“No, and I don’t want to.” That would be like another death for him. “I think we stay here as long as we want to, maybe. Others go wherever there is to go other than here.” But there’d been that tug… Conner wasn’t going to think about that. “Where’d Stefan go?”
“I don’t know.” Ro looked at Sev and Laine. “Sev, can you hear me?”
“It takes practice—” Conner started, because it had taken him years to be able to reach a living human being. But Sev stood straighter and spun to look right at Ro.
“Ro?” Sev’s tears shone under the moonlight. Laine turned and his gaze landed on Ro as well. Sev moved a step forward then held out his hand. “Ro? What happened?”
Ro cocked his head and glanced at Conner, who surely didn’t know what to think, then at Sev. “Deer. I swerved, even though you, Laine and Dad always told me not to. I should have listened, but I was distracted.”
“Were you texting?” Laine asked, then his eyes about bugged out of his head. “How’d I hear you? Sev? Sev, how’d I hear him?” Laine clutched Sev’s shoulders and pulled Sev against him. “I don’t have psychic abilities.”
“No, you don’t.” Sev frowned, pulling up a deep line across his forehead. “But maybe Ro does.”
“Me?” Ro thumped his own chest. “I don’t.”
“I think you do,” Sev argued. “Laine can hear you. That isn’t him, that’s you. Conner had to work really hard to communicate with me. Even now, sometimes it’s a struggle for him. He’s great at making parts of himself corporeal, and at tormenting people, but you I can hear clearly.”
Ro went back to biting his lip and Conner’s dick thought that was a fine time to plump up. He was damned glad Sev and Laine couldn’t see him. They’d both want to wallop him.
“Laine, you can hear me?” Ro finally asked.
Laine’s expression was almost comical. Would have been, Conner thought, if he didn’t still have tears streaming down his cheeks.
“Yeah, kid, I can.” Laine let go of Sev then and held out his hand. The question was unspoken, but Ro understood it. He reached for Laine.
“Concentrate. Think about making your hand firm, dense, so he can feel it,” Conner advised.
Ro laid his hand in Laine’s, and at first Laine didn’t seem to notice. Then he gasped and curled his fingers around Ro’s.
“Oh.” Laine smiled tremulously and cupped the top of Ro’s hand with his other one. “Rogelio, I’m sorry you passed, but I’m glad of this, that we have this at least.”
“I said it didn’t help, but somehow, with Laine being able to hear you too, I can’t help but feel—” Sev stopped and muttered something Conner didn’t catch. “Well, shit. There’s no right way to say it, but I feel better now. It’s like you’re not gone at all. Except I won’t see you again.” Sev burst into tears again and Laine let go of Ro to embrace Sev while he cried.
“Come on, let’s give them some privacy.” Probably a weird thing for him to say, but Conner meant it. He took Ro’s hand. “Let me show you how this is done.” Conner whisked Ro away, leaving Sev and Laine to comfort one another.
Chapter Seven
The stoic way his dad took the news was worse even than if he’d have broken down. Ro tried to reach out to Roger, but there was some sort of barrier that seemed to be erected around him. Ro bounced right off it and collided with Conner. Conner frowned and tried to pass the barrier too but his hand ended up pressed flat against the air like it was touching a window or a wall.
Sev and Laine were with Roger, and Ro didn’t want to interrupt as they were explaining to him what had happened. It hurt Ro that his dad didn’t ask if he’d passed on.
“I think he’s in shock,” Conner said, tucking Ro to his side. “Maybe that’s why he seems so cold.”
Ro didn’t have anything to say to that. His dad had loved him, and his behavior now confused Ro. “I guess I’m being childish, wanting him to mourn. That’s horrible, but I feel like he doesn’t care at all.”
Conner jostled him slightly and scolded, “You know better. There’s only so much a person can take before they break, and I think your dad is at that point. I watched Roger and Alma raise you and your brother and sister. I know how much they both love their kids. This, with your dad, is his mind trying to keep him from shattering.”
“I shouldn’t—” Ro began.
