by JJ King
I sank down onto a nearby bench surrounded by thick bushes that gave it an almost secluded feel. It reminded me of where Lucian had taken me to regroup the day we met. My lips twitched at the sweet memory.
He'd been the first of the three, the first man that had turned my knees to jelly and made my heart skip a beat. Even when I was pissed off at Dimitri for fantasizing about dirty sex with Chase, part of me longed to be with Lucian.
He was gorgeous, yes, no one would refute that fact, but there was more behind those golden eyes than he let on. In the moments we'd spent together, I'd seen keen intelligence, compassion, and a recognition of pain. He'd saved me from the crowd that day because he'd seen my fear, he'd known what my pain had looked like even before he knew me.
I opened the message and sucked my lower lip into my mouth, chewing on it as I read the message with a blend of butterflies and hope swirling through my chest.
I know you need time to think and figure out how you feel, but you need to know that whenever you're ready, I'm here. We're here, for you. We'll figure it out. xoxo
I glanced up at the name and number. Chase. There was more to him, too, than he let the world see. Beneath the Playboy and the southern flirt with someone searching for someone to look beneath his shiny surface. I'd glimpsed the man beneath and wanted desperately to look again.
Then there was Dimitri. That guy was like an onion. He was seriously layered and, on the outermost layer, protecting him like a shield, was an asshole. Or, at least, an asshole to me and most other people. I’d seen him with the guys, though, playing and laughing. His brooding mask had lifted, and he’d looked younger, more innocent, though I doubted there was an innocent bone in his body.
Not that I spent much time thinking about his bones. I smirked. That was clearly a lie.
My fingers hovered over the keyboard as my mind swirled with sentimental responses, casual flirtation, and the urge to demand to see them all night, right now. I wanted each of those things, all at once, yet something held me back.
I swallowed down my frustration. It was annoying, this strange need to adhere to what was expected of me from society. I'd grown up apart from the world most wolves knew, I'd experienced things I never wanted anyone else to experience, but I'd also been extremely sheltered. My entire world view had come from the books we'd been allowed to read and, after we'd been rescued, I'd expanded that view with new series, including television and movies. Still, though, I'd stayed close to home, close to Rose, and Liam, and the others, too afraid to venture out into the world on my own.
Omega Wolf Academy was supposed to be my chance, my tentative first steps into wolf society. Instead, I'd been thrust into the most complicated personal relationship situation possible.
If it were just sexual, things wouldn't be so mixed up, I thought. I was still inexperienced in that way, too, but I could have handled it, maybe I would've reveled in it. It didn't hurt to feel desired, especially by guys who turned your needs to jelly and made your stomach butterflies flutter to life.
I bit my lip, thinking about them, and felt my face flush with heat. Our situation might be complicated, no one would argue that, but it made me feel alive, and seen, and desirable. I typed out a quick response.
I've had long enough to think. It's time we all talk. xoxo Lexi
I hit send then practically swallowed my tongue as heat suffused my entire body. My tongue licked out to wet my suddenly dry lips, through which I blew out a shaky breath. I'd done it. Now, we'd figure it all out, together.
The soft summer breeze shifted, rustling my hair and tickling my nose with the faint scent of wolf. I paused as I reached for my backpack and lifted my nose higher, inhaling deeply to catch the scent that, somehow, reached deep inside my mind to tug at distant memories.
I frowned but, when my nose filled again with the scent of blackberries, I shook off the chill of apprehension that had raced up my spine and chalked it up to nerves. After all, I was about to willingly step into a very sexy viper's nest.
A smile lifted my cheeks, which, I was well aware, glowed with bright excitement as I made my way towards my dorm room. If I was going to see my guys for the first time since the campus run, the first time all together by my choice, then I was going to be fresh as a daisy from head to toe. I chuckled and picked up my pace, anxious to see them and dive into a new adventure.
His face was half turned away from me, so that I only caught his profile, but it didn't matter. My heart slammed painfully against my ribs and all the blood that had rushed to my face a moment before, drained, leaving my limbs weak, and my throat dry in terror.
