I accepted that.
I moved on.
Clara was all that mattered.
And Wu’s kids.
Girls forced into sexual slavery.
And boys forced to fight to the death.
They mattered too, and I did all of this for them. Those other girls who shared the stage with Clara? I left them to their fates and forgot them.
Maybe I was a monster.
“You better start talking now.” My fingers curled into fists and I had to work hard to relax. If I didn’t, I was going to seriously injure Mitzy and Raven.
It was just the three of us in this room. Jake and Kate were on stage. Skye, Tia, and Ryker waited in the wings to revive Kate after her death. Bay and Chad were the muscle. Chambers and Abrams pretended to be buyers and potential clients. And Xavier played the role of dutiful host. I could kill Mitzy and Raven if that’s what I chose and no one could stop me.
It was a miracle they both still breathed.
Raven looked between Mitzy and I as she pieced together our conversation. “Josh, you need to calm down. It’s not what you think. Forest managed the auction.” She kept her voice calm, trying to ease the tension in the room. “Those girls are safe. No one’s cover has been blown.”
“And no one thought to clue me in on that part of the plan?” Fury bloomed within me, and I let out my anger with my fist. I punched the wall. Mitzy and Raven jumped, and I shook out my hand.
Forest had no right. He hid behind a computer screen manipulating events from the safety of anonymity. I had yet to meet the man in person and didn’t understand his paranoia. I’d written him off as a useless tech asset, but wondered how much of this whole thing had been orchestrated by him.
Not that it mattered. This wasn’t the kind of battle fought behind the safety of a computer. It was the kind fought with fists. It was dirty. Bloody. And people would die.
From what I’d seen, Forest wasn’t the kind of man who understood what it took to deal with the men in that other room. He might look formidable on the screen, but I sensed he was a twat-waffle.
While I hated to admit it, Raven had a point. I needed to focus and get my head back in the game.
Right now, that meant waiting in the room I had dubbed Command and Control.
Only none of us were in command.
And none of us controlled anything.
All of that belonged to the players on stage.
In that room, Carson rose from the couch and pressed his fingers against Kate’s throat. Bile rose in mine. If he touched Clara, there was no way I wouldn’t remove his hand from his body. Hell, I’d take his entire arm. That Jake stood there and allowed Carson to touch his girl had me granting him extreme respect.
I wouldn’t have that degree of self-control.
But I sensed he and Kate had discussed every permutation of this scene. The trust they shared rivaled anything I hoped to ever share with another human. My respect wasn’t healthy. It was profound.
Once again, I wished for a tenth of what my brother shared with Kate.
Which reminded me how helpless Clara remained. I itched to return to her.
To protect her.
To shelter her.
To love her.
Bay was on the move. Called over by Jake, Kate was cut from the St. Andrews Cross and carried from the room. She would be taken to an adjacent room where the medical team waited. Jake stayed behind for a moment before excusing himself to clean up.
“We’re not done with this conversation.” I had to meet Jake and exchange clothes.
As I stalked out into the hall I decided I was through being manipulated and used. From here on out, things would be done my way, which meant I would tell Clara everything.
Jake met me in the hall. His gaze darted toward the room where Bay had taken Kate. I yanked off my T-shirt and stepped out of my jeans. Jake mirrored my motions, stripping in the hall while we passed clothing between us.
Kate’s blood spattered across his cheek and was on the shirt. I was washing it off, but would keep the bloodied shirt. He tossed his pants to me, and didn’t bother to dress. Without a word, he rushed into the room where Skye, Tia, and Ryker huddled around Kate’s body.
Their movements were practiced, sure, and completely devoid of emotion. I took a second to poke my head in.
Skye held her finger against Kate’s neck. Ryker stood at the head of the bed. He held a face mask over Kate’s nose and mouth and pumped a large bag connected to it, breathing for Kate, while Tia inserted a needle into Kate’s arm. She administered something from a syringe.
“I have a pulse.” Skye said. “Is she breathing on her own?”
Ryker paused in his bagging and all three of them stared at Kate’s chest. My brother hovered a few feet back, anxiously shifting from foot to foot. If I’d been him, I didn’t think I’d be able to stand there like that. I’d be right by Clara’s side, probably getting in the way and making things worse.
Kate took a breath, and I think we all released ours. I hadn’t realized I’d been holding mine, but I needed to know Kate was safe.
There was nothing I could do in there, and my brother certainly didn’t need my support. The bastard still wasn’t speaking to me. Perhaps he never would.
I put on my game face and turned back down the hall. It was time to seal the deal and begin the next phase of the operation.
Chapter 45
How do I explain this floaty feeling? My Monster wrapped me in his embrace of silk and rope. In this cocoon, nothing could touch me. In this space, I was safe.
I was loved.
I felt secure that all was well in my world as I hung in a contraption of rope. My very existence depended upon the good will of monstrous men, and yet I found myself without fear. Something greater than myself was at play. I felt it.
I believed it.
Josh wasn’t evil.
Everything here had been staged. Which meant…that woman didn’t die. And the one with spiky hair hadn’t either. This was what he was trying to tell me with his coded message.
