“And maybe it’ll be a dud of an idea,” Conner said, trying to temper Stefan’s excitement. He didn’t want Stefan to be let down. “Seriously, I’m talking about checking out gay bars in the DFW area on the far-out hope that other dead gay men will be doing the same. You do realize that it’ll probably be for nothing?”
Stefan’s grin didn’t dim one bit. “It’ll still be fun, and if nothing else, we can ogle the hot guys, right?”
“Right,” Conner said on a sigh. Even if he did find someone willing, he wouldn’t be able to hook up with Stefan hanging around him. He didn’t want to examine why he was kind of relieved at that, and he really didn’t want to wonder if he’d have been able to get an erection thinking of anyone other than Ro. He winked at Stefan. “Looks like you got yourself a wingman.”
Chapter Five
Ro knew he was spiraling out of control. He hadn’t expected his mother to pass so quickly, or for her to completely abandon them in death. He was angry that she hadn’t lingered like Conner, and he was angry at Conner, too, for leaving him. Ro hadn’t felt the spirit’s presence since that day in his bedroom. That hurt more than it should have.
His dad was lost in his own grief, and Ro’s siblings had their own way of dealing with the loss, which was apparently to get the fuck out of McKinton again as fast as possible. Sev was a mess, but he had Laine, and Ro just felt lost and lonelier than ever.
The first night the truck driver had come into Virginia’s Café and had told Ro he was going to fuck him until he couldn’t walk, Ro had been kind of offended. He wasn’t a cheap whore, but it hadn’t taken much to convince him to meet the man who called himself JD in the alley after the café had closed.
Ro had been sore as hell after, JD not bothering with any more prep than donning a lubed rubber. He hadn’t slowed down when Ro had asked him to, either, instead seeming turned on by the way it had hurt Ro to have that thick cock shoved into him. Ro had had bruises, too, on his hips and ass. JD had pounded into him and held him in place for it. Once JD had come, he’d reached around and jerked Ro off with painfully coarse strokes. Ro didn’t even know how he’d managed to come from that, but he had.
Afterwards, he’d felt like a total slut. Even the hook-ups he’d had before hadn’t been so seedy. He’d at least known the guy, another waiter who’d since moved on. But JD wasn’t really named JD, Ro would bet on it, and he had a way about him that made Ro feel like the whore he denied being.
The next time JD had come through, Ro had refused to wait on his table. He’d had Twila take that whole section. JD had grabbed him after work, when Ro had been walking out back to his car. In retrospect, Ro should have known it would happen. JD wasn’t the type to be put off, and as JD had shoved him to his knees in the alley, one big, rough hand over his mouth, Ro had known it was going to be bad. He couldn’t bring himself to care. Someone was touching him, someone wanted him bad enough to not let him walk away. Ro had arched and had taken JD in eagerly then. JD hadn’t been quite so forgiving of the snub from inside the café, slapping Ro’s ass and thighs until they’d stung and he’d cried out against JD’s hand. JD hadn’t got him off then, either.
“Next time, you be good or it’ll be worse,” JD had told him. Ro had been so sore he hadn’t been able to get up for a while. Only the sound of someone’s footsteps had spurred him to move. His pants were torn and his knees were scraped and bloody. Ro didn’t care. He felt used and wanted, and he’d have the proof of that on his body for a while.
Somewhere in his mind, Ro knew it was wrong, that his thinking was fucked up. Sometimes he’d even tell himself he needed help, that he was suffocating under depression and God only knew what else. But then he’d give in to the lethargy and just not do anything. He didn’t have the energy or the money to get help anyway. Texas’ mental health services sucked at the best of times.
His father seemed to sink deeper into a depression of his own. Ro wondered if they were feeding off each other’s moods. Sev came over and Ro would put on a happy show for him, smiling and laughing and all of that, but inside he felt off, numb. Even so, he didn’t want Sev feeling guilty because of it.
And Conner didn’t come around. That hurt so much, more than it should have considering Conner had only popped in on him once—that he knew of. Ro sat in his bedroom one evening, after another rough fuck by JD. He took out the picture of Conner, and he felt the last bit of hope he had in him drain away.