I knew that face. I saw it in my nightmares.
Raphael?
I backed away, my breath coming in ragged gasps as I reached out with both hands, searching for something to hold onto, to hold me up so I didn't collapse. My eyes riveted on him, on the familiar shape, size, and look of him. I needed to hide, I needed to run away, I needed to disappear before he turned and saw me and took everything I’d fought so hard to achieve.
My hand connected with the rough bark of a tree and my fingers curled in, grasping that living thing as my brain screamed that this couldn't be happening, that I was hallucinating, that the panic attack rising from my legs to my stomach to my chest was just a product of stress.
I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut, to crumble into a ball at the base of the tree and pray that when I opened them again, he would be gone. But I couldn't. My gaze zeroed in on that profile, on the familiar patrician nose and full lips that had curled back with hate so often.
"No," the single word slipped from my lips without my permission and a soft keening sound. I slapped a hand over my lips, muffling my voice, trying to hold back the panicked sobs that wanted to break free.
My vision wavered, going brilliantly white, then stark black. My muscles went weak and I shifted to fall against the tree. Somewhere in my mind I was grateful it was there at all.
It wasn't him. It couldn't be him. Raphael was dead. He couldn't hurt me, not anymore.
I squeezed my eyes shut, terrified of the darkness behind my lids, the darkness that had flashed through my mind reminding me of where he'd stuck me for hours on end. The sound of a little girl crying echoed through my mind, growing louder and louder until the whole world was a cacophony of fear and pain.
"Lexi!" Strong hands grasped me and pulled me away from the tree.
I opened my mouth to scream and, in a flash, the darkness receded in my vision focused on Dimitri.
His face was twisted with fear and worry, his eyes wide with confusion. "Lexi, what's wrong?" He pulled me towards him, and I went, unable to struggle, unable to fight anymore. I just wanted to be safe. I threw myself into his arms and looked to where the man had stood just moments before, sure I'd find him staring at me with the revulsion I'd recognize anywhere.
But he was gone. The path leading away from the arts building was clear of all but a few students, too wrapped up in their own lives to have noticed my complete and utter meltdown, or the way Dimitri held me in his arms, his strong arms wrapped around me so tight it felt like I was in a cocoon.
My body began to shiver violently, shaking us both so hard that Dimitri stepped back and began rubbing his hands over my arms, trying to warm me up.
"Old ones, Lexi," he growled, his voice thick with emotion. "Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."
I lifted my eyes, feeling the wildness in them, and met his gaze. I opened my mouth to tell him, then snapped it shut and shook my head, unable to speak.
Dimitri bit down on his bottom lip and glanced around, looking for whatever or whoever had hurt me and, finding nothing or no one, squared his shoulders and scooped me into his arms as if I weighed nothing.
"Hold on," he murmured against my ear, sending shivers of relief through me. "I've got you. You're safe, now."
Chapter 13
I buried my face in his shoulder and squeezed my eyes shut, focusing solely on my breathing, trying to calm my racing pul
se.
It wasn't him. You imagined it. He's dead. I repeated it over and over, hoping that eventually the words would sink into my thundering heart and terrified mind, and I would accept them as true. There had to be some explanation.
But I'd seen him with my own eyes, and the scent that had tickled my memory, the scent that had shot spears of icy terror up my spine… had I imagined that, too?
I gritted my teeth, squeezing every muscle in my body tight in an effort to chase away all thoughts. Dimitri's arms, wrapped around me, felt like a touchstone, keeping me anchored in reality, when my mind wanted to slip away. I pressed my nose into his neck and drew in the scent of him.
His breath hitched in his heart, so close to where my cheek pressed against his skin, skipped a beat then raced on. His lips pressed against the top of my head, soothing me, as he murmured, "Almost there. Hold on."
We entered the building, I knew that much even without looking, because the light changed from soft to artificial. Still, I kept my face buried in his body, using that connection to chase away my demons. As my head began to clear, realization surfaced.