“No, don’t go there. I told you it’s not going to do you a bit of good.” Conner made a gesture with one hand and Sev’s hair rippled. Sev slanted a look their way and Conner sent him a message, letting Sev know they were going to leave. “He’ll tell your dad, when the time is right.”
“I hope so,” Ro said, letting Conner whisk him out of the house. “I hate that Dad’s hurting so bad, I hate that he’s keeping me out. Do you think he’s doing it on purpose?”
“I don’t know. I never approached Roger or your mom since they seemed a little uncomfortable or maybe superstitious about me.” Conner had them in the air, soaring through the darkness. Ro might actually have enjoyed it had he not been so confused by everything that had happened and guilt-laden over hurting his dad.
“Where are we going?” he asked after a minute of silence.
Conner rolled them until they were on their sides, slipping through the night sky. His eyes shone with bright flecks of white, reflecting the moonlight. Ro forgot his first question for another one.
“How is that possible? How can I see the moon reflecting in your eyes? Why am I wearing clothes?” He glanced down his body then back at Conner. “And they aren’t even the clothes I was wearing when I wrecked!” Could spirits have panic attacks? Ro’s heart was slamming against his ribs. “Do I have a heart? Conner, what the hell are we?”
Conner lowered them to the ground, not that Ro felt it. In fact, it seemed as if they were still in the air. Before Ro could freak out over anything else, Conner put one of his big hands on Ro’s nape again and the other on his hip. Ro’s mouth was parted on a question he was forming when Conner lowered his mouth to Ro’s for a kiss that zinged fiery need straight to Ro’s cock.
Ro’s panic and confusion was eradicated by the plundering of his mouth. Conner kissed him with a need Ro had never experienced before. He was breathless, panting and shaking, when Conner raised his head enough to murmur against his lips.
“We have form and substance, to other spirits naturally and to humans in small measure when we concentrate hard enough. You can see the moon in my eyes like I can see the want in yours because we exist, and we are.” Conner kissed him again, ending it with a sucking nip to Ro’s bottom lip. “Whether we feel our hearts beat from some sort of memory, or whether it’s really in there with us, does it matter? Or is it more important that we just feel?”
Ro shook his head slightly, dazed by the strength of the arousal he was experiencing. “Can we—?” He looked over the man he’d built his teenage fantasies around. Conner was every bit as big and handsome in this form as he’d been in life. His shoulders were almost twice the width of Ro’s, and he had deep dimples that dented his cheeks when he smiled. Ro hadn’t seen that in the picture, which had been of a more professional standard. Conner had been in his fireman’s uniform, and his smile had been more of a smirk.
“Can we what?” Conner asked, dragging his teeth along the side of Ro’s neck.
Ro shivered and rubbed his aching erection against one of Conner’s thighs. He told himself shyness was stupid here in their afterlife. He’d bypassed so many opportunities when he’d been alive and wasn’t going to do the same thing now. “Can we fuck?”
Conner snapped his head back, and those blue eyes of his were positively huge as he gawped at Ro.
Ro tilted his head to the side and watched a faint blush rise to Conner’s cheeks. A check of Conner’s groin showed him to be sporting a large bulge. Ro ran his hands down to cup that hot length. Conner filled both hands with a steely cock that made Ro want to beg to be fucked.
“Can we?” he asked again, stroking that
tempting shaft.
Conner gasped, and gripped him tighter, pulling Ro’s hair and bruising—if he could bruise—Ro’s hip. A shudder racked the bigger man as a moan tore past his lips. Ro felt the pulse of Conner’s cock right before wet warmth spread from the tip.
Amused and flattered at how quickly Conner had shot, Ro winked at him. “I take that as a yes?”
“Oh God,” Conner whined as he slapped a hand to his forehead. “I’m gonna just go die again.”
Ro didn’t think that was funny. In fact, part of his need was to escape the thoughts of what had happened to him. A larger part, however, was that he finally could touch the man he’d wanted for so very long.
“Hey, don’t be embarrassed. I’m flattered.” Ro caught Conner’s hand before he could smack himself again. He tugged that big paw down and pressed it against his own dick. “And really, really horny. Conner.” Ro humped Conner’s hand, need coiling in his gut. “I don’t want to think. Help me forget, at least for a little while.”
