“Positive.”
Chapter 46
I ground my teeth together, then gestured to a spot on the sand beside me. Practically collapsing to the ground, I tugged at my shoes and pulled off my socks. While I dug my toes into the sand, Clara took a seat beside me.
“I’m a killer.” It wasn’t the best way to begin, but it was the truth.
“I know. Remember, you saved me from the men who tried to rape me.”
“You’ve only seen what I became. You don’t know what I am.”
“Then tell me.” She reached for my hand, but I jerked it away.
With a deep breath in, I took a minute to decide how to begin. “I’ve always been sexually dominant. I can’t think of a single sexual encounter where I didn’t take charge. My brother is the same, as is our best friend, Kevin. You could say we grew into it together.”
“It?”
“BDSM. Bondage. Discipline, Sadism and Masochism. Your submission. My dominance…My love of bondage…” I turned to her. “These are parts of me I can’t live without.”
Her cheeks flushed and she looked away.
Yeah, I didn’t think she understood how deeply ingrained it was in my psyche.
Even after spending weeks beneath my rule, the depths of my needs were incompatible with hers.
She wasn’t a masochist, although deeply submissive. That’s what I feared the most. Her submissive tendencies would lead her to accepting things she wasn’t mentally prepared to handle.
“I crave control. It’s not a game to me, and dispensing pain—”
“Turns you on. I know this.”
“Knowing is one thing. Accepting it is another. Embracing it?” Loving me? “Well, that’s something altogether different.” I shifted on my butt. Just the thought of spanking her had me rock hard.
“I don’t understand everything that’s happened…”
“I’m getting to it. Just give me a moment to explain. It’s complicated.”
“No, that’s not what I mean, and yes, I want you to tell me, but I was talking about me.”
“What about you?”
“The pain…it’s not something I ever thought…” She ducked her head, struggling to get her words out.
“You don’t have to talk about it.”
Her head snapped up. “I do if we’re going to be together.”
Together? Was that even an option?
“I don’t think you understand. I’m letting you go.”
“I’m choosing to stay.”
“No.”
That wasn’t an option. It was too dangerous, especially as I moved into the next phase of this operation. I’d secured an invite to one of the death matches. No way in hell would I subject Clara to that. Boys would die, and I would have to let it happen.
Like the auction where I bought Clara, some would die for others to live. I didn’t have to like it, but I understood the greater good. She wouldn’t be touched by that evil. I wouldn’t allow it.
“You can’t tell me no,” she said. “You don’t get to make that choice for me.”
“I can, and I will.”
She dug her fingers into the sand and lifted a handful in her palm. Slowly, she let the grains of sand run out between her fingers.
“You took that choice from me the night of the auction. From that moment forward, I had no choice in anything. You said you’re letting me go. Do you mean that?”
“Absolutely. You’re free to go. Wherever you want. We’ll set you up with a new identity, enough money you’ll never want for anything. You’ll have a good life.”
“Then I choose you.”
“Absolutely not.”
“Why? You don’t get to take this choice from me.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying, and you haven’t let me explain what’s going on. It’s too dangerous.”
“I want to hear what you have to say, but I want you to listen to what I have to say first. I won’t be your slave. I can’t. I can’t lose that much control over my life again. But, I remember what you said about if we had met another way. You were right.”
I struggled to remember that conversation, then it hit me.
“Clara, forget about that. You’ll find someone else.”
“I never would have let you do the things you did to me if we’d met any other way. I would have seen it as abusive.”
“It was abusive. Clara, the things I did were abusive.”
“They were wrong. I’m not saying they weren’t, but they changed me. I know it’s crazy, and it makes no sense that I would like it, but it wasn’t all bad. You were cruel, but you were also kind. You never hurt me more than I could handle, and you never took advantage of me. Don’t you see?”
“I never would have done any of it, if it hadn’t been for—”
“You don’t understand. What I’m saying is that I never would have let you do those things to me, but if you hadn’t, then I would never have known how much I liked it.” She put her finger against her chin. “Like is the wrong word. It’s not that I liked it as much as it felt like a part of me woke up. I didn’t know what had been missing. I don’t like when you hurt me, but I love when you take control.” She squirmed, then turned to look directly at me. “I don’t like your punishments, but they turn me on. Not the pain. I don’t like that, it’s something else.”
My dick was so hard it was drilling a hole in my pants. This woman had no idea what she was doing to me by admitting her submission. I groaned and didn’t try to hide as I adjusted my erection.
“If you don’t stop, I’m going to fuck you right here.”
She glanced around. “I’ve never had sex on the beach.”
“You don’t know what you’re offering.”
“I know exactly what I’m offering. And it’s not easy to admit it, especially to you. It puts me in an awkward position.”
“How’s that?”
“Because now you know.”
“Love, I’ve always known. You’re a natural submissive, but offering yourself to me like this, it pushes buttons you don’t want pushed. I can’t separate pain and sex. They’re one and the same to me.”
“I’m okay with that.”
