Hard To Leave (The Hard Series Book 3)

by S. Jones

  The restaurant started to buzz with excitement when people started to realize who just walked in, I placed the rag on the counter and took a deep breath. “Can you give me a minute?” I ignored Kristen’s voice, as I made my way over to greet Brogan. I adjusted the collar of my polo shirt and ran my hands down the front of my uniform.

  He looked me over, and I wanted to die. My hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail. My work uniform was less than impressive, and my eyes were puffy from a complete lack of sleep. I’m sure I looked like hell.

  “Brogan, what are you doing here?”

  His mouth curved into a smile. “Good morning to you too.” He glanced around, ignoring my lack of enthusiasm. He was probably used to being swarmed by people wherever he went. “What happened last night? You left before we even got a chance to talk.”

  My fingers fumbled with my work shirt. After the brief conversation I had with D, the drummer, I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. “I’m sorry, it was way past my bedtime, and I knew I had an early morning shift I had to work. No rest for the weary, you know.”

  Lying seemed to come so naturally to me lately.

  He looked around the restaurant. “A waitress, huh?” His tone wasn’t demeaning, just curious. He was probably wondering how I ended up here. The last time he saw me I was one year away from finishing my nursing degree.

  “Not quite what you were expecting, right?”

  “There is nothing wrong with being a waitress, CC. I’m just surprised, is all.”

  It’s been a long time since I’ve heard that nickname. He thought it was cute because it was my first and last initial. I always thought it was weird, but whatever…

  “How did you know I worked here?”

  He grinned while scratching his jaw. “A little birdie told me.”

  I laughed. “I’m sure. Tell my former best friend I said hello.”

  He playfully scolded me. “Now, now, you should be thanking her.”

  “Oh, yeah, why’s that?” I found myself smiling and falling back into easy banter with him. My eyes followed his thumb as it dragged along his bottom lip. The lips I kissed a thousand times.

  “Because we never got to finish our conversation last night. I’m actually going to be in town for another day or so, and I was hoping we could get together to talk.”

  Just then the bells jangled as the restaurant door opened again. Everything started to happen in slow motion like I was watching an oncoming train wreck knowing there wasn’t a thing I could do to stop it.

  “Mom!” Tanner shouted and waved from across the restaurant. He ran up and folded his arms around my waist.

  I was aware that there were people around me, but at that moment I just wanted to make the world stop. My mind couldn’t focus on anything other than the disaster that was about to unfold.

  “Hey, sweetheart.” Jack leaned in and brushed a quick kiss on my mouth. My heart felt like it was caving in. I guess this was really happening.

  Fuck!

  I pressed my lips to the top of Tanner’s head and spoke through my panic. “Hi, guys.”

  Brogan was staring at Tanner with an intensity that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

  One look at Tanner and there was no way he couldn’t know. The resemblance was undeniable.

  “You’re a mom?” Brogan asked, never taking his eyes off of our boy. He must have felt like he traveled back to his youth. They were carbon copies of each other.

  Grabbing Tanner’s shoulders with sweaty palms, I turned my son to face his father. I forced my voice to come out as calm and even as I could. “Tanner, this is an old friend of mine. Tanner, meet Brogan. Brogan, this is my son, Tanner.”

  Tanner reached out for a handshake. “Hi.”

  Brogan shook Tanner’s hand slowly. “Hey, little guy.” For a split second, our eyes met. I could hear the questions in his head before he even spoke. His eyes moved back to Tanner. “How old are you, son?”

  I knew it was just a commonly used term, but hearing that word coming from Brogan’s mouth felt like my knees were going to buckle underneath me.

  Tanner stood tall and puffed his chest out with pride. “I’m almost eight now.”

  I watched all the color drain from Brogan’s face as he started to put the pieces together. I desperately wanted to explain, but I couldn’t find my voice.

  Jack moved closer and placed a protective hand on Tanner’s shoulder. “Hey bud, can you go grab me a blueberry muffin from the back and make sure you get yourself a chocolate one too.”

