Confused by Shadows

by Geonn Cannon

  The wind bit into her cheeks, pushed her hair off her face and froze strands in midair. She could barely feel anything but the cold anymore, and she knew that the water from the stream was freezing to her body. If she didn't get somewhere and get warm soon, she was going to freeze to death. She stood for a moment and tried to figure out where she was. The wind died down and the world became completely silent.

  Lance closed her eyes and swayed in the wind.

  No. The world wasn't completely silent. She heard cars. She turned in the direction of the sound and suddenly knew exactly where she was. She started to run.

  She would never remember the journey, but she soon found herself under a small surrogate sun. She turned her face to it, relishing even the minimal heat, letting it melt the mask of ice that had grown on her face. She slumped forward under the security light and hit the service entrance with her shoulders.

  The door opened a few seconds later, but Lance was already unconscious and curled on the concrete step. Rebecca looked at her for a moment before she knelt and hauled the half-dead creature into the warmth of the building.

  #

  Lance coughed, the hand on the back of her head keeping her from turning away from the cup. She closed her eyes and swallowed the steaming cocoa. "Slowly," Rebecca said. "You have to drink it all, Claire."

  She was sitting on the couch in Rebecca's office, her drenched and icy suit gone and replaced with a wool blanket. She shuddered under the blanket, belatedly realizing she was naked. She didn't care; the room was warm and she could feel her fingers again. When Rebecca brought the refilled cup to her lips, she eagerly drank it down.

  #

  Lance didn't know when she fell asleep. The next thing she knew, she was curled in the fetal position on the couch, and Jodie was kneeling next to her. Rebecca stood at the doorway with concern in her eyes. Jodie sat on the edge of the couch and said, "Claire? Are you awake?"

  Lance closed her eyes and tried to restrain her shivering. "I'm cold," she said.

  "I know," Jodie whispered. A tear fell from her eyes and landed on Lance's hand. She squeezed Lance's fingers and said, "I have to do something."

  Lance said, "Jodie?"

  "Yeah, Claire?"

  "You're warm." Lance closed her hand around Jodie's, and Jodie covered it with her other hand. "You're so warm."

  Jodie stood up and looked over her shoulder. "Close the door." She began unbuttoning her blouse before Rebecca complied. A few seconds later, Jodie's clothes were piled on the chair next to the couch, and Jodie stood in her underwear. She lifted the blanket that covered Lance and slipped inside, wrapping both arms around her. Jodie hissed through her teeth as her body touched Lance's, but she didn't pull back.

  "I'll always keep you warm." Jodie pressed her lips to Lance's ear and repeated, "I'll always keep you warm. I promised, didn't I?"

  Lance closed her eyes and pressed her face into Jodie's chest. She closed her eyes and dozed, listening to the thrum of Jodie's heartbeat and moving her face from one warm spot to another. She slipped her leg between Jodie's and Jodie crossed her ankles. At one point, Lance woke to hear Jodie talking to Rebecca.

  "They think she's dead."

  "They can keep on thinking that. It's for the best."

  "Don't you think she deserves—"

  "Leave, Rebecca."

  Lance slept again, feeling warmer all the time. At one point, she woke to find the fingers of her right hand were in Jodie's mouth. She wanted to question why, but it was just so warm. Her fingers hurt, ached, but they were warm. So she left them there. Jodie opened her eyes and smiled around her mouthful. Lance returned the smile and tried to imagine how ridiculous they looked.

  Jodie put her hand over Lance's heart and rubbed in a slow circle. Lance repeated the move on Jodie's chest with her free hand. Lance closed her eyes and, in a few seconds, was asleep again.

  #

  When she woke again, Jodie was gone. Lance sat up and looked under the blankets to see she'd been dressed in a cream colored turtleneck and sweatpants. She wrapped the blanket around her and looked across the room. Rebecca was at her desk. "How long have I been out?"

  "Close to a day," Rebecca said without looking up. "I made Jodie go home to get some sleep."

  Lance nodded.

  "You're officially dead. The police are going to drag the river, but they assume your body was just carried away. It's a formality."

  "Okay."