“I’m a rapist.” I don’t know why I blurted it out like that, but the words spilled out. She needed to understand what I truly was and she needed to run before I lost the strength to let her go.
“No, you’re not. You were very careful with me. You never—”
“I served five years of a twelve-year sentence for multiple counts of rape. You want to know the kind of man you’re handing your submission to? I raped women to frame my twin brother for murder. I killed a girl in a scene where I lost control. I was incarcerated for two years in a jail in Thailand for murder and served five years in the United States Penitentiary, Atlanta for multiple counts of rape. That’s the kind of man you’re giving yourself to. I’m a monster. A real one.”
I didn’t understand the upwelling of anger inside of me, but I began to shout.
“I don’t know how you’ve twisted me in your head into some kind of hero, but I’m not the good guy in this story. I’m a rapist, a murder, a man who traffics in sex slaves, and I’ve just entered into business with a man who kills boys for sport in an underground fight club while I hammer out the details of a snuff operation. I’m worse than a monster. I’m a living nightmare.”
Her eyes widened as my words sunk in. Slowly, she rose to her feet.
I breathed out a sigh of relief. Finally, she would do the logical thing and run away as far as possible.
But she didn’t. She stepped in front of me and gripped the edges of her robe. Slowly, she let the fabric fall from her shoulders. It slipped down to her waist, revealing her glorious tits, then slid off her hips and down to the sand. Standing naked before me, there was no fear in her eyes.
“You are a monster, but you’re My Monster. Men do terrible things all the time, but you’re living proof redemption can be found. I’ve said it befor
e, and I’ll say it again. I’ll say it as many times as necessary. I. Forgive. You.”
“Don’t.”
“I forgive you.” She knelt before me and placed her palms on her knees. “Sometimes it takes a monster to bring down monstrous men. Who would go after them if not you?”
“No one.”
“Exactly. You’re saving innocents from death and fates worse than death. You may not be the typical hero, but you’re not a monster.”
“It’s too dangerous for you to stay.”
“I deserve to decide that for myself. Please don’t force me to leave. Given a choice, I choose you.”
“If I make it out of this alive, and there’s a possibility I won’t, I don’t know if I can live without—”
She placed her hand on mine and lifted it to her lips. “I can’t live without it either. Now that I know how it feels, how you make me feel, my life will never be the same. You’ve had a lot longer to figure out what you need. Give me some time to discover what I need.”
I pulled her into my lap, but she twisted in my grip to straddle my hips. Her naked pussy heated the fabric of my pants and my dick took notice.
“You’re driving me insane.”
“I’ve never had sex on the beach, but from the looks of this sand we’ll need to be careful. What do you say, Monster? Wanna make love to your girl?”
My girl? That sounded so much better than my slave. I loved the possessiveness and her willingness.
“Fuck yeah.” I gripped her hips and ground her hot pussy over my crotch. My dick twitched with the need to be free. Fortunately, I didn’t need to wait long.
Clara reached between us. A quick flick of her thumb and my pants button was undone. She gripped the metal of my zipper and unzipped me. Her delicate hand reached in and freed my hungry cock.
I about came right then.
She wrapped her arms around my neck and brushed her lips over my hard jaw. “I’m yours. You’re not going to scare me away, and whatever you have to face, we face it together. All I see is you. Your past doesn’t define you. What you choose to do with your future does. You’re a man willing to sacrifice himself to save others. That makes you a hero in my book.”
Her sweet lips trailed a path of utter destruction to my ear where she whispered soft and delicately. “You won’t break me.”
“You’re killing me, sweet Clara. I’m going to come like a one-pump-and-done virgin if you’re not careful.”
She stroked me from root to tip. “You mean like this?”
My eyes about rolled into the back of my head with the pleasure coursing through my body. I wanted to sheath myself in her wet heat, but I allowed her to take the lead.
“If you tease me, I’ll paddle your ass.”
“Mmm, that makes me wet.”
I reached between us and pressed my fingers against her folds.
“You’re fucking drenched and ready for me.”
“That’s what you do to me.” She kissed my ear. Her body stilled. “Take me.”
It was all the encouragement I needed. I caught the back of her neck and crushed my mouth to hers. I kissed her hard, with a bruising aggression meant to dominate and lay claim to what was mine. She might be on top, but I was in charge. I needed her to prove to me that she could handle it, that she willingly surrendered control.
I demanded entrance to her mouth, and she parted for me. My tongue slipped inside, demanding, seeking, tasting and claiming. Meanwhile, I peeled her hand off my cock and angled it to thrust inside her pussy. It was all I could do to resist jerking my hips upward and ramming into her, but I wanted her to make the first move. I needed her to take that step. I needed it because I had to prove I was not in fact a monster, and that she willingly gave this to me.
Her fingers dug into the back of my neck and her tiny gasps sent shivers of electricity shooting through my body. The energy gathered in my groin and sparked an unrelenting need to thrust and rut.
The defined length of my erection jutted between her legs and lined up for the plunge.
I tore my mouth from hers and stared deep into her eyes. “If you want it, take it. There won’t be many opportunities where you’re in control.”