  “Sweet!” he yelled, as Kristen came over and grabbed his hand. She shot me a confused look over her shoulder as she walked away with my son in tow.

  Jack stood at my back. Normally, his presence brought me comfort, but not this time. I was too shell-shocked from having to stand between both men.

  “Are you going to introduce me to your friend?” Jack asked as his fingers tensed on my shoulders.

  Brogan’s jaw was clenched tight as his hard eyes pierced into mine. I hadn’t even opened my mouth yet, but I knew I was screwed no matter what I said. My belly flipped with the realization that I made a horrible mistake by letting things get to this point. I was going to face the consequences of my actions whether I was ready to or not.

  “Jack, this is Brogan. Brogan, this is my boyfriend, Jack.”

  Brogan folded his arms across his chest. His eyes narrowed into slits. Never in a million years did I picture him finding out like this.

  So much for controlling the situation.

  Chills raced up along my scalp when he spoke. “You have some fucking explaining to do, CC.”

  I wasn’t prepared to deal with this. This wasn’t how I had pictured this conversation going.

  My voice was barely a whisper as I spoke through the tears. “I came to your show last night to tell you.”

  “Really? Tell me what?” he mocked. “Don’t ya think you’re about eight fucking years too late?”

  “What the hell is going on?” Jack snapped as the two men glared at each other.

  My heart quivered with the fear of losing Jack before I could even get a chance to explain. I was questioning my loyalty to both men. I wasn’t sure who I should address first.

  “I’d like to know the answer to that myself,” Brogan demanded, his eyes were filled with hurt and anger.

  I stared down at his worn black work boots with the steel toe. I was incapable of meeting his gaze.

  Jack’s fingers dug into my shoulders. His fury vibrated against my back. “Who the hell are you?”

  Brogan cleared his throat. I could see the vein in his forehead pulsing. “I believe I’m the father of your girlfriend’s kid.”

  “What the hell is he talking about, Chloe?” He stumbled backward as if those words had physically struck him. “You told me you had a one-night stand and didn’t even know who the father was.”

  “A one-night stand, my ass.” Brogan’s voice was filled with accusation and outrage. “What the fuck, CC!”

  I opened my mouth and closed it. It felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. My brain frantically searched for a way to redeem myself, tried to find words that would be good enough to get me out of this mess. There was so much to explain, and the pressure of being put on the spot had my thoughts all jumbled up.

  “Her name is Chloe. Asshole. And who the fuck do you think you are yelling at my girl at her place of work?” Jack grit out with his hand trembling violently at my lower back. He stepped around me and positioned himself at my front.

  “I know what her fucking name is.” Brogan’s jaw pulsed with anger. “Because I dated her for three fucking years!”

  Jack started to speak and then stopped. The look that came over his face is one I’ll never forget.

  “Jack.” I felt like I was grasping at straws while trying to find a way to calm the situation. “I can explain.”

  Brogan got right up in my face. “If you have any explaining to do, it’s to me. Not
him. Now, start talking.”

  Jack shoved him back, his temper rising to the surface. “Don’t fucking talk to her like that.”

  “Jack!” I reached for his hand to calm him down. All the fears and the angst I’d been feeling these past few months came flooding forward.

  I stood before both men, and I didn’t know what do, what to say, or how to fix this. There was no way to rewind the clock. No matter how much I wanted to.

  So, there I stood wondering how the hell I let any of this happen. Just an hour ago, all I had to worry about was getting through my shift and spending the day with my two boys.

  Now, I had to worry about how I was going to get myself out of this mess. How I was going to explain all this to my son. Tears burned the back of my eyes when I thought about what this would mean for all of us.

  I wanted to wrap my arms around Jack and beg him to take me away from this nightmare. The thought of losing him cracked my heart wide open, and I knew if he left me, there would be no way to fix it.