The blond man in the picture would never be his. No one decent would, once they found out how he let JD treat him in the alley. This last time, JD had used more than his dick, pushing fingers in beside it, hurting Ro badly enough that he knew he was going to have to put a stop to the twisted thing they had going on. He was too scared to go to the doctor, couldn’t imagine telling the old man what the problem was.
Ro would just have to keep an eye on it and make sure if he didn’t stop bleeding that he got to the hospital no matter how embarrassing that would be. In fact, maybe he could drive into Dallas and go to a clinic there. Surely there was some place he could go and not have his family find out.
That sounded like the best plan. Ro was so sore he could hardly walk, but he gathered up his keys and quietly left the house. He got in his car and backed out of the drive. He ached, but it was the shame that truly hurt him. How had he let himself come to this point? Even as lonely as he’d been, he should have known he deserved better than to be fucked the way JD wanted. There were people who liked rough games, people who liked BDSM, but JD wasn’t one of those people, and neither was Ro. JD wanted to fuck him, to hurt him, and he didn’t want Ro to enjoy it at all. Ro didn’t, and he wasn’t going to put up with it anymore.
From here on out, he’d get his head on straight. He was worth more than what he was allowing himself to be. Ro could see now that he’d been depressed on some level for a long time. It’d kept him locked down, scared to branch out and try anything. He’d used his family as an excuse and, while he liked McKinton well enough, staying there now would be detrimental to his health. And hell, maybe if he left, his dad would leave. Ro was afraid his father was going to die from a broken heart at the rate he was going.
Ro was making plans, finally feeling like he was breaking through the ice that’d kept him underwater. Maybe he’d had to hit rock bottom to get better. He kind of thought he had. Surely he couldn’t get any lower than letting JD do the things to him that he had.
The deer surprised him, darting out in front of Ro and standing still, all big eyes and fear. “Fuck!” Ro jerked the wheel, knowing even as he did so that it was the wrong thing to do when he’d been doing seventy. The truck swerved and tires squealed, and the last thing Ro remembered thinking was that he hoped his stupidity didn’t kill his father.
Chapter Six
That tugging Conner had felt earlier was nothing like the force that slammed into him later that night. He and Stefan were at a club, observing the living because his brilliant idea was a dud, when all of the sudden, his world seemed to implode. Conner’s vision dimmed and Ro’s face flashed through his mind. Not the happy Ro or the moodier one of late, but a terrified, screaming one that had Conner shooting back to McKinton in a flash.
“What’s wrong?” Stefan hollered, but Conner waved him off. Stefan would be all right. He knew how to come and go just like Conner did and, as Stefan had said, no one was going to hurt him now. That there were some evil spirits as well as good ones was something he couldn’t think about right now, not when he was certain something very bad was happening to Ro.
If it was that fucking bastard from the alley, Conner would tear him apart and fuck the consequences. Conner let himself be drawn to Ro, following the sound of his voice as it was carried across the planes of the living and the dead.
What he found made his gut twist with dread. A truck that looked very much like Ro’s was crashed into a tree, the front and cab of the truck folded like an accordion from the impact.
Conner could see Ro. All the years he’d be
en dead, Conner hadn’t experienced anything like he did then. Nausea welled up and he heaved even as he forced himself to move closer. Ro’s eyes were open, and at first he thought he was too late. He howled with a grief he couldn’t contain, that wasn’t reasonable if he was to keep believing he felt nothing for Ro.
“Now you show up.”
Quietly panted, the words tore through Conner’s agony. He stopped mid-yell and blinked, looking into Ro’s eyes. Could Ro see him?
“I can see you,” Ro whispered brokenly. He swallowed, throat clicking and his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I can see you, and you’re just as handsome as always.” Ro coughed, and blood frothed up around his lips. “Loved you for so long,” Ro said, then his eyes dulled and his chest heaved for one rattling exhalation.
“No.” Conner patted Ro’s chest, fear driving him to will his hands to feel. “No, you can’t die, kid. You can’t!” Blood, he had blood on his hands. Ro had no pulse, no life. “No! Ro, not like this! God damn it, it’ll kill Sev and your dad—”
“It’s not like I did it on purpose.”
“Fuck!” Conner shrieked, whirling around to find himself looking at a very sexy spirit. “Aw, hell. Ro…” Conner shook his head, torn between being sad for those Ro had left behind and relieved that Ro was there with him then.
