Hard To Leave (The Hard Series Book 3)

by S. Jones

  I watched as Jack worked that name around in his head. “I’ve heard of him.”

  “You have?” I asked, stunned. I didn’t want Jack to know who Brogan was. Not that it would make much of a difference in the long run. If he was a fan of his music, I would die. Please, God, don’t let him be a fan. That would make things ten times worse.

  He cocked his head to the side. “Emily loves country music. She’s infatuated with him.”

  I brought my sweaty palm to my chest. “Oh.” I tried to sound casual. That made sense. “Do you listen to his music?”

  Please say no. Please say no.

  He shrugged. “I’m not sure if I’ve listened to his music or not, but I’ve heard the name before. I’m just not big on country. I’m more of a classic rock guy.”

  Carly cut her eyes to mine, knowing I was a second away from having a panic attack. “Why don’t we get going? I’m sure Tanner’s starving.”

  Jack placed his hand on my forearm. “Are you okay?”

  Was I okay? I wasn’t sure.

  I kept my eyes facing the ground. I was afraid if he looked close enough he would be able to tell that I was lying. “I’m fine. Just a little nervous about meeting your mom for the first time, that’s all.”

  That wasn’t a total lie. My head spun, and I wished this day had never happened. I didn’t know if I could continue to pretend that everything as okay.

  Everything was unraveling before my eyes, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to stop it.

  He brought his lips to mine and whispered, “You have nothing to be nervous about. I promise.”

  If he only knew…

  Chapter 23

  Jack

  My mother strolled into the room looking as polished as ever in a red dress and black heels. “Hello, Jack.”

  Her hair was styled short, not a strand out of place, and her makeup was heavier than usual. I noticed she was wearing the set of pearls that my father gave her on their thirtieth wedding anniversary.

  “Mom,” I said, not bothering to stand to greet her.

  She forced a smile, ignoring my snub. Chloe sat next to me with her hands folded in her lap. There was an odd feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was bothering her, and my gut told me that it had nothing to do with my mother.

  “You must be Chloe.” My mom extended her hand. My girlfriend, being the saint she was, rose to meet her with a warm smile.

  “It’s nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Jenson.”

  My mother waved her hand away with her thick gold bracelets rattling around her frail wrist. “Please, call me Jackie.”

  “It’s my pleasure, Jackie.” Chloe’s voice was warm as her eyes skated across the room. “Oh…” She reached behind the couch and grabbed the flowers that she insisted on bringing. “These are for you.”

  My mom’s eyes widened in surprise. “Why, these are lovely. Thank you, Chloe, how thoughtful of you.”

  She looked around, searching for a place to put the vase filled with an assortment of multi-colored roses and lilies. “I was hoping to meet your little boy as well.”

  I clenched my fist at my side. “That boy has a name. It’s Tanner.” I didn’t tell Chloe about my mother’s comments when we spoke earlier on the phone.

  When she asked me to dinner, she was caught off guard when I told her that I would check with my girlfriend. She then proceeded to bark out question after question. Her voice got really quiet when the subject of Tanner came up. I quickly reminded her that she was in no position to judge anything about my life based on her own personal track record.

  Her eyes blinked, and she looked down at her red painted nails. “Of course, Jack. My apologies. I was hoping he would be joining us for dinner. I have your favorite pot roast in the oven, and I stopped by the bakery to pick up your birthday cake for dessert.”

  Chloe’s eyes went from me to my mother. “Actually, Tanner’s on a sleepover at a friend’s house. I promised him that he could come with us next time. He was really looking forward to meeting you.”

  My mom stood up to grab a plate of appetizers that were sitting on the table. “I would like that. In the meantime, let’s get to know each other.” She placed the tray in front of us as I removed a piece of cheese off the plate and shoved it in my mouth.

  My mother slid deep into her high back chair and sipped from her second glass of wine. “So, Chloe, tell me about yourself. Where are you from?”