  My eyes shifted to the man on my right. We loved each other once, but somewhere along the way, we lost each other too. There was so much history between us, and because of Tanner we’ll always be connected, but that’s where it stopped.

  I might have done the wrong thing for the right reasons, but I’m not sure any excuse I could give Brogan would make a difference. What I could give him was the truth.

  My throat went dry as I fought the tears that continued to fall. “Tanner is your son, Brogan.”

  His breath hitched, and the look on his face shattered me. “Why, CC. Tell me why?”

  I could see the torment in his eyes as he waited for me to answer. Regret stirred between us as the fallout from my actions came crashing down around me.

  My shoulders sagged in defeat. “I’m so sorry. This wasn’t how I meant for this to come out. I know I have a lot of explaining to do to the both of you. Please just hear me out.”

  “Unreal. I can’t believe this.” Jack’s voice boomed throughout the whole diner as he paced around the restaurant. It was then that I noticed that the entire diner was silent, watching the slow-motion train wreck take place.

  My customers were peeking up at me from every angle. Mr. Kazem, the local DA, eyed me from his plate of scrambled eggs. Ms. Brooks, the town gossiper, shook her head, as she sipped her coffee. And Peter, our dishwasher, stared at me from the small window facing the kitchen in the back.

  So much for keeping this conversation private.

  Eric, the lineman from up North, got up from his seat and marched toward me. His eyes narrowed on both men. “Everything okay, Chloe?” he asked with concern catching at the end of his voice.

  He folded his arms across his chest. Eric was huge and looked like he was made of solid muscle. There was no doubt that he would step in and protect me if he thought I needed it. He was a good guy like that.

  “I’m fine, Eric,” I reassured him when I really wanted to tell him that this was a mess of my own making. “Thank you for the concern though.”

  He lips turned into a frown. “Okay,” he relented. “I’ll be right over there if you need me.” He shot the men one last look and walked back toward his table.

  I reached for Jack’s arm, and it cut me deep when he pulled away. “Give me a minute!” he snapped.

  I needed him to understand that this didn’t have to change anything between us. I loved him more than I ever thought I could. I’m not sure how I would survive if I lost him. Not now. Not after everything we’ve been through.

  I gripped his shirt, “Jack, please. I want to explain everything to you, but right now I really need to talk to Brogan. I don’t want you to leave, I…” God, I don’t know what the hell I wanted. This is all too much for me. I needed to talk to Brogan first. I owed him that much. “Whatever happens? This doesn’t have to change anything.”

  “This fucking changes everything.” His eyes shot to the ceiling, and I watched the thick roll of his throat. His face pinched in pain. “I need to get the fuck out of here.” He shrugged out of my arms and bolted out the door. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, trying to get my tears under control as I watched the man I loved walk out of my life.

  Brogan cleared his throat and grabbed my elbow. He spun me around to face him. “Get your shit, tell your boss you're done for the day and let’s get somewhere where we can have a more private conversation. You have a lot of fucking explaining to do, and we are going to play catch up right now!”

  Ree, who was standing off to the side, took a hesitant step forward and handed me my purse. “Go ahead, sweetie. I’ll tell Tanner you had to run a few errands. I’ll keep him busy.” She ran her hands down my arm, trying to soothe my pain away. “It will be fine. Don’t worry. Things have a way of sorting themselves our one way or another.”

  I peeked through the door to see Tanner laughing at something Kristen was telling him. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, then followed Brogan out the door.

  Chapter 26

  Chloe

  The door to Brogan’s hotel room slammed shut so hard I could hear the noise echoing down the hallway. He sent the room key sliding across the desk and marched over to the mini bar. Cans and bottles smashed around and then went flying across the room until he finally found what he was looking for.

  He held up a small liquor bottle filled with vodka in his trembling hands.

  “Brogan.” Alarm shot through me. “Please, don’t,” I begged him, feeling my heart thunder in my chest.