Conner gulped and Ro wondered why he seemed so scared. Conner filled him in right quick. “I haven’t, uh.” Conner squeezed Ro’s cock and moaned softly, his eyelids drooping nearly shut. “Not since before I was killed.”
Ro was almost too lost in how good it felt to be touched. He was rutting away, pleasure building in his balls with each thrust, when Conner’s words sank in. Ro stilled and did some quick math. “Over twenty years, Conner?” he blurted out. Jesus, no wonder Conner had gone off like a lit firecracker.
“Don’t laugh at me,” Conner huffed, sounding hurt.
Ro practically climbed up the man, wrapping his legs around Conner’s narrow hips and his arms around his thick neck. “I wouldn’t. I’m not. That’s just a long time.”
“Time is…different, here,” Conner muttered. “I swear yesterday Laine and Sev were young and just freshly in love, and now they’re almost old.”
Ro snorted and when he inhaled, he caught the most delicious scent of musk and man. “You smell so good.” He forgot about his intentions of telling Conner Sev and Laine would shit bricks over the old comment. He forgot about everything but the need pulsing in his groin, the scent and taste of Conner’s skin as he nibbled under Conner’s jaw.
“Ungh.” Conner gripped his ass, squeezing it firmly, and Ro murmured encouragement as he kept sampling Conner’s jaw, licking and sucking it. There was the slight rasp of stubble against his tongue, and it ratcheted up Ro’s arousal. He’d always wanted Conner, always, and now he could finally have him.
“Did you mean it?” Conner asked him, something very close to longing in his voice, Ro thought.
“Did I mean—” Ro had a flash then, a bright and embarrassing moment of his confession to Conner. “Uh.” God, how did he answer that without being an asshole?
Conner’s hands stilled on his backside as Conner looked away. The moonlight painted his profile silver and gray, accentuating the cut of Conner’s cheekbone. “It’s okay. I shouldn’t have brought it up. You were scared and—”
“Conner.” Ro framed Conner’s face in his hands, turning that handsome man’s gaze back on him. “I don’t know about love, because I don’t know you, not really. But I’ve had a crush on you for half my life.” He huffed and rolled his eyes. “Well, and now, too. You’re… Look, I compared every man I met to you, you know. I wanted you to come visit me like you did Laine and Sev, wanted your attention. You never gave it to me, then… Then you did, and I hoped… But I didn’t see you again. I thought you were mad at me for snooping or something, and it hurt.” Ro laughed at how ridiculous he sounded, like a kid instead of a man.
“It’s all right. I just haven’t had anyone tell me that and I thought you were just babbling anyway.”
But Ro could tell Conner was disappointed.
“I wasn’t mad at you, either,” Conner continued. “I mean, seeing that stuff, yeah it bothered me, but not because I was mad at you. I didn’t want you looking at those articles and pitying me. The fact is, except for my death, I had a really good life.”
Ro arched an eyebrow at Conner. “Well, I would think that the death part would never be good. I didn’t enjoy it.” He barely repressed a shudder. “I felt like every nerve ending in my body was throbbing with agony, then it just quit, and you were there, and I died.”
Conner tipped his chin and began caressing Ro’s butt again. “Yeah, but it took me several hours to die, Ro. I’m not saying it was less painful for you, but the time it was dragged out—I don’t like thinking about that, or remembering when Laine found me. That was even worse almost than being carved up. My life until then was good, though. I wish I’d been brave enough to come out, but I wasn’t, and if I had been, I would have lost Laine sooner, or never even had him.”
“Why did you stay away from me then?” Ro asked.
“Because I was ashamed. I thought, here’s this man I’ve watched grow from a cute, awkward teenager into this sexy, sleek guy.” Conner smiled a little, one side of his mouth tipping higher than the other. “I tried not to think about you, but for the first time in ages, I got hard. I wanted you, but what was the point to that?” Conner shrugged. “Looking at the picture of me you had, there was just a lot of things that hit me. Then your mother passed away, and she went right up. I knew I didn’t want to go where she went. I wasn’t—” Conner stopped, took a deep breath then let it go. “I’m not ready to go anywhere. I want to be right here, watching over my friends, the people I love, even if it hurts to see them growing old, to know they’ll die and I may not ever see them again then.”