  Chloe shifted on the cushions next to me. I reached out to curl her body against mine, but I could still feel the tension rolling off of her. I didn’t like that one bit. I didn’t like the fact that my mother made her nervous. “I grew up in a little unknown town right outside of Myrtle Beach.”

  “That’s nice. Did you go to school down here in the south? Jack’s father wanted him to attend a big university that had a good football program so he could go to the games.” She rolled her eyes. “But Jack insisted on going to a state school in Upstate New York instead.”

  Chloe laughed. “Yes, I went to Coastal Carolina. It’s not as well-known as some of the bigger football schools, but it has a great baseball program.”

  My mother perked up. “Oh, yes, it does. What is your degree in, dear?”

  Chloe pulled on her white pencil skirt. “Unfortunately, I found out I was pregnant at the end of my junior year, so I decided to take that last year off to raise my son and never went back.”

  I placed my hand on her knee, silently telling her that she had nothing to be ashamed of. She was a wonderful mom, who put her son first; there was nothing wrong with that. In fact, it made me admire her even more.

  “I see.” My mother took a hefty sip of her chardonnay. “And the father. Is he in the picture?”

  I coughed in my wine, not expecting her boldness. “Mom, what the hell kind of question is that? It’s really none of your business!”

  Chloe patted my hand and gave me a weak smile. “It’s okay, Jack.”

  I reached over and grabbed a few more appetizers off the tray. If there was one thing my mother was good at, it was putting out good finger foods.

  “Unfortunately, he is not.”

  I could tell my mother was about to fire off another round of questions, so I stepped in. “So, Mom, you said you wanted to talk to me about something important.”

  My mom stared at her wineglass; the tension in the room was stifling. “Well, first…” she raised her wineglass in the air. “Happy belated birthday, son.”

  “Thank you,” I said, bringing my hand up to the back of my neck and eyeing her cautiously.

  “I was hoping we could have this conversation in private, but…”

  “Mom!” I cut her off before she could continue. Something about her tone made me uneasy, but I was curious enough to know what it was. “Just tell me whatever it is that you need to tell me.”

  “This isn’t going to be easy for you to hear, but I don’t want you to hear about this from someone else.” She looked jittery; I could tell she was anxious by the way her bottom lip quivered with worry. “I wanted you to know that I’m seeing someone.”

  I smacked my glass down on the table, almost snapping it in two. Both women jumped. “It’s that piece of shit I chased out of here that morning, isn’t it?”

  She gripped the armrest tightly. “Jack, I know this isn’t the ideal situation, but I hoped that you would give Marcus and me your blessing. Maybe get a chance to get to know him before you go and judge him.”

  I threw my head back and laughed. “Un-fucking-believable.” I clenched my hand to my chest. “You know what? I’m not surprised.” I stood up, pointing my finger at her. “But I’ll tell you this, he won’t see a fucking cent of my father’s money. That I can promise you.”

  She shot up from the chair. “He has his own money. He doesn’t need my money.”

  I moved closer to her. “The only thing you have is this house, and my father’s life insurance policy.” I pointed to my chest. “I run his fucking company now,
and I’m in charge of what’s left of his money. All. Of. It.”

  “What are you saying, Jack? Spit it out!”

  I felt Chloe's arms fold across my bicep. “Once you’re done blowing through that life insurance policy, there will be nothing left. So, enjoy it while you can.” And then I added, “Let’s see if your cougar hunting Casanova still wants you then when you don’t have a pot to piss in.”

  Never in a million years did I ever think I could feel so much rage and resentment toward the woman who brought me into this world. My father worked his ass off to build the empire that existed today. Hell would freeze over before I ever let one single fucking dollar go to that gigolo who most likely saw my mother as his meal ticket. She would have to choose, financial stability or a meaningless fling who didn’t give a shit about her.

  Her head lowered, and I watched the tears spill from her eyes. “Why do you hate me so much, Jack? Don’t you think I deserve to be happy? Or would it bring you joy to see me wither away and mourn your father for the remainder of my life?”

