Ro gasped before sucking his lips in, sealing them tight. Then he opened his mouth and licked those swollen lips as he pressed a hand over Conner’s heart. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. It didn’t mention it in the reports I read. I didn’t mean to make light of it before, when you, uh, came.”
“It wasn’t in the reports because he came into his handkerchief, and I guess he burned it or something. I don’t know because he was doing it again when I died.” Conner’s stomach turned, and if he’d thought it would have helped purge the memory, he’d have rolled on over and puked. Time had taught him that such an easy riddance wasn’t possible, so he kept talking past the tensing and rolling of his belly. “I never told Sev. I didn’t want anyone to know.” Conner looked in Ro’s dark eyes, so big and framed with such thick long lashes he could happily lose himself in the depths of those peepers. “I understand feeling dirty, Ro. Somehow, him doing that was worse than him killing me. It made me feel less human, less valuable, like a cum dump for the sick fucker. And that’s how I died, feeling hurt and nasty.”
“Conner,” Ro began, only to stop and sob quietly. He nestled right against Conner, stroking Conner from thigh to shoulder then back down, over and over until a tension Conner hadn’t been aware of left his body, loosening his muscles and taking with it the anger and shame that had cropped up in him.
It was enough—Ro’s touch and that relief from emotions he didn’t want to feel. Conner leaned over and pushed Ro onto his back, Ro’s arms going around his neck to embrace him as he lowered his mouth to Ro’s.
The slick warmth and sweet taste of Ro zinged through Conner, settling firmly in his groin. His cock sprang up, hard and eager, his balls drawing tight to his body.
Oh no you don’t. Not again. I’ll last long enough to make love to Ro one way or another. He grabbed his cock at the base, squeezing firmly. When that didn’t help, he added a pinch. Pain flared but he got himself under control. Conner rubbed his hand up, over Ro’s flat belly, over his ribs, willing Ro’s clothes away as he went. It didn’t take more than a thought for Conner to be naked as well, then it was fire and need as they were skin on skin, their incorporeal forms every bit as sensitive to each other’s touch as living beings would have been to one another.
Ro’s body was exquisite, felt exquisite beneath Conner’s larger one. Conner pinched a nipple at the same time that he sucked on Ro’s tongue. Ro arched and moaned for him. Ro’s cock poked at Conner’s thigh. Conner felt the pre-cum leaking from Ro’s tip, smelled it in the air.
“Fuck,” he rasped as he dragged his lips along Ro’s jaw to his neck. He sucked the tender spot under Ro’s ear as Ro undulated and panted beneath him. Ro grabbed Conner’s ass with both hands and pulled, urging him forward, parting Conner’s cheeks and exposing his hole to the night breeze. Whether Conner really felt it or only imagined it didn’t matter. It was as factual a sensation in his brain as any other erotic experience had ever been.
Conner rolled them over, putting Ro on top then, because a memory sparked in his mind, one of him and Laine. It wasn’t a turn-on, more of a warning from his subconscious, he figured, reminding him that even when he’d been alive, he’d been the one getting fucked. Laine had always topped, and Conner wasn’t sure he could trust himself to go slow if he tried to take Ro now.
Ro raised his head, confusion puckering his brow. “You want me to ride you?”
Conner shook his head even as his cock twitched at that idea. “No, I want you to fuck me. It’s been a while, remember?” He decided he had to risk being tacky when Ro gave him an exasperated look. “Longer even, because I didn’t top, not with Laine.”
Ro jerked back a little at that. “I don’t— I’ve never topped, Conner. I’d rather have you in me this time. Please?”
Conner started to argue and Ro reached behind himself, doing something that Conner couldn’t see.
“I told you, I was hurt,” Ro said after a moment. “But I’m not now, and I don’t want that…time to be in my mind, to have any power over me.”
Like Conner’s last memory had held him prisoner for so long. Conner got it.
Ro blanched and scrabbled to sit on him, peppering Conner’s face with kisses. “Crap, I didn’t mean anything bad, I just know how I am. I’ll wallow, like I had been for months since Mom passed away.”
Conner caught a handful of Ro’s hair and began winding it in his fist. He cupped a round, soft butt cheek with his other hand. His fingers brushed over Ro’s pucker and Ro froze before moaning. They’d talked enough, he thought.
