Delicate Rain

by Mitch Goth

  It took Rain nearly fifteen minutes to track down Ben in the hotel. He'd broken his way into one of the still derelict rooms on the second floor. His tall figure blocked much of the light from the window from entering the room. He was staring out into the street, watching, keeping guard.

  "They're out there," he spoke darkly, not turning around but somehow sensing Rain was in the doorway. "They're just waiting for us."

  "You're being a little bit paranoid," Rain replied, entering the dirty, foul smelling room. "Vin said bodyguards are coming. We've got nothing to worry about."

  "No," Ben shook his head, finally coming away from the window, "not 'we'. There's not gonna be anymore 'we'. You gotta go."

  "You know I can't do that, Ben. I'm in this now."

  "Vin told you straight we can get you out of this city if you want. That's what needs to happen. But you said no to him. What the hell is wrong with you?"

  "I can't just leave. He also said that you need all the help you can get. I can give you guys help, you just need to trust me."

  "It's far too dangerous," Ben still objected firmly. "More people are gonna start dying here real soon."

  "Yeah, those damn biker assholes will," Rain retorted. "And finding danger is the whole reason I left home to begin with. I wanted more adrenaline in my life."

  "Goddamn it, Rain," Ben closed the gap between them in one long, swift stride, "don't you see this is not the time or the place for your adventure seeking? If you go out there with us, you will die, and that's that."

  "I owe it to Dando to stay. I killed those guys in the alley, all for you guys, and doing that started this damn war. It doesn't matter if it was necessary or not, I know it was. Either way, I did, I knew there would be consequences, and now here they are. I can't just run away from them."

  "You can't run away?" Ben scoffed. "You never seemed to have any problem with it before."

  "You fucking bastard," Rain sneered. "You know just as well as I do Dando would've supported me staying and fighting."

  "Dando would support you living. And there's no living for you if you stay here. Those KC Devils will kill you. I don't care how optimistic Vin is, you can't listen to him now."

  For a minute after that, both of them just stood silently in the dust-caked, decomposing hotel room. The only sound that came was the occasional creak from the rotting wood beneath their feet. Both were concerned as to whether the floor would give out against their weight, but they wouldn't let this fear show through their mutual scowls.

  "Vin is the boss," Rain finally came up with something to say. "I think its safer to go with what he says."

  "I've been in this far longer than you have, longer than Vin even has," Ben replied harshly. "I introduced him into this business. I know what's dangerous more than he does. I know what's best for you far better than he does."

  "You know what's better for me?" Rain raised her eyebrows, obviously offended by this. "So I can't think for myself? You need to make my decisions for me?"

  "That's not what I said."

  "Then what the hell were you saying, Ben? Because if you're not saying I can't think for myself, I might as well make my own decisions. And, whether you like it or not, I'm staying. I have to stay. I owe it to everyone."

  "You don't owe everyone shit," Ben growled. "The only thing you owe to anyone is the sight of your face to your family. They're out there, worried to death, searching all they can for you. Meanwhile you're here, begging to stay in this place and get yourself killed. You don't owe anybody here any damn thing. You owe it to your parents, the people that birthed and raised you, to go back home. Let them know you're still alive and well. They gave you life for God's sake. You were and are their life. So give them what you owe them and give them their life back. Get the hell out of this place while you still can."

  "How can you tell me to leave so easily?" she shook her head, tears welling in her eyes, "How can you just toss me out like that? Do I mean so little to you?"

  "I didn't say that either, quit twisting my words," Ben snarled.

  "Well then how? How can you just demand I leave like I'm nothing, just a lonely bystander in all this? You know I'm not, I know I'm not. So how? How can you tell me to do that so callously?"

  "You remember what I told you in the coffee shop?" Ben wondered.

  "What does that matter?"

  "Do you remember or don't you?"

  "Which part?"

  "The part where I told you that the moment someone kills someone with a family, with something to live for is the moment it ends for them," Ben explained.

  "Yeah I do," Rain nodded, puzzled. "So?"

  "You've got a family out there, Rain, people to live for. People living for you, whether you want them to or not. Now I don't have to pull the trigger myself on this one. Letting you stay here for this is me killing you. If you die out there, that's me killing a person with a family. And, just like everyone else, there's no way I can come back from that."

  "If you think like that," Rain sighed, "if you really think like that," she took as much as a step towards him as she could, "then this is me alleviating that thought. None of this is your fault, nor will it ever be. This is my choice, a conscious decision on my part. You're not forcing me to stay, I'm forcing you to let me stay. If I die out there, it is all my fault, none of yours."

  "You know I'll never feel that way," Ben replied. "If you die, there's no way I could not feel like its my fault."

  "I'm sorry you feel that way," Rain turned away and headed for the hall.

  "If you stay here you'll die," Ben called to her as she disappeared out of the room. "Letting you stay here is killing you! Everyone's killing you, Rain! You don't owe them shit!"

  No response ever came. Rain was already gone.

  Rain made haste to her room. She'd heard every word Ben yelled at her and it shook her to her core. He cared for her, she could tell that from his booming volume, from his unwavering effort to get her out. But still, she didn't need people to care for her, she could handle herself. Despite his care, he was still constricting, just like her parents were. The only difference here was she couldn't leave. Not yet, not until the KC Devils were dead.

  As soon as she was in her room she headed straight for her journal. She flipped to the next blank page in an instant and began penning her next letter.

  Dear Mom and Dad,

  I'm leaving soon. I'm leaving this place I've been staying very, very soon. There's just a few things I have to take care of first. I wish I could be more specific, but life just forces a lot to the imagination sometimes, I guess. What I can tell you is I found what I was looking for out here. A life worth getting up for, a life that's worth living. I've recently found its not without its constrictions, sadly. But I'll be moving on again very soon, hopefully to a place where I can truly be the free person I want to be. Where that place is I have yet to know. How I hope to get there is a mystery as well, but I suppose that goes without saying.

  A friend I met here was a runaway too, and he always regretted not sending a letter or something to his family after he left. That's why I hope to send these first few pages to you after I get out of here, after I get to freer, greener pastures. Stamps and envelopes can't be that expensive, can they? Either way, I'll find a way to get these pages to you, and I'll always remember to send more. I at least owe it to you guys to let you know I'm still alive. If you're still looking for me, stop. I don't want to be found, and I don't want you think I want to be. Please, for me as well as you. It'd be easier for you to let me go for now. Who knows, I may be back around for a visit someday. I'll be sure to fill you in on all my travels, wherever I may be.

  Your truly,

  Delicate Rain

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