  I brushed Chloe’s hand off my arm and felt heat flare through my veins. I had to remind myself that this was my mother. She wasn’t perfect, but she was still my mother. Of course, I didn’t want her miserable and alone for the rest of her life, but you couldn’t convince me that a man half her age wasn’t simply preying on a weak, older woman looking for a payout.

  I was always taught to believe the best of people, but my gut told me that this guy was only taking advantage of a grieving widow. What bothered me the most was that deep down, I think she knew this. She just didn’t care because she was using him too.

  “I don’t hate you, but I can’t stand by and watch you self-destruct either.”

  “I know you think I’m being selfish.” A stubborn tear fell down her cheek. “But I also deserve to be happy.”

  I snapped my head to hers. “Are you happy, Mother? Really happy?” My voice was bitter and hard. I watched her eyes fill with sadness. Her head dipped down as if she couldn’t even look at me.

  I felt Chloe’s fingers brush along my back. “Jack, I think that’s enough.”

  I stepped back and narrowed my eyes. “Whose side are you on?” I stared at her, confused and angry. I refused to be the bad guy here. I knew she was concerned for me, but I needed her in my corner. I’ve had issues with my mother long before she entered my world. She didn’t understand how much my mother’s choices had affected me.

  Chloe shook her head. “I’m on your side always. I understand why you’re frustrated, but she’s still your mother. What happened between her and your father was between them. She’s all the family you have left. Is this really the kind of relationship you want with her?”

  I placed my hands on the side of my neck, trying to roll some of the tension off of it. “So, am I just supposed to excuse her behavior and act like nothing happened? Do you want me to act like her actions didn’t hurt me?”

  My mother started to sob, and for the first time today, I felt like an asshole. I spent years resenting her for being so selfish. Now, all I saw was a broken woman who lived in a loveless marriage, but never had the strength to leave.

  Chloe sighed, placing her hand on my face, so I had no choice but to look at her. “I think your anger is justified, but maybe you need to set new expectations. She’s not perfect, Jack. No one is. But I know as a mom, I would never intentionally hurt my son, and I would bet that she regrets hurting you.”

  “She’s right, Jack.” My mother took a pleading step forward. Her sobs sounded more like hiccups. “The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you, and that’s all I seem to do.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut. All these years I’ve used my mother as an excuse to avoid relationships. But Chloe was right; if something ever happened to her, I would never forgive myself.

  “Look, Mom. I’m sorry for lashing out. I know I was harsh.”

  “No.” She shook her head. “You have every right to be angry. I was a horrible wife and a shitty mother. You and your father deserved better, and I’m sorry.”

  I scrubbed my hands down my face. “If Marcus makes you happy, then I’m not going to stand in your way. Just don’t expect me to welcome him into the family with open arms. You’ve got to give me a little time here.”

  “Oh, my darling boy, I’ve missed you.” For the first time in a long time, I let my mother hold me. It felt good to let go of some of the anger. I was convinced that this guy didn’t have the best of intentions, but I couldn’t just abandon her. That would leave her even more vulnerable.

  “I missed you too, Mom.”

  My mother pulled back resting her hands on my shoulders. “Please tell me you’ll stay for dinner. I would really like us to spend some together.” She glanced at Chloe. “And I would love to get to know this lovely young lady a little bit better.” She patted my cheek. “What do you say, ready to start this night over?”

  I kissed her cheek. “Sure, Mom.”

  My mother’s lips kicked up into a smile. A real genuine smile. One I haven’t seen in years. “Thank you.” She ran her hand through her hair and paused. “I’m going to freshen up and take the roast out of the oven. You two sit and relax for a few minutes.”

  Once she was out of the room, Chloe came up and slid her arms around my stomach. “Do you feel better?”

  I placed my hands on her hips and kissed her hair. “A little bit. Thank you for sticking it out with me tonight.”