Dimitri had seen me have a panic attack. Dimitri was carrying me to safety. Dimitri would want to know what had happened.
Fresh fear skittered up my spine. I wasn't ready, not yet, to tell him or any of them my story. I didn't want them to know, not even Lucian, whose first interaction with me had been set around one of my panic attacks. I blew out a slow breath, needing to focus through the panic, and willed myself to calm.
I needed a plausible reason why I'd been mid meltdown when Dimitri had found me. I didn't want to lie and, some part of me knew that if I tried, he'd know. Those dark eyes had seen right through me from the first moment we'd met. He knew something was up but hadn't pressed me on it, yet. Then again, we hadn't exactly had tons of time together, alone or with the other guys, to talk and get to know one another on a level deeper than the basic attraction that connected us all.
I'd been on my way to rectify that.
My stomach churned as I thought about keeping such a huge secret from them. But, was it really so wrong to just want something normal for once? To just be a girl, without the darkness that shadowed me constantly. It was why I had dyed my hair pink, I thought, barely holding back a manic chuckle at the memory. It wasn't the time to laugh and, really, I wasn't amused. I just coped with stress in different ways. Dr. Bennett had said a lot of people make jokes when they are uncomfortable or filled with anxiety. Might as well laugh, he'd said. Or else you'd cry.
Dimitri pushed open a door and carried me into a room that smelled like mothballs and old books. I lifted my head to look around and wiggled my nose as dust swirled around us.
He set me on my feet so gently it made my chest ache, then moved away to carefully remove a pile of books set on an old-fashioned couch in the middle of the room.
I looked around, taking in the scarred wooden table set against one sloping wall, the dust covered bookshelves lined with ancient tomes, and that octagonal window set high into the far wall.
"Where are we?" I asked, turning in a full circle as I chewed my lip and wondered where in the world Dimitri had stolen me away to. I didn't care, not really. Either I'd hallucinated the man who'd imprisoned and tortured me my entire life, or everything I thought I knew was a lie and my sisters and I were in grave danger. I swallowed hard and blinked away tears. I didn't want to think about it.
I needed a distraction.
My gaze fell on Dimitri and my lips twitched. I'd asked for a distraction and what better way to distract myself than with a wolf that made my skin shiver and my stomach flutter in anticipation?
He stood opposite me, his body braced to fight off whatever bad guy had been on my tail, his dark eyes wild on my behalf. The passion I saw there, the barely controlled anger and heat, made my heart speed up again and my core heat to an impossible temperature.
My pheromones filled the surrounding room, hitting him a split second before I threw myself into his arms, rising up on my toes and angling my head so that our mouths fused together.
Bright light exploded behind my closed eyelids as his lips reacted to mine.
He gasped in, inhaling my breath, then wrapped his arms around me and hung on like a drowning man.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, threading my fingers through the nape of his hair, pulling him down as I strained upward. He was so tall, imposingly so, putting him just out of reach when I so desperately needed to…
I pulled back, looked up at him through thick lashes and bit my lip as I shoved him back against the couch. When he tumbled to the cushions, I pounced, climbing on top of his lap, spreading my legs to press my heat against his thighs. The hardness of his arousal shot a flare of lust through me that washed away any lingering fear and doubt.
Anticipation surged through my body, through my bones, my skin, my very soul. When I fit my lips to his and opened to the erotic touch of his tongue on mine, a sense of fullness tightened my chest around my pulsing heart.
I brought my hand to the back of his neck, moving my fingertips over his skin and into his thick dark hair to pull him closer as his mouth devoured mine. His taste was dark and rich, like that first sip of decadent coffee followed by the finest dark chocolate. I nipped at his lower lip and reveled in the sound of his aroused growl.
His hands moved to my hips as I circled them, grinding myself against the proof of his interest. He gripped my shirt as if he were about to rip it from my body, then unclenched his fists and moved beneath the fabric to trace the length of my spine. Wherever his fingers touched, fires lit across my skin, intensifying that ache between my thighs that was going to drive me mad soon.