“You’re crying for me?” Ro asked, reaching out and touching him.
Conner shivered at that, feeling Ro’s fingers brush over his cheek. “Why wouldn’t I, Ro? You’re young, you had your whole life ahead of you.”
Ro cocked his head to one side and flipped back his long hair. He gave Conner a contemplative stare.
Conner found it hard to return that look, afraid that Ro would see right through him. Something selfish and awful was brewing inside him, and Conner didn’t like it. He was sorry Ro was dead, but he was glad he would be able to maybe have a chance with him now. Did that make him an awful spirit?
“Whatever you’re thinking, stop. It looks painful.”
Conner scowled at Ro. “I’m thinking I’m a selfish bastard, because while I’m sorry you’re dead, and sorry it’s going to hurt so many people you left behind, now I can finally do this.” Conner reached for Ro, fisting his hand in that silky black hair. Ro’s eyes were about the size of saucers as Conner pulled him right up flush to him. Ro’s lips parted either in surprise or invitation. Conner decided to think it was the latter as he slanted his mouth over Ro’s.
Fire. Fire and honey. That was what Ro tasted like, hot and velvety and sweet. Conner groaned and licked into Ro’s mouth, tasting him over and over again as he kept one hand in Ro’s hair and the other on one slender hip. Ro tasted like ambrosia and every other perfect thing in existence, quenching a thirst Conner hadn’t known was consuming him until then.
Ro’s hands seemed to burn against him where they rested on Conner’s shoulders. Conner pulled Ro closer, the fear and loss he’d felt smothering under lust and need. He canted Ro’s head for a better angle and tasted every bit of Ro’s mouth, memorizing the texture and the sounds Ro made. Had Conner ever had a lover make such hungry noises before? He didn’t think so.
Ro hitched a leg up around Conner’s hip, bringing their groins together. Heat, instantaneous and radiant, flared through him. Even with his eyes closed, Conner saw swathes of red and blue—
“Dude!”
Conner jerked back from the kiss but he didn’t release Ro as he slitted his eyes open enough to glare at Stefan. “What?” he rasped.
“Lights,” Ro said at the same time that Stefan pointed and started babbling.
“Sheriff—oh my God, Rogelio?”
Conner turned and saw that there was indeed a sheriff’s car zooming up the road. He hoped to God it wasn’t Laine, and it shouldn’t have been because Laine had the day shift and his deputies took the night.
“Fuck,” he muttered, watching as Laine’s familiar form shot out of the vehicle. “Aw, no. No, Laine, no…”
“What did I do?” Ro whispered. “I shouldn’t have swerved, shouldn’t have let JD do what he did. If I hadn’t have let him hurt me—”
“Hurt you?” Conner jerked his head back around. “He hurt you?” His plan to tear JD apart was a good one.
Ro shook him by the shoulders. “I let him, so whatever you’re thinking, stop it. JD didn’t do anything I tried to stop him from doing.” He gestured toward Laine who was running full tilt to the truck. “Can’t you stop him? Don’t let him see me like that.”
One glance at the body Ro had left behind was enough to have Conner rushing toward Laine. He didn’t clothesline the man, but it was a near thing. Sometimes in his exuberance, Conner could get carried away. He was fairly desperate to keep Laine from seeing Ro, at least until he could warn him. Conner really hated to do it, but he reached for Sev, too, hoping to forewarn him of the bad news to come.
Conner hit Laine with a gust of air, his incorporeal form spreading out to block Laine’s progress. It didn’t faze Conner, and Laine was only stopped for a split second before he shoved back with a wave of what Conner could only think of as a psychic power. Conner was thrown back on his butt, even if it didn’t truly touch the ground. He realized then that Laine wasn’t reasonable, wasn’t the calm, logical man he almost always was.
And he couldn’t stop Laine, couldn’t protect him from this pain any more than he had been able to when he’d died.
“It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I shouldn’t have fucking swerved.” Ro bowed his head and sniffled. “God, what’d I do? Dad’s going to… And Sev, and I mean, I’ve… I’ve had a crush on you forever, but this is really going to hurt my family and we just lost Mom a few months ago.”