When he kissed Ro again, Conner put every bit of his need into it. Years of pent-up and ignored desire flowed from him as he hungrily claimed Ro’s mouth. Ro whimpered and clutched at his shoulders, then rocked so that Conner flipped them over again, pinning Ro beneath him.
Conner thumbed Ro’s jaw, pushing his head back. It exposed more of Ro’s long neck and Conner took advantage immediately. Possessiveness soared through him as he saw that even in this form, he left marks on Ro’s skin, purple love bites that he hoped remained for days. He worked his way down to Ro’s collarbone, nibbling and dotting Ro’s body with hickies.
Ro panted for him, cursed and urged him on. When Ro stared begging and tried to reach for his own cock, Conner caught his wrist and pulled Ro’s hand up to hold it above Ro’s shoulder. “Leave it there unless you’re gonna touch me.”
Ro immediately buried his fingers in Conner’s hair. “Please. Fuck, God, please, Conner!”
Conner licked his way to one dark, taut nipple. It looked almost black in the night, like rich dark chocolate. Conner nipped it first, and Ro groaned, holding his head there as if demanding more.
The bittersweet taste of Ro’s skin was the strongest aphrodisiac. Conner straddled Ro’s body, planting a knee between Ro’s legs, right up against Ro’s balls. His other knee was beside Ro’s left hip. Ro began rubbing and humping away as Conner worked his tit into a hot, swollen peak.
Then Conner went after the other one. He used his hands to trace patterns down Ro’s sides, up to his neck then over his biceps to his forearms. Back and forth Conner went as he loved on Ro’s nipples. When he was satisfied and Ro was begging him for more, Conner reached down and palmed Ro’s balls. They were snug in their sac, pressed close to Ro’s body.
“You gonna be able to wait until I’m in you?” Conner asked, forcing the words past his lust-dried throat.
“If you hurry,” Ro gritted out. “Hurry!”
Conner looked at the long, thick length of Ro’s dick. He wanted to taste it, to try to take it all the way into his throat, but he’d have to wait. Ro wanted him in a different way, and Conner was going to see to it that Ro got what he needed. Conner maneuvered himself into a better position, kneeling between Ro’s thighs, then he slid down onto his belly. He got his hands beneath Ro’s ass and pushed. Ro grabbed the backs of his legs and pulled them up, raising his hips and spreading his ass for Conner.
“I don’t have lube, but…” Conner used his thumbs to spread Ro open more, then he licked over the tight little swirl nestled between Ro’s cheeks. “Oh, oh hell.” Fuck, he’d missed this, how had he not realized? Conner dove in, rimming Ro like he was starving for it, sucking and laving that little hole until it was wet and gaping, slicked with saliva and almost ready for him.
Conner sucked two fingers, coating them well before letting off and pushing them slowly into Ro’s pucker. The velvet warmth of the man, the way his ring clenched and his inner walls rippled around Conner’s fingers, was almost too much. The need to be inside Ro was like a weight pressing down on Conner, threatening to steal his breath unless he hurried.
Hurting Ro wasn’t going to happen, though, not in any way. Conner rotated his wrist, stretching Ro’s guardian muscle, preparing him for what was likely to be a short, hard ride.
“Please,” Ro gasped. “Fuck me already, Conner. In me.”
Conner gritted his teeth, telling himself to hold on another minute. He found the little nub inside Ro
, rubbed over it gently.
“Ah!” Ro twisted on his fingers, shoving his butt down. He wailed and pinched his own nipples as Conner watched. That broke Conner’s restraint, and he pulled his fingers out. He lapped at Ro’s pucker a few more times, getting it as wet as he could, then he slicked his own shaft with saliva.
“Look at me,” he ordered.
Ro opened his eyes and took a hold of his knees again, pulling them clear up to his ears just about. Conner lined his cock up, letting the tip touch Ro’s opening. “Keep them open,” he whispered, “please.” See me. Let me see you.
As if he heard Conner’s thought, Ro nodded. “Yes.”
Conner braced a hand where he’d placed Ro’s earlier, above Ro’s shoulder. He canted his hips and hissed as the crown of his cock sank into Ro, stretching that wet pucker around it.
Conner had to fight to keep his own eyes open at the incomparable pleasure that filled him from toes to the top of his skull. It made him tingle all down his spine, over his own hole and down to his balls. An incoherent sound spilled from his lips as Ro’s body just sucked his cock right in, massaging and milking his length.
“Fuck yes,” Ro chanted, “fuck yes, fuck yes,” until it was almost a song in Conner’s ears. He lowered himself to his elbows and pushed his arms under Ro’s shoulders so he could get his hands into the long, dark hair. Then Conner slanted his mouth to Ro’s, having to hunch to do so because of their height difference, but it was worth it to be able to kiss Ro as he sank the last few inches of his dick into Ro’s tight ass. He closed his eyes and let himself go in the delicious sensations Ro brought to him.
Ro shook so hard beneath him Conner thought he might come apart. Then Conner couldn’t think at all because Ro’s inner walls contracted around his dick, driving everything but the need for release out of Conner’s mind.
Conner pulled out halfway then thrust back in. He grunted, unable to form words as ecstasy stole his ability to do anything but mate with this one man. He was dimly aware of Ro holding onto him, of the sharp bite of Ro’s fingernails scoring his biceps, but Conner could dwell on it.
He was melting from the inside out as Ro’s body welcomed him eagerly over and over. Conner felt more animal than man, his baser nature taking over as he got to his knees, sliding them up until he was almost folding Ro in half. Guttural sounds were torn from him and Ro both as Conner pushed into Ro’s ass. Ro drove his hips up, eager for each thrust, and he whined and keened every time Conner withdrew even an inch.
Conner tried to hold back, some inner voice nagging him to wait, wait, but it wasn’t until he opened his eyes and saw Ro try to reach between them that a brain cell flared to life and it occurred to him what he was waiting for. Conner growled and caught Ro’s wrist again.
“Mine,” he got out right before he levered himself up enough to get his hand on Ro’s dick. It was hot and hard and leaking pre-cum. Conner pumped it once, twice, then Ro’s sweet mouth opened as he keened. His ass clamped down on Conner’s shaft, and spunk shot from Ro’s slit in hot, white spurts.
Conner’s eyes crossed, his vision blurring and doubling and doing all sorts of new tricks. He pushed in as deep as he could and his cock pulsed, releasing his seed into Ro’s body. His earlier climax had seemed explosive at the time, but it was nothing compared to this, to marking Ro inside with his very essence.
“Give it to me,” Ro whispered just before the last jet of cum spurted from Conner’s dick. He squeezed his butt and Conner yelped in surprise as another dribble of jizz left him. Conner collapsed on Ro but had enough sense to will his body to be more fluff than not. Ro wrapped his arms around Conner and held him tightly.
“That was worth dying for,” Ro said after a while.
Conner raised his head and glared. “That’s not funny, Rogelio.” Even if he agreed, on his part at least. “You had—”
“I had nothing,” Ro said, anger giving his voice an edge. “Don’t tell me I did. I was too scared to do anything other than wait tables at Virginia’s Café. I wasn’t close to my siblings anymore. I was depressed and angry and Dad doesn’t seem like he’s going to miss me—”
“You had more than you realized,” Conner corrected, wishing he could make Ro understand. “A lot of people loved you, and will miss you.” But Conner stopped there, because the fact was, he loved Ro, too, and now he didn’t have to lie to himself about it.
Chapter Nine
It was never a good thing to wake because you felt like you were being watched. Ro didn’t handle it well at all, screeching when his eyes popped open and he found a blurry face too close to his own.
“Ack!” someone yelped.
Ro flailed his arms, smacking into something, and he blinked in time to see Stefan fly backwards as if hit by an invisible hoof to the gut. Conner appeared then, looking perplexed before he burst into raucous laughter. Ro didn’t think anything was funny when he first woke up. He’d never been a morning person, and that didn’t seem likely to change now.
Conner was still chortling, him and Stefan both now. Ro stood up then quickly let out a mortified sound when he realized he was bare-assed naked.
“Just think on your clothes, man,” Stefan advised around giggles. He got himself together while Ro closed his eyes and pictured himself wearing his most comfortable outfit. Stefan must have taken his acquiescence as a need to hear more, because he started talking as Ro willed himself to be clothed.
“You expected to be naked so you are. Just like you expected to have to sleep, so you did. Man, once I realized I never had to sleep again, I was bummed and happy both. Bummed because sleep is so good sometimes, but happy because there’s so much I could be doing instead of snoozing!”
“Enthusiastic, ain’t he?” Conner asked, his lips brushing against Ro’s ear.
Ro opened his eyes and was relieved to find Stefan had been right and his dangly bits were no longer dangling quite so freely. “He’s helpful.” Ro smoothed a wrinkle out of his shirt then asked Conner, “Where were you?”
Conner looked away and sighed. “Went to check on everyone. That weird-ass wall is still around your dad. I tried talking to Sev but he shooed me off because he was talking with the funeral parlor guy.”
“Well, that’s not depressing,” Ro muttered, reminded again that he’d only just died and had left people behind to hurt. “I feel so scattered, like I should be more shook up, more freaked out, I don’t know.”
Conner turned back to him then and pulled him in for a hug. “It took me a lot longer than it’s taken you to get to where you are. Honestly, right after I died, I don’t even think I was whole, if that makes any sense.”
“I was scared and confused,” Stefan said before Ro could ask what Conner meant. “I was still pretty stupid back then.”
“Stefan!” Conner snapped. “Don’t talk about yourself like that, not even in the past tense. You were never stupid.”
Stefan rolled his eyes so hard Ro was surprised they didn’t hear the tendons straining. “Riiiiiiiiight. I was”—Stefan hooked two fingers from each hand in the air—“intellectually challenged. Whatever.”
“You can be sit-challenged,” Conner warned.
“What the hell does that mean?” Ro asked.
Stefan sniffed and turned his nose up at them. “It means Conner will try to paddle my behind. He’d have to catch me first, though, and he’s old!”
“Brat.” Conner growled the word and Stefan giggled then vanished, off to tease someone else, Ro was sure.
“What did you mean when you said you didn’t think you were whole after you first passed?” he asked Conner then.
Conner steered them over to a shady patch of grass beneath a huge old oak tree. They sat, Ro not feeling the ground beneath him but that was okay. He was more interested in Conner’s explanation than he was in anything else. Conner didn’t keep him waiting.
“The thing is, I don’t know how we come to be like this, what makes us stay, but I figure our brains work on electrical impulses, or h
ave some kind of electrical current.”
Ro nodded, following along so far.
Conner linked their hands together and continued, “Okay, well, I don’t know how that works, but it seems like all those electric particles have to keep going on when the body doesn’t, you know? Like that energy has to go somewhere, and I could be way wrong, but I prefer to believe that’s us, the core of us, our soul or whatever you want to call it.” Conner tilted his chin toward the sky. “Like water, how it evaporates then comes back down to Earth as rain. I know it’s all more complicated than that, but maybe it’s as simple as that kind of recycling, too.”
“It sounds as likely as anything else,” Ro said after thinking about it. “So how were you not whole?”
“I’m not sure, I just felt like I was scattered, like someone took all those protons and neutrons, whatever it was that had a current running through me, and tossed them up like a handful of confetti. Pieces of me were everywhere.” Conner squeezed his hands. “I didn’t come to like you did, passing over from life to death and retaining everything about myself. I remember some things, but it took me a while to feel like I had any substance. At first I was terrified and hurting still.” He shrugged. “Maybe it was the trauma of how I died. Don’t suppose there’s anything saying a spirit can’t suffer from that.”
How anyone wouldn’t be haunted by such a violent death was beyond Ro. “Makes sense. So what happened?”
Conner drew them back until they were lying, looking up at the green canopy of leaves. Ro didn’t think they were nearly as fascinating as the man beside him, so he chose to watch Conner instead. “What happened was, I became aware in fits and starts, and somehow gathered myself together, kinda like a magnet taking up metal shavings. Then one day, it was just right, done. I was as whole as I’d ever be, and things began to snap together in my head, the need to reach Laine the most pressing. Took me over three years, but I did it. Now, here I am.”
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