"I need you," I whispered in a hoarse voice, too overcome with emotion and desperation to say anything else, to say what I really wanted to. I ignored the urge to claim him, to call him mine, to whisper those three words that filled my head even now. It was too soon. I barely even knew him. Still... I wanted to.
I tore my lips from his and sunk my teeth into the muscle of his shoulder, then threw my head back, exposing my throat. I cried out when his tongue traced the sensitive skin from my collarbone to my jaw.
His hands moved quickly, grabbing the hem of my shirt, and yanking it up and over my head, exposing my breasts, covered only in black lace, to his demon gaze. That's how I thought of him, I thought absently, as my demon. His eyes, already endlessly dark, turned obsidian and darted from my heaving chest to my face.
He hesitated, just for the slightest moment, waiting for me and the thought that someone so fierce, so dark, would look to me first, made my lips tremble. Keeping my gaze locked on his, I bit down on my lower lip and arched my back, offering my body and my soul.
Dimitri's body went stiff. His fingers curled as my skin tensed, then released and pulled away. I felt his withdrawal like a slap and knew he’d done it again. He'd switch from indecently hot to crushingly cold in an instant, leaving me bereft and confused.
I felt my nakedness like Eve and covered my breasts with my arms as I scrambled off his thighs and backed away from the couch while he lowered his gaze and furrowed his brows. My breath came in small gasps, hitching in what should have been ecstasy but was now pain and frustration. I bent to grab my shirt and felt the wave of nausea nearly knock me over. In the moments it took me to regain my physical balance and pull my shirt on, the anger he seemed to draw from me so easily resurfaced.
"What's wrong with you?" I demanded, balling my hands into fists as my shirt settled down around my waist. My skin heated with a passion that had no outlet, so I poured my frustrations at his feet, desperate to get some kind of reaction from his stony features. "Why do you think you can treat me this way?" My nails dug into my palms, biting into my flesh as my head spun and heated. Hot tears filled my eyes, but I held them back, not wanting to give Dimitri the satisfaction of seeing me cry over him.
He lifted his gaze and stared at me, his dark eyes hard now with resolve that had scraped aw
ay the passion that had brimmed in them only moments ago. It didn't make sense, my heart and mind argued. He'd been with me, feeling what I felt. He'd wanted me more than anything and now he was looking at me as if I were a stranger.
It snapped something in me.
I turned and grabbed one of the six books from the nearby shelf, then pivoted and threw it with every ounce of strength I had, straight at his head as a furious growl broke from my throat.
He caught it before it struck him and threw it to the floor as his gaze latched on mine.
There! I nearly cried out with satisfaction. For just a split second, I'd glimpsed him, the real him, not this flat eyed drone he was pretending to be. My mind raced as questions swirled. Why would he pretend to be something he wasn't? Why would he pretend he didn't want me when I knew with all my soul that he did?
What if he knows?
The question leaped to the forefront of my mind and eclipsed everything I was feeling, burying me in a shroud of darkness that made my stomach want to rebel.
What if somehow, he’d found out what I was, who I was? What if he knew that I was damaged goods and unnatural down to my very genetic makeup?
My spine stiffened. I wasn't the only one to have been created in a lab or raised in captivity. I wasn't the only one trying to rebuild my life in a world I didn't completely understand. Sure, the rational part of my brain reminded me that I judged myself as unnatural and unlovable all the time, but that was my demons to fight, not his. How dare he judge me? How dare he pull away from something so real it rocked me to the core every time we were close? Desperate fury lit me from inside and narrowed my eyes.
"Look at me!" I shouted, glaring at him through a film of angry tears. When he blinked and glanced away, I balled my hands into fists again and screamed, "Look at me, Dimitri!"
Finally, his eyes dared meet mine.
I didn't know what he saw, I didn't know what I looked like at that moment, it was a first for me. In the mountain, we hadn't been allowed to talk back, let alone fight back, so, out of a sense of self-preservation, we'd minded our own business and kept silent. When you were surrounded by women and girls you loved, it was easy for sadistic minds to manipulate and control you.
