A Rogue of My Own

by Johanna Lindsey

  Despite being relaxed with the couple, Rebecca still kept an eye on Rupert and saw that he’d been detained by an older woman. Nothing really to take note of, but then he was detained again. Well, that was typical of a party, she supposed. Unless a controversial subject arose that could gather a crowd into hot debate, guests more often circulated, hoping to hear the latest gossip.

  Another couple joined her group, which distracted her for a while longer, then the first couple moved on. But the second couple didn’t stay long, and suddenly she was standing there alone, amused to see that Rupert still hadn’t reached the refreshments. She walked over to join him, but she didn’t get far.

  “Who invited you?”

  She knew that voice, so her expression was composed when she turned around. “Hello, Sarah. How—unexpected, to see you here.”

  “Very amusing,” Sarah said in a disagreeable tone, though oddly, she didn’t look annoyed.

  Rebecca wasn’t really surprised to find Sarah Wheeler at the party. The lady obviously knew Lord Alberton since they had corresponded. But she was surprised by the older woman’s appearance.

  She was wearing a pretty rose-colored gown that actually revealed she had some curves after all. Her hair had also been arranged in a soft, lovely coiffure that was quite a change from the severe arrangement she’d previously worn. The combination was exactly what Rebecca had predicted. Sarah didn’t look nearly as plain as she had at the palace. Her surly, impatient mood seemed to have changed, too, but something else improved her looks even more dramatically. She still wasn’t pretty, but you almost didn’t notice that. A spark of gaiety? A glow of excitement?

  Rebecca discounted those guesses when Sarah said, “You were directly responsible for my downfall.”

  “What downfall?”

  “The duchess dismissed me from her employ.”

  “I wasn’t even there. How can you possibly blame me for that?”

  “But it began with you giving my girls the courage to defy me and think for themselves. Even Evelyn refused to do as she was told if it didn’t involve the duchess.”

  “Which was as it should be,” Rebecca pointed out. “You never had a right to involve those young women in your sordid intrigues.”

  Sarah waved that aside. “I should seek retribution. I can, you know. What do you think the ton would say if they knew you cavorted with St. John in the palace?”

  Rebecca almost smiled. “I think they will conclude that I should have left my post sooner than I did, since I was already secretly married to him.”

  “Were you? I think not,” Sarah scoffed. “But I’ve no desire to involve you in a scandal. My dismissal has led to other things that I’m not entirely displeased with. In fact, I prevaricated so long, I went beyond the point of realizing I didn’t need to any longer. Quite the waste of time, that. So I could almost say I’m grateful for your interference. If you weren’t so annoying, I would say it.”

  Rebecca choked back a laugh that Sarah had said it anyway. “What other things are you talking about?”

  “Don’t pretend to be ignorant. You know very well this party is in my honor. I’m soon to be a blushing bride.”

  Sarah flounced off with a smirk, leaving Rebecca standing there dumbfounded. Sarah getting married, and to such a handsome man as Alberton? Well, there was no accounting for taste, she supposed. Or was the groom not so happy at this turn of events? Yet another member of the ton forced to the altar?

  She’d be a hypocrite to feel bad for Lord Alberton when she’d done the same thing to Rupert, more or less. Actually, she’d done nothing of the sort. She had refused to marry him, he had done the insisting. She’d merely insisted on making it known to his family.

  An elderly lady joined her before she could continue on her way to Rupert. They had met at the Withers’ ball, though Rebecca couldn’t remember her name. Unfortunately, the woman was a gossipmonger. Not wanting to be rude, Rebecca was forced to listen to all the latest on-dits about people she didn’t know and, to go by what she was hearing, didn’t want to know. Until the woman mentioned Amanda’s name. Apparently, Amanda’s having three Seasons without landing a husband had become a source of speculation that was now making the rounds. Rebecca hoped her old friend wasn’t aware of it. Amanda got upset over the silliest things, but this wasn’t the least bit silly.

