I Have to Have Her

by Sam Crescent

  She could handle anything.

  Sniffling, she glanced out of the window and rubbed at her chest. The pain wasn’t real. She didn’t love Gabriel.

  He was an asshole.

  A monster.

  A prick.

  He’d dumped her after fucking her. He’d used her. There was no way in hell she was going to ever have feelings for such a man. He was a complete and total dickhead.

  But he’d been hers. For a few short days, a couple of weeks, he’d been hers. In her mind, she ran through the time in his kitchen, the way he’d trapped her. His hard body keeping her in place. It changed to each time they were together. The feel of his lips, his hands, all of it.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” the cab driver asked again.

  “Yeah, just, a bad break up.”

  “Someone you loved?”

  She shook her head and then nodded. “Yeah, I think so, or it wouldn’t hurt this much, would it?” She sniffled. “It will be fine.” There was nothing that couldn’t be solved with distance, ice cream, and a good old cry. She only hoped getting rid of her feelings would be so simple.

  Chapter Ten

  “You are a complete and total fucking asshole,” Rhianna said the moment he entered his apartment.

  Gabriel didn’t even try to protect himself as his sister started to attack him. It wasn’t very nice but he took the pain of her fists. He didn’t exactly feel like himself at all. “Back off.”

  “No, I won’t back off. You broke things off with her. How could you?”

  “She knew the drill.”

  “Do you know the drill? Do you know what you’ve done?” she asked.

  “I didn’t mean for her to leave but she has. You’re going to have to get over it.”

  She growled and stormed away. “You know, for someone so smart, you’re so fucking dumb at times. I mean, seriously, what is your deal? Do I have to spell it out for you?”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “No?” She stepped up close to him. “Do you feel anything right now? Did you see her leave? What was it like to watch her walk away or better yet, not to even cry?”

  “Are we done with this?” It was early in the morning but he went straight to his liquor cabinet. He was so fucking done with this conversation already.

  “You’d like that, wouldn’t you, to be done? To have everything neatly tied away into their own respective boxes, but it doesn’t work like that. It will never work like that.” She shook her head. “Ugh, I have to be the person to spell this out. You love her.”

  He paused with the glass next to his lips and stared at his sister. “You’ve been watching way too many romance movies.” He shook her head. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  He moved toward his window and looked out over the city.

  His sister laughed.

  “Oh, my God, you really do love her. I see it now.”

  He rolled his eyes. “What is it going to take to get some peace now?” He pulled out his cell phone and messaged the man who was tailing Claire. He hesitated. Should he call the man off? He didn’t. He told him to keep by her side, to keep an eye on her until he gave him further instructions.

  “I know you like to build up some kind of romance in your mind, but in this case, you’ve got it all wrong.”

  “I haven’t,” she said. “That’s the point. You’re afraid.”

  “I’m not afraid.”

  “The bikers. They scared you. Claire saved me. She put herself in danger to save me and that scares you, doesn’t it?”

  He swallowed down his drink in one gulp. “I can have you put away for a long time, Rhianna. Stop bugging me.”

  “I’m your sister. I know you love me and will do whatever’s necessary to keep me safe. Knowing you, locking me up will be at an all-day spa resort, whatever. This is important.” Rhianna reached for his hand.

  “No, it’s not. You want the truth. I told Claire that it would last as long as I saw fit. We didn’t even get the entire month clear. It’s over. I don’t do long-term.”

  “Okay, fine, and when she moves on?” she asked.

  He squeezed his glass tightly.

  “Claire’s a beautiful woman. In fact, with her finding a new apartment so fast, I may have to suggest we go to a nightclub, have some fun. She doesn’t know how to have fun.”

  “Stop it.”

  “Imagine another man moving close to her, touching her waist, feeling her against him. But rather than imagining Claire not wanting him, think about her being happy. Her wanting his kisses, his touch, being in his bed. Making love, fucking if it makes you see straight, and then he marries her. She’s pregnant with another man’s baby, and you go to the wedding and watch her go to someone else. All the time, you wonder what if.”

  Rhianna shook her head. “You look so pissed off and angry. You think of Claire as yours and yet you let her walk away. I know your reasoning. You think you’re doing some macho man thing, keeping her safe. You’re not. You’re hurting her and yourself.”

  “She doesn’t love me,” he said.

  “Then you’re a fool and an idiot, which seems to be the going rate for men these days.” She shrugged. “Oh, well, I guess my time here is done.”

  He watched her walk away.

  “Oh, and, Gabriel,” she said.

  He turned to look at her. “I will encourage her to find someone else. What you did was an asshole move.”

  His sister left him alone.

  What he’d done was the right thing. Claire wasn’t fit to be part of his world. She made him weak and he couldn’t allow himself to be weak. Lucas was just the first one. He had no doubt men had already seen how he felt about her. Her life was probably already in danger.

  “Fuck!” He threw his glass of whiskey across the hall, watching it smash and cascade down in rivulets. He could handle this.

  Claire wasn’t his.

  Rhianna had let the beast out of the box. He couldn’t stop thinking about another man touching her, wanting her. She was a beautiful woman with an amazing laugh. A kind heart. Everything about her was the opposite of him.