  She leaned into me. “I’m always here for you Jack.”

  I pulled back to look at her. “There is one thing I never want you to do again though.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Don’t ever compare your relationship with Tanner to mine and my mother’s again. Even though I forgive her, you are nothing like her. Not even close. You would never do anything to hurt Tanner—intentional or not.” I cradled her face in my hands. “I love my mother, but she isn’t strong like you. Tanner is so lucky to have a mom who puts his needs above her own. And I’m damn lucky to have a woman with so much conviction and so much love. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you, but I’m never letting you go.”

  Her eyes filled with something. I didn’t know what, but it caused me to pause. It felt like she was distancing herself from me, and I didn’t know why.

  Little did I know that I would get my answer in less than forty-eight hours.

  Apparently, that’s all the time it took to have my entire world crumble to the ground and leave me questioning everything I ever thought to be true.

  Chapter 24

  Chloe

  “You ready for this?” Carly yelled into my ear, trying to be heard over the screaming females. It was getting close to showtime, and the fans seemed to be pouring in from every angle. The size of the crowd was growing by the second.

  The opening act just finished their set as the overeager females started to squeeze their way as close as possible to the front of the stage.

  Brogan sent Carly two VIP passes that placed us directly in the center of the front row. Literally, the best seats in the house. The generous bastard also added a couple backstage passes for after the show, almost ensuring that we would end up having to talk.

  I tipped my beer back, feeling the nerves build up in my stomach. “As ready as one can possibly be.”

  She squeezed my hand, giving me a burst of courage. “I think what you’re doing is very brave. It takes a lot of guts to come here tonight.”

  My eyes trailed over to the stage where Brogan would be making an appearance any minute. “Yeah, well, I don’t feel very brave right now.”

  I was panicking.

  The lights started to dim, and the crowd started to grow crazy. I looked around at all the smiling faces, feeling a sense of pride. He really did it. He followed his dreams and made them happen.

  “Hello, Charleston,” he shouted into the microphone, as he entered the stage. His deep voice stirred a familiar pang inside of me. It was a feeling I thought I had le
ft behind years ago.

  Carly squeezed my shoulder. “You okay?”

  My head nodded, but no words came out.

  I stood there, mesmerized as the strobe lighting shined right over his head. His full body was displayed on the thirty-foot-tall video screens at each end of the stage.

  His hair was darker and longer than I remembered, at least from what I could see from underneath his baseball cap. His face was gorgeous, and his smile said that he loved what he did and had a good time doing it. His skin was tan, and the sleeve of tattoos covering his right arm had piqued my curiosity.

  When we were together, the only ink he had was my name tattooed over his heart. I found myself wondering if he still had it. I guess I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t.

  When I allowed myself to really look at him, it was hard to turn away. He looked familiar but different. When he started to sing, the sound of his voice was like a punch in the gut. The raspiness, along with the deep growl, was as powerful as I remembered it to be.

  As soon as his eyes met mine, my entire body froze. He blinked in surprise, and his mouth stretched into a grin.

  The way my heart sped up at the mere sight of him confused the hell out me. Why was I reacting like that if I were truly over him? There was a tiny voice in my head telling me not to overthink it because I was in love with someone else.

  Two beers and nine songs later, I was proud of myself for making it through his whole set without trying to escape back to the car. His band disappeared backstage, as the crowd began chanting for an encore song. After taking a couple minutes to towel off his hair and grab a drink of water, the lights went back on the stage, and the girls around me went nuts. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of them fainted.

  Brogan sauntered to the middle of the stage, and a giant, single spotlight illuminated his tall frame.

  He looked out across the throng of fans and grinned. “You guys were awesome tonight.” The crowd went wild. “Tonight is a very special night for me. There is someone in the audience who has always been very important to me.” Carly’s arm came around mine for support. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her, but this girl…” He laughed. “She’s in every song I sing and every line I write. She is the inspiration for all my songs, and I wrote this just for her.”