  Rebecca stood up and said, "The story of the day is Hatcher's ledger. In two days time, people won't even remember the bank robbery." She smiled. "People are already talking movie rights. Who do you want to play you in the adaptation? I was thinking Cathy DeBuono."

  "See if Greta Garbo is still working," Lance said. Her voice was rough, but her headache was easing. She winced and stood up, letting the blanket fall back to the couch. "I need to go."

  "You're nowhere near—"

  "I need to go."

  "Okay, fine. Where exactly are you planning to go?"

  Lance shook her head.

  "How are you going to get there? The police impounded your Mustang, you know."

  "I'll figure something out. I always do."

  Rebecca stood up and held out a set of keys. "Jodie left these for you. They go to the Torino. She wants you to have it."

  "That's her car."

  "She wants you to have it," Rebecca repeated. She turned Lance's hand upside down and placed the keys in the palm. She folded Lance's fingers over them and stepped back. "Why did you come here?"

  "I don't know. It was the closest place I could think of. Why did you help me?"

  "I was the one who discovered the ledger existed. I contacted Hatcher, I found Adrian Durant and his group. I put this all in motion because I wanted that motherfucking book found and put to good use. I was in contact with Hatcher in the bank. I know you're the one who discovered where we went wrong with the box number. You made everything that's happening now possible. For that, you have a blank check from me. For life. Anything you need that I can provide, it's yours."

  "In that case, there's something I need you to do for me."

  #

  Jodie's eyelids flickered, and she pressed her face into the pillow. The bedroom was dark and cold, so she knew it wasn't time to wake up. She groaned, hunched her shoulders, and opened her eyes to look at the clock. She saw the silhouette against the wall next to her closed bedroom door, and drew in a breath to scream. Fortunately, she recognized the shape before she could exhale. She sagged against the mattress. "Claire? What time is it?"

  "Don't get up," Lance said. She knelt next to the bed and put her hand on Jodie's cheek. "I came to say good bye."

  "Do you have to?"

  "Yeah."

  Jodie closed her eyes and nodded.

  "Thank you for the car."

  "It's the least I could do."

  Lance rested her forehead against Jodie's, brushing her thumb over Jodie's cheek. "I will see you again."

  "You'd better. When?"

  Lance bent down and kissed Jodie's forehead. "I'll come to watch you race sometime."

  Jodie smiled. "I love you, Claire."

  "I love you, too." She squeezed Jodie's hand and stood up. Jodie watched the dark shape slip through the door and then join the rest of the shadows in the hallway. Danica meowed at the familiar shape as it passed through the living room, and then Jodie heard the front door open and close.

  A few minutes later, Danica leapt onto Jodie's bed. Jodie scratched Danica's head and whispered, "We knew it was coming, Danica. You can't get all bent out of shape just because this moment finally came." Danica meowed. "Well, if you're gonna cry..." Jodie pulled Danica onto her chest and blinked away her tears.

  #

  The middle of December found Jodie alone at the garage, cleaning her tools even though they hadn't had any customers all morning. She was back on the all-day shift, at least until Daphne hired a new mechanic. The vetting process had become extremely strict; Daphn
e was bound and determined not to have another "Landry situation."

  Jodie had her back to the door when Daphne came out into the garage. Daphne stopped a few feet away from Jodie and watched her for a long minute, then turned and looked out the open garage doors. "Looks like another big storm coming our way."

  "Mm hmm."

  "Listen, Calico. You need to move on. Forget that bitch and get someone who'll treat you right. She—"

  Jodie threw her wrench across the room and pushed the toolbox to the ground. The tools made a metallic skirr. Jodie wheeled around and said, "Shut up, Daphne. Just shut up. About her, about my relationships. Claire Lance loved me."

  Daphne was stunned into silence and Jodie looked at the mess she had made.

  "All right," Daphne finally said. "All right, Jodie. I'm sorry. After you clean this stuff up you can go ahead and call it a day. I think you need to take a little time."

  "Yeah," Jodie grumbled.

  Jodie cleaned up the spilled tools and drove home in Lance's Mustang. She parked at the curb and sat in the car. The storm Daphne predicted rolled in and left icy trails down the windshield. She ran her hands over the material of the seat and thought about the miles the car had seen, the distance it had carried Lance.