  He thought about her with the glass in her hair and the way she snuggled up against him when she let her guard down. How scared she was of horror movies and always hid behind the pillow just so Rhianna could watch them.

  This woman had been part of his life for a long fucking time, and he hadn’t seen it before, but he did now. “Fuck.”

  He sat down on his sofa and pulled out his cell phone. As he clicked on his pictures, a couple were there. Some were of Claire pulling faces at him, but there were a few she didn’t know about. The ones he’d taken after he’d fucked her into oblivion and she’d fallen asleep in his arms.

  He’d wanted to savor the moment. There were no tits or compromising images, just sweet ones. The way her hand was placed over his heart, holding him.

  Did she even realize she held his heart in the palm of her hand?

  Last night, he’d hated himself for what he’d done, but he’d done it to protect her. People were going to come after him. He lived on danger and the fear of death. Being king, it was what made him, him.

  There was no backing out once you lived in this role. He turned his cell phone off and stared across the room, thinking about her. Once he gave it time, she would come to mean nothing to him.

  He rubbed at his temples, hoping the headache would dissipate soon. Claire had gotten under his skin, and the real truth was he didn’t want her to leave, not ever.

  ****

  Two weeks later

  Time was supposed to heal all wounds.

  For Claire, she was finding that love was one of those pesky wounds no one told her about and how impossible it was to stop the pain. She kept on going. Living day by day.

  She went to work. There was a car always available for her to go to work, and she was driven back. The guy who’d been tailing her was one of Gabriel’s men. She’d been able to avoi
d Rhianna for the past two weeks, making excuses about the apartment, her work, being tired, but tonight, she had decided to just allow her friend over.

  “This is a nice place,” Rhianna said, entering.

  “Don’t sound so surprised.”

  “You got your things out of storage?”

  “Yeah, it was all in my name, so it wasn’t too hard to do. You don’t mind, do you?”

  “You look like you’ve lost weight.”

  “I will take that little observation as a compliment.”

  “You can afford food, right?”

  “Rhianna, you’re my best friend, but that doesn’t mean I can’t slap you.”

  “I know. I know, but look, I mean, come on.” Rhianna grabbed her hands. “Have you been missing my brother?”

  She shook her head. “Nope.” The lie fell easy from her lips. A lot of things were easy to do now. “I told you, I’ve been busy.” She’d been crying every single night. It was kind of nice her broken heart and ice cream addiction actually made her look like she lost weight. “We’re not supposed to be talking about him, remember? This is for us. We’re going to have some drinks.”

  Rhianna shook her head. “We’re not.”

  “We’re not?”

  “Nope. We’re going out to party.”

  Claire groaned and shook her head. “No. This is my first night off in two weeks. I want to watch a movie, and not a soppy romance one either. One of your horror ones, hopefully where the guy’s penis gets chopped off, and then we’re going to drink lots of wine.”

  “Are you pregnant?”

  “What? No. I wouldn’t drink wine.”

  “Well, I say we’re going out. I have a feeling you’re moping and that just won’t do. I won’t accept it.” Her friend started to pull her along even as she begged to be left alone. Again, her friend wasn’t taking no for an answer. “I’ve got the perfect dress.”

  “And I bet you even know where to go?”

  “I do. Come on. It’ll be fun. If you don’t have any fun, I promise you for the next ten nights off you have, I will be there and we will watch all of the horror movies in the world.”

  “You promise?”

  “Yes. I promise.”

  “Fine. Fine.” She got to her feet. “I’ll go and change.”

  “Don’t even think about it. You’ve got to give this a real chance, you know that, right? Or our deal is off the table.”

  She groaned. “You and your brother with all of your deals. I hate you.”

  “I know, and you love me.” Rhianna kissed her cheek. “We’re going to be just fine.” Her friend forced her into the bedroom and she sat on the bed as Rhianna came back holding two garments in zipped-up protective wrapping.

  She frowned. “You already planned us going out. It wouldn’t have mattered how I looked.”

  “You’re my best friend. You’ve been avoiding me. It’s now my duty to take care of you and that is exactly what I’m going to do.”

  Rhianna kept on staring at her. “This one.” She threw the other to the floor.

  She unzipped it and Claire groaned. “Another white one? I mean, really?”

  Rhianna smirked. “I have to have some memories and you look amazing in white.”

  “You do know white is virginal and I haven’t been that since prom night?”

  “And it can simply mean it looks awesome on you and your skin tone. Stop being so negative or I’m going to have to hurt you.”

  For the next thirty minutes, Claire allowed her best friend to get her primped and ready. Her long hair fell around her in waves, and the dress had support on the inside so she didn’t need to worry about a bra. It left some of her back and chest exposed, just enough to tempt.

  Of course, there were killer heels. What would Rhianna be without the heels? She slipped them on but they were comfortable.

  She sat on the edge of her bed, trying to come up with a million different excuses.

  Rhianna came out wearing a beautiful red dress that enhanced her figure. She really knew how to dress women.

  “Promise me we’re not going to one of your brother’s nightclubs.”