  Rebecca knew her husband wasn’t going to rescue her, not this time. He might need rescuing himself, though, because she saw that the latest person to have detained him was the bride-to-be.

  Chapter Fifty

  THIS IS QUITE A delightful surprise, m’dear,” Rupert told Sarah as he casually led her off to the side of the room, away from any eavesdroppers.

  “It is, isn’t it?” Sarah beamed at him. “I was in love with Alberton years ago, when I was a young chit. He wasn’t ready for marriage back then, though.”

  And still wasn’t, Rupert was sure. Nearing fifty and never wed was as accurate a description as there was for a confirmed bachelor. He wondered if Alberton was going to put a good face on the marriage or stick Sarah somewhere in the country where he could ignore her, and she’d have little to say about it. Her ace in the hole wouldn’t be as useful after the marriage, when leaking whatever she had on Alberton would embroil her in the same scandal. Did she realize that?

  If it was true that she used to love him, she might be setting herself up for some heartache, too. But Rupert had a feeling Sarah’s profession of love for Alberton was merely an excuse to explain why she appeared so happy about the marriage. It was more likely that all she wanted was Alberton’s title and wealth, and to at long last be removed from the list of old maids.

  Nigel wanted Rupert to be brutally direct with Sarah to find out if she was done with her intrigues, but as usual, he preferred to use his own methods of interrogation.

  So he said, “Nigel Jennings approached me recently. He was aware that we were quite chummy for a while and tasked me with an odd request. He claims you trafficked in information that the queen wouldn’t want to come to light.”

  Sarah didn’t turn defensive; she actually laughed. “Nigel is such a silly chap. He got it into his head early on that I had some sort of authority in the duchess’s chambers, when that wasn’t the case a’tall.”

  Rupert raised a brow. “That’s an assumption most everyone made, Sarah.”

  “Yes, I know.” She grinned. “And I encouraged it and took advantage of it. But the truth is, the duchess grudgingly accepted the maids as part of her entourage because she understands ceremony well enough. She didn’t ask for them. She couldn’t even talk to them! So she pretty much just ignored them and devoted herself to her own interests, which were her daughter and granddaughter. She merely asked me to make sure the maids didn’t get into any mischief while they were associated with her.”

  Incredulous, Rupert asked, “Were you trying to make sure they did?”

  “Not at all. I used them for harmless errands that kept them busy so they wouldn’t get into mischief.”

  “Nigel knows what you dabbled in. Not exactly harmless, by the sound of it.”

  “Harmless enough for the maids,” Sarah replied with a careless shrug. “But it was nothing that would have disturbed the court.”

  “What was it then?”

  “An old grudge I’d been nursing that resurfaced when the duchess moved us into the palace. I had never thought to be that close to them again, right in London, but—”

  “Close to whom?”

  “The men who scorned me when I was young. They were all on my list of acceptable husbands back when I had my useless come-out,” Sarah said with some bitterness. “I put myself forward to each of them. They weren’t even kind in fobbing me off. One even laughed at me. So I developed a desire for revenge, but I had no way of obtaining it until I was back in London and had the means to spy on them and ferret out damaging tidbits that weren’t common knowledge.”

  “So you were going to bring them down?”

  “It wa
s a thought, a nice thought. I really, really enjoyed knowing that I could ruin them. I savored it. It absolutely delighted me. But then it lost its luster. I became bored with it.”

  “You didn’t really plan to ruin any of them, did you?” he guessed.

  “Of course not. Knowing that I could, their knowing that I could, was all that mattered. And then Nigel Jennings completely distracted me with his silly assumptions and I began to encourage his erroneous conclusions. I quite enjoyed that cat-and-mouse game with him. It was highly entertaining. I think he did, too. But that’s all it was. A nice distraction.”

  “Including sending my wife to break into his room? Just part of your entertainment?”