“Ro, Rogelio.” Laine knocked his hat off trying to reach through the truck door. He didn’t say another word then, just touched Ro’s body with a trembling hand. “Shit, kid. God damn it.” Laine closed Ro’s eyes and rested his palm there for several long minutes, his breathing shaky and labored. Conner saw the sheen of tears on Laine’s cheeks, and he regretted trying to reach Sev, because he was pretty sure it’d worked. That would mean Sev was freaking out and maybe driving.
“I’m so sorry,” Ro said, hovering beside Laine. He glanced at Conner. “Can I…? Can I touch him?”
Conner nodded. “You can try. It feels weird, but it won’t hurt either of you.”
Laine probably wouldn’t feel it at all, but Conner didn’t have the time to explain to Ro how to concentrate and make himself firm enough for the living to feel his presence or touch.
“Stay here, please? I need to check on Sev. I did something stupid when I saw Laine pull up, and contacted him. He’s got to be panicking since all I did was tell him Laine needed him.”
“Go on. I’ll be here.” Ro bit his lip then released it. “Right? I’m not going on to wherever?”
“You either go when you die, or you don’t, as far as I’ve seen, so no.” Conner brushed a kiss to the top of Ro’s head. “Stefan, stay here with him.”
“Sure thing, Con.” Stefan saluted him and Conner didn’t hesitate any longer. He focused on finding Sev and a split second later he was beside Sev in the car Sev was driving. Way too fast.
Conner focused on his foot and he pushed it against Sev’s right calf. “Slow down, Laine’s fine. He’s not hurt.” Conner wasn’t lying, but he felt dishonest, so he added, “But he does need you. Trust me when I tell you that you arriving doing ninety isn’t going to help him any. Just slow down, make sure you get to him.”
That must have sounded foreboding, because Sev gasped and took his foot off the gas. “When did you become precognitive? Are you saying I’ll die if I keep speeding? What the fuck do you mean?” Sev shouted the last question at him.
Conner wondered if he could get a headache. There was a pressure building right between his eyes. He pressed a thumb to it and tried to reassure Sev that he wasn’t predicting a fiery death for him. Conner stayed in the car with him until Sev pulled up behind Laine’s vehicle. In the distance he could hear
the wail of a siren, an ambulance coming their way.
“That’s Ro’s truck!” Sev was out of the vehicle and running. Conner would have given anything to spare his friends this pain, but he could do nothing except be there in his spirit way.
Sev knew, before he reached the truck. Whether it was his psychic ability, or seeing his lover crying, his sobs silent and powerful, Conner didn’t know. But Sev skidded to a stop and stared right at Ro where he stood with his hand resting on Laine’s back.
“Ro.” Sev sounded broken, there was no other word for it.
Laine turned his head the rest of the way, giving Sev more than his profile. “I’m so sorry, honey. I got here too late.”
Sev moved then, joining Laine and putting his hand right where Ro’s was. “No, you didn’t get here too late. Did he, Ro?”
Laine blinked and took a handkerchief from his back pocket. He wiped his face and pulled Sev to him. “He’s here?”
“With Conner and Stefan,” Sev confirmed. “It doesn’t help. I thought it would, if Alma stayed after she passed away, but now I know it wouldn’t have mattered. It still fucking hurts.”
“I shouldn’t have swerved,” Ro said again.
Conner touched his cheek. Ro looked at him and Conner knew he had to be the biggest jerk in the world, because every second he was with Ro, he was more and more glad Ro was there. Which meant he was glad Ro was dead, but he wasn’t, but—
“Stop thinking so hard,” Ro told him.
“Stop thinking about what you should or shouldn’t have done,” Conner retorted. “Take it from someone who knows. I’ve had years and years of the afterlife to learn that thinking about what you could have done different only makes you crazy.”
Ro nibbled on his bottom lip again as he watched Sev and Laine. “I can’t help it. I’ve hurt them, and my dad. God help him, please.” Ro tilted his head up and closed his eyes. “If You’re up there, please, please help my dad. Help him through this.” Ro lowered his head again and turned his dark eyes on Conner. “I don’t think I’m everything in Dad’s world, but my brother and sister aren’t around much, and with Mom having passed away, I’m worried about him. Sev told me Mom went on. Do you know what’s after this?”
Ascension Page 4