  “I can’t do that. One, we get free drinks and two, his clubs are the best. He may not be at any of them. I’ve rarely seen him these past couple of weeks. He’s been busy with work and stuff. You shouldn’t worry.”

  She nodded. “Okay then.”

  Rhianna took her hand. “I want you to have a good time tonight. If men want to dance with you, dance with them. Don’t overthink everything.”

  “You’re not trying to matchmake, are you?”

  “No. This is only about fun. I promise.” Her friend kissed her cheek. “Come on, the night’s not waiting for us.”

  There was a car waiting for them downstairs. She sat beside her friend as she told the driver where to go.

  “Have you, er, missed him?” Rhianna asked.

  She rolled her head across the seat to look at her friend. “You really want to talk about this now?”

  “If you don’t have feelings for him, it wouldn’t matter, would it? There would be no pain.”

  “Rhianna, you know me, okay? Let’s not go there.”

  “You do have feelings for him?”

  She closed her eyes and nodded her head.

  Rhianna took her hand. “He’s an asshole.”

  “I know. I know.” She squeezed her friend’s hand and opened her eyes to stare out the window. She took several deep breaths, watching the world go by. The sun was already set but shops were still open. People were still leaving work. Life kept on moving forward no matter what.

  Even work had lost its edge for her. No one complained but she just felt a disconnect from all of it.

  The line to the nightclub was long but as Rhianna climbed out and Claire followed her, they didn’t have to worry as they were let right in. She smiled at the guard at the door before being enveloped in noise. The lights were turned down low, the music too loud to even hear.

  Rhianna didn’t bother with words and took her hand, running with her to the dancefloor. At first, she wasn’t feeling it. The hum and beat of the music didn’t consume her. She felt disconnected, alone. This wasn’t how she wanted it to be.

  People were dancing. Moving together as one. Her mind kept going back to Gabriel, and she didn’t want to be thinking about him. Not now, not ever.

  Rhianna smiled at her, clearly cheering, and Claire followed. She danced along with her friend. The minutes passed and not long into the fourth or fifth song, she stopped thinking about him. Rather than dwell on what happened, she allowed herself to be taken over. The beat of the music. Closing her eyes, she gave herself over to the freedom of being alone, of not having anyone with her, of finally just being her.

  This was what she wanted, but she missed Gabriel. His sexy face as he took control. The cheekiness as he said something that pissed her off. The way he knew he could have whatever he wanted.

  Someone banded a hand around her waist and she knew without even opening her eyes it wasn’t Gabriel. He was gone.

  This was her time. She couldn’t allow herself to be hung up on a man who didn’t want her. Yes, she loved him and she hated herself for even caring, but he wasn’t worth her time or her energy.

  She would move on, even though the very idea alone filled her with pain. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She wasn’t meant to fall in love with him. She only hoped this feeling with him was fleeting.

  Chapter Eleven

  Gabriel stared at her from his office. He had one-way glass and could see the dance floor, but they couldn’t see up. Rhianna rarely visited this establishment because of the parties that usually occurred above. Men and women could make their way up to more private quarters.

  Claire looked stunning. His sister had dressed her, he had no doubt. When it came to his sister, she was a minx who enjoyed meddling.

  The man behind her was getting a little too personal.

  His woman. Claire belonged
to him.

  He clenched his hands into fists and just then, he spotted Rhianna. She knew all of his businesses and what he did for a living. She’d been in this office a few times to rant at him over something he’d done or not done.

  She raised a brow, telling him in no uncertain terms that he’d lost her.

  Another man came in at the front and he watched Claire. The sway of her hips, the frown on her face. The way her body moved. She wasn’t letting go. The men were a pain and if she could, she’d swat them away.

  Don’t do it.

  Just then, one of the men moved his hand a little too close to her tit and Gabriel lost it.

  As he left his office, his men knew to keep their distance from him. He made his way downstairs, going through to the main dance floor. The moment people saw him, they kept a wide berth.

  Good.

  He was likely to shoot now and ask questions later. Anyone who dared to stand in his way, he shoved them hard, not even caring.

  When he got to Claire, Rhianna was a few steps in front of her.

  “Don’t,” she said, yelling to be heard over the noise.

  He grabbed his sister’s arms and moved her out of the way, being careful not to hurt her. Then he grabbed the man behind her and slammed his fist into the guy’s face. Screams and cries sounded, but he didn’t care as he knocked the other man unconscious. Grabbing Claire’s hand, he pulled, but she fought him. She slapped him hard as he moved into her space. Bending down, he lifted her up over his shoulder. She screamed.

  “Rhianna, please!” She yelled for her friend, but if Rhianna knew what was good for her, she’d stay well clear of him, especially now. He wasn’t in the mood to argue.

  People watched and he didn’t care. The damage was already done.

  One of his men held the doors open and he slid on through, making his way up to his office.

  “I will bite your ass. Leave me alone. I can dance with whoever I want. Damn it, Gabriel. This isn’t funny. Let me go.” She pummeled his ass but she didn’t sink her teeth into him. It was a shame. He intended to sink his teeth into her ass just as soon as he’d put her in her place.