  His eyes narrowed, pinning me with a murderous look. “I’ve been sober for two years. Two fucking years. Do you know how hard that was? I just got my second bronze sobriety chip two weeks ago at a meeting in Tulsa.” His hands started to slowly twist the lid off the bottle.

  “Put the bottle down!” I yelled, having no control over my voice.

  His entire body shook with rage. “You don’t get to tell me what to do. Don’t act like you fucking care because your words mean shit to me right now.”

  Screaming didn’t seem to help, so I quieted my voice, hoping to calm him down. “I get that you’re pissed and want to lash out at me right now, but that little bottle of vodka isn’t going to help you.”

  He threw the bottle across the desk, knocking over a few plastic cups, sending them to the floor. “Why?” His voice was pained. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you keep him away from me for all these years?”

  “Can we sit down, please? It’s not as simple as you make it sound. There is so much I need to explain to you.”

  “Well, I’m all fucking ears, so start fucking explaining.” He slammed his body into the rolling chair and threw his face in his hands.

  My legs trembled as I walked over to the king-sized bed and sat down on the end, opposite of Brogan. I closed my eyes and tried to bring memories from eight years ago back into focus. I went through the timeline and tried to work myself up to what I could say that would make this better for him.

  “We were in a bad place, Brogan. I felt like I had no choice. I loved you so much, but you were changing right before my eyes. The drinking, the partying, and the girls that you claimed were nobodies…” A tear fell from my eyes. “It was too much.”

  “I never fucked other girls when we were together,” he said in an almost convincing tone, but I knew better.

  A frown pulled across my face, remembering the many nights that I had to go pick him up because he was too shit-faced to drive. Did he not remember how many times I caught him kissing a random girl or the hushed phone calls he would take in the other room?

  “Why would you lie about it now?” I asked, calling him out. “I don’t understand. I know why you lied all those years ago, but you have no reason to lie now.”

  He slammed his palms down on the wooden desk. “Because I didn’t. I fooled around and did some stupid shit, but I never fucked another girl when I was with you. I had my limits.”

  I scoffed and tried to rein in my anger. I was here to beg and plead for h
is forgiveness. Fighting with him and debating over his past infidelities wasn’t going to help.

  “I want you to put yourself in my shoes for a second. I caught you numerous times in situations that I’m pretty sure, if the tables were turned, you would not have been okay with. There were probably a dozen times where you climbed into bed with me smelling like cheap booze and even cheaper women.” He flinched, and I paused to take a breath. “Maybe you didn’t have sex with those girls, but you still cheated.” I shook my head. “It wasn’t just about that, though. It was about the choices you were making and the life that you were living. It wasn’t good. It was toxic.”

  It was bad enough loving him and knowing that he was giving parts of himself to another woman. In the end what destroyed us was the drugs and the partying. He became a danger to himself and to those around him.

  He pointed his finger at me. “I’ll give you that. I admit that I lost sight of what was important, but maybe you need to climb into my shoes for a minute, sister. When my band started to become more well-known, and we moved up from dive bars to bigger venues, I fell deeper and deeper into that lifestyle. I did some things that I’m not proud of. I even did things that were reckless.” His hands shook. He looked wired and keyed up. He looked like he was itching to have a drink, and I couldn’t have felt worse if I tried. Tearing through our painful past wasn’t easy. “However, that didn’t give you the right to hide the fact that I had a child with you.”

  Guilt consumed me because he was right. I hung my head in shame. “I know.”

  “When did you find out you were pregnant?” His question had me lifting my head. “Did you know that you were pregnant with my kid when I asked you to go to Nashville with me?”

  He was referring to the day that I broke up with him. The day that I set him free, so I could find my own way to happiness. As much as I loved him, there was no way I was willing to give everything up for a man who was barely holding it together.

  After we ended things, I was sick for weeks. At first, I thought I was just sick over our breakup, but eventually, I knew it was more. It only took one quick trip to Walgreens to confirm that I was pregnant.