  She choked back a laugh. “She wasn’t supposed to be caught! How alarming that was! But whoever it was who discovered her there must not have mentioned it to Nigel. Perhaps another thief? How amusing, two thieves in the same room at the same time! But I’m surprised she told you about that. She was quite angry about it and flatly refused to do another thing for me, even had the nerve to threaten me. Uppity wench, but then I’m sure you know that by now.”

  Rupert groaned inwardly. From the horse’s mouth, as it were. All true, everything Rebecca had told him. She should have just shot him. There was no way she’d ever forgive him. He might as well just shoot himself.

  “I’ve surprised you,” Sarah said, breaking into his thoughts. “You can admit it.”

  Sarah’s antics hadn’t put the dumbfounded look on his face, but she was deluding herself if she really thought she hadn’t put the innocent maids in danger of scandal. She had escaped lightly over taking that risk, with the duchess merely giving her the boot.

  But as to her observation, he allowed, “I think the only thing I’m really surprised at is that you considered Alberton acceptable as a husband all those years ago. He was and has always been a rake. Some might even say he’s progressed to a state of degeneracy.”

  Her eyes gleamed with obvious titillation over that prediction. Good God, was she hoping so?

  But then she actually giggled. “I didn’t have him on my list. He is more’n ten years my senior, after all, and was deep into debauchery before I came of age. But he was still fascinating by all accounts, at least I found him to be. In the same way you were, come to think of it—before you married. How long have you been married?”

  Immediately on guard, he countered, “What did my wife tell you?”

  She chuckled. “Touché. Forgive me, but old habits are hard to break, and it was an enjoyable pastime. Ferreting out secrets can be likened to digging for treasure, you never know what you will find.”

  “If Lord Alberton wasn’t on your original list, how is it that you’ve managed to rope in such a confirmed bachelor—without using blackmail?”

  “Such a nasty word, that,” she said with a tsk. “And not something I’ve ever actually done. But if you must know, when my misuse of the maids reached the duchess’s ears and she sent me away, I chewed over a little tidbit that I stumbled upon concerning him and presented it to him. I wasn’t expecting his offer of marriage. I’m not sure what I was expecting, perhaps no more than an association with him of the sort I had with you. I would have settled for friendship with someone as exciting as he is. But I’ll allow that he may have thought I was blackmailing him, and I was too pleased by his proposal to disabuse him of that.”

  “And what happens when the luster wears off your marriage, too? You don’t think you’ll be tempted to return to your cat-and-mouse games with Nigel?”

  “Nigel again? Come now, Nigel is old hat. I’m quite done with him and the business of gathering secrets.” Then she nodded toward her future husband. “But look there. Do you really think I can get bored with him? Ever?”

  Rupert wanted to wince on the groom’s behalf. She made him sound like a toy, not a man. But if the thought of bordello-style sex with him excited her, she wasn’t likely to think so after she became a part of it. Then again, maybe she would. They could, in fact, be ideally suited to each other, a match made of bliss, as it were. He suddenly wished he could say the same about his own marriage.

  He glanced over at his wife—when did he start thinking of her as his? She was giving an old dame her rapt attention when she was probably bored to tears. She was polite that way. Courteous, charming, with a delightful sense of humor. Good God, she really was everything he could ask for in a wife, and the mother of his children. She only grew thorns when he picked her petals.

  What had he been resisting, to put up such a fight? A loss of variety? Hell, who needed variety when one single woman could fulfill every one of his needs and offered more variety in moods than he’d ever come across.

  There was no need to remain at the party. He had what Nigel had sent him for. He was certain Sarah was telling the truth, too. The only woman who’d ever fooled him had been Rebecca, and now he knew she hadn’t fooled him. He’d been a fool because he’d misconstrued her actions. But he did have a spark of sympathy for Lord Alberton, even though they were nothing alike, which is why he wanted to have a word with him before leaving the party.

  Rupert wasn’t sure he was going to warn him that no blackmail was involved in his marriage. He should. But—Sarah seemed so bloody happy! Even if he’d never liked the woman, how could he ruin that for her?