  "You took her just far enough to bring her to me," she whispered. She leaned forward and kissed the steering wheel. "Thank you."

  At home, she stared at the television and idly played with Danica. The storm turned into a full fledged ice age, and the weather reporters implored everyone to stay inside if possible. Jodie stood at the window, the chill through the glass enough to make her shiver, and she wondered where Lance was. Had she found a warm place to hide out? Or was she bundled up in the backseat of the Torino, teeth chattering, freezing to death again?

  Jodie pulled the curtains closed, clucked her tongue at Danica, and walked into the bedroom with the cat trailing her like a shadow.

  #

  The ice storm shut down most of Shepherd for a week. Jodie lost power for three days, and sat on the couch, focused on keeping Danica warm. When she fell asleep, she dreamt about being curled up with Claire in Rebecca's office, her fingers like icicles in her mouth.

  A week before Christmas—the day after her power came back on—Jodie still had the lights and television off. The candles gave her enough light to read by, and the darkness would make her neighbors pass on by when they decided to do their god awful caroling. Merle Haggard was singing that everything would be fine if he made it through December; she doubted him very much.

  Merle's singing was interrupted by a loud, insistent knock. Jodie continued to play with Danica, intent on ignoring whoever it was for as long as it took. She threw the Jingle Ball at the armchair and Danica chased it. Before the cat could deliver the ball to her, Rebecca called through the door. "I'm not going away, Ms. Curran. I'm going to call you on the phone, and then you'll have to deal with the ringing and the knocking. I'm sure your neighbors would—"

  Jodie growled, pushed herself to her feet, and stormed to the door. She yanked it open and glared. "I don't want company. I don't want to be comforted. I don't want anyone here to see me falling apart like this, okay? I'll be fine."

  Rebecca nodded. "I've done my share of hermiting. I understand. Believe me."

  "Then what are you doing here?"

  Rebecca looked over Jodie's faded purple shirt and pink sweatpants. "How have you been feeling?"

  "Despondent." She started to close the door. "I thought this wasn't going to be an intervention."

  Rebecca put a hand out to stop the door. "It's not. I apologize. I'm merely concerned for you. I came by to deliver a message. I made a promise that I wouldn't deliver it until now in case you were questioned by the police." She reached into her overcoat and withdrew a sealed envelope. She held it out between two fingers and Jodie took it.

  The envelope had Sinjin's Restaurant as the return address.

  "Merry Christmas, Jodie."

  #

  Four days later on Christmas Eve, Lance and Jodie sat together on a bench looking out over the harbor. Lance wore a blonde wig under a knit cap, a pair of rectangular glasses perched on her nose. If Jodie hadn't been looking for her, she would have walked right on by. But the letter—brief as it was—had indicated that she would be wearing a knit cap with a bobble on top. Jodie was shivering, partly from the cold and partly from the effort not to throw herself onto Lance and cover her with kisses.

  Lance casually looked into the parking lot and smiled. "I saw you drive up. That's an awesome car. Sixty-seven?"

  "Sixty-six, actually," Jodie said. She was trying hard not to smile.

  "Nice. It's in beautiful condition. I love muscle cars like that." She hunched her shoulders against the cold. "How did you get it?"

  "Police auction. Last week. How's the Torino?"

  "Good. Great. Do you want to switch?"

  "Not unless you do."

  Lance shook her head. "No. It reminds me of you every time I drive it."

  "The Mustang reminds me of you." Jodie reached out and took Lance's hand. "I've missed you so much. I can barely even eat lunch anymore. Let alone the other meals."

  "I've missed you, too."

  "The wig was a bad idea."

  "Can't be too careful. I'm a dead woman now, remember?"

  "No, I mean...blonde. Yuck. Redhead, maybe."

  Lance chuckled.

  "I wanted to go to your memorial service, but I couldn't swing the plane tickets and make rent. I called instead. I talked to your mother."

  "How is she?"

  "She was depressed for a while, until she started getting these strange calls. Someone would call her, but all she could hear on the other end was music. Strangely, it's always music you used to like. She said those calls calmed her down."