Conner brought one hand up to cup Ro’s chin. “And it hurt like a mother to find you being fucked by some guy in the alley.”
Ro had thought he’d felt like a slut before, but hearing that Conner had seen him letting JD use him was absolutely mortifying. He squirmed and tried to wiggle free. Ro wished he knew how to make himself disappear. Surely spirits could do that. All he wanted was to hide away, like in a closet or attic somewhere.
“Fuck!” he yelped as he went from looking at Conner’s neck and chin to total darkness. “Fuck, what’d I do?” Don’t panic, don’t panic! I’m a damn ghost, spirit—whatever! What could possibly hurt me now?
Despite that logic, Ro was in full freak-out mode seconds later. He couldn’t see, everything was black, so black his eyeballs ached from straining to pick out even a hint of where he was. The air was hot around him, and, even though he knew intellectually that he couldn’t suffocate, his body—corporeal or not—hadn’t got the memo.
Ro kicked and slapped at the darkness. He thought he touched something but it wasn’t firm enough to give resistance so he figured he was imagining it. He tried to yell, but fear clawed at his throat, then bands of steel were around his waist and the scream tore free—but it didn’t make a sound.
Chapter Eight
“It’s just me, Ro, it’s just me,” Conner said quietly into Ro’s ear as he kissed the curve of it. “Ro, it’s okay.”
“Can’t breathe,” Ro rasped out.
Conner started to argue that but decided it’d just be quicker to remove them from the small enclosure. When Ro had popped away from him, Conner had been astounded. It’d taken him a while to learn that trick. Then it dawned on him that Ro probably didn’t know that trick, and most likely was freaking the fuck out because he’d just vanished and reappeared somewhere else.
It had only taken him seconds to concentrate and locate Ro’s position. Leave it to Ro to have zapped himself into Sev’s attic. Dusty, dark and hotter than hell, it’d give anyone fits. If Ro hadn’t panicked, he might have recognized where he was, but he had panicked, and now Conner had his arms full of clingy, sexy man again.
Conner took them both to an open meadow made into an almost magical-looking place by the moonlight. He laid them atop the swaying grass, willing them to have some weight so that the tall strands bent under them.
Ro wouldn’t look at him, just held onto Conner and buried his face in Conner’s chest.
Conner didn’t want Ro to be ashamed. All he’d done was have sex with someone. It wasn’t like Conner hadn’t done the same with anonymous men before he’d hooked up with Laine. It was stupid of him to get his undies in a knot because Ro had sought out an escape from his pain with another man. Then. Now, he’s mine. Conner didn’t think Ro would mind, either.
Conner tipped Ro’s chin up, having to tug a little harder than he’d hoped to get Ro to meet his gaze. When he did, Conner spoke. “I don’t care who you’ve been with. It doesn’t matter now. This is a new start for us. It embarrassed me to admit that I hadn’t bothered to get off in so long. I honestly had no desire, until I looked at you one day.” Conner forced himself to continue, pushing past his discomfort at making himself vulnerable. “I saw you, it was after your twenty-first birthday, maybe a year or two later. I’m bad with time.” He gave Ro a kiss on the tip of his pert nose. “I remember thinking you’d grown into yourself and admiring your determination to stay in McKinton with your family when they needed you. Not many children do that once they grow up. They just leave their parents behind and go on with their lives, you know. Then I noticed how attractive you were, the way your hair glinted under the light in your room, or the way the wind lifted it and spread it out behind you.”
Conner dipped his head and took another kiss, this one from Ro’s parted lips. He sighed afterwards and smoothed a hand down to cup Ro’s butt. “I knew there was something about you, something that fascinated me and soothed me at the same time that it stirred me up. I wasn’t ready to think about sex, not when it came to myself, though. Understand, the fucker who killed me, he beat off while he did it. More than once.” Conner couldn’t repress the sick feeling it gave him still.
Ascension Page 5