  But the matter was decided for him with just one question. “Shouldn’t you look a little more happy at your own engagement party?” Rupert asked Lord Alberton.

  The man laughed, though not a bit of humor was in it. “If you knew me, you’d know this is as happy as I get. A word of advice, m’boy. Never live your fantasies. Keep them up here”—Alberton tapped his head—“always out of reach. But I’m not displeased with this match, far from it. I get the odd sense that Sarah knows me and still likes me. You can’t imagine how refreshing that will be.”

  Rupert could imagine. If the dissolute lord sensed even a little of the excitement Sarah had displayed tonight while discussing him and his unusual proclivities, yes, Alberton might just think he’d found his ideal match.

  In the same vein, Rupert knew that he’d found his own ideal match, too. He just couldn’t imagine how he was going to convince her of it.

  But that wasn’t what he was thinking about on the ride home. Unable to take his eyes off of his wife, he said, “There’s something about riding in a coach with you that drives me crazy.”

  Rebecca’s dark blue eyes flared, but she didn’t protest when he moved across to her seat and gathered her into his arms. Catching his wife off guard did have its advantages, which was fortunate, because she really did inflame his passions without even trying. One heady taste of her and most of his control was gone.

  “Could it be because we nearly made love in this coach before?” he said against her lips. “Or could it be because I suspect you were sitting here earlier tonight thinking of me with my breeches off?”

  Rebecca gasped but he just thrust his tongue deeply inside her until she no longer seemed to feel like upbraiding him for that teasing remark. He loved teasing her. It was too bad she was rarely in a mood for it.

  Unfortunately, she didn’t let his last remark go unanswered, though they were nearly home before she pulled away from his arms to say breathlessly, “I was doing nothing of the sort.”

  Her cheeks were flushed. Her lips were lushly swollen from his kisses. It was one of the hardest things he’d ever done, keeping himself from reaching for her again. But they were home, and she’d found refuge in her indignation again.

  Chapter Fifty-one

  REBECCA WOKE UP IN an odd, hurtful mood that she couldn’t quite grasp the reason for, and it wouldn’t go away. The previous evening had turned out to be more exciting than she had anticipated. Not the party, that had been quite boring, but in the coach…

  Rupert’s risqué remark and the look he’d given her on the way to the party still made her blush when she thought about it. But she felt he would have made the remark to any female companion, rogue
that he was, so it hadn’t really been for her in particular. Even if he did mention it again on the way home! His other remarks on the way home reinforced that feeling. He’d just been being himself, an outrageous rake trying to seduce whichever woman was near at hand.

  Her own feelings, though, had gone over the edge for a rogue. That was the problem. She’d fallen in love with a man who obviously desired her, and whom she desired, but a man who would never be able to tell her he loved her or be faithful to her. That was what was upsetting her and making her so dangerously emotional.

  She almost stayed in her room because of it. But as soon as the morning sickness passed, she was famished as usual. So she went downstairs to have breakfast and simply hoped everyone else had finished, so she wouldn’t have to pretend she was the happy bride today, when she was anything but happy.

  At least the late hour afforded her an empty breakfast room to eat in. And trying not to think about anything that would make her mood even worse, she paid a little more attention to what she was eating and stared aghast as she caught herself reaching for yet another sausage when she was already quite full! So she had thoughtlessly been eating more than she should. Well, that at least was a relief. She had begun to think she was going to give birth to an abnormally large baby because her pregnancy was showing so soon.

  That didn’t improve her mood, though. Now she also felt disgusted with herself. So it certainly wasn’t a good time for Rupert to catch her as she was leaving the breakfast room and to put his hands on her waist. It was obvious that he was actually measuring her girth, which mortified her.

  “Damn,” he said. “Have you been stuffing yourself with desserts just to prolong the suspense?”

  She failed to note the humor in his tone. All she gathered from his remark was that he still didn’t believe she was pregnant.