  "Good."

  Jodie looked around and said, "It's Christmas, so I got you something." She nodded at the Mustang. "The stuff you left in my apartment. Some clothes, your duffel bag...Elaine."

  Lance's heart skipped. "I keep thinking that picture is gone forever."

  Jodie looked down at Lance's hand. They were both wearing gloves, but Jodie could feel the warmth of Lance's skin within the leather. She said, "When you were in Rebecca's office...I've never felt anybody that cold. Never. I didn't think you'd survive."

  "I felt your heart beating," Lance said. "Gave me something to fight for."

  Jodie smiled. "Do you have to go right away?"

  "No," Lance said. "The next ferry isn't for another half an hour. I was thinking I would leave on the one after that."

  Jodie stood up and pulled Lance to her feet. "Come on."

  "Where are we going?"

  "Come on," Jodie said again, leading Lance off the boardwalk.

  #

  The bed and breakfast was a few blocks away from the ferry lanes. Jodie had made a reservation online, so she and Lance went in through an outside entrance. The bedroom was large, set up like a hotel room suite. They were kissing before the door was closed, half-naked before they hit the bed. Lance lay Jodie on the bed, methodically taking off her clothes and kissing the flesh she exposed before moving on to the next piece.

  Zippers rasped, buttons clicked open, clothing rustled as it was pulled down and dropped to the side. Lance brushed her cheek against Jodie's shoulder and kissed her upper arm, the swell of her breast. She brought Jodie's hand to her lips and kissed each knuckle, then kissed her palm. Jodie brought Lance's hand up to her own mouth and mimicked Lance's movements. "Claire," Jodie whispered. Lance brushed her lips against Jodie's and laced their fingers together as she pressed her thigh between Jodie's legs.

  They took their time, getting reacquainted and taking their fill since neither knew when they would be together again. Finally, after multiple orgasms and finding herself too weak to lift herself off the mattress, Jodie begged mercy. Lance kissed her way up Jodie's stomach, swirled her tongue in Jodie's navel, and rolled to one side. She pulled the sheet up to her shoulders,
kissed Jodie's neck, and lifted herself until her back was to the headboard. Jodie rolled over and put her head on Lance's stomach. "You're not going to be here for Christmas, are you?"

  "No, probably not." Lance ran her hand over Jodie's back, down to her hip.

  Jodie put her hand on Lance's leg and brushed the sheet against her thigh.

  "So what's next for you? Where are you going?"

  "I don't know. I never know, really."

  Jodie nodded. "But probably not near Shepherd."

  "No, probably not."

  Jodie looked up at her. "I'm going to wait for you. Don't tell me not to, and don't tell me it's not fair to me. I've been with enough women to know that what I feel for you isn't normal. And I know that anyone else I date after you will feel unbelievably normal. I don't want that. I don't want some ordinary, convenient fling just because it's easier. Fuck that, I want you. I love you. You and me, Claire, we're worth waiting for."

  Lance looked down at Jodie's body. "Are you done?"

  "For now."

  Lance said, "I'm dead. If the police aren't watching you, then Faye Mallory probably is. She's stubborn. But she's not immortal. She'll go away eventually. And by that time, I may be somewhere else. Somewhere no one is looking for me." Jodie frowned. "Somewhere I could settle down." She touched Jodie's cheek. "It doesn't matter where that is. Not if you're with me."

  "Claire..."

  "You would have to give up your entire life. I don't have any right to ask you to do that."

  Jodie said, "The garage, Rebecca, racing... I can put all that away. I mean, really...look at it. My racing led Rebecca putting me on her team to rob that bank. The garage led me to you. It's like everything in my life was just setting us up to get together. I don't need any of it anymore. I got what I needed." She was crying. "I'll go to the ends of the Earth for you, Claire. Just tell me where to find you."

  Lance bent down and kissed her. Jodie shifted and deepened the kiss, sitting up and straddling Lance's legs. Fifteen minutes later, sweat once again beading their upper lips, Jodie ran her hands down Lance's arms and cupped her breasts through the sheet. "We're running out of time here, though."