“Do you promise?” She bit her lip, and I understood. Her taking control now was important to us both. It reset the dynamic between us, one where I didn’t take and where she gave willingly.
My fingers gripped her hips, digging in where they would most definitely leave a bruise. She didn’t seem to notice the pain, leaving me to wonder how much of that would be in our future.
Her body trembled over mine as she hovered over the tip of my cock.
“It’s okay,” I said, “go as slow as you need.”
If she could see what I saw, how her body responded to my commands, then she would understand how frighteningly beautiful she could be. For the first time, I felt real fear. That trust would break me if I ever failed her.
She needed this moment as much, or more, than I did because she needed to be in control for once, and yet still subject to my will. Her lips pressed tight as she considered how to proceed.
“I’ve never done this before. I’ve never straddled a man.”
“You can go slow, or fast. I’m here with you.” My fingers curled into the skin over her hips.
“I need help.”
“Do you trust me?”
She gave a nod. The tension in her body melted away the moment I took over. Her breathing pulled in erratic jerks as I gripped her hips and pulled her down on me while simultaneously thrusting upward. I didn’t think I’d last if this happened slow.
Once I buried myself in her sweet heat, I held her there, allowing her to accommodate to my girth and breathe against any pain that may have caused. But I worried for no reason. Her eyes flew open and she gave a gasp of pleasure. Her hips pulled back, then rocked forward.
“Oh my God, it feels…”
Like the most amazing thing on the planet.
Our bodies fit together like a glove, molded to every curve as her hips took up a rhythm. The warm caress of her lips against mine drove every thought out of my head except one.
I needed this woman in my life.
The heat of her pussy drove me insane. Warm, sensual undulations of her body rocked against mine and it was all I could do to hold on and not rush through our union. I kissed her breast, sucking in her nipple as she rocked her hips faster. Playing with her nipple, I tortured it with flicks of my tongue and nips from my teeth, combining pleasure and pain into one overwhelming sensation. She pressed her chest forward, pushing her breast against my mouth as her gasps turned into low, throaty moans.
She moved over me, arching her back as she gyrated over my cock.
“Josh…” My name fell like a plea from her mouth, a secret gift delivered from her mouth to mine.
She rose against me, finding her rhythm, and we shared an ebb and flow of sensation. Heat pooled between us. Our lips met and the kiss deepened. My hands on her body tightened as her grip around my neck intensified.
Somewhere in there, we lost our rhythm as our kiss became needy and her movements became frantic. My control began to slip, but I forced myself to rein in the beast. This was Clara, not my slave, but rather my girl.
We could only move forward if I proved I could handle this. Her hips jerked and she gasped.
“Harder,” she said with a moan.
I took over with a jerk of my hips and thrust like I could somehow bury my cock inside her forever. In truth, I’d found my way home. My heart swelled as I found my rhythm, overtaking the one she set. Clara groaned as she held on and let pleasure rush through her body.
I pressed my lips against the shallow dip of her shoulder and let my tongue trace to the wing of her collar bone. That put me at the base of her neck and I sucked at the soft tissues there. She would have a hickey there for the next few days that would be impossible to hide.
My hips stabbed upward, no longer with coordinated thrusts. I sought our ple
asure, driving us up an explosive cliff. Her legs wrapped around my hips and her body welcomed every thrust as we spiraled ever upward.
My body shook as all restraint fled me. There was only one outcome left. I held off until her orgasm slammed into her with a whole-body shudder, trembling and groaning with desperate pleasure. The walls of her pussy rippled along the length of my cock, demanding that I follow her into the abyss.
In this, I obeyed her command and released the last of my restraint. Pleasure coursed through me as I came inside of her with a throaty roar.
Mine!
The beast within me snapped and agreed. Clara belonged to me now because there was no way I would ever let her go.
“I love you.” She collapsed against me, spent and satisfied.
“I love you more.” Even if I didn’t deserve it, but that no longer mattered. It wasn’t for me to say what I did and didn’t deserve. She had forgiven me, and maybe, someday, I would learn to forgive myself. Until then, I would accept the forgiveness she freely gave.
Chapter 47
Josh and I spent the next few hours on the beach. We splashed in the water, playing like children, then ventured out deeper into the cove, matching each other stroke for stroke, as we glided across an amazing coral reef. When we tired, we returned to the beach and built our fortresses. He built a castle. I build a fort.
Then we took turns lobbing sand at our creations until his castle walls fell. The tide came in and we made love again. Sex on the beach sounds more romantic in theory than practice and we had to abort our second attempt of making love as the low waves rolled into shore. He carried me waist deep and we washed away all the sand which clung to our skin.
With my legs wrapped around his hips, we came together with a new understanding of how our future might look. I would always be his and he would always be mine, but he was no longer my Master.
“You’re getting a sunburn,” he announced, which ended our foray on the beach. Retreating back to the mansion, we showered together for the first time.
A yawn escaped me while I knelt before him to take him into my mouth which made him laugh.
Embracing Fate: A Captive Hearts Novel Page 36
