a lot of free time, even when you’re here. You already have your plate full, between your job and trying to help your mom. I don’t want to add any more stress.”

  He barked out a laugh. “I’ll spend whatever time I need to with my mom, but I’m not going to waste a single second more than I need to. The only person I want to spend my time with is you.”

  My heart filled with something I couldn’t place. I was feeling out of sorts about my conversation with Carly last night. And then he went and said things like that, that only made me miss him even more. I was crazy about this man, and I’d give anything to be able to see him in person.

  “Jack,” I said, pushing through the lump in the back of my throat. “I wish I could see you right now. I miss you.” I was so lost in my thoughts that I felt the car swerve across the rumble strips along the highway.

  “Hey.” His voice was filled with concern. He could tell something was wrong. “Is everything okay?”

  Tears stung my eyes. I wasn’t sure if it was because of guilt or the sadness, but whatever it was, I needed to get control of it and put it on lockdown.

  “I’m fine; I’m just exhausted.”

  That wasn’t a complete lie.

  “I wish I was there. I’m not sure what I wo
uld do, but I just feel helpless being a thousand miles away on the other end of a phone call. I don’t like hearing you like this.”

  “You don’t need to worry about me. It’s nothing that a couple extra hours of sleep tonight can’t fix. I already feel better just hearing your voice.”

  “Good. I was also calling to let you know that I booked my flight for next week. I’ll email you my itinerary.”

  My body slumped, and I was glad that he couldn’t see me. That was almost two weeks away. When did I start to become this needy? “I can’t wait to see you,” I whispered, trying to smother the sadness of having to wait that long.

  “I wish it could be sooner.”

  “Me too. I promise to call later. Have a good day at work.”

  I looked in my review mirror as I exited the highway, feeling overwhelmed. My feelings for him were growing deeper and deeper by the day. It wouldn’t be long before I was all in and past the point of no return and that thought scared the shit out of me.

  Chapter 12

  Jack

  “Caden, how many fucking times do I need to tell you I’m not interested?” As much as I loved my cousin, sometimes he could be a complete jackass. I’ve been dogging chicks all night long, and coming up with creative reasons why I wasn’t interested. What was supposed to be a fun night out was turning into anything but.

  Up until a few weeks ago, this was my life. Now I felt slightly out of place, like I didn’t belong here. The hot, leggy blonde who spent the last hour grabbing my inner thigh and asking me to walk her out didn’t even tempt me.

  “Yeah, I heard you loud and clear, seeing that you’ve been checking your damn phone all night and ignoring the parade of pussy I’ve brought to our table.” He smirked and threw the rest of his drink back in one gulp. “Since when did you grow a vagina?”

  The two chicks he had sitting on each leg chuckled. The blonde was running her long red painted fingernails along his chest, while the other had her hand resting between his legs.