I wanted to sing it to the world.
One of the side doors banged open, the same door through which Not-Josh had stormed out saying he needed to clean up.
I peeked, afraid of what I would see, and quickly slammed my eyes closed at the rage in his face. Tension girded his frame, bunching in his muscles as he closed the distance, making a beeline for me.
“That was an impressive show.” Carson clapped. The expression on his face didn’t match the clapping. It felt forced. The man hid his vileness well. “We’re in.”
“We?” Josh pulled up short. “I didn’t realize there was a we involved.”
“My business partner. While you were gone, we discussed how this might fit into our business. We’d like to extend you an invitation to see our operation and see how we can fold the two of them together.”
“Our client list is generally not this extreme.” Abrams shifted his attention to Chambers. “What do you think?”
“We should discuss particulars,” Chambers said, “before withdrawing our interest.”
I flexed my muscles while the men talked, which put me into a slight rocking motion. Josh noticed and locked eyes with me. The tiniest shake of his head told me to stop. I supposed he didn’t want me drawing attention to myself. I stilled and practiced the breathing exercises he taught me. Hopefully, this whole evening would end soon.
“The particulars are easy. I provide the victims and venue. You bring the clients. I take twenty percent and you keep the rest.”
“Only twenty?” Carson sounded surprised. “I expected a larger cut.”
“You’re not my only client.”
“I’m not comfortable being one of many. It exposes us to unnecessary risk.” Carson approached the center of the room. He turned to Chambers and Abrams. “Actually, we’re interested in exclusivity.”
“Exclusivity can be yours for fifty percent.” Josh approached me and placed a hand on my kne
e, stilling my slight swaying. His fingers dug in, not to hurt, but more to ground himself.
“I can definitely see the possibilities.” Carson gave a low chuckle and turned to the one man in the room who had said virtually nothing. “Xavier, you have the most interesting friends. What are your thoughts on this?”
“There’s opportunity here.” Xavier lifted a snifter of brandy. “I sense growth potential.”
“What’s your interest?”
“Now that is private business between myself and Mr. Davenport.”
“You two are in business together then?”
“Of course. Why does that come as a surprise?”
“No surprise, just didn’t think you would get your hands dirty. That’s not like you.”
“You’d be surprised at the things I’m involved in.”
Josh left me to join the men at the couches. While they talked business, I rocked in the rope. The slaves were brought back. There was more sloppy sex.
Then, finally, the evening came to an end. Josh and Carson shook hands. Chambers and Abrams excused themselves. Xavier led everyone out, leaving me and Josh alone.
He came over and placed his hands on me.
“You did well. How are you feeling?” He reached overhead to release the rope.
“Good.” That had been the longest I’d been held in suspension. Surprisingly, my joints felt great and there were no issues with circulation.
“We need to talk.” He began the arduous task of untying the knots. I opened my mouth to speak, but he placed his finger over my lips. With a sharp shake of his head, he said, “Later.”
Before I could say anything, he leaned forward and kissed me.
Soft and hesitant, he was reverent, as if asking permission. I would have thrown my arms around his neck if I could, but they were still tied up.
Didn’t he know he no longer needed permission to kiss me?
I had given him my heart when I gave him my body. In every way, I belonged to him.
As the ropes fell away, an awkwardness grew between us. His movements became more hesitant and unsure, stilted even. He refused to look me in the eye. Once I was free, he extended his hand and lifted me to my feet. After I found my balance, he released my hand.
I wobbled without his strength to support me and wrapped my arms around my nakedness feeling suddenly shy.
“Follow me.”
I assumed we were still in Master and slave mode, so I crossed my hands in front of me and made myself meek.
“Yes, Sir.”
His shoulders hitched, but he said nothing as he led me out of that horrible place.
I thought he would take me back to my cell. I hoped he might bring me to the room he was staying in. The thought of exploring a real bed with him made my body ache in the most delicious way. What I did not expect was for him to wrap a robe around me and take me outside.
He led me through a beautiful garden and to a cove with bleach-white sand kissing mirror-smooth waters. A deep-blue dome capped the sky and wispy clouds floated far overhead. The sun rained sunshine down on me, warming my skin, as a gentle breeze rolled inward from the sea.
“We can talk out here,” he said. “No cameras.”
“It’s beautiful.” I wanted to ask what we needed to talk about, but deflected because I sensed he needed a moment to gather his thoughts.
Instead of standing beside me, he placed distance between us. His hands went to his head where he dug his fingers into his hair and tugged at the roots. I was beginning to recognize what that meant and felt the need to go to him.
The light breeze lifted my hair and blew it around. It gusted open my robe, exposing my toned legs to the sun. After too many days trapped indoors, the sunlight felt amazing on my skin.
He dropped his hands to his sides and gestured to the pristine beach and welcoming waters. “You deserve beautiful things. You deserve to be pampered and loved.” His lips pressed together. “I’m letting you go.”
“Letting me go?” I cocked my head.
“You’re free.” He gave a sharp nod and took two steps back.
“Just like that?” I squinted into the sun. “I’m free?”
“Well, not exactly free. You won’t be able to go back to your previous life. I’m sorry for that, but it’s unavoidable. You’ll be placed in witness protection. Given a new identity. You’ll have a chance to start a new life. But, you’re free from this.”
“This?” I couldn’t believe my ears. “Do you mean us?”
“What I did to you is something I regret, and I’m sorry for it. I won’t ask your forgiveness. I don’t deserve it, except to say it was necessary. I don’t expect you to understand, but I did my best to not make it a living nightmare.”
“Necessary?” I glanced back toward the thick foliage which hid the expansive estate from view. “You didn’t bring me out here, where there are no cameras, to tell me I’m free.” My fingers curled into tight little fists. “Don’t wimp out on me, Josh. Not now.”
That stirred a reaction. He took one step toward me, My Monster coming to correct, but then he pulled up short and the monster retreated.
“What do you mean wimp out on you?”
“What happened back there—”
“Was vile, and I’m sorry you had to see it.” He bent his head. “It was fake. I want you to know that.”
“No shit, Sherlock.” I snapped.
His head shot up and a dangerous glint simmered in his eyes. He didn’t like when I talked back to him, but he did nothing.
My Monster, however, had disappeared, leaving only a man standing in front of me. It might be crazy, but I missed the monster and the imbalance of our power which had been the only constant in my life these past few weeks.
“I’m not talking about the fake deaths. I knew the moment your twin walked in.”
“Wait, you knew that wasn’t me?” His mouth gaped.
“I know everything about you, every nuance. Hell, I could sense you before you ever unlocked my door. I know how you smell, how you breathe, how you walk…and that wasn’t you. How can you want to free me after what happened back there?”
“How could I not? That world back there?” He pointed back toward the estate. “It’s vile, filthy, and disgusting. I don’t want you anywhere near it.”
“But what about me?”
“Ah…” He gave a nod. “You’re talking about the sex.”
“Fuck you!” My anger burst outward in full force. He was not going to get away with tossing me out that easily.
“Watch your language.”
“Or what? You’ll put me over your knee? Spank me until I cry? You freed me. You don’t have that power anymore.”
“I said to watch your language…” He spoke slowly, making sure I understood, “because it turns me on when you disobey me.” He pointed to the tenting in his pants. “My self-control is stretched to its limit, Clara. Keep it up and that’s exactly where you’ll land; over my knee until you scream, then I’ll make you ride my cock.”
“You make it sound so romantic.”
“It’s just sex.”
“It wasn’t just sex, and you know it. If it was, we wouldn’t be out here right now arguing about whether I’ll let you free me.”
“We’re not arguing about that. You’re free. End of story.”
“You take me, make me yours, then walk away when you’re done with me?” I didn’t believe a word he said. “You don’t get to take the easy way out of this…Josh.” Maybe if I said his name, he’d realize we were talking about something much more important than my freedom.
“You don’t want what I have to offer…Clara.” He threw my name back at me. “Your mind is twisted and confused. What you feel for me, or think you feel, it’s not real. It’s the product of what I did.”
“I’m fully aware of what you did to me.” I was two seconds from storming off in a huff, and I probably would have if he hadn’t said what he did about spanking me and making me ride his cock. As f
ilthy as that sounded, the aching throb between my legs didn’t lie.
That shit turned me on.
Maybe I was fucked in the head? Maybe I didn’t care?
“I also know what happened back there wasn’t just sex. You can deny it all you want, but you made love to me. Everything you did to me, out of all the things you did, not once did you force yourself on me.”
“That doesn’t excuse what I did.”
“I’m not excusing anything. It was wrong. Everything about it was wrong, but I forgave you. Shit, I forgive you now, just don’t throw me away.”
“Is that what you think? I’m throwing you away?”
“You literally just told me I would be placed in witness protection and given a new identity. If that’s not getting rid of me, I don’t know what is.”
“You can’t go back to your old life, and you can’t stay here. It’s not safe.”
“It’s not safe because of whatever I witnessed back there, but the cat’s out of the bag with that one.”
“Then we’re in agreement.”
“The only thing we’re in agreement about is the spanking you want to give me and riding your cock.”
He covered his mouth, but couldn’t hide the grin tugging at the corners of his lips.
“Don’t tease me, Clara.” His pupils dilated and he took a step toward me.
I took a step back and he stopped with a groan.
“I’m serious. You don’t want to tease me.”
“I’m not, but,” I put up a hand to keep him in place, needing answers first, “you brought me here to tell me something you couldn’t say in that house. Tell me everything. Don’t leave me in the dark.”
“You don’t want to know.”
“I do.”
“There’s nothing light and fluffy about what I have to say. It’s all darkness, my sweet Clara.”
“Have a little faith in me, My Monster. Trust that I won’t break or fall apart. Trust that I won’t run from you.”
“You will after I tell you. You’ll run and you won’t ever look back.”
“Are you so certain about that?” He didn’t know me very well. I’d seen his worst, but I embraced his best.
Embracing Fate: A Captive Hearts